If you got married late in life

[Oh_Charlotte]

Update: Just took the Myers Briggs for my H and he is definitely a ISTJ (I am a ISFJ). When I read the description, it described him pretty much to a “T”.

Well, lets see is we can narrow this down a bit. First, if you can, be quite sure you are ISFJ. It will make you very, very confused until you settle on one of you at least, and its easiest to start with you.

Maybe try another test? This one seems good, it seems to be four pages with not a lot of Qs per page: personalitybook.com/page/partner.xml?partnerid=CoUS&linkid=12&gclid=CMOQgdvljbMCFc2d4AodMG8AsA

I noticed you said here on this thread something about being okay going with the flow. That is common to P types. So be sure of whether you are J or P. The J/P preference can be the hardest of the two to figure.

In Socionics that J/P preference is also called Rational/Irrational… LOL, yes, we P’s are called “irrationals”. You have to see what they mean by that though. Here is a short article on that: socionics.com/articles/irra.htm and this article is longer, but has a useful chart, hope its not TMI - just take what you can from it: socionics.us/theory/rat_irr.shtml

Then you can be more sure by reading good type descriptions, often a longer one. So it helps if you first narrow it down to just to just two types before you take the time to read them. If you think it might be ISFJ or ISFP, then try these:
Thorough description of female ISFJ: the16types.info/vbulletin/content.php/92-Dreiser-Female-portrait-ISFj-by-Beskova
Thorough descritpion of female ISFP: the16types.info/vbulletin/content.php/53-Dumas-Female-Portrait-ISFp-by-Beskova

Just suppose you are in fact ISFJ. If your hubby is ISTJ, that is a low-conflict pair. (“Look-a-likes”). If he is an ESTP, that would make you Conflictors. If he is an ISTP, he is your Benefactor, and while its not a bad pairing, and can be fairly conflict-free, it can be frustrating for the Beneficiary (you in this case) because “Benefactor can not hear the Beneficiary. This may be sometimes unpleasant and even irritating for the Beneficiary.” I mention that because you mentioned it. If he is in fact your “Benefactor”, that is an annoying trait of them, however, the equalizing thing is that you have just as many people out there (one out of 16) that you also “cannot hear”!

But this is all supposing. Until you know your types, reading about relationship-types will only really confuse you. Best to spend time reading to discover your types for certain, then read about relationship types.

 

[Oh_Charlotte]

ISTJs tend to be quite tidy. Is your hubby?

 

[Lucky7]

ISTJs tend to be quite tidy. Is your hubby?

Oh YES!

I’m telling you he IS an ISTJ.

And I’m sure I am an ISFJ.

Here is the percentage breakdown I came up with (I used humanetrics.com test with 72 questions):

Him:

I - 56%
S- 25%
T - 50%
J - 89%

Me:

I - 56%
S - 75%
F - 50%
J - 78%

Of course, I amswered FOR him and I probably answered incorrectly on a few questions, but for the most part I’m very comfortable with my answers. I know the final description of the ISTJ was so ON THE MARK (as is the ISFJ for me).

I know that makes us “Lookalikes” per Socionics and I don’t like/agree with that description at all. IT is not accurate, so maybe I’m just not buying into the Socionics version. I do agree with Myers Briggs descriptions though. It’s like a light bulb went on. It’s nice to know this isn’t a marital issue, but a personality issue. And for the most part we have more in common than not (which we actually do).

I think the T vs F difference is our main issue. My next research will be how to work through that difference/how to resolve conflicts that result from this difference.

 

[Oh_Charlotte]

Oh YES!

I’m telling you he IS an ISTJ.

And I’m sure I am an ISFJ.

Here is the percentage breakdown I came up with (I used humanetrics.com test with 72 questions):

Him:

I - 56%
S- 25%
T - 50%
J - 89%

Me:

I - 56%
S - 75%
F - 50%
J - 78%

Of course, I amswered FOR him and I probably answered incorrectly on a few questions, but for the most part I’m very comfortable with my answers. I know the final description of the ISTJ was so ON THE MARK (as is the ISFJ for me).

I know that makes us “Lookalikes” per Socionics and I don’t like/agree with that description at all. IT is not accurate, so maybe I’m just not buying into the Socionics version. I do agree with Myers Briggs descriptions though. It’s like a light bulb went on. It’s nice to know this isn’t a marital issue, but a personality issue. And for the most part we have more in common than not (which we actually do).

I think the T vs F difference is our main issue. My next research will be how to work through that difference/how to resolve conflicts that result from this difference.

I know of a lot of Briggs-Meyer’s forum members who say their type is different on Socionics. A lot. I know of one on Socionics forum who calls himself an ISTJ in Briggs-Meyers and a confirmed ISTP in Socionics. So it is not always the same. That’s why another Socionics test woudl be wise. Also read the descriptions for you both. The above ISFJ for you, and the male portrait of ISTJ for him, and see if that sounds like him: the16types.info/vbulletin/content.php/102-Maxim-Male-Portrait-ISTj-by-Beskova

And if you are those types, then you definitely are “Look-alikes” relationship type, and the problems you are having are stemmed in something other than types! Like bad habits, maybe. Let me know what you find; I am interested.

 

[Oh_Charlotte]

oops, I do NOT reccommend that test site I gave in the post before this. I just took it and never got a type, just an offer to buy stuff. Plus I gave my email (one I use for junk) and nothing came there. Its too late to edit my post.

 

[Richard320]

44 & 41, first for both of us. Almost 6 years of marriage.

Biggest dispute is where things go in the kitchen cabinets. I get so damn mad when I’m in the midst of cooking something and she’s not home and I can’t find something I need NOW. Like a colander when the pasta is done. Also, food is a good subject to discuss early in a relationship. I’m blessed that way; we both enjoy strong flavors. Heavy on the garlic. Indian food is okay. Brussels Sprouts. Saurkraut.

We have an enormous California King bed, which is really helpful, as we both were beyond-used-to sleeping alone. When we travel, I’ll book a double room if the single room beds aren’t king sized. We’d rather sleep separately than get smashed together in a double, or even a Queen.

She’s more of a clean freak than me. That may just be the male/female thing. She hates vacuuming for some reason, so I do that. I’m also strong enough to shove the furniture around when I do it.

I know what interests her, so I look for things she’d like when we travel. She’ll go to a casino with me because she knows I’ll go to a play with her.

A lot of it is mental attitude. We both grew up having to share a bedroom, which I think helped us a lot. We also both expected there to be friction - that it wasn’t going to be all dreamy like some romantic movie.

 

[Lucky7]

I know of a lot of Briggs-Meyer’s forum members who say their type is different on Socionics. A lot. I know of one on Socionics forum who calls himself an ISTJ in Briggs-Meyers and a confirmed ISTP in Socionics. So it is not always the same. That’s why another Socionics test woudl be wise. Also read the descriptions for you both. The above ISFJ for you, and the male portrait of ISTJ for him, and see if that sounds like him: the16types.info/vbulletin/content.php/102-Maxim-Male-Portrait-ISTj-by-Beskova

And if you are those types, then you definitely are “Look-alikes” relationship type, and the problems you are having are stemmed in something other than types! Like bad habits, maybe. Let me know what you find; I am interested.

It seems to me that the two (MB and socionics) should be the same. It doesn’t make sense for thesame person to be a ISTJ in one and ISTP in the other…especially when it’s my understanding that the latter is based on the former.

I find the MB more accurate. The descriptions you gave me on the Socionics website had some things right and some things wrong. Also, the Lookalike description seems off. But I will try to find another socionic test to give it another chance.

But thanks again for all of the info. It was very helpful.

 

[Oh_Charlotte]

It seems to me that the two (MB and socionics) should be the same. It doesn’t make sense for thesame person to be a ISTJ in one and ISTP in the other…especially when it’s my understanding that the latter is based on the former…

I think they shoudl be the same, too, however, there are MB people who say their Socionics type is different and visa versa. There is a study done on each Socionics type and what percentage of them is a different type (and which different types) in MB. I forgot where that link is. I personally think it has to do with human error. I am the same in both is so is how I type others I know.

 

[Ruthie_again]

I’m not sure how beneficial all these “personality type” tests are. While they can help us understand other people, they can also make us say, “There’s no hope for this relationship.” (No, I haven’t seen anything like that in this thread! Not even close!)

Sometimes I feel that they are similar to astrology, something I learned a lot about in my wasted youth. Oddly enough, my memory says DH is my “perfect match” according to star signs.

As for me, I change: I am an introvert when I’m down, and an extrovert when I’m manic. That’s bipolar for ya!

Continuing to pray for you,

 

[CatholicMedic]

Ruthie Again said: "One thing I learned was that he didn’t hear hints. It wasn’t that he ignored them; they just went over his head. So I had to learn to ask him directly, or to say (emphatically), “By the way, that was a hint.”

Bingo Ruthie! Mens minds are very binary. Everything is 0 or 1, yes or no, black or white. We don’t work well with “hints”. If you want/need something just be plain about it and spit it out.

BTW I was 40 when I married.

 

[Lucky7]

I’m not sure how beneficial all these “personality type” tests are. While they can help us understand other people, they can also make us say, “There’s no hope for this relationship.” (No, I haven’t seen anything like that in this thread! Not even close!)

Sometimes I feel that they are similar to astrology, something I learned a lot about in my wasted youth. Oddly enough, my memory says DH is my “perfect match” according to star signs.

As for me, I change: I am an introvert when I’m down, and an extrovert when I’m manic. That’s bipolar for ya!

Continuing to pray for you,

I have also thought of astrology too. I wonder what the Church says about these personality tests/types. I want to think that as long as we understand that it’s a starting point and that in the end we are all indiviudals that it’s okay to use it to help understand others…but I do think it can be dangerous to use it to predict whether a couple is going to be compatible or not.

Thanks so much for the prayers. We are doing very well right now. I have seen attempts by him to change in certain areas and I know it is terribly difficult for him. Likewise, i am also trying to work on areas I need to work on. I know I have a good man here. I need to keep being patient.