If my non-practicing children attend Mass, should I remind them not to receive Communion?

[Edmundus1581]

I am divorced and raised our three children, as a single father, in the Catholic faith. The children all stopped practicing in their late teens. They have never actively renounced the faith. My ex-wife is a lapsed Catholic and has used her influence, where possible, to encourage them reject all rules in religion, if not the faith itself, and because of her influence, I had to be circumspect in teaching them Catholicism – giving no more than they actually wanted to hear.

They went to Catholic schools, but, as far as I know, were never instructed in Sunday obligation or to not receive Communion in a state of mortal sin. I personally taught them the first, but not the latter. One of them attended Christmas Mass with me last year, and received Communion. I made no comment. If the children were to attend Mass with me again, at Christmas, or on another ad-hoc occassion, should I remind them not to receive Communion?

If I were to remind them of this before attending the service, I expect that the answer would be “Then I’m not going.”

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

The choice is one only you can make, but you should keep in mind that you apparently chose to abdicate your responsibility to be firm about the importance of the faith in the lives of your children and acquiesced when they stopped going to Mass as teens. Keep in mind that I’m not attempting to judge this decision. Perhaps you felt that circumstances dictated that you must do this. But the temporal consequence of your decision was that you essentially surrendered your role as a moral authority in your children’s lives. To reassert now what you willingly gave up some time ago will be extremely difficult, particularly since your children are now adults.

If I were to remind them of this before attending the service, I expect that the answer would be “Then I’m not going.”

This, on the other hand, is another matter. This is an actively disrespectful comment from a child (adult or not) to his father and should not be tolerated. You certainly should not allow the possibility of hearing this comment to dictate whether or not you will remind your children that lapsed Catholics must first be reconciled to the Church before receiving Communion. If your child says this to you, give the child your best “We are not amused” stare and say firmly, “Whether you go to Mass or not is your decision, but I expect you to treat me with respect. The correct way for an adult child to say to his father that he does not want to attend Mass is ‘Thank you for inviting me, but I’d rather not attend this time.’ Now tell me again, respectfully, please.”

If you detect an implication that this correction is the way a parent corrects a minor child, adapted here for an adult child, you’re correct. This is the kind of correction you could have given a recalcitrant, disrespectful minor child, but better late than never.