If God loves me why won't he send a spouse?

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TeachCatechism

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It’s obvious God has plans for me to be alone the rest of my life and not sure why. I’m actually considering leaving the church because of this issue because it bothers me so much.

I wanted nothing more than to find “the one”. In high school I waited patiently for guys to ask me out but it rarely happened. The few guys who asked me out were in the special education class and mentally challenged. Since I was an honors student I didn’t see this as compatible though was polite about it. I had one guy I liked and we were friends for a few years before dating. He talked me into things I knew were wrong and I said okay because I wanted a boyfriend badly. He dumped me right after. This was a pattern throughout college and past college (I didn’t date anyone else in high school)where either way I would be dumped so why do it? However most of the guys were guys I didn’t like but was so desperate to have a boyfriend I dated. Men like an alcoholic who saw nothing wrong with abortion (he paid for three) or a con artist who was also a pimp (tried to recruit me but luckily I was too strong for this). I would try meeting decent men but they didn’t want me because they usually had someone else or not into dating. I would spend hours crying because I wasn’t getting dates. When friends and relatives started getting married I would cry and usually not attend the weddings. Why celebrate something I’ll never have?

Years later I tried singles groups and online dating and failed. Outside of undesirable men with anti Christian values, I mostly got ignored. This has gotten worse the older I get because men now want younger and all that seem to contact me are much older and men with kids who are either divorced or never married the mom. Why should I have to settle on trashy men when I never got a good one (except one ex)to begin with? Why didn’t God send me a spouse when I asked him for one? I’ve always been devout and never hurt anyone yet God sees fit to hurt me and no idea why. I know evil women who abused men yet never suffered. The irony is I am pretty so why men would bypass is something that makes no sense.
 
Teach,

I am sorry you feel this way. But there is hope for us all. I am 49 and met my future wife (42) on CatholicSingles.com. There are other sites out there (a lot with scammers trying to get money out of you) but I found the Catholicsingles one better - as you can choose the area and how far you are willing to travel.

I will pray that God grants you strength, peace, and patience - and most of all happiness with a loving spouse.

Winter
 
Winter_Warlock said:
Teach,

I am sorry you feel this way. But there is hope for us all. I am 49 and met my future wife (42) on CatholicSingles.com. There are other sites out there (a lot with scammers trying to get money out of you) but I found the Catholicsingles one better - as you can choose the area and how far you are willing to travel.

I will pray that God grants you strength, peace, and patience - and most of all happiness with a loving spouse.

Winter
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Thanks that gives me hope. Were both of you married before or never married? I put a profile on that site but all I have gotten (it’s a free profile)were divorced men in their 50’s with kids. I had a profile on CatholicMatch but failed there miserably. In fact several men would send me messages saying they would date me if I was younger (they were around my age).
 
TeachCatechism said:
It’s obvious God has plans for me to be alone the rest of my life and not sure why. **I’m actually considering leaving the church because of this issue because it bothers me so much. **

I wanted nothing more than to find “the one”. In high school I waited patiently for guys to ask me out but it rarely happened. The few guys who asked me out were in the special education class and mentally challenged. Since I was an honors student I didn’t see this as compatible though was polite about it. I had one guy I liked and we were friends for a few years before dating. He talked me into things I knew were wrong and I said okay because I wanted a boyfriend badly. He dumped me right after. This was a pattern throughout college and past college (I didn’t date anyone else in high school)where either way I would be dumped so why do it? However most of the guys were guys I didn’t like but was so desperate to have a boyfriend I dated. Men like an alcoholic who saw nothing wrong with abortion (he paid for three) or a con artist who was also a pimp (tried to recruit me but luckily I was too strong for this). I would try meeting decent men but they didn’t want me because they usually had someone else or not into dating. I would spend hours crying because I wasn’t getting dates. When friends and relatives started getting married I would cry and usually not attend the weddings. Why celebrate something I’ll never have?

Years later I tried singles groups and online dating and failed. Outside of undesirable men with anti Christian values, I mostly got ignored. This has gotten worse the older I get because men now want younger and all that seem to contact me are much older and men with kids who are either divorced or never married the mom. Why should I have to settle on trashy men when I never got a good one (except one ex)to begin with? Why didn’t God send me a spouse when I asked him for one? I’ve always been devout and never hurt anyone yet God sees fit to hurt me and no idea why. I know evil women who abused men yet never suffered. The irony is I am pretty so why men would bypass is something that makes no sense.
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Okay, so, there appears to be a multitude of issues here that are best addressed by talking to your priest, spiritual director, or counselor/therapist. This is a very tough situation, and I am sorry that these negative events have happened to you. The only advice I can give you right now is to stop projecting your frustrations in dating onto your faith (praying is not a “I have prayed, and now everything should work out the way I want it to,” fix-it shop). Pray about this issue and also, I would take a long look inward because we cannot change other people, only ourselves. My grandmother always used to say that you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink it. Instead of displacing your anger into the external world (ex. lack of good men, faith is not working, etc.), try examining your mentality towards dating. My prayers are with you.
 
Maybe God wanted you to become a Nun.

But really, there are Millions of females who NEVER find a Husband.
So, there are Millions of other Women who probably feel the same way that you do.

If you are doing all of the things you can to find an Adequate Boyfriend, and have not succeeded for 10 years, then your chances of ever finding Mr Right, are less than for the average person.

Who knows why Bad things happen to Good people.
Into every Life, a little garbage must fall.
But, to some people, the garbage feels like the County Dump.

One thing I have heard is, for a person to Pretend to be AGAINST finding a Husband.
Somehow, this “Concept” worked VERY well for a woman desperate to get Pregnant.
And, I know a woman who tried this at 37, who coincidentally found My Right-enough 3 months later.
STUFF happens.
And, some times, Good Things happen.

Maybe focus another Attention onto a different area of your Life, one that you are NOT fully satisfied with.
It might be that you will do REAL WELL in that area, and this will take the pressure off of you to do well in the Marital area.
 
But the thing is I have always been a good person and never was rewarded (meaning never met the one). At times I got used to it and didn’t care but it does hurt.
 
4love2God said:
Maybe God wanted you to become a Nun.

But really, there are Millions of females who NEVER find a Husband.
So, there are Millions of other Women who probably feel the same way that you do.

If you are doing all of the things you can to find an Adequate Boyfriend, and have not succeeded for 10 years, then your chances of ever finding Mr Right, are less than for the average person.

Who knows why Bad things happen to Good people.
Into every Life, a little garbage must fall.
But, to some people, the garbage feels like the County Dump.

One thing I have heard is, for a person to Pretend to be AGAINST finding a Husband.
Somehow, this worked VERY well for a woman desperate to get Pregnant.
And, I know a woman who tried this at 37, who coincidentally found My Right-enough 3 months later.
STUFF happens.
And, some times, Good Things happens.

Maybe focus another area of your Life that you are NOT fully satisfied with.
It might be that you will do REAL WELL in that area, and this will take the pressure off of you to do well in the Marital area.
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Never had an interest in being a nun. Many women and men don’t care to find someone but I do. My chances of finding someone are not lower than average.
 
TeachCatechism said:
But the thing is I have always been a good person and never was rewarded (meaning never met the one). At times I got used to it and didn’t care but it does hurt.
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Our reward is not in this life. This life is a vale of tears. Our hope is for eternal beatitude. Don’t aim to be good and expect a reward in this life. That perspective will doom you to despair. Rather, aim for holiness and hope for heaven.
 
Teach,
May I inquire as to your age? By your posts, I would guess you are still quite young.
 
Nope I am 43. I don’t care to be rewarded in the afterlife, I want it now like everyone else. It’s pathetic that my younger brother and cousins all found the one while I didn’t.
 
TeachCatechism said:
Nope I am 43. I don’t care to be rewarded in the afterlife, I want it now like everyone else. It’s pathetic that my younger brother and cousins all found the one while I didn’t.
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Teach,
You can’t really mean that. You know that is a diabolical exchange of goods. A few years of happiness on earth is worth more to you than eternal happiness in heaven? I don’t believe you really mean it. You are struggling with bitterness and despair. This is spiritual oppression, and not healthy. You must reject this line of thinking.

And why is it pathetic that other family members have married while you haven’t yet? Don’t you want them to be happy? If you love them, as I am sure you really do, you should celebrate with them. Not become bitter or envious.

We are not owed any particular blessings in this life. Add to that, being a faithful Catholic and finding a spouse is INCREDIBLY difficult in our world today. You are not unique in this struggle. Even those who do marry are not guaranteed a long, happy marriage. Please try to focus upon how God is blessing you now, and pray for patience and contentment.

I am so sorry for your difficulties, Teach. My heart hurt as I read a couple of your posts. I will be praying for you this evening.
 
I want to be rewarded on Earth as well as Heaven. No I don’t attend weddings anymore, too painful.
 
Honestly when I read your post I see so many issues with your mentality. Sometimes God won’t send us the ‘one’ until WE are ready and honestly I don’t think you are. I know it’s probably frustrating to hear that but I suspect you have some more maturing to do before you’re ready for a healthy relationship.

God wants what’s best for you and so long as you ask Him to lead you, He will. Sometimes that means you have to sort you out before He gives you what you want.

I’m 31 and single. Sometimes I do despair thinking: Oh man, does God want me to be single???, but I don’t think He does. I do believe He has put the married vocation into my heart. So why am I still single?

When I look at myself honestly and without denial I SEE why. I’m not ready. And He won’t send me ‘the one’ until I am because He wants the best possible marriage and family for me and I love Him for it.

So I will continue to do what I’m doing (improving myself) while waiting in hope for what I know God has in store for me. And you should do the same.
 
Teach,

I was married before - no kids, I had the marriage annulled also. She was never married. We both had full memberships, I was on for 3 week and her 5 days when we “met” then met for coffee. After our meeting we both canceled our memberships as we both only signed up on a monthly basis. If you do not cancel it also they auto charge you for another month and so on.

If there was someone for me. . . you I am sure will have no problems ;). Keep the faith and trust in God. He will deliver you - most likely when you least expect it.

Winter
 
I get where some of your bitterness comes from, because I am in my 40s as well, and never been married, although I’ve never let a boyfriend talk me into things I shouldn’t do and nor have I ever been recruited by a pimp. :eek:

Do you keep up your appearance? Not because men are shallow, but when we look better we feel better. A lot better. Men are really attracted to confidence. If your appearance needs work, then work on that along with your spiritual life. Don’t leave the Church, pray more. Pray for your future husband, pray for Our Lady to help you stay pure in thought, word, and deed.

And by appearance, I don’t just mean weight, I mean your hair, how you dress, how you are groomed, etc. Think of working on yourself physically and spiritually as your second job (this is kind of what I am doing now).

And you should go to weddings, go and look fabulous! You might meet someone. 🙂
 
Winter_Warlock said:
Teach,

I was married before - no kids, I had the marriage annulled also. She was never married. We both had full memberships, I was on for 3 week and her 5 days when we “met” then met for coffee. After our meeting we both canceled our memberships as we both only signed up on a monthly basis. If you do not cancel it also they auto charge you for another month and so on.

If there was someone for me. . . you I am sure will have no problems ;). Keep the faith and trust in God. He will deliver you - most likely when you least expect it.

Winter
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Thanks for explaining. I came across a few men with annulments but more without them who were divorced and I don’t understand why. That was my problem with online. I have someone I do like but right now he has issues so who knows.
 
God does not send us our spouses, we find them ourselves and it takes a lot of effort. If you sit back waiting for the ‘Mr Right’ to turn up and sweep you off your feet, it will not happen. And God doesn’t pair people up with spouses, we do that ourselves.

If you want to find a partner then you need to get out there and work hard at it, things don’t just happen, you have to make them happen. Waiting for God to send you the right spouse is a bit like waiting for God to provide you with the right career.
 
Brendan_64 said:
God does not send us our spouses, we find them ourselves and it takes a lot of effort. If you sit back waiting for the ‘Mr Right’ to turn up and sweep you off your feet, it will not happen. And God doesn’t pair people up with spouses, we do that ourselves.

If you want to find a partner then you need to get out there and work hard at it, things don’t just happen, you have to make them happen. Waiting for God to send you the right spouse is a bit like waiting for God to provide you with the right career.
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👍

God will help you SEE if someone is right for you but you have to do something as well to help find ‘the one’.

I personally don’t believe there is just ‘one’ person you could be with. There are many. The trick is picking the ideal partner and God will help with that.
 
nickybr38 said:
Honestly when I read your post I see so many issues with your mentality. Sometimes God won’t send us the ‘one’ until WE are ready and honestly I don’t think you are. I know it’s probably frustrating to hear that but I suspect you have some more maturing to do before you’re ready for a healthy relationship.

God wants what’s best for you and so long as you ask Him to lead you, He will. Sometimes that means you have to sort you out before He gives you what you want.

I’m 31 and single. Sometimes I do despair thinking: Oh man, does God want me to be single???, but I don’t think He does. I do believe He has put the married vocation into my heart. So why am I still single?

When I look at myself honestly and without denial I SEE why. I’m not ready. And He won’t send me ‘the one’ until I am because He wants the best possible marriage and family for me and I love Him for it.

So I will continue to do what I’m doing (improving myself) while waiting in hope for what I know God has in store for me. And you should do the same.
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Oh Nicky. After I read your post I thought why could this woman not have met my youngest instead of the person he is with now. He is a bit older than you but not much. What a beautiful person you are. If one wants to meet Mr. Right she must take care to become Miss Right. You sound like you are alread there IMHO. Who knows perhaps my son would not have been good enough for you and the Lord wants the best for you.

Annie
 
Brendan_64 said:
God does not send us our spouses, we find them ourselves and it takes a lot of effort. If you sit back waiting for the ‘Mr Right’ to turn up and sweep you off your feet, it will not happen. And God doesn’t pair people up with spouses, we do that ourselves.

If you want to find a partner then you need to get out there and work hard at it, things don’t just happen, you have to make them happen. Waiting for God to send you the right spouse is a bit like waiting for God to provide you with the right career.
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Well, Brendan perhaps thats true in many cases but it has been my experience that one should not seek a spouse but get out among 'em and do the work the Lord wants you to do. Use your talents that the Lord gave you and give it your all and if one’s vocation is to marriage the Lord will put the people together who will serve Him together.
 
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