If you don't forget have you really forgiven?

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PattiC

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I had a discussion with a friend of mine who says that if I haven’t forgotten whatever issue or thing that was done to me that means I haven’t really forgiven the person who caused it.

I don’t remember ever seeing anything about this in the NT, but he insists that it is inferred in the writings of the apostle Paul. Here I thought I was making spiritual progress in making a choice to forgive and I’m being told it isn’t enough!!! I am planning on asking my parish priest about this, but in the meantime… if anyone has thoughts on this or anything definitive I would really appreciate hearing from you. If what he says is true, then I will never make it to heaven, kwim? I told him his thinking was really radical and he said that Catholicism IS radical!

Please help!
thank you,
Patti:confused:
 
I forgive my stepfather for abusing me, but I can’t forget, nor should I. If I forgot not only would I put myself in a situation where I could be hurt again, but I would be making my future children vulnerable as well. As it stands now he will never, ever be alone with them.

I hope you see my point in all of this.
 
Paul might have meant forget as regards the persons salvation. God does that, so we have to too. But God doesn’t forget, because we all have to pay “to the last farthing”. So, not trusting someone again isn’t only wise at times, but also just a natural consequence of what they did.
 
Short answer is no, forgiving someone cannot automatically erase something from the memory bank. All it does it to put it in to it’s proper perspective so that it no longer has any negative power on you.

Peace
James
 
When you have been forgiven your sins in confession do you forget them? Or do you remember the forgiveness of them?

I do not believe forgeting and forgiving are linked.

For I know my iniquity, and my sin is always before me. Ps 50:5
 
Not sure it’s always possible to forget. I have forgiven a lot of people in my life for a lot of things, but I didn’t forget all of them afterward. I forgave because it was the right thing to do and because I chose not to spend any more time being angry at them.
 
PattiC said:
I had a discussion with a friend of mine who says that if I haven’t forgotten whatever issue or thing that was done to me that means I haven’t really forgiven the person who caused it.

Please help!
thank you,
Patti:confused:
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You don’t forget cuz the image is there in your imagination, you learn to live with it and, eventually, it won’t matter anymore. You could forget for larger periods of time. For example, your ex boyfriend who killed on purpose your dog. You can forgive him, but you will never forget about it but in some periods of time, the image will come back to you when you see another dog that looks alike or if you see your ex. But, as long as you don’t see things that recall whatever happened, you forget. But the image is still there in your mind.
 
Well… I kind of like the old joke, I forgive you now I am going to forget you:D

If someone steals from you, sure you can forgive in your heart (which basically means you everyday you try not to hold any bad will towards them in your heart). But it doens change the fact you can remember and get a better lock on your door and not let the person into your home anymore.

It is very prudent to remember certain things
 
BlueEyedLady said:
I forgive my stepfather for abusing me, but I can’t forget, nor should I. If I forgot not only would I put myself in a situation where I could be hurt again, but I would be making my future children vulnerable as well. As it stands now he will never, ever be alone with them.

I hope you see my point in all of this.
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Exactly. I forgave the man that molested me. He is still part of my family and I would never leave him alone with one of my kids.
 
cmscms said:
Well… I kind of like the old joke, I forgive you now I am going to forget you:D

If someone steals from you, sure you can forgive in your heart (which basically means you everyday you try not to hold any bad will towards them in your heart). But it doens change the fact you can remember and get a better lock on your door and not let the person into your home anymore.

It is very prudent to remember certain things
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My thoughts exactly!
 
Through God’s awesome grace, we’re called to forgive those who have trespassed against us. But it is not always possible or prudent ( cmscms chose the most fitting word) to reconcile with our trespassors.

Forgiveness requires one person willing to follow the Lord’s command to forgive.
Reconciliation requires two people, ready to give and receive forgiveness, willing to restore the relationship.

Oftentimes i think forgiveness without reconciliation is harder. There’s less consolation that comes with it. But it’s sometimes the only prudent choice.
 
monicatholic said:
Through God’s awesome grace, we’re called to forgive those who have trespassed against us. But it is not always possible or prudent ( cmscms chose the most fitting word) to reconcile with our trespassors.

Forgiveness requires one person willing to follow the Lord’s command to forgive.
Reconciliation requires two people, ready to give and receive forgiveness, willing to restore the relationship.

Oftentimes i think forgiveness without reconciliation is harder. There’s less consolation that comes with it. But it’s sometimes the only prudent choice.
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It IS harder. Sometimes it is so easy to get feelings mixed up into it. Sometimes you can’t forget…nor can you “feel” good about what someone has done to you. I am struggling with that right now…as I struggle to forgive… But what I pray to God for is that persons reconciliation with God. But the effects of their sin still linger and last within me…as they will find out some day at the end of their life…
 
For some really heinous things… forgiveness (imo) has to happen every day, there are reminders all around us. But I don’t think it is prudent either to forget some things because then we are unprepared if something similar might start happening again.

I really appreciate all your responses, thank you all so much!
Maybe my friend who seems to suffer from scrupulosity has carried this too far in his thinking but I seriously doubt he will be changing his mind, unless our Confessor tells him that his opinion though sincere… is sincerely in error.
 
Jesus told us to pray

“Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

Doesn’t say “as we forgive and forget those who trespass against us.”
 
Glad to hear the responses to this thread…I’ve been having a hard time in forgetting how a person ended a relationship between the two of us a couple of years ago…long-time friend, got romantically entangled. I do my best to remember to forgive her every day, and then to not let it rule my day…but dear goodness, I’m not sure I’ll ever forget.
 
Lochias said:
Glad to hear the responses to this thread…I’ve been having a hard time in forgetting how a person ended a relationship between the two of us a couple of years ago…long-time friend, got romantically entangled. I do my best to remember to forgive her every day, and then to not let it rule my day…but dear goodness, I’m not sure I’ll ever forget.
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You wont forget, but you will learn to see it with new eyes. I think that’s part of the “forgive and forget” thing. Don’t know who added the word forget or what they were meaning to convey, but I think rather than really erase something from consciousness, we instead should learn to view things, others and ourselves as changed.

In other words, learn from the experience and come out stronger and holier.
 
littlenothing said:
You wont forget, but you will learn to see it with new eyes. I think that’s part of the “forgive and forget” thing. Don’t know who added the word forget or what they were meaning to convey, but I think rather than really erase something from consciousness, we instead should learn to view things, others and ourselves as changed.

In other words, learn from the experience and come out stronger and holier.
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“Forgive and forget” just sort of “rolls off the tongue”…
We can all hear a conversation go something like, “I am really sorry”…“Aww forget it”…

But to me the real meaning is not “forget” but “dismiss”. When we forgive, we dismiss the issue. We say that it no long is of importance. That is what I believe is trying to be conveyed.

Peace
James
 
littlenothing said:
You wont forget, but you will learn to see it with new eyes. I think that’s part of the “forgive and forget” thing. Don’t know who added the word forget or what they were meaning to convey, but I think rather than really erase something from consciousness, we instead should learn to view things, others and ourselves as changed.

In other words, learn from the experience and come out stronger and holier.
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I’ll mull this over, thanks.
 
JRKH said:
“Forgive and forget” just sort of “rolls off the tongue”…
We can all hear a conversation go something like, “I am really sorry”…“Aww forget it”…

But to me the real meaning is not “forget” but “dismiss”. When we forgive, we dismiss the issue. We say that it no long is of importance. That is what I believe is trying to be conveyed.

Peace
James
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However there are some very grievous things that can not be dismissed. Should a person who has been molested as a child “dismiss” it or forget it? Almost impossible. Can they forgive? Yes…and they must do so as hard as it can be.

Even when Christ forgives us…we still have to live with the effects of our sin…
 
Forgiveness is an act of will, forgetting is not. You can certainly forgive without forgetting.
 
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