If the girl loves you, she will wait!

[kelvinf]

What about that?

If two people are in a relationship and they fall, all too often, some people say: “If the guy loves you, he will wait!” So what about “If the girl loves you, she will wait!”?

Others will advise the female in the relationship to immediately break up because the guy is not good for her. Is it always the guys fault? Is the guy always the bad guy? Aren’t we all responsible for our actions? Aren’t we all supposed/going to be held accountable for our actions?

And if two folks are engaged for instance and they both fall, does that necessarily implies one of them does not love the other?

 

[Waiting]

What about that?

If two people are in a relationship and they fall, all too often, some people say: “If the guy loves you, he will wait!” So what about “If the girl loves you, she will wait!”?

Others will advise the female in the relationship to immediately break up because the guy is not good for her. Is it always the guys fault? Is the guy always the bad guy? Aren’t we all responsible for our actions? Aren’t we all supposed/going to be held accountable for our actions?

And if two folks are engaged for instance and they both fall, does that necessarily implies one of them does not love the other?

It works both ways. If two people truly love each other, they want the best for each other. The best is always heaven. Tempting someone to sin is a sign of selfishness, not love.

.

 

[Polycarp1]

What about that?

If two people are in a relationship and they fall, all too often, some people say: “If the guy loves you, he will wait!” So what about “If the girl loves you, she will wait!”?

Others will advise the female in the relationship to immediately break up because the guy is not good for her. Is it always the guys fault? Is the guy always the bad guy? Aren’t we all responsible for our actions? Aren’t we all supposed/going to be held accountable for our actions?

And if two folks are engaged for instance and they both fall, does that necessarily implies one of them does not love the other?

Nobody falls into love. There is no such thing as love at first sight. We fall into like, we fall into lust, we fall into attraction, but love takes a long time to grow. Love is not a warm mushy feeling it is a decision to do the things a person who perfectly loves another would do for then consistently, through good times and bad. Love can produce good feelings but they are a consequence and not the source.

In the same way nobody falls out of love, they just decide not to do the things a person who perfectly loves another would do for then consistently, through good times and bad. When people say the magic is gone as if it is some external thing that happens they are fooling themselves. They have made a decision!

 

[PennyinCanada]

Whether or not who is at fault, God knows.
If anyone is advising the young lady to break up with the guy, there’s often more going on.

 

[Anglewannabe]

I agree that secular society will often blame the man. And secular society portrays men who don’t want sex as being whimps. It is sad that men have all this pressure to sin to be cool.

Yes there are woman who don’t care about a man’s soul. But a Catholic man will get his strenght from God to do the right thing

 

[Metropolis]

There are certain sins that people tend to attribute to guys and certain sins people tend to attribute to girls even when there are two guilty parties. Their are ususally two feuding groups on each issue pointing the finger at one particular gender. Examples, if a couple has sex, the guy must of pushed her into it, but then girls aren’t “supposed” to struggle with wanting to have sex so if they do it they are “loose” or a “floozy”. Then there is the issue of modesty where women are blamed for guys lusting after them because they are “immodest”, but then guys can tend to be blamed for sexualizing everything and using immodesty as an excuse to lust.

There are two sides to every coin and generally there are negative life experiences connected to the feuding opinions. For example I tend to blame men more (not saying this is right thinking on my part) for lusting after women due to women’s “immodesty” (sometimes it isn’t immodesty at all), because I had grown men sexually harassing me (yes even outwardly pious Christian and Catholic men) in pretty modest clothing since I was ten years old and I have had some of these men blame me for “immodesty”. I had one boss (who was married and a prominent member of a local Church) who sexually harassed me at work when I wore modest suits blame me for his actions because I was dressed “immodestly”. Now not all guys are that way, but I still have a tendency to blame the guys because I have had negative experiences in the past.

 

[EasterJoy]

Nobody falls into love. There is no such thing as love at first sight. We fall into like, we fall into lust, we fall into attraction, but love takes a long time to grow…

That is not true in all cases. After all, if that were true, how could the Sisters of Charity go out and love the poor that are total strangers to them? If your heart is primed to love properly, then a proper love can establish itself every bit as quickly as one that springs out of baser instincts.

Sometimes two people just “click”, and they know very quickly that this is someone for whom all their natural impulses are in favor of the supernatural ones. That kind of “falling in love”, though, happens to those whose natural impulses are already under the control of the supernatural. Their eyes are open for the right things. When that is true, sometimes they just see it, and they know it, and that is pretty much that!

On account of those cases, I would not judge that a couple that connects very quickly is necessarily more “in lust” than a couple who takes a long time to make that mutual connection. I think that leaves us too vulnerable to rash judgment. It is not the speed of the connection that makes the difference. It is the quality and nature of the connection that counts.

 

[EasterJoy]

What about that?

If two people are in a relationship and they fall, all too often, some people say: “If the guy loves you, he will wait!” So what about “If the girl loves you, she will wait!”?

Others will advise the female in the relationship to immediately break up because the guy is not good for her. Is it always the guys fault? Is the guy always the bad guy? Aren’t we all responsible for our actions? Aren’t we all supposed/going to be held accountable for our actions?

And if two folks are engaged for instance and they both fall, does that necessarily implies one of them does not love the other?

Oh, heavens, no! I have sons, and believe me, I will teach them about girls who mistakenly base their self-worth on whether or not they can interest men in getting intimate with them. Before a man ever starts looking for a wife, even then he needs to understand that getting his female acquaintances over this false pursuit is part and parcel with regarding all women with the dignity all deserve.

If you even like your friends, males or female, you won’t let them carry around such a degrading view of their peers, whether male or female.

 

[kelvinf]

There are certain sins that people tend to attribute to guys and certain sins people tend to attribute to girls even when there are two guilty parties. Their are ususally two feuding groups on each issue pointing the finger at one particular gender. Examples, if a couple has sex, the guy must of pushed her into it, but then girls aren’t “supposed” to struggle with wanting to have sex so if they do it they are “loose” or a “floozy”. Then there is the issue of modesty where women are blamed for guys lusting after them because they are “immodest”, but then guys can tend to be blamed for sexualizing everything and using immodesty as an excuse to lust.

There are two sides to every coin and generally there are negative life experiences connected to the feuding opinions. For example I tend to blame men more (not saying this is right thinking on my part) for lusting after women due to women’s “immodesty” (sometimes it isn’t immodesty at all), because I had grown men sexually harassing me (yes even outwardly pious Christian and Catholic men) in pretty modest clothing since I was ten years old and I have had some of these men blame me for “immodesty”. I had one boss (who was married and a prominent member of a local Church) who sexually harassed me at work when I wore modest suits blame me for his actions because I was dressed “immodestly”. Now not all guys are that way, but I still have a tendency to blame the guys because I have had negative experiences in the past.

I understand. A guy should not blame a woman for causing him to sin imo, but rather, he should take responsibility for his action. As you have rightly said, guys can still lust after women who are dressed in civilian clothing.

In the same way, women should also be called to take responsibility for their actions. A woman who starts an inappropriate behaviour or cooperates or is a “partner in crime” should be treated equally as the man.

 

[kelvinf]

Oh, heavens, no! I have sons, and believe me, I will teach them about girls who mistakenly base their self-worth on whether or not they can interest men in getting intimate with them. Before a man ever starts looking for a wife, even then he needs to understand that getting his female acquaintances over this false pursuit is part and parcel with regarding all women with the dignity all deserve.

If you even like your friends, males or female, you won’t let them carry around such a degrading view of their peers, whether male or female.

As I said in my original post, if two people are in a relationship (hoping to get married) and they fall along the line, some would say: “if he loves you, he will wait” or “he is not good for you” etc. I find this very unfair! Why not “if you love him, you will wait” or “you are not good for him”? (if it is necessary to say that)

 

[Polycarp1]

That is not true in all cases. After all, if that were true, how could the Sisters of Charity go out and love the poor that are total strangers to them? If your heart is primed to love properly, then a proper love can establish itself every bit as quickly as one that springs out of baser instincts.

Sometimes two people just “click”, and they know very quickly that this is someone for whom all their natural impulses are in favor of the supernatural ones. That kind of “falling in love”, though, happens to those whose natural impulses are already under the control of the supernatural. Their eyes are open for the right things. When that is true, sometimes they just see it, and they know it, and that is pretty much that!

On account of those cases, I would not judge that a couple that connects very quickly is necessarily more “in lust” than a couple who takes a long time to make that mutual connection. I think that leaves us too vulnerable to rash judgment. It is not the speed of the connection that makes the difference. It is the quality and nature of the connection that counts.

Do they start out loving the people they work with or are they motivated by their love of God and desire to do his will? I would think that they begin with a desire to love their neighbors as God comands and that God takes that and perfects it over time. True God may make that happen faster in some than in others depending on what He has to work with.

Clicking is not love but may lead to love as some people click for a while and then unclick. I think if you talk to married couples who have been together for a long time they will bear me out. I didn’t mean that all people are in lust at some stage as physical attraction is a gift from God and not lustful if used according to His will and for His purposes. But some are really in lust when they think and call it love. In todays secular society many call lust love when its not. No couple in lust with each other last long.

 

[chevalier]

I don’t really like the notion of classifying those who struggle with abstinence as not loving. Or those ignorant. But still, being in love doesn’t make it right to have premarital sex.

 

[EasterJoy]

I don’t really like the notion of classifying those who struggle with abstinence as not loving. Or those ignorant. But still, being in love doesn’t make it right to have premarital sex.

No matter what sin you struggle with, at base isn’t is always a failure at loving God or loving neighbor? Hard to face, but lack of love is the basis for sin. That is where the error comes from.

 

[Reverie]

What about that?

If two people are in a relationship and they fall, all too often, some people say: “If the guy loves you, he will wait!” So what about “If the girl loves you, she will wait!”?

Others will advise the female in the relationship to immediately break up because the guy is not good for her. Is it always the guys fault? Is the guy always the bad guy? Aren’t we all responsible for our actions? Aren’t we all supposed/going to be held accountable for our actions?

And if two folks are engaged for instance and they both fall, does that necessarily implies one of them does not love the other?

There is a difference between a young man who is pressuring a young woman simply for sex (and leading her to believe that it is love), and young couples who get caught up in their romance and stray too far. I think this pithy expression is intended to warn young ladies in the first situation and not necessarily in the second.

 

[EasterJoy]

As I said in my original post, if two people are in a relationship (hoping to get married) and they fall along the line, some would say: “if he loves you, he will wait” or “he is not good for you” etc. I find this very unfair! Why not “if you love him, you will wait” or “you are not good for him”? (if it is necessary to say that)

I think it is supposed to be forewarning against the suitor’s pleading (whether the suitor be male or female):
“Oh, come on! Why not? Don’t keep me waiting…I love you!!” (and then the dagger) “…don’t you love me, too?”

Or, as Juliet rather sensibly put it:
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say ‘Ay’;
And I will take thy word. Yet, if thou swear’st,(95)
Thou mayst prove false. At lovers’ perjuries,
They say Jove laughs…

There was a time when that kind of “if you loved me, you’d do it” pleading was heard coming out of males more often than females, but since women have lost their fear of a “reputation”–to the point that the only reputation some fear is having the reputation of not engaging in any premarital sex! –I am sure it goes both ways. I have certainly heard of enough co-habitation arrangements that were instigated by the female, not the male.

 

[FriendlyFace]

What about that?

If two people are in a relationship and they fall, all too often, some people say: “If the guy loves you, he will wait!” So what about “If the girl loves you, she will wait!”?

Others will advise the female in the relationship to immediately break up because the guy is not good for her. Is it always the guys fault? Is the guy always the bad guy? Aren’t we all responsible for our actions? Aren’t we all supposed/going to be held accountable for our actions?

And if two folks are engaged for instance and they both fall, does that necessarily implies one of them does not love the other?

Everyone is accountable for their actions, yes. But I think the problem is that in our society men often feel entitled to sex. Women who say no can get badgered for sex to the point where it’s intolerable, and even though women seduce men too sometimes, I doubt that it plays out in the same way. So yes each person is accountable for his or her own actions, but men and women (in general) behave differently and have different MO’s. And the “If he loves you, he’ll wait” advice is meant to protect women from giving in to men who pressure them for sex with assurances that they love them and will respect them later, when in reality, if the woman gives in, things generally will not turn out well in the end.

 

[EasterJoy]

Everyone is accountable for their actions, yes. But I think the problem is that in our society men often feel entitled to sex. Women who say no can get badgered for sex to the point where it’s intolerable, and even though women seduce men too sometimes, I doubt that it plays out in the same way. So yes each person is accountable for his or her own actions, but men and women (in general) behave differently and have different MO’s. And the “If he loves you, he’ll wait” advice is meant to protect women from giving in to men who pressure them for sex with assurances that they love them and will respect them later, when in reality, if the woman gives in, things generally will not turn out well in the end.

Either sex can be accused of latent homosexuality if they won’t “put out”, too, or of having some kind of sexual disorder. It’s as if there is no such thing as virtuous men and women, only frigid ones. It is intolerable, yes.

 

[FriendlyFace]

Either sex can be accused of latent homosexuality if they won’t “put out”, too, or of having some kind of sexual disorder. It’s as if there is no such thing as virtuous men and women, only frigid ones. It is intolerable, yes.

:sad_yes: Agreed. It gets pretty ugly out there, and it’s certainly not just one sex misbehaving.

 

[chevalier]

[Wrong thread, sorry. Please delete.]

 

[dedo]

We don’t have kids; however, if we did have one I am not sure what to say about this.

How do kids successfully resist pressure to engage in sex in this day of age?

Should they stay away from anyone who pressures them?

Because if a person places themselves in situations where he / she is regularly “pressured”, then it is only a matter of time before it happens.