If God made me bad with women, is it a sign he wants me to be a priest?

[benjammin]

I know this sounds silly, but i’m 23 and i’ve never been in a relationship. I’ve been on plenty of dates, but only once have I been on more than one date with the same girl (I made it to 3 dates, but it didn’t work out, though I think it might have been for the better, though I wonder sometimes why it didn’t work).

Anyway, a lot of times it seems that these girls say I lack chemistry. Like I’m more of a friend than someone who they could be in a relationship with. It makes me wonder whether God is saying I should be a priest. Maybe since i’m friendly with so many people, thats what I should do. Its strange because for the longest time, at least for the past 2 years I was convinced that my vocation was marriage. However, due to my last attempt at dating, as well as homilies about the missions and the priesthood, I wonder if maybe I am called.

I still feel I’d have trouble being a priest though. i just feel it would be too difficult, also I’m a person who needs people, and a lot of times priests talk about solitude though a lot of times I am alone, though its more to the fact my friends are far away now that I am out of school. I also don’t think a monk would work either even though it is more communal. I also feel that I want to be open to marriage, but singlehood isn’t much of a vocation, and at this rate i’ll be single until i’m 40.

I know i’m young, but there are already people 2 years younger than me who are married. At my Newman Center at the school I went to, all but 3 of our 12 council members are either married engaged or in a relationship, and the one female single is definitely not interested in me or anyone else. I don’t know what i’m called to. I used to think marriage, but I wonder if God has made me struggle with women so I can focus more on him?

 

[Trishie]

No it doesn’t necessarily mean that.
As we can’t see how you interact with girls, it isn’t possible to be sure about the reason.
It may mean that you have a self-image issue, or that you become anxious and haven’t learned how to relax with a girl, or just that you haven’t met the best girl for you yet.
I hope and pray that you will find the joy of the particular person-hood and vocation that God has given you to develop, whatever your future vocation

 

[EasterJoy]

Twenty three is a bit young to conclude that Providence has ordained that you will be a bachelor. The median age for a first marriage for a Catholic is around 25. If you go another two years without marrying, there will still be roughly half of your fellow Catholic peers of your age still not married, just like you.

If you feel your vocation is marriage, keep looking to see if perhaps you meet someone to marry. If your vocation is to be a priest or to join a religious community, there will be positive things about those states of life that will call you, not just the lack of an opportunity to marry. If nothing calls you positively or if you are prevented from the vocation that seems to suit you best, just stay single and see if perhaps the barriers fall away at a later date. Some people, after all, do not marry until they are 35 or even over 40 (as a friend of mine did). Otherwise, it is far better to serve God as a single person for your entire life than to be miserable because you got in a hurry and crammed yourself (or tried to cram yourself) into an unsuitable vocation.

 

[benjammin]

Twenty three is a bit young to conclude that Providence has ordained that you will be a bachelor. The median age for a first marriage for a Catholic is around 25. If you go another two years without marrying, there will still be roughly half of your fellow Catholic peers of your age still not married, just like you.

If you feel your vocation is marriage, keep looking to see if perhaps you meet someone to marry. If your vocation is to be a priest or to join a religious community, there will be positive things about those states of life that will call you, not just the lack of an opportunity to marry. If nothing calls you positively or if you are prevented from the vocation that seems to suit you best, just stay single and see if perhaps the barriers fall away at a later date. Some people, after all, do not marry until they are 35 or even over 40 (as a friend of mine did). Otherwise, it is far better to serve God as a single person for your entire life than to be miserable because you got in a hurry and crammed yourself (or tried to cram yourself) into an unsuitable vocation.

Okay, but even if the average age of marriage is 25, most of those people have probably had relationships at least by 18. I’ve got nothing. I mean isn’t it wierd. I’d be little more okay with it if i’d had at least a steady relationship by now.

 

[TiggerS]

Life can be a strange journey. You may think of yourself as “bad with women” etc. but round the next corner could be the woman with whom you are really good - a good match. You are still quite young as life can often go. I dont think that being “bad with women” necessarily means a default position of “called to the priesthood”, not at all. Were it me, I would be seeking counselling and/or spiritual direction. I very much doubt that a seminary or noviciate would accept you because you were “bad with women” or that you might “lack chemistry” with the opposite sex. It may well mean simply that you have not met the right woman as yet. It is important in both the diocesan priesthood and in the religious life priesthood that one is at ease in relationships. A mature personality.

Then, on the other hand, many religious vocations or to the diocesan priesthood have had a strange journey indeed.

You are still quite young.

 

[UpUpAndAway]

I had had a not-insignificant whistle number of relationships by the time I was 18. Believe me, that’s not always a good thing. I met The Husband when I was 29 and finally married in my early 30s. Please be patient: the best may be yet to come

I have trouble reconciling the idea that one is meant for religious life due to being bad at something or the **lack **of something. If anything, I would think all priests, and diocesan priests in particular, would need to be able to relate to women in a wide variety of ways in order to effectively address the spiritual needs of the women in their pastoral care. This would obviously exclude a direct spousal relationship, but unless the priest can understand the mechanics of a such a relationship how could he possibly be in a position to guide lay people with related uncertainties or conflicts?

I’m convinced my priest would have made a wonderful husband and father. Instead, he is a fantastic and happy priest. The two are not necessarily mutually exclusive in the sense that being “bad” at one means you were meant to do the other.

 

[catholictiger]

no not at all one shouldn’t become a priest because he doesn’t think he would be good enough to marry or he thinks that he would never get along with women. If you applied to the seminary they may not let you in if this was your only reason.

But bring these things to prayer, God could be calling you to be a priest but it will not be because you can’t get along with women. He could also be calling you to the married life, and maybe that women just hasn’t come into your life yet. Maybe he is calling you to something else I don’t know. But the reason you have for being a priest if it is the only one it isn’t good enough of a reason to join seminary.

 

[catholictiger]

I’m convinced my priest would have made a wonderful husband and father. Instead, he is a fantastic and happy priest. The two are not necessarily mutually exclusive in the sense that being “bad” at one means you were meant to do the other.

exactly I would think most great priests would also make great fathers, cause guess what a priest is a father figure to the people of his parish. In PRESBYTERORUM ORDINIS it says

The Christian faithful, for their part, should realize their obligations to their priests, and with filial love they should follow them as their pastors and fathers.

if a priest wouldn’t make a good father I think there is a decent to good chance that he wouldn’t make a good priest.

 

[rfournier103]

As one poster said, life is indeed a strange journey. I’m 38 and still not married. I have had ALOT of girlfriends since I was 23 and by no means am I bad with women. I believe my current girlfriend is “the one” as they say. I think you are overthinking this.

There are OVER SEVEN BILLION humans on earth right now. A little more than half are women. So, there are three and one-half billion women out there. Knowing this… it’s safe to say that finding the right gal can be a daunting task.

You may live in an area where there just aren’t women who see what is great about you, or you might be shy, or you just don’t have confidence in yourself. Could be ANY reason.

Dress nicely. If you look good, you feel good. If you feel good, you will be confident. If you feel confident, women will like that.

Talk to people. Interact socially. PRACTICE! KEEP GOING ON DATES AND ASKING WOMEN OUT.

I have found that most women are very sympathetic. If you are friends with a few women (women you won’t try to put the moves on), you’ll grow confident being around them, and learn ‘what women want’. Not every woman is the same, but you’ll get started all the same. You are WAY too young to throw in the towel!

PS: Stay friends with the girls it doesn’t work out with. They have friends. Trust me… There can be plenty of opportunities THERE!

 

[benjammin]

I have trouble reconciling the idea that one is meant for religious life due to being bad at something or the **lack **of something. If anything, I would think all priests, and diocesan priests in particular, would need to be able to relate to women in a wide variety of ways in order to effectively address the spiritual needs of the women in their pastoral care. This would obviously exclude a direct spousal relationship, but unless the priest can understand the mechanics of a such a relationship how could he possibly be in a position to guide lay people with related uncertainties or conflicts?

But it’s not like i don’t understand women. Many say I just don’t have chemistry with them. I am able to be friendly with them and many said I would be a good friend with them, i just can’t get in a romantic relationship with them. I’m not some nervous blathering idiot around girls. Maybe they just find me boring in the romantic sense. I still can talk to them

 

[Andre1000]

Maybe it is a wake up call that you might go into a wrong direction. Have you ever really thought about becoming a priest. You should reevaluate what your vocation is, so that you have many reasons to become or not to become a priest.

 

[TiggerS]

But it’s not like i don’t understand women. Many say I just don’t have chemistry with them. I am able to be friendly with them and many said I would be a good friend with them, i just can’t get in a romantic relationship with them. I’m not some nervous blathering idiot around girls. Maybe they just find me boring in the romantic sense. I still can talk to them

It sounds to me as if previous relationships have undermined your confidence with women - you have taken ‘on board’ their comments as baggage, and unhelpful baggage, you carry around with you. This may mean that you are somehow awkward with women, or it could mean that you have not met the right type of person as yet. It could in fact mean many things and I really do think that you could benefit from counselling and sort it all out.
Also, since you seem to have some sort of attraction to the priesthood and possibly still to marriage as well, you would benefit from spiritual direction. Certainly, I am rather confident as I stated in my previous post that a seminary or religious order would not be keen to accept you on purely negative grounds as a default choice because you cannot relate successfully, as you would like to do, with women.
You say that women have commented that you would make a good friend. The best of relationships and even marriage very often start out as simply a good friendship. And in marriage the best of lovers is always a great pal and soulmate. Why be reluctant to simply be a good friend and then let that journey unfold?

 

[benjammin]

It sounds to me as if previous relationships have undermined your confidence with women - you have taken ‘on board’ their comments as baggage, and unhelpful baggage, you carry around with you. This may mean that you are somehow awkward with women, or it could mean that you have not met the right type of person as yet. It could in fact mean many things and I really do think that you could benefit from counselling and sort it all out.
Also, since you seem to have some sort of attraction to the priesthood and possibly still to marriage as well, you would benefit from spiritual direction. Certainly, I am rather confident as I stated in my previous post that a seminary or religious order would not be keen to accept you on purely negative grounds as a default choice because you cannot relate successfully, as you would like to do, with women.
You say that women have commented that you would make a good friend. The best of relationships and even marriage very often start out as simply a good friendship. And in marriage the best of lovers is always a great pal and soulmate. Why be reluctant to simply be a good friend and then let that journey unfold?

Because it seems as if when girls think of you as a friend you are automatically out as a dating/marriage candidate. At least as early as it is with me. For example last week I went on a date with a girl. She said there was no chemistry. I agreed. Now after only one date, I don’t think its fair, but you know what I guess I’m just a friend zone guy. I’m not good looking, I’m not as confident as I should be, and I don’t want to be single. Being single isn’t even a real vocation. Also, i’d feel wierd if I was still 40 and single. At least if I was a priest I wouldn’t have to worry about dating, even though i’d still wonder. I guess its just my lot in life

 

[TiggerS]

Because it seems as if when girls think of you as a friend you are automatically out as a dating/marriage candidate. At least as early as it is with me. For example last week I went on a date with a girl. She said there was no chemistry. I agreed. Now after only one date, I don’t think its fair, but you know what I guess I’m just a friend zone guy. I’m not good looking, I’m not as confident as I should be, and I don’t want to be single. Being single isn’t even a real vocation. Also, i’d feel wierd if I was still 40 and single. At least if I was a priest I wouldn’t have to worry about dating, even though i’d still wonder. I guess its just my lot in life

I dont think at all that your concepts and single status are your “lot in life” unless you make a clear choice to embrace them and for life. I think you would benefit in a major way from seeking counselling. You seem to have a very poor self image and lack confidence in yourself and tend to take ‘on board’ and embrace the opinions of others. Certainly, without counselling and/or therapy and sorting out some of your personal issues, I doubt you would be a candidate at this point for the diocesan or religious life priesthood and including with an attitude of attempting to correct your ‘problems’ by not having to date if you were a priest.

I knew a young man - not at all physically appealling (quite short, slim and very heavy spectacles) who probably had a near genius intelligence - an intelligence that often put others off and especially women, the few women he had got to know. In the parish, we all thought he would make a great priest as he was a very devout young man. To our absolute surprise, he met a young lady where he worked, she was equal to his intelligence, they fell in love, married and now have one child. I hear from him now and then and they are a very happy family still and after 7 years married.

Trust in Divine Providence for The Lord knows what He is about, we only like to think that we do.

 

[Captain_America]

My very quick, knee jerk diagnosis: the OP is a “nice guy” who gets immediately placed in the “friends” category with women.

Happens all the time. Women like the rough guy, the tough guy, the rude guy, the guy who pretends to sophistication. . . particularly younger women who haven’t been burned by the nonsense.

In a similar way, most young men are attracted to the sexy young woman rather than the decent young woman.

OP: unless I’m missing something, this suggests not a vocation to the priesthood, but a quick trip to the mall to change your style. Be meaner to the women around you; they’ll like you more for it.

 

[ATeutonicKnight]

As others have said, this is false. I am known to be a charmer and to be good with girls, but I still feel a calling to the Priesthood and Religious life specifically. I would say you are either doing something wrong or you simply haven’t found the right girl. Perhaps you won’t because you may really be called to the Priesthood. However, don’t assume you are simply because you aren’t connecting with women. It sounds as if women are telling you something when they say you are more friend material. This is only a theory so take it lightly until hopefully a girl approves it as plausible, but when they are telling you that you’re friend material it could mean they don’t find you as father and husband material. This could mean that you need to mature more or you need to grow in character. Are you a leader? Would you take charge in pressing situations and handle the problem, or would you cower away and let your wife take care of everything because if you try to do it you will freak out and choke? Are you selfless and would you do anything for your wife and children? These are the sort of characteristics women look for in a man. Men who don’t have these characteristics are “friend material”. I could be totally wrong about this, but this is what I have been told for so long. Please do not take it as a personal offense against you, these are simply my thoughts on what could be the problem. If you don’t have these characteristics, than I’m sorry to say you can’t be a Priest or Religious until you get them either. Attaining these characteristics is hard, but you can only get them through practice, be they little or big situations.

 

[benjammin]

My very quick, knee jerk diagnosis: the OP is a “nice guy” who gets immediately placed in the “friends” category with women.

Happens all the time. Women like the rough guy, the tough guy, the rude guy, the guy who pretends to sophistication. . . particularly younger women who haven’t been burned by the nonsense.

In a similar way, most young men are attracted to the sexy young woman rather than the decent young woman.

OP: unless I’m missing something, this suggests not a vocation to the priesthood, but a quick trip to the mall to change your style. Be meaner to the women around you; they’ll like you more for it.

Why should I be meaner? I’d rather just be who I am and hope a girl likes me. I wouldn’t want a girl to change just to pursue me. Maybe i’m nice, but i’d rather be nice than be the typical jerk you see most places. Women got to outgrow mean guys at some point

 

[iloveangels]

I know this sounds silly, but i’m 23 and i’ve never been in a relationship. I’ve been on plenty of dates, but only once have I been on more than one date with the same girl (I made it to 3 dates, but it didn’t work out, though I think it might have been for the better, though I wonder sometimes why it didn’t work).

Anyway, a lot of times it seems that these girls say I lack chemistry. Like I’m more of a friend than someone who they could be in a relationship with. It makes me wonder whether God is saying I should be a priest. Maybe since i’m friendly with so many people, thats what I should do. Its strange because for the longest time, at least for the past 2 years I was convinced that my vocation was marriage. However, due to my last attempt at dating, as well as homilies about the missions and the priesthood, I wonder if maybe I am called.

I still feel I’d have trouble being a priest though. i just feel it would be too difficult, also I’m a person who needs people, and a lot of times priests talk about solitude though a lot of times I am alone, though its more to the fact my friends are far away now that I am out of school. I also don’t think a monk would work either even though it is more communal. I also feel that I want to be open to marriage, but singlehood isn’t much of a vocation, and at this rate i’ll be single until i’m 40.

I know i’m young, but there are already people 2 years younger than me who are married. At my Newman Center at the school I went to, all but 3 of our 12 council members are either married engaged or in a relationship, and the one female single is definitely not interested in me or anyone else. I don’t know what i’m called to. I used to think marriage, but I wonder if God has made me struggle with women so I can focus more on him?

No!!!

It means you’re clumsy with women. Some guys are. You’re only 23 for Pete’s sake. You probably just need practice talking to girls.

 

[benjammin]

As others have said, this is false. I am known to be a charmer and to be good with girls, but I still feel a calling to the Priesthood and Religious life specifically. I would say you are either doing something wrong or you simply haven’t found the right girl. Perhaps you won’t because you may really be called to the Priesthood. However, don’t assume you are simply because you aren’t connecting with women. It sounds as if women are telling you something when they say you are more friend material. This is only a theory so take it lightly until hopefully a girl approves it as plausible, but when they are telling you that you’re friend material it could mean they don’t find you as father and husband material. This could mean that you need to mature more or you need to grow in character. Are you a leader? Would you take charge in pressing situations and handle the problem, or would you cower away and let your wife take care of everything because if you try to do it you will freak out and choke? Are you selfless and would you do anything for your wife and children? These are the sort of characteristics women look for in a man. Men who don’t have these characteristics are “friend material”. I could be totally wrong about this, but this is what I have been told for so long. Please do not take it as a personal offense against you, these are simply my thoughts on what could be the problem. If you don’t have these characteristics, than I’m sorry to say you can’t be a Priest or Religious until you get them either. Attaining these characteristics is hard, but you can only get them through practice, be they little or big situations.

So now its because i’m not a take charge macho man that I don’t have a girl

Honestly it’s just the way I am. I don’t see myself as a leader because I’d rather be a follower . However I feel I could take care of someone. I’ve just never had the chance. If I do lack these characteristics how do I get them. I can’t exactly make a lot of decisions when I’m 23, can’t find a full time job and live at home still. I know women like more mature macho decision makers but thats just not me. Why can’t girls just like me for who I am. Honestly, if I was this picky with girls, it would make a girl cry wouldn’t it. Sorry if i’m ranting, but i just am tired of life. It feels like i’m still a 15 year old kid and i’m 23 and i see other people having lives, getting married or finding good jobs and nothing seems to work out for me even though I just finished school and felt like I finally accomplished something. Anymore all i have is my faith. And sometimes even that doesn’t seem to do much, but I don’t think God owes me anything anyway.

 

[iloveangels]

So now its because i’m not a take charge macho man that I don’t have a girl

Honestly it’s just the way I am. I don’t see myself as a leader because I’d rather be a follower . However I feel I could take care of someone. I’ve just never had the chance. If I do lack these characteristics how do I get them. I can’t exactly make a lot of decisions when I’m 23, can’t find a full time job and live at home still. I know women like more mature macho decision makers but thats just not me. Why can’t girls just like me for who I am. Honestly, if I was this picky with girls, it would make a girl cry wouldn’t it. Sorry if i’m ranting, but i just am tired of life. It feels like i’m still a 15 year old kid and i’m 23 and i see other people having lives, getting married or finding good jobs and nothing seems to work out for me even though I just finished school and felt like I finally accomplished something. Anymore all i have is my faith. And sometimes even that doesn’t seem to do much, but I don’t think God owes me anything anyway.

Maybe you whine too much?