If i see the negative symbol on that stupid stick one more time im gonna scream!

[leaner]

Just to feed the POAS obsession (Pee On A Stick) – you can go to www.peeonastick.com (yes, for real) and it will tell you the sensitivity of the different tests – for instance, some will only identify if it’s more than 50miu, while others are sensitive to 15miu (which can be an entire lifetime!! – ok, more like 36hrs, but that’s a lifetime to a woman waiting!) – I’ve been there too, and it’s no fun. No matter how much you trust God’s plan, it still hurts, and that’s ok too. As my mom would say “offer it up” – at least you feel like you’re doing something, kwim? Feel what you need to feel, b/c if you don’t, it will fester. Feel it, and use it (like when you offer it up). I will pray for you (and your dh too) – but know you are well-understood as well as prayed for!! {{{hugs}}}

 

[TarAshly]

Thanks again guys, my . came, I was so mad at it. well we will just keep trying. what about fertility drugs…are they against the Church?

 

[SeekerJen]

tcay584:

I completely understand what you’re going through. I’ve made the “Oh my gosh…what if…” runs to Wallgreens myself for “The Test”. I’ve thought of names, my .'s been 3 weeks late, I get all worked up and excited. Then I take the test and…negative…and my . the next day. I’ve gotten so bad that even if hubby and I haven’t been intimate, I think “Well, maybe we were and I just don’t recall” (not flattering to DH, but the mind does funny things). I’ve become rather resigned to the fact that I probably won’t ever conceive naturally…nor will I do anything “scientific” about it. It’s a big hole in my heart, but God knows best, no matter what I really, truly, desperately want. Aaaarrrgggghhhhh! However…you never know…so off to Wallgreens I’ll go, with names in mind…

Yeah, I’m in the same boat. We’re actually taking several months off, using NFP to avoid, so that I can have several months where I’m not driving myself nuts wondering “Am I? Is this it? Should I test? Did I have that symptom last month?” Even on the months where we’re not charting or not really trying, I get a little crazy right before “monthly visitor” is supposed to arrive. Seriously, all of this is ruining my health, sanity, and is starting to take a toll on our marriage.

This past month was our last month of “whatever happens, happens”, and between my boss’s resignation, home construction projects, and an increased workload, I completely put it all out of my mind. I had a nice peaceful month (in that respect, at least), and it didn’t even bother me (much) when my monthly visitor showed up yesterday.

It’s funny- I’ve been struggling with the fact that we want a baby for 1.5 years now, even though I keep getting indications that it’s not what God wants for us right now. My prayers are always answered with an opportunity that will make it easier for me to go back to school next fall- something that wasn’t even a consideration 1.5 years ago. I figure that this is what I’m supposed to do now (even though I would have dropped it all for a baby ), and by the time I’m done, we’ll both have more income and can adopt a couple of little ones. I cannot believe how much resigned peace I have found in this idea. I’m betting that it’s just a matter of time, though, before I start cooing and crying over babies again because “I want”. Hopefully that will hold out until I start school next Sept. and then I’ll be too busy to worry about it.

 

[leaner]

TarAshly:

Thanks again guys, my . came, I was so mad at it. well we will just keep trying. what about fertility drugs…are they against the Church?

It depends on what you’re going to take – I’m pretty sure clomid is fine as it encourages ovulation, but I know there are more knowledgeable folk around this board who can point you to actual references – sadly, my problem is not getting pregnant, it’s staying pregnant…sigh

 

[tcay584]

TarAshly:

Thanks again guys, my . came, I was so mad at it. well we will just keep trying. what about fertility drugs…are they against the Church?

I don’t think the Church has a problem with fertility drugs (double check in AAA), after all they don’t have a problem with Levitra or Viagra. Any other sort of mechanically assisted fertilization is uncool though.

 

[Giannawannabe]

SeekerJen:

It’s funny- I’ve been struggling with the fact that we want a baby for 1.5 years now, even though I keep getting indications that it’s not what God wants for us right now. My prayers are always answered with an opportunity that will make it easier for me to go back to school next fall- something that wasn’t even a consideration 1.5 years ago. I figure that this is what I’m supposed to do now (even though I would have dropped it all for a baby ), and by the time I’m done, we’ll both have more income and can adopt a couple of little ones. I cannot believe how much resigned peace I have found in this idea. I’m betting that it’s just a matter of time, though, before I start cooing and crying over babies again because “I want”. Hopefully that will hold out until I start school next Sept. and then I’ll be too busy to worry about it.

God bless you SeekerJen. I also had that feeling that God was not going to answer my prayers in the way I thought he should. Instead, after nearly 7 years of infertility, we began adopting. We now have 3 wonderful kids!!! Truly, I know that I was meant to be an adoptive mom. We’re always open to life, but it wouldn’t matter if that life came the “regular” way or through another adoption.

TarAshly, don’t give up!! Keep praying. God will answer your prayer for children—it may be just in a different way than you want. The use of Clomid is in line with the Church’s teaching. Try to find a good doctor who looks with favor on NFP. I know your pain and frustration well.

 

[MaryBeth_Mac]

Fertility drugs like Clomid are okay because they increase your chance of ovulating. The Church gives “kudos” to them!

I remember those times so well. Though the pain has faded because I have kids-ALL miracles (and I used Clomid for two)! But it was excruciating during the time. My husband and I could not conceive for 4 years-then had two kids- then did not conceive for 7 years and had one last magnificant blessing!

Looking back, all the spiritual advise is so right on! Because it is a battle of surrender; of surrendering your will to God’s will. He has a great plan for your spiritual growth in this cross. He is going to mold you and form you (and your husband) as you surrender each heartbreak and disappointment to Him! And then He WILL BLESS YOU FOR YOUR OBEDIENCE TO HIS WILL. It may not be anything you can foresee now but it will happen. Be obedient to Him and to His Church!

I hurt in my shared pain but I rejoice in what He will bring you to! :dancing:

 

[Princess_Abby]

TarAshly:

Thanks again guys, my . came, I was so mad at it. well we will just keep trying. what about fertility drugs…are they against the Church?

Tar, just wanted to be sure and point out that metformin, which treats for insulin resistance in PCOS patients primarily, has a secondary benefit of inducing ovulation–which is what clomid does but without the benefit of reducing your insulin resistance (if you have that, but I think you’ve mentioned it before). Metformin can help regulate your cycle, too. Please ask your OB about this as a possible means to treat the PCOS and possibly induce ovulation so as to conceive–maybe before considering clomid. Just an idea.

 

[Little_Mary]

Do what I tell you and you will get pregnant on your very next cycle …When my doc gave me clomid, he also gave me these fool-proof instructions:

Count eleven days from the first day of your period, starting on the eleventh day, know your DH intimately every other day (be consistent - don’t skip a day!!) until you start your next period. (hopefully you won’t )

This takes the guesswork out of when you might be ovulating. Based on the fact that sperm live up to about 48 hours, you are constantly “fertilized” so that when you do ovulate, that little ovum doesn’t stand a chance of escape!!!

I also charted by basal temp, but the instructions above really take the mental stress out of it. The basal temp chart helps because if your temp stays up and you don’t get your period…guess what? You’re a mother!

 

[mschoir01]

I had an idea while reading the posts here. Some of us old crones remember when you had to have missed two periods before killing the rabbit or the frog, so I thought why not wait a bit longer to take the test? Maybe even wait as long as we used to have to. If you could adjust to prayerful anticipation, it might even be less stressful.

I have a hard time accepting God’s time, too, sometimes…

 

[12345678]

SeekerJen:

Yeah, I’m in the same boat. **We’re actually taking several months off, using NFP to avoid, so that I can have several months where I’m not driving myself nuts wondering “Am I? Is this it? Should I test? Did I have that symptom last month?” ** Even on the months where we’re not charting or not really trying, I get a little crazy right before “monthly visitor” is supposed to arrive. Seriously, all of this is ruining my health, sanity, and is starting to take a toll on our marriage.

This past month was our last month of “whatever happens, happens”, and between my boss’s resignation, home construction projects, and an increased workload, I completely put it all out of my mind. I had a nice peaceful month (in that respect, at least), and it didn’t even bother me (much) when my monthly visitor showed up yesterday.

It’s funny- I’ve been struggling with the fact that we want a baby for 1.5 years now, even though I keep getting indications that it’s not what God wants for us right now. My prayers are always answered with an opportunity that will make it easier for me to go back to school next fall- something that wasn’t even a consideration 1.5 years ago. I figure that this is what I’m supposed to do now (even though I would have dropped it all for a baby ), and by the time I’m done, we’ll both have more income and can adopt a couple of little ones. I cannot believe how much resigned peace I have found in this idea. I’m betting that it’s just a matter of time, though, before I start cooing and crying over babies again because “I want”. Hopefully that will hold out until I start school next Sept. and then I’ll be too busy to worry about it.

Hi!!!
Sorry you have gone thru so much! I was reading your post, and I may have possibly misunderstood, but since we are in a public forum and you casually mentioned you were using NFP to avoid children so you wouldn’t go crazy wondering if you were pregnant or not, I just wanted to remind us all in general that NFP is only for serious just reasons.
We shouldn’t avoid children unless we think we have a serious just reason. We should always be open to children unless we realize we have a serious just reason (after careful prayer etc).

I figured you probably said that in jest, but I didn’t want it to mislead people that aren’t too familiar with NFP.

 

[SeekerJen]

12345678:

Hi!!!
Sorry you have gone thru so much! I was reading your post, and I may have possibly misunderstood, but since we are in a public forum and you casually mentioned you were using NFP to avoid children so you wouldn’t go crazy wondering if you were pregnant or not, I just wanted to remind us all in general that NFP is only for serious just reasons.
We shouldn’t avoid children unless we think we have a serious just reason. We should always be open to children unless we realize we have a serious just reason (after careful prayer etc).

I figured you probably said that in jest, but I didn’t want it to mislead people that aren’t too familiar with NFP.

I wasn’t kidding. We have had so many fights about this, and I have nearly had a nervous breakdown. We need a few months off before something goes even more wrong. After that, it’s back to whatever happens, happens. Sorry if that’s not a serious enough reason for you, but I’m interested in protecting my marriage and my health right now.

 

[Princess_Abby]

SeekerJen:

I wasn’t kidding. We have had so many fights about this, and I have nearly had a nervous breakdown. We need a few months off before something goes even more wrong. After that, it’s back to whatever happens, happens. Sorry if that’s not a serious enough reason for you, but I’m interested in protecting my marriage and my health right now.

My heart goes out to you. Please don’t feel that you have to justify your use of NFP to any presumptive person on this board. Even from your first post, it seemed clear that you have just reason to avoid, after trying so long and dealing with the aftermath of not conceiving–for your emotional health and the good of your marriage. However, it is certainly no one else’s business either way, as it is between you, your husband and the Lord. Disappointment can be so debilitating, especially month after month. I have kept you in my prayers and will continue to do so.

 

[SeekerJen]

Princess_Abby:

My heart goes out to you. Please don’t feel that you have to justify your use of NFP to any presumptive person on this board. Even from your first post, it seemed clear that you have just reason to avoid–for your emotional health and the good of your marriage. Disappointment can be so debilitating, especially month after month. I have kept you in my prayers and will continue to do so.

Thanks, Abby. You’re a sweetheart. I’m continuing to pray for you and your little one, hope you’re still doing well.

 

[12345678]

SeekerJen:

I wasn’t kidding. We have had so many fights about this, and I have nearly had a nervous breakdown. We need a few months off before something goes even more wrong. After that, it’s back to whatever happens, happens. Sorry if that’s not a serious enough reason for you, but I’m interested in protecting my marriage and my health right now.

I’m so sorry, I did misunderstand your original post. (I mentioned I thought I could be misunderstanding, and I was).

I didn’t want you to feel like you had to justify yourself, if you did feel that way I apologize. That is something personal and in no ways can (or should) anyone outside your marriage judge.
I thought you were saying it in jest and then stating the actual reasons (independent of the first). I know reread it with what you are saying and I understand what you were saying, I am so sorry if it seemed like I was judging, I was just posting a general reminder cause I really thought you were joking (like some times I say I will go crazy with anxiety because of this or that, but I don’t really mean it). Since it is something personal, and we can’t see the whole picture from the outside, some times serious reasons can seem not so serious from the outside (I’m not saying in your case, just in general). I was just trying to emphasize the Church’s teachings.
I do care about you and your feelings, I was just trying to emphasize the Church’s teachings. I will pray for you and your family tomorrow in Mass.

 

[SeekerJen]

12345678:

I’m so sorry, I did misunderstand your original post. (I mentioned I thought I could be misunderstanding, and I was).

S’okay, I can imagine how it came across. I’ve jsut been thinking that if God wanted us to have a child right now, he would have given us one instead of practically dropping the opportunity of school in my lap. So instead of putting our lives on hold any longer, we’re going ahead with my education, and taking it one day at a time. If I end up pregnant in the meantime- which I don’t expect- then I guess that’s what God wants for us instead. If not, in a few years we should be in a much better place, financially speaking, to adopt (something which I wasn’t okay with before, but I have gradually grown to accept- maybe the extra time will help me become excited about it).

Thanks for your prayers and compassion. God bless.

 

[TarAshly]

Im confused, what does killing a frog or a rabbit mean?

mschoir01:

I had an idea while reading the posts here. Some of us old crones remember when you had to have missed two periods before killing the rabbit or the frog, so I thought why not wait a bit longer to take the test? Maybe even wait as long as we used to have to. If you could adjust to prayerful anticipation, it might even be less stressful.

I have a hard time accepting God’s time, too, sometimes…

 

[Princess_Abby]

TarAshly:

Im confused, what does killing a frog or a rabbit mean?

lol

I think she’s talking about when pregnancy tests weren’t super sensitive and you had to wait for almost two missed period for a test to detect it. I think she’s suggesting that if you miss one period, wait until you miss your next to take a test.

 

[YinYangMom]

TarAshly:

Im confused, what does killing a frog or a rabbit mean?

Oh, back in the day, before easy blood testing capabilities, a woman would go to the doctors to see if she’s pregnant. Back then, I believe it was urine used, not blood, but they’d actually use the specimen on a frog or rabbit…I supposed they mixed it with some solution, I don’t know…but apparently the levels of something in a pregnant woman’s urine would be toxic to the frog or rabbit and result in it’s demise. If the woman wasn’t pregnant, the element wouldn’t be present in her urine and the frog or rabbit would live. That’s why the phrase “The rabbit died” was used by the wive’s to share the good news with her husband. And yes, back then the element wouldn’t be present in the urine prior than 2 months along…

We’ve come a long way, baby!