If someone doesn’t want prayer

  • Thread starter Thread starter halogirl
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
H

halogirl

Guest
If a friend loses loved ones and you offer to pray/ light a candle, and they say they don’t want you to, is it morally ok to do it anyway ?
 
I would say praying for the deceased one is perfectly fine as it is a spiritual work of mercy. Lighting a candle? I personally wouldn’t out of respect for the friends’ wishes. But then, I would also have a Mass offered for the deceased person without telling the friend and if it is announced either at the Mass or published in the parish newsletter I’d state when submitting my Mass offering that this Mass (for announcement purposes) is to be offered for “The intention of the donor” or “For a private intention”.
 
Last edited:
You can pray for anyone you like - even in these situations. You’re praying for the person who died. You don’t need the friend’s permission to pray for them.
 
halogirl said:
If a friend loses loved ones and you offer to pray/ light a candle, and they say they don’t want you to, is it morally ok to do it anyway ?
Click to expand...
Ok, then: pray for their dearly departed, and light a candle for them, that God might enlighten their heart and draw them to Him.

That way, you’re honoring their request (not to light a candle for their loved one) and doing something for the benefit of their soul!
 
I had a coworker with cancer and told him I would pray for him. He was a bit embarrassed and told me I didn’t have to do that. I did anyway. Later, when his cancer progressed, I told him again that I would keep him in my prayers. This time he was grateful for them.
 
Now you know some people get annoyed with the idea someone is going to pray for them. They find it insulting. Pray for them anyway, but be aware some people get mad about it. We are in a spiritual battle on this earth. For me, pray for me!! Please! Thank you.
 
Personally, I don’t think I’ve ever had someone tell me not to pray for them, even if they don’t really believe - they appreciate the sentiment in their rough time. I also don’t go out of my way to tell people unless I think it might be of comfort to them, though - and lately (particularly with coworkers losing family members, etc.), I frame it as, “I know this may not be in your particular faith tradition, but in the Catholic faith, we [light a candle/whatever]. I‘m doing so for you and hope that helps to bring you some peace.”
 
Out of charity toward them, I would not mention it again. However, Who do you answer to for your spiritual works of mercy, such as prayer? I can only guess what Saint Teresa of Calcutta might say, but am guessing it would be something like…

“Pray anyway.”
 
When someone has lost a loved one, then it is best not to tell them you’ll pray for them or their loved one unless you are sure they would welcome the prayers.

Many Protestants do not believe their deceased loved ones need prayer because they do not believe in Purgatory.
Many unbelievers do not want prayers of any kind.
In addition, even someone who believes may have a bad reaction to being offered a prayer because they are in grief and they may be upset at God or thinking “what good do prayers do” etc.

So be careful about offering a prayer unless you know the person will welcome it. For example, if they’ve asked everyone to pray for them, or you know they’re a devout Catholic, they’ll probably be fine with you offering the prayer.

For those who you’re not sure will welcome the prayer, simply pray for them and their loved one, and don’t tell them you did it. “Stealth prayers”. It is perfectly okay for you to pray for anyone, any time, and you don’t need to get their permission to pray.
 
Last edited:
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top