If God loves me why won't he send a spouse?

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Well, I joined Catholic Match because of this discussion. There are 0 men there from my area. Haha. Brilliant.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
Sounds like you are going to meet someone nice and move somewhere else…😃
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In all honesty while the logistics freak me out (I love my family and want to be near them) the idea itself isn’t distasteful (I love my family but they drive me crazy).
 
nickybr38 said:

“In all honesty while the logistics freak me out (I love my family and want to be near them) the idea itself isn’t distasteful (I love my family but they drive me crazy).”

Your future husband thanks you in advance.
 
Galbin said:
Yes, I’ve been reading the entire thread. Hence why I am looking for an actual quote from the CC on this matter.
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I challenged her on it a while ago. I cannot remember her response but it was solid and grounded in the faith. I believe it was biblical and also referenced the magisterum. Though I will let her cite it again because I think she should and because I have no recollection of what thread it was on. But for what it is worth, she has indeed backed up the assertion. To my satisfaction. Now if it is to yours, well I guess we will have to wait and see…
The actual word (lay) may not have been used but I don’t believe it specified any other specific category either.
 
This thread was started by TeachCatechism. Her original post indicates great emotional distress as a result of vocation-related frustration and probably loneliness. This thread has sort of left her behind, as often happens on forums. Does anyone even realize she is unable to reply?

If you are still following TeachCatechism, know that I will pray for you. I do not really understand your frustration, because vocation for me is darkness. I have no idea what God wants of me, nor do I understand my own desires. So maybe in only some small measure can I empathize with your frustration.

Regarding the relative merit of vocations here is some CCC.

922 From apostolic times Christian virgins and widows, called by the Lord to cling only to him with greater freedom of heart, body, and spirit, have decided with the Church’s approval to live in the respective states of virginity or perpetual chastity” for the sake of the Kingdom of heaven.”

923 “Virgins who, committed to the holy plan of following Christ more closely, are consecrated to God by the diocesan bishop according to the approved liturgical rite, are betrothed mystically to Christ, the Son of God, and are dedicated to the service of the Church.” By this solemn rite (Consecrio Virginium), the virgin is “constituted…a sacred person, a transcendent sign of the Church’s love for Christ, and an eschatological image of this heavenly Bride of Christ and of the life to come.”

1618 Christ is the center of all Christian life. The bond with him takes precedence over all other bonds, familial or social. From the very beginning of the Church there have been men and women who have renounced the great good of marriage to follow the Lamb wherever he goes, to be intent on the things of the Lord, to seek to please him, and to go out to meet the Bridegroom who is coming. Christ himself has invited certain persons to follow him in this way of life, of which he remains the model:

“For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to receive this, let him receive it.” Mt 19:12

1619 Virginity for the sake of the kingdom of heaven is an unfolding of baptismal grace, a powerful sign of the supremacy of the bond with Christ and the ardent expectation of his return, a sign which also recalls that marriage is a reality of this present age which is passing away.

1620 Both the sacrament of Matrimony and virginity for the Kingdom of God come from the Lord himself. It is he who gives them meaning and grants them the grace which is indispensable for living them out in conformity with his will. Esteem of virginity for the sake of the kingdom and the Christian understanding of marriage are inseparable, and they reinforce each other:

Whoever denigrates marriage also diminishes the glory of virginity. Whoever praises it makes virginity more admirable and resplendent. What appears good only in comparison with evil would not be truly good. The most excellent good is something even better than what is admitted to be good.

2349 “People should cultivate [chastity] in the way that is suited to their state of life. Some profess virginity or consecrated celibacy which enables them to give themselves to God alone with an undivided heart in a remarkable manner. Others live in the way prescribed for all by the moral law, whether they are married or single.” Married people are called to live conjugal chastity, others practice chastity in continence:

There are three forms of the virtue of chastity: the first is that of spouses, the second that of widows, and the third that of virgins. We do not praise any one of them to the exclusion of the others….This is what makes for the richness of the discipline of the Church.
 
None of this substantiates the global claim that a celibate life is universally “superior” to a married life. Is celibacy a calling worthy of dignity and respect? Absolutely, but not a superior one.

Obviously, celibacy is superior for some individuals. For instance, people called to religious life, people of an asexual orientation, and people with psychological disorders too extreme to interact with another human being in a mutually beneficial way (bearing in mind that there are very few disorders that would qualify) would all find the celibate life superior to married life. However, for most people this is simply not the case.

For one thing, nature gives the lie to the notion that God would prefer all people to be celibate. If this were God’s preference, there are numerous mechanisms in nature by which humans could have been created to reproduce asexually. Another reason for rejecting this notion is that deliberately choosing a life of celibacy does mean condemning oneself and another person to pain and anguish they would not otherwise be forced to endure. Please note that this pain and anguish come not only from the natural longing for intimacy with another person, but also from the cultural stigma associated with being single outside of religious life. Finally, the dominant metaphor for the relationship between God and man in the Bible is, in fact, the spousal one, indicating that God, himself, clearly places great value on such a relationship.
 
JorduSpeaks said:
None of this substantiates the global claim that a celibate life is universally “superior” to a married life. Is celibacy a calling worthy of dignity and respect? Absolutely, but not a superior one.

Obviously, celibacy is superior for some individuals. For instance, people called to religious life, people of an asexual orientation, and people with psychological disorders too extreme to interact with another human being in a mutually beneficial way (bearing in mind that there are very few disorders that would qualify) would all find the celibate life superior to married life. However, for most people this is simply not the case.

For one thing, nature gives the lie to the notion that God would prefer all people to be celibate. If this were God’s preference, there are numerous mechanisms in nature by which humans could have been created to reproduce asexually. Another reason for rejecting this notion is that deliberately choosing a life of celibacy does mean condemning oneself and another person to pain and anguish they would not otherwise be forced to endure. Please note that this pain and anguish come not only from the natural longing for intimacy with another person, but also from the cultural stigma associated with being single outside of religious life. Finally, the dominant metaphor for the relationship between God and man in the Bible is, in fact, the spousal one, indicating that God, himself, clearly places great value on such a relationship.
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Galbin asked the question about superiority of celibacy with: "Yes, I’ve been reading the entire thread. Hence why I am looking for an actual quote from the CC on this matter "

From Matthew 19:10 At this, his disciples said to him, If the case stands so between man and wife, it is better not to marry at all. 11 That conclusion, he said, cannot be taken in by everybody, but only by those who have the gift. 12 There are some eunuchs, who were so born from the mother’s womb, some were made so by men, and some have made themselves so for love of the kingdom of heaven; take this in, you whose hearts are large enough for it.And St. Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:25 About virgins, I have no command from the Lord; but I give you my opinion, as one who is, under the Lord’s mercy, a true counsellor. 26 This, then, I hold to be the best counsel in such times of stress, that this is the best condition for man to be in. 27 Art thou yoked to a wife? Then, do not go about to free thyself. Art thou free of wedlock? Then do not go about to find a wife. 28 Not that thou dost commit sin if thou marriest; nor, if she marries, has the virgin committed sin. It is only that those who do so will meet with outward distress. But I leave you your freedom. 29 Only, brethren, I would say this; the time is drawing to an end; nothing remains, but for those who have wives to behave as though they had none; 30 those who weep must forget their tears, and those who rejoice their rejoicing, and those who buy must renounce possession; 31 and those who take advantage of what the world offers must not take full advantage of it; the fashion of this world is soon to pass away. 32 And I would have you free from concern. He who is unmarried is concerned with God’s claim, asking how he is to please God; 33 whereas the married man is concerned with the world’s claim, asking how he is to please his wife; and thus he is at issue with himself. 34 So a woman who is free of wedlock, or a virgin, is concerned with the Lord’s claim, intent on holiness, bodily and spiritual; whereas the married woman is concerned with the world’s claim, asking how she is to please her husband. 35 I am thinking of your own interest when I say this. It is not that I would hold you in a leash; I am thinking of what is suitable for you, and how you may best attend on the Lord without distraction.
 
Again, the verses you cite only say that the celibate life is superior ** for some people**. This is not the same as claiming that it is superior for all, or even most, people.
 
JorduSpeaks said:
Again, the verses you cite only say that the celibate life is superior ** for some people**. This is not the same as claiming that it is superior for all, or even most, people.
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No one claimed that. Saying that it is superior objectively is not saying for the subjective person.

It’s not in the same category. You can have an objectively superior vocation, and ALSO have a subjective determination as well.
 
JorduSpeaks said:
Again, the verses you cite only say that the celibate life is superior ** for some people**. This is not the same as claiming that it is superior for all, or even most, people.
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St. Pauls said his opinion was that it was the best state to be in for all people.

There are quite a few commentaries in the Haydock, regarding the words of Jesus, and do indicate that it is superior for all, but that all will not choose it.11 He said to them: All receive not this word, but they to whom it is given.
Ver. 11. All receive not this word.[3]

To translate all cannot take, or cannot receive this word, is neither conformable to the Latin nor Greek text. To be able to live singly, and chastely, is given to every one that asketh, and prayeth for the grace of God to enable him to live so. (Witham)

— Jesus Christ takes occasion from the remark of the Pharisees to praise holy virginity, which he represents as a great and good gift of heaven; and such it has ever been considered in the eye of true and genuine religion. Hence it appears that besides commandments, there are evangelical counsels, to the observance of which it is both lawful and meritorious for a Christian to devote himself, especially for the purpose of employing himself with greater liberty and less encumbrance in the service of his God.

— Our Lord does not approve of the conclusion his disciples drew from his doctrine on the indissolubility of marriage, lest he should seem to condemn matrimony both good and necessary; neither does he reprove them for it, lest he should seem to prefer it before the state of continency. His answer therefore prudently avoids both difficulties, by seeming to grant, on the one hand, that it was more expedient not to marry, because chastity is a great gift of God; (1 Corinthians vii.) and plainly shewing on the other, that only few can have this privilege, because all do not receive this word, i.e. all are not called to this state. (Jansenius)

— All cannot receive it, because all do not wish it. The reward is held out to all. Let him who seeks for glory, not think of the labour. None would overcome, if all were afraid of engaging in the conflict. If some fail, are we to be less careful in our pursuit of virtue? Is the soldier terrified, because his comrade fights and falls by his side? (St. Chrysostom)

— He that can receive it, let him receive it. He that can fight, let him fight, overcome and triumph. It is the voice of the Lord animating his soldiers to victory. (St. Jerome)

[3] Ver. 11. Non omnes capiunt, ou pantes chorousi. Maldonat will needs have chorein, to signify intelligere, as it does sometimes. But St. Jerome on this place, unusquisque consideret vires suas, &c. And St. Chrysostom (hom. lxiii.) ut singulare esse certamen perdiscas. St. Jerome adds, Sed his datum est, qui petierunt; qui voluerunt; qui ut acciperent, laboraverunt. And St. Chrysostom, His enim datum est, qui spontè id eligunt. dedotai gar ekeinois tois boulomenois. Ed. Sav. p. 397.
 
agapewolf said:
No one claimed that. Saying that it is superior objectively is not saying for the subjective person.
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It obviously is. To make a statement declaring a lifestyle’s superiority is equivalent to stating that the lifestyle in question is superior for the vast majority of the population encapsulated by the scope of the statement, possibly allowing for some exceptions in rare cases. This was a global statement about the alleged superiority of lay celibacy over marriage. Therefore, the scope of the statement encapsulates the total population of laity.

If lay celibacy is not superior to marriage for most people, then in what sense could it possibly be said to be objectively superior?
 
JorduSpeaks said:
It obviously is. To make a statement declaring a lifestyle’s superiority is equivalent to stating that the lifestyle in question is superior for the vast majority of the population encapsulated by the scope of the statement, possibly allowing for some exceptions in rare cases. This was a global statement about the alleged superiority of lay celibacy over marriage. Therefore, the scope of the statement encapsulates the total population of laity.

If lay celibacy is not superior to marriage for most people, then in what sense could it possibly be said to be objectively superior?
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The sense that it is already accepting the future of heaven as a sign to others. Why is this such a hard concept to understand?

So in your opinion, because not everyone can achieve it or is called to it, it’s not fair to claim that it is superior.
 
I’m very much where you are, but a little younger, 33. I understand your response to weddings, engagements, babies, etc. I have prayed for most of my life for a husband. People are constantly telling me I’m not ready or that I have to be right with God. All I have to do is believe and seek God. Everyone sins and no one will ever be perfect. I have met and talked to many couples who met before they knew God, so telling me that I have to submit fully is not a good enough answer. I agree with you that I want to be happy in this life because otherwise what is the point? I see so many non believers find “the one” and it’s confusing. A friend of mine just met and married in under 6 months and she told me that she was not right with god when they met and in fact she was a mess and doubting. There is not a formula of pray so many hours and be devout and then you get what you want. I don’t know what the answer is, but I do know that I’m not living my life fully because I’m waiting. Several of my friends are trying to have babies and I’ve tried to tell them that I am as desperate as they are to have children but they actually can have them, unlike me who is not having sex.I struggle with just getting someone for sex because what is the point of this continued combo of waiting and aging? Couples who say “yes we struggle too” drive me just as crazy because they are in a we and I’m not. I don’t feel sorry for couples and this excuse of “well, not all marriages are happy” is not making me want it any less. Saying not all marriages are happy has nothing to do with me wanting to be married. I have pulled away from church and my small group because I keep getting crushes on the guys. These guys are looking for a godly woman, but not me apparently. It’s all very confusing and frustrating. I stayed up most of the night thinking about this, now I"m tired.
 
Sometimes, we find truth in the strangest places. I was watching a TV show called Hemlock Grove, and one of the characters kept repeating the following:

“God does not want us to be happy. He wants us to be strong.” Maybe there’s some truth to that as we try to make sense of our own pain.
 
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