If we believe in an afterlife, is it rational for us to grieve over the death of a loved one?

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The native Hawaiians celebrate the death of a loved one! Are they being rational or irrational? I say that they are being rational! If they can celebrate the death of a loved one, why not in other cultures too, like ours? When my dad, mom, and brother died, I felt happy for them! Was I acting rationally or irrationally?
O my Jesus, forgive us our sins, save us from the fires of hell, lead all souls to Heaven, especially those most in need of Thy mercy. Amen.
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Just because your emotions were shown one way on the deaths of your family members; does not make the expressions of grief that others may show, any less rational. And as a suppossed psychologist, you should know that.
The only person showing any irrational and selfish behavior here is yourself.
 
Is that celebration, Robert, after the initial ritual chanting, wailing, and even self-mutilation practices to express grief at the death of a loved one since those are the historical practices of native Hawaiians?
 
Is it rational? Well since we are rational beings, I conclude the answer is yes.

But, Christ showed us that grief is both human and divine; as he grieved as a man at the loss of his friend Lazarus, and grieved for the world for their lack of faith.

Perhaps the human rational for grief at the loss of a loved one is the separation from them. Faith and Hope tells us that one day we will be together again, but being frail beings, the immediacy of death often obscures both our Faith and Hope.
 
Edited to add that it is only in very, very recent times and due to a modern interpretation of o’hana meaning that those who have died are still in communication with the living and who are in a sense ‘tying those still on earth with those who have died’ that SOME Native Hawaiians NOW currently see death as a reason to rejoice. However, that does not mean that they do not ALSO (just as we would rejoice with the knowledge of a loved one’s salvation in heaven, while still missing them here for a time) grieve for a physical loss. Yes, Dad is in heaven, yes, one day we will be together, but at this moment in time, Dad is not going to see the physical birth of a grandchild. Dad is not going to be present at his beloved niece’s graduation from medical school–the same school Dad had encouraged her to apply to, after years of seeing her grow from a child who wanted to ‘bandage’ him to a young woman discerning a career. Is it truly selfish to miss the presence of a beloved person at epocal life events, Robert?

I guess we have a different definition of ‘Selfish’, Robert.

It’s a shame some people would rather sit on their high horses and ‘look down’ and judge others as ‘irrational’ and ‘selfish’. The unspoken (but very apparent) corollary is that the one looking ‘down’ is ‘high above’, wiser, more rational, ‘better’. It’s only the ‘lower down’ who need to change. Frankly, I see more danger for the ones on the high horses thinking that they ‘know it all’ and for the rest of us ‘lower downs’. We KNOW we don’t know it all.
 
Robert_Sock said:
I believe it’s irrational and selfish unless you’re convinced that your loved one was destained for hell.
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When Christ learned of the death of Lazarus: “Jesus wept.”

I rather doubt He was being either irrational or selfish. He certainly believed in the afterlife.

Instead, He was being human.

So too, are we all when we grieve at the death of a loved one. To not-grieve is un-human. To completely suppress our grief is unnatural and unhealthy.
 
Robert_Sock said:
I believe it’s irrational and selfish unless you’re convinced that your loved one was destained for hell.
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We can grieve and do so in the light of the Resurrection. The two are not mutually exclusive.

We do grieve, but we do so with faith and hope.
 
I’m not sure why Jesus wept at the death of Lazarus. I’m sure He had a good reason, perhaps He wept because others were suffering the loss. I may be sad at first, but I honestly would begin to rejoice. I do not want anybody to be sad when I die. I do not want a long life and I feel prepared at any time. Tobit, Elijah, Job, and Saint Paul all prayed for death or felt that death was preferable to life. I feel the same way.
 
Let’s think about it.

Human beings do not simply ‘feel’, they observe events and make inductions and deductions. However they also do not simply ‘record’ observations, they perceive and experience emotions. Some emotions appear to be ‘hard-wired’, some can be very strong in the majority of people, some can be more easily overcome, some harder to do so.

The reason to ‘overcome’ an emotion is that it has a negative effect on the one experiencing it to the point that it impedes with the person’s ability to function otherwise for an extended period of time, and/or it interferes with society, AKA, "the good of humanity’.

But we know per Elizabeth Kubler-Ross that humans experience grief, going usually through 5 stages, not necessarily in a given order, each differing with the individual. Trying to deny or deter this in an individual could be detrimental to their emotional well-being IF the grief experience is again interfering with the person to the point that the person becomes depressed, suicidal, incapable of self-care or care of dependents, anti-social to the point of total withdrawal and/or homicidal impulses, etc.

Now, the average Christian is capable of rationally assessing that humans undergo grief, that it is a necessary state for most which leads ultimately to an emotional equilibrium and/or state of acceptance/well-being which in turn leads to societal well-being.

So yes, Robert, my coworker who is grieving the loss of his saintly elderly mother is doing so in a response which is rational–allowing him to readjust/realign his reactions to an event of great CHANGE in his life and the lives of others–and to come to terms of acceptance, of even positive gratitude for the times they shared and hope of ultimate and final reunion in heaven.

It’s not something that needs to be sneered at as ‘irrational’ or derided as anti-Christian, or pooh-poohed as a weakness.
 
Robert_Sock said:
But is it rational???
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Answer this: When Lazarus died, and Our Lord wept, was there anything wrong with that?

Why do we have to seek to act in a way that is rational when it is not heartfelt? Why glorify logic? Why not feel free to feel what we feel and to deal with our emotions openly rather than trying to act “rational”?

Mind you, I think it is not good to “expect” people to feel sad when someone they love dies. Yes, it is also natural and not contrary to real gratitude for the person’s presence in one’s life to feel happy that they are beyond any suffering except that which will be to their profit and eternal benefit. Of course it is OK to feel joy at the death of a Christian. It is OK to set aside feelings of grief, even. Rationality, though, has nothing to do with any of it. It is not rational, based on what we know about the human person, to try to legislate or deny emotions. In my opinion, that is not the way emotions are mastered, nor how they fulfill the function that Providence intended for them to serve.

If you don’t feel grief when someone you love dies, that is OK. That is a gift, I would think. As for how people feel when you die, I think you will be in a place to allow them to feel what they feel, even if you did want to comfort them with the greater truth of the situation.

I think the most important thing is not to tell those we love how to feel when we die, but to remind them to pray for our perfection. It is not so fashionable as it once was to pray for the Church Suffering, but to think of everyone as either Church Triumphant or Church Militant, with no other third state possible.
 
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Grief is surely a normal part of being human and it’s not limited to death. I went through a massive grieving process after graduating university and coming to terms with student life being over. It’s not about what’s rational and irrational it’s a process you go through when faced with an unwanted change in your life.
 
Since we can’t be certain in this life of our loved one’s end in as much Hope will grant, it isn’t unreasonable to mourn for a time.
 
No, I never meant to imply that there was anything wrong with grieving at the death of a loved one, but I just began to wonder if it was rational if we really believe in an afterlife. When I recently found out that one of my first girlfriends had died, I felt torn to pieces, but now I feel joyful for her!
 
Robert_Sock said:
No, I never meant to imply that there was anything wrong with grieving at the death of a loved one, but I just began to wonder if it was rational if we really believe in an afterlife. When I recently found out that one of my first girlfriends had died, I felt torn to pieces, but now I feel joyful for her!
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Oh, I’m sorry.

No, the feelings we have surrounding a death aren’t rational. They are emotional. It is reasonable to realize that our emotional responses may have both simple and complex reasons behind them. It is wise to pay attention to what those reasons are, because it can teach us a lot about how we tick.

I will add, however, that I know of a pair of people running a funeral home who became Christians because of the difference they witnessed over and over at Christian funerals. Our faith eventually makes a big difference in how we process the loss of someone we love.
 
Grief is an emotion. When taken to the intellect for discernment, one recognizes the object of grief is often not the loved one but the loss of the loved one’s presence to ourselves.

I have found that accepting death does not diminish the sadness occasioned by grief. Grief is the absence of serenity, sadness the absence of contentment. Sadness and serenity, never exclusive one to the other, coexist peaceably as dispositions of mind and soul only when grief finally runs its course. Only when the cross is accepted does grief retreat. The sadness continues.
 
Yes and no. Our grievance is a sign of our humanity and love. However any obsessive grief, to the point of ones whole life being destroyed, could imply a lack of faith or it could just mean that some people do not know how to deal with loss on an emotional level.

Logically speaking it is unreasonable to allow ones self to be destroyed if you know that they have not ceased to exist but are instead in God’s hands. But it is a complicated matter because we are emotional beings.

If we were just robots and were asked the same question we would say negative, that being has been dismantled for the greater good and his positronic soul has gone to heaven. Emotions are irrational…
 
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