"If it's twins, then you'll be okay to get your tubes tied."

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Gordon_Sims

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Twice recently my wife let it slip that we’re considering trying for another baby. Each time we heard advice to the effect that if it’s twins or more then we’ll have clearly “done our part” as far as being open to life and one or both of us can then be sterilized and it won’t be considered a sin. I haven’t taken the argument too far in order to avoid getting my wife stressed out, but I was wondering if anyone else had been told the same thing, or had any tactful responses to it. My gut reaction of telling people they’re ignorant hasn’t gone over too well.
 
You could simply point out that being open to life isn’t a temporary vocation until a quota is met. You could point out that it is you and your wife’s belief that you both felt called to the vocation of marriage and are doing your best to submit to God’s will for how many children He would have you raise as faithful servants. The mentality that your friends are expressing is along the lines of making children a commodity ––*it’s the same mentality regarding artificial means to produce a child (which we understand can be a difficult struggle for the infertile), cloning, birth control, etc… The idea of child quotas makes me uneasy.
 
I’d say go with your gut reaction. 😛

It really amazes me that people don’t find it out-of-bounds to comment on another couple’s number of children.

An immoral action doesn’t suddently become moral simply because you’ve had another child or two. 🤷
 
Gordon_Sims said:
Twice recently my wife let it slip that we’re considering trying for another baby. Each time we heard advice to the effect that if it’s twins or more then we’ll have clearly “done our part” as far as being open to life and one or both of us can then be sterilized and it won’t be considered a sin. I haven’t taken the argument too far in order to avoid getting my wife stressed out, but I was wondering if anyone else had been told the same thing, or had any tactful responses to it. My gut reaction of telling people they’re ignorant hasn’t gone over too well.
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Can’t say that I have ever heard this comment - but considering the number of Catholics who apparently do use ABC in one form or another, I’m not surprised at the statement.

As far as how to charitably respond to such a statement it is probably best to simply, and factually, point out that such a view is not in accordance with Church teaching on the subject. Then just let the matter drop.

Peace
James
 
I would turn the question around on them. Ask whoever is crass and insensitive enough to ask you this just what is the quota on love brought into the world. Ask them how much we have to love to have done our part. The measure of love is to love without measure. To give life is the supreme act of love, second only to giving one’s own life for another’s sake. How much love is enough?

-ACEGC
 
edward_george said:
I would turn the question around on them. Ask whoever is crass and insensitive enough to ask you this just what is the quota on love brought into the world. Ask them how much we have to love to have done our part. The measure of love is to love without measure. To give life is the supreme act of love, second only to giving one’s own life for another’s sake. How much love is enough?

-ACEGC
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A good approach…👍 Such people have probably not really thought about the matter all that much and such a reply could get them thinking in a new way.

Could lead to some interesting conversation…

Of course - actually - I think I could propose a couple of ideas from “their” side on this (playing devils advocate I mean)…However I’m afraid it would be off topic.

Peace
James
 
“But after how many ignorant remarks do you consider having your tongue tied?”
 
That is a good one! 😃

I’d just smile and say “We’re Catholic; that’s not how we roll.”
 
Joe_5859 said:
I’d say go with your gut reaction. 😛

It really amazes me that people don’t find it out-of-bounds to comment on another couple’s number of children.

An immoral action doesn’t suddently become moral simply because you’ve had another child or two. 🤷
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We have a long history of people feeling they have a right to comment on our reproductive choices and activities. The same people who feel they’re obligated to comment about us tend to be greatly offended and hold grudges if we make comments about or question them. Oddly enough, we’re friends with one couple–he’s Catholic, she’s not–who not only understand the Church’s teachings on children, openness to life, etc. better than our Catholic family and friends, but are also unfailingly supportive of us whether we have one or ten more. Even though she doesn’t necessarily agree with everything we believe, she’s mortified at the idea that anyone would question, demean or scold us for having more than 1.3 kids.
 
Hmm, one time I did answer ‘No, I’m Catholic’ to group of (Catholic) women that were asking if we were going to stop since we had one of each (after a daily Mass)… but volunteering that you can get sterilized if you have twins or more is quite bizarre to me… Why would 2 more be the magic number? Anyways, it may be a good time to charitably let them know what the Church really teaches. I have said in the past, when people ask about stopping, that we would use NFP if we found we needed to avoid children, but we are open to more.

Yesterday after Mass one of the guys giving out the bulletins said to me: “Congratulations on your beautiful family” I smiled and said thank you, and then he added “It’s time to stop now, huh?” and I kept smiling and walked away without saying anything to him. I had my kiddos around me… ugh… I really think he was trying to be nice, but I don’t want strangers telling me their opinions on whether we should stop or not, and much less in front of my kiddos!
 
lifeisbeautiful said:
…
Yesterday after Mass one of the guys giving out the bulletins said to me: “Congratulations on your beautiful family” I smiled and said thank you, and then he added “It’s time to stop now, huh?” and I kept smiling and walked away without saying anything to him. I had my kiddos around me… ugh… I really think he was trying to be nice, but I don’t want strangers telling me their opinions on whether we should stop or not, and much less in front of my kiddos!
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His second remark somewhat dulls the first, in that it suggests the mere fact of the size of family may have in part prompted his description of “beautiful”. Oh we’ll, sounds like he was trying to be nice, but in the end was a bit clumsy!
 
I’ve had plenty of questions along the lines of “so will that be it for you guys?” but never direct questions about sterilisation.

Anyway, my response has always been along the lines of:

“we’ll see”

“you never know”

“we’re Catholic, so you never know”

“I doubt we’ll try for another, but you never know”

etc…depending on who it is, context, and my interest in any further discussion.

There’s no need to turn it into an argument. Just be matter of fact about remaining open to the posibility of more kids and I find people don’t push it any further.
 
Gordon_Sims said:
Twice recently my wife let it slip that we’re considering trying for another baby. Each time we heard advice to the effect that if it’s twins or more then we’ll have clearly “done our part” as far as being open to life and one or both of us can then be sterilized and it won’t be considered a sin. I haven’t taken the argument too far in order to avoid getting my wife stressed out, but I was wondering if anyone else had been told the same thing, or had any tactful responses to it. My gut reaction of telling people they’re ignorant hasn’t gone over too well.
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How about sharing with them about the woman who recently died from internal bleeding after her tubal ligation? lifesitenews.com/news/40-yr-old-died-from-botched-iud-removal-tubal-ligation-surgery-lawsuit
 
JRKH said:
Can’t say that I have ever heard this comment - but considering the number of Catholics who apparently do use ABC in one form or another, I’m not surprised at the statement.

As far as how to charitably respond to such a statement it is probably best to simply, and factually, point out that such a view is not in accordance with Church teaching on the subject. Then just let the matter drop.

Peace
James
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I am constantly amazed that this is one area where many people feel inclined to offer their thoughts on how you should live your life, as though it is any of their business.

I wouldn’t approach any of my friends who I have decided are overweight and say “you know, you can stop eating now.”

I wouldn’t approach someone without children and say “you can start being intimate with your husband any day now!”

Yet, all to often, comments are made to people who are having children, as though they need someone else’s opinion.

I’d tell them I am going to have another just because of their comment. Maybe even twins.
 
You could imagine the comments we get…In my less charitable moments I have said these:

Q. “Are they all yours?”
A “No we stole a few along the way”

Q. “Is this your 2nd marriage?”
A. “Well the first 4 are from my first wife, my wife had 4 with her first husband, and we had the last 2 together” (pause…wait for the odd facial expression, then say) “Oh, by the way, my wife and I have only been married once.” (see real look of confusion)

Q. “You have 10 kids?”
A. " Yes, how many do you have?"
Q. " I have X kids" (usually 1-3)
A. “Hey isn’t that a bit of a slow start? Are your man bits working correctly?”

Q. “How do you afford all those kids?”
A. “Well the younger ones we drop off at the doors of the local mall with dark glasses, a white tipped cane and a tin cup and have them pretend to be blind and beg for money. The middle age ones we have taught to pick pocket, just like out of Oliver Twist. We sent the older ones off to work at the local factory that produces lead and asbestos pipes, and collect their pay checks each week.”
 
Father_of_10 said:
You could imagine the comments we get…In my less charitable moments I have said these:

Q. “Are they all yours?”
A “No we stole a few along the way”

Q. “Is this your 2nd marriage?”
A. “Well the first 4 are from my first wife, my wife had 4 with her first husband, and we had the last 2 together” (pause…wait for the odd facial expression, then say) “Oh, by the way, my wife and I have only been married once.” (see real look of confusion)

Q. “You have 10 kids?”
A. " Yes, how many do you have?"
Q. " I have X kids" (usually 1-3)
A. “Hey isn’t that a bit of a slow start? Are your man bits working correctly?”

Q. “How do you afford all those kids?”
A. “Well the younger ones we drop off at the doors of the local mall with dark glasses, a white tipped cane and a tin cup and have them pretend to be blind and beg for money. The middle age ones we have taught to pick pocket, just like out of Oliver Twist. We sent the older ones off to work at the local factory that produces lead and asbestos pipes, and collect their pay checks each week.”
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Perhaps you could expand your repertoire and respond to the last question by mentioning the high fees you’ve made by putting the troublesome ones up for adoption? 🙂
 
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