If you have a vocation to religious life, but turn God down, will he still send you a spouse?

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A spouse is really not the issue. There are priests who leave to get married, so there are plenty of “spouses” around. The question is did you ever have a vocation or just a passing interest that waned for whatever reason. That is one of reasons why it takes so long to be ordained. You need time to discern the strength of faith of your desire to serve God.

There are many men who have left the study for the priesthood because they realized it was really not their vocation. That is not an afront to God. They can serve Him as fathers of families and as active lay people in His church.

Follow your heart, and God will provide the answer.
 
Interesting topic!

I was widowed young, and started feeling a calling to religious life a few years after my husband passed (note, I am not Catholic). It wasn’t a terribly persistent calling, but every now and then I’d feel the pull.

A few years ago, God sent me my soulmate, truly the perfect man for me. I put ideas of the religious life on the back burner, but I did discuss it with him (he was a very devout Catholic). I still felt drawn to the Church–especially when he would take me to Mass–but was conflicted by my feelings for this man. I started RCIA although I was still seeing him.

Then he proposed to me at Christmas last year. I accepted his proposal and still attended Mass, but dropped out of RCIA because I didn’t want to torture myself.

He passed away this past summer, before we could marry.

Now the only thing that gives me comfort is focusing on my vocation, praying for God’s guidance, and researching which orders might accept me at an advanced age (I’m back in RCIA now, but I will be in my mid 50s before my children will be on their own and I feel I can safely leave them).

I guess this isn’t an answer, but I feel that God did send me a spouse (even though we didn’t get the chance to marry) despite my feeling that I’m being called.

Miz
 
A religious vocation is an invitation from God - there is no command intrinsic in it. However, it could be I suppose ingratitude to turn down the invitation. If one does turn it down, would God send one a good soul mate? It is impossible to predict God. He may or He may not. We can be assured however that we are called by God to holiness and that He will provide all that is necessary necessary in abundance.
 
For some, the invitation, the call to religious life is strong and clear. For most of us however, it is less clear. Discerning our vocation, whether to marriage or religious life, takes time and prayer. Some are called to both. For a while, my parish had a priest who was not ordained until he was sixty years old. He was a widower with grandchildren. Our call to vocation is not simply a matter of choosing between marriage and religious life. Some of us are called to a single life even if we remain in the laity.
As a child I considered religious life. As a Catholic I think this is quite common. My reasons were not the right reasons. I saw becoming a nun as the only way that I could become a teacher. At the time the top age for entering most convents was thirty. Both minimum and maximum ages have since been raised. If I was not married by the age of thirty, I thought, I would enter a convent.
Again, the reason for entering religious life should not center on either a particular career or the prospect of marriage. Rather it is an answer to the call that God has on each of our lives, the life to which God calls an specific individual.
 
It’s a strange question. Reworded, you are actually asking this:

“If I reject God’s perfect gift to me, will he offer me a second best gift?”

To my line of thinking, that really is not a question you want to find out the anser to! Find out what His perfect gift to you is and TAKE IT! (gratefully, of course). It may or may not be a religious vocation. But why not find out?
 
manualman said:
It’s a strange question. Reworded, you are actually asking this:

“If I reject God’s perfect gift to me, will he offer me a second best gift?”

To my line of thinking, that really is not a question you want to find out the anser to! Find out what His perfect gift to you is and TAKE IT! (gratefully, of course). It may or may not be a religious vocation. But why not find out?
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Hmmm, well, it’s complicated.

Are you a religious or married?
 
Tezza said:
Hmmm, well, it’s complicated.

Are you a religious or married?
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Point of clarification. A person can be called to the single life without being called to religious life. The call is not necessarily married or religious. Some who enter seminary discover that their true calling is to married life. Others remain single without ever joining a convent or entering a seminary. Some become widowed, opening the door to a religious vocation later in life.
Whatever our state in life, we need to discern God’s call and will.
 
DebChris said:
Point of clarification. A person can be called to the single life without being called to religious life. The call is not necessarily married or religious. Some who enter seminary discover that their true calling is to married life. Others remain single without ever joining a convent or entering a seminary. Some become widowed, opening the door to a religious vocation later in life.
Whatever our state in life, we need to discern God’s call and will.
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Thanks for the clarification. My understanding, however, is if we are called to the single state, we make a commitment to that state, i.e. with pivate vows. In a sense, we make a commitment in any vocation.

As an aside, I’m wondering how many Catholics assume they are called to marriage and never discern the other vocations. Just a thought.
 
Tezza said:
Thanks for the clarification. My understanding, however, is if we are called to the single state, we make a commitment to that state, i.e. with pivate vows. In a sense, we make a commitment in any vocation.

As an aside, I’m wondering how many Catholics assume they are called to marriage and never discern the other vocations. Just a thought.
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Not on sure ground, but I think that one could have a call to the single state without professing the evangelical counsels privately - while private profession of the evangelical counsels in the single state is a potential call and vocation of its own. That these are actual calls and vocations from God are often discussed - while the general consensus seems to be generally that there can be such calls and vocations.

After all, one may have real impediments to religious life and not feel any attraction at all to the married state despite considering it - leaving one thus in the single state - and we need to view and grasp, internalize, that Baptism is a call and vocation from God to holiness and the state of holiness - it is a call to the following of The Gospel and to faithfulness to The Church (if Catholic). One could even conceivably feel what is perceived as a call to religious life and despite research even perhaps entering the life once or even more, discover that the only way to express their call is through the single state and private vows - or in some other manner in the single state. Many scenarious could be presented I am sure.

Whether God makes a further particular call out of that lay state into another state of life is in God’s Divine Providence for each of the baptized and His Plan for their holiness and the good of The Church. A vocation and call from God does not necessarily mean that one is called to change one’s state in life and in The Church. Although often “vocation” is understood as meaning only the call to such a change and does limit the meaning of the word and including that Baptism is a vocation and call to all the baptized.

TS
 
TiggerS said:
Not on sure ground, but I think that one could have a call to the single state without professing the evangelical counsels privately - while private profession of the evangelical counsels in the single state is a potential call and vocation of its own. That these are actual calls and vocations from God are often discussed - while the general consensus seems to be generally that there can be such calls and vocations.

After all, one may have real impediments to religious life and not feel any attraction at all to the married state despite considering it - leaving one thus in the single state - and we need to view and grasp, internalize, that Baptism is a call and vocation from God to holiness and the state of holiness - it is a call to the following of The Gospel and to faithfulness to The Church (if Catholic). One could even conceivably feel what is perceived as a call to religious life and despite research even perhaps entering the life once or even more, discover that the only way to express their call is through the single state and private vows - or in some other manner in the single state. Many scenarious could be presented I am sure.

Whether God makes a further particular call out of that lay state into another state of life is in God’s Divine Providence for each of the baptized and His Plan for their holiness and the good of The Church. A vocation and call from God does not necessarily mean that one is called to change one’s state in life and in The Church. Although often “vocation” is understood as meaning only the call to such a change and does limit the meaning of the word and including that Baptism is a vocation and call to all the baptized.

TS
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Thank you for your (name removed by moderator)ut, TS. I guess I remained confused. From the things I’ve read, there doesn’t seem to be a single vocation without some form of commitment.

From an article I recently read…

Reading the Holy Father’s letter on women, Mulieris Dignitatem, reinforced my suspicions. In that document, John Paul II says that God calls all women to give themselves in one of two ways – in motherhood or in consecration to Christ.

No mention of singleness in there.

In fact, I find no mention of an unconsecrated single “vocation” in Church teaching anywhere. As far as the Church is concerned, it doesn’t exist.

Here is the problem: “vocation,” in the sense the Church understands it, means “to give oneself completely.” The Vatican II document Gaudium et Spes says that man finds himself only through a sincere gift of himself. John Paul II, in Mulieris Dignitatem, speaks of the “spousal disposition of women.” We – women and men – were made to give ourselves, in love, to others. That’s where we find happiness.

Don’t singles give? Of course we do – often more than most. But vocation doesn’t mean “being a generous person.” It means giving our lives completely to another – either to a spouse in marriage or to God in consecrated virginity. And singleness doesn’t do that. In fact, the single state is defined by the lack of that gift. We are unattached, un-given.

4marks.com/articles/details.html?article_id=437
for the full article

Thanks again.
Teri
 
Terri, it seems to me that you could benefit from spiritual direction on the matter of vocation? Also, you may like to read:

POST-SYNODAL
APOSTOLIC EXHORTATION CHRISTIFIDELES LAICI
OF HIS HOLINESS JOHN PAUL II
ON THE VOCATION AND THE MISSION
OF THE LAY FAITHFUL IN THE CHURCH AND IN THE WORLD HERE

If you scroll down, you will find a heading “Various Vocations in The Lay State” including the mention of “celibacy” in connection with a vocation or state in life, and obviously if one is single and in the lay state, one is called to celibacy - not consecrated celibacy or Chastity as in religious life, nor the vow of celibacy of the priesthood (public consecrated states of life within The Church)but it is celibacy nonetheless within the lay or single state.

The meaning of “vocation” (Fr. John Hardon’s Catholic Dictionary) here
Reading the Holy Father’s letter on women, Mulieris Dignitatem, reinforced my suspicions. In that document, John Paul II says that God calls all women to give themselves in one of two ways – in motherhood or in consecration to Christ. No mention of singleness in there.
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I completely agree with this - and by our Baptism and Baptismal vocation and call to holiness, we are called to consecration to Christ and are consecarted to Him.
We are all called to consecrate ourselves completely to Christ no matter our state in life and called to do so by Baptism. Thus while there is no mention of singleness per se it is nontheless covered by the statement.
Here is the problem: “vocation,” in the sense the Church understands it, means “to give oneself completely.” The Vatican II document Gaudium et Spes says that man finds himself only through a sincere gift of himself. John Paul II, in Mulieris Dignitatem, speaks of the “spousal disposition of women.” We – women and men – were made to give ourselves, in love, to others. That’s where we find happiness.

Don’t singles give? Of course we do – often more than most. But vocation doesn’t mean “being a generous person.” It means giving our lives completely to another – either to a spouse in marriage or to God in consecrated virginity. And singleness doesn’t do that. In fact, the single state is defined by the lack of that gift. We are unattached, un-given.
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I disagree with the above. If we are baptized, then we are called to consecrate ourselves to Christ and The Gospel completely and strive for holiness and no matter our state in life including the single or lay state. To state that singleness does not or cannot receive the gift of consecrating oneself solely to Christ and The Gospel, I tend to think is a misunderstanding of both Baptism and the single or lay state chosen as a way of life of consecrating onself.
Even if one has not chosen the single or lay state, one is not therefore in a state of ‘suspended spiritual animation’. One is called by one’s Baptism to live out our consecration to Christ and The Gospel and this is the meaning of our Baptism. And through Baptism we are called to give public witness to a Gospel life and a Catholic life as baptized Catholics.

If one simply does not have a religious or priestly vocation nor a call to the married state, then obviously one is called by Baptism to consecrate onself to Christ and The Gospel and follow one’s Baptismal call in the lay and single state. If one experiences none of these and is confused on the matter of vocation in life, then the time has come for sure for spiritual direction.
From reading your posts, I think that you really would benefit from seeking spiritual direction re a potential religious vocation. The call to religious life does not always at all begin its journey as a great attraction to religious life.

Have you looked into the Third Orders of the various religious congregations? These are the secular or lay branch of the order. There are various options or particular consecrations in The Church that do embrace the lay and single state. “The Leaven” of Carmel for example do make vows of Poverty, Chastity and Obedience and yet remain in the world and in their own homes - nor wear any outward evidence of their consecration to the evangelical counsels such as a religious habit etc. They wear ordinary secular clothing.

TS
 
Thanks, TS, for all of your information.

No, I have not seriously considered Third Order, probably because it has never appealed to me, though I have beautiful friends who are Third Order Dominicans.

To answer your question, I am in spiritual direction and have been for awhile.

Did you check out the entire article, btw? It has some pretty interesting insight on the single vocation, but I do appreciate your comments. I thought most interesting was the comment from single people who don’t really feel they are in a vocation but rather in a temporary state even with a knowledge of their vocation to love and serve the Lord. I would say that is definitely how I feel, anyway.

Many blessings!
Teri
 
Tezza said:
Thanks for the clarification. My understanding, however, is if we are called to the single state, we make a commitment to that state, i.e. with pivate vows. In a sense, we make a commitment in any vocation.

As an aside, I’m wondering how many Catholics assume they are called to marriage and never discern the other vocations. Just a thought.
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There are women who make a vow to live life as a consecrated virgin. But no, an individual does not need to make any type of vow to live a single state of life. Most of us live singly at least a portion of our lives. Our Confirmation calls us to chastity, to celebrancy outside marriage.
Marriage means making vows that last a lifetime, at least the lifetime of our spouse. As with any vow, they are not to be taken lightly. The single life may result from not finding the person with whom we feel we are called to live in covenant. My oldest sister did not marry until well into her thirties. Her marriage was relatively short, ending with the death of her husband.
I am thankful for a family that did not stress marriage as the only alternative in life. My brothers, as well as my sisters, were expected to perform household tasks since a man will live part of his life as a bachelor. The girls in the family were likewise expected to mow the lawn and perform other traditionally male tasks since there is no guarantee she will ever be asked to marry.
I did have one brother who entered seminary. He returned after one year with the knowledge that he was called to marriage. The last time I saw him, he shared this with me and how he knew he was to marry the woman he married. Likewise, before his death, my youngest brother shared the tug he felt toward the priesthood. He lived the last years of his life as a widower.
As others have iterated, each of us is called to follow Christ regardless of the state of life in which we find ourselves.
 
DebChris said:
There are women who make a vow to live life as a consecrated virgin. But no, an individual does not need to make any type of vow to live a single state of life. Most of us live singly at least a portion of our lives. Our Confirmation calls us to chastity, to celebrancy outside marriage.
Marriage means making vows that last a lifetime, at least the lifetime of our spouse. As with any vow, they are not to be taken lightly. The single life may result from not finding the person with whom we feel we are called to live in covenant. My oldest sister did not marry until well into her thirties. Her marriage was relatively short, ending with the death of her husband.
I am thankful for a family that did not stress marriage as the only alternative in life. My brothers, as well as my sisters, were expected to perform household tasks since a man will live part of his life as a bachelor. The girls in the family were likewise expected to mow the lawn and perform other traditionally male tasks since there is no guarantee she will ever be asked to marry.
I did have one brother who entered seminary. He returned after one year with the knowledge that he was called to marriage. The last time I saw him, he shared this with me and how he knew he was to marry the woman he married. Likewise, before his death, my youngest brother shared the tug he felt toward the priesthood. He lived the last years of his life as a widower.
As others have iterated, each of us is called to follow Christ regardless of the state of life in which we find ourselves.
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Thanks, Deb. You sound like you have a wonderful family. I was a little confused, though. Was it your younger brother that entered seminary?
 
Tezza said:
Just wanted some thoughts on this.

Peace in Christ,
Teri
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This is just crazy, I just posted on another thread on this very subject. I had a calling to the priesthood but didn’t respond for several reasons, I know that I would have made an excellent priest but it was not to be. I am now married to a wonderful woman and thank God everyday for her. I hope that this answers your question.
 
Mike_Dye said:
This is just crazy, I just posted on another thread on this very subject. I had a calling to the priesthood but didn’t respond for several reasons, I know that I would have made an excellent priest but it was not to be. I am now married to a wonderful woman and thank God everyday for her. I hope that this answers your question.
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hahaha…maybe God is working here. I just PM’d you because I saw your answer on the other thread before I saw your comment on mine.

Thanks for your comments:D

In Christ,
Teri
 
Tezza said:
Thanks, TS, for all of your information.

No, I have not seriously considered Third Order, probably because it has never appealed to me, though I have beautiful friends who are Third Order Dominicans.

To answer your question, I am in spiritual direction and have been for awhile.

Did you check out the entire article, btw? It has some pretty interesting insight on the single vocation, but I do appreciate your comments. I thought most interesting was the comment from single people who don’t really feel they are in a vocation but rather in a temporary state even with a knowledge of their vocation to love and serve the Lord. I would say that is definitely how I feel, anyway.

Many blessings!
Teri
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I am glad you are in spiritual direction, Terri, and this will sort things out for you given time. Just now you may feel somewhat in a limbo state, that something is missing and this would be telling your director something I am sure.

I have seen the article before and I had another look. This is what I have problems with personally:
I believe that God has called each and every one of us to either marriage or to consecrated religious life. Unfortunately, the state of the world today has made it very difficult to fulfill that call – especially for those of us who believe we are called to marriage. Marriage requires a partner. And good, holy, committed partners who share our faith are hard to find these days.
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I tend to think that this concept (that women are called to marriage or the consecrated religious life) is challenged by “CHRISTIFIDELES LAICI” of Pope Jean Paul II and I have preferance for what The Holy Father has said.
I am quite happy to bow out of this thread at this point I think, and will be keeping you in prayer that things will become crystal clear to you with conviction and as long as you are seeking God and His Will there will be such crystal clarity in God’s Time - please keep me in your prayers.
TS
 
TiggerS said:
I am glad you are in spiritual direction, Terri, and this will sort things out for you given time. Just now you may feel somewhat in a limbo state, that something is missing and this would be telling your director something I am sure.

I have seen the article before and I had another look. This is what I have problems with personally:
I tend to think that this concept (that women are called to marriage or the consecrated religious life) is challenged by “CHRISTIFIDELES LAICI” of Pope Jean Paul II and I have preferance for what The Holy Father has said.
I am quite happy to bow out of this thread at this point I think, and will be keeping you in prayer that things will become crystal clear to you with conviction and as long as you are seeking God and His Will there will be such crystal clarity in God’s Time - please keep me in your prayers.
TS
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Have a wonderful Advent!
Teri
 
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