Yes. I understand. I want to tell you about a friend of mine. A Catholic. She, like many of us, had her unhealed places, her ambivalences. In the process of dying, she sent me out to get prayer cards, she sent me out to find Charismatic prayer groups and Catholic healing ministries. And I went to the Cathedral every day and prayed the Rosary after Mass.
Oh, and wasn’t there a war on for her soul! Her neighbour ripped a poster depicting the Crucifixion off the bulletin boards and tore them into shreds. Another neighbour salvaged one poster and held it up for ridicule during a neighbourhood meeting. The display of religious symbols was banned from the neighbourhood. And so on.
The Lord healed three tumours from my friend’s brain. He healed her memories, her emotions, her thoughts, her relationships particularly among family members, but left one tumour in her liver which killed her.
At the funeral, unbelievers thronged to the Cathedral because of her witness. For so many of them, hearing the Mass among all the stained glass, the statues, the Crucifix, the incense was alien and frightening. But one unbeliever (the daughter-in-law) was so moved that she ran up to the priest and begged to be given the Eucharist. If I remember correctly, she bargained for it.
Bless her soul.
The priest withheld the Eucharist from her. But perhaps a seed was sown? Catholics will not rush folks into the fold. We are patient. We respect the free will which God gave folks. We respect decisions not to enter the Church. And because we believe in the Baptism of Desire we are not driven by fear and urgency concerning accepting folks into our Communion and allowing them the Eucharist.
What I want to say about my friend is that she was just an ordinary person like us. But folks saw something in her that led them to the Catholic Church. Maybe because she was on the side of the angels. I dunno, but that is how the Holy Spirit works. Thank you God.
It’s not about feelings, is it? Confession doesn’t hurt. It helps.