mumto5:
I have tried to understand the Church’s teaching on birth control. I’ve spent many years trying to understand it. I can understand why abortifacient birth control is a sin because it ends a life. I fail to understand why barrier methods are sinful. It’s got nothing to do with lack of effort to understand or lack of desire to understand - I really do WANT to understand and believe. I just can’t.
You’re expecting too much from yourself. Do not turn away from the Truth just because you do not understand it. That’s what the Jews did when Jesus was in their midst. Accept the Truth and obey then have faith in the knowledge that you are pleasing God.
You’ve read up on the matter. You
know what the Church teaches is Truth from God’s revelation to man over 2000 years. You don’t get it, certainly, but you know it. The Church speaks on behalf of Jesus - while you were reading all that stuff, that was Jesus talking to you. Can you really find peace listening to him but then doing the opposite of what he told you?
Yes, a properly formed conscience might help but I never learned my faith as a child. I did my first communion thinking it was symbolic, my parents told me that I only had to do the mandatory first communion confession and never had to go again after that, my parents always taught me birth control was the right thing to do, I didn’t even know the church had a teaching on birth control until I was 17 and didn’t realise that the church took it seriously until much later because in Catholic schools everyone had the 2 children and used birth control.
The past is the past. That’s the beauty of the Sacrament of Reconciliation. We can stop beating ourselves up over sins which no longer exist, and we can learn from the mistakes we made. You can
now form your own conscience in accordance with Church teaching. You don’t have to rely on your parents, your friends…you can visit the Vatican website, you can listen to Relevant Radio or Ave Maria Radio, you can watch EWTN, you can read numerous books by wonderful Catholic authors on Church teachings, you can read and study the Bible.
I almost died having the last one and where were the Catholics? Where was the church? No-where. My Catholic friends weren’t the ones that visited or called to see how I was. I was very sick for a long time. Even when they knew I was having trouble dealing with the trauma, they didn’t get in touch for ages. I came to the realisation that if I had died, the church wouldn’t be there when my husband alone and stacking the dishwasher at 10pm, the church isn’t going to help him pay the bills or give him time out.
While each of us has Christ within us and are called to live by his example, including you, we often times fall far short on that. How your Catholic friends responded to your time in need is their weakness -
it is not a reflection of the Catholic Church herself.
Do you believe your life 24/7 is an accurate reflection of the entire Catholic Church and all Her teachings over 2000 years? Would you want people to judge the entire Catholic Church by
your example?
When you say the church would not have been there had you died you are wrong. The Church indeed would have been there to offer your funeral mass, to bless your internment, to offer support to your husband and children. The individual parish members of your church may not have been, but THE Church most certainly would have.
If your husband were to ask the parish priest for help in those areas (bills, time out, housecleaning)** I know** the priest would have responded to your husband’s needs. There are several parish ministries whose primary purpose is to help those in need - St. Vincent DePaul, Ministers of Care, etc. The priest would have referred your husband to them and he would have given your husband’s number to the directors there to follow through on the request.
I still want to ‘get it’, I just can’t. I don’t think I am hard-hearted or I wouldn’t want to believe it.
I believe you. It’s not that you’re hard hearted at all. You’re worn down, you’re weary, you’re frustrated, you’re disappointed in the Catholic role models around you. It’s most understandable.
Please focus on Jesus as you reflect on these matters. Talk to him at Eucharistic adoration, or if you don’t have that available, visit him at the tabernacle. He will help you to see, to understand, to accept. Out of your deep love for Him, obey His Church and you will find peace.