If you have had an abortion . .

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Obviously there are not a lot of Catholics who will have abortions, but there may be some here, and there certainly may be some who had abortions in the past and now have come to the Church. There is another thread on the % of women who have had abortions and it got me thinking about the effects of abortions.

I’m just curious, but for those of you here who have had an abortion . . . or those of you know are very close friends with women who have had an abortion . . .
  • WHAT WERE THE PSYCHOLOGICAL effects of that abortion on you/her?
  • Where there any psychological effects on the man who would have been the father?
 
I saw the full page ad in the Sunday news. It was impressive. Made one stop and think about the sadness created by our culture of death.

And then there were the followup letters to the editors inspired by those who opposed the ad. Equally disgusting.
 
melensdad said:
Obviously there are not a lot of Catholics who will have abortions, but there may be some here, and there certainly may be some who had abortions in the past and now have come to the Church. There is another thread on the % of women who have had abortions and it got me thinking about the effects of abortions.

I’m just curious, but for those of you here who have had an abortion . . . or those of you know are very close friends with women who have had an abortion . . .
  • WHAT WERE THE PSYCHOLOGICAL effects of that abortion on you/her?
  • Where there any psychological effects on the man who would have been the father?
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Well, I have never had an abortion but my little sister has had three that I know of, her last one really got me so angry because I miscarried right around the same time, that I just couldn’t even look at her for almost a whole year. I know that for me I often wonder how my nephews or nieces are doing, if they are with my children.

I find that her one and only surviving child is very much anti-abortion, at least for now. (I really think this has more to do with my daughter who he loves and sees as his little sister. She is very vocal about about abortion) I don’t think he knows though about all the death in his family, but he does wish he had siblings, which breaks my heart.

I pray for my sister often and hope that when she realizes what she has done, that God will send her all the help and support that she will need. Please everyone pray for her.
 
I was hoping for some first hand information so I could follow up with a question or two (if I thought of any). Honestly as a male I am not sure that I can related to the abortion question in nearly the same way as a woman. Still I oppose it in every way, but get told that “I DON’T UNDERSTAND” so that is why I was hoping to understand it, with the help of those here.

Perhaps the question could be expanded slightly . . .
  • If you CONSIDERED an abortion and did not, why did you consider it and what changed your mind?
 
Sharon Osbourne’s testimony is painful to read. It is refreshing, however, to read a celebrity’s take on abortion and how it affected her. I’ll remember this link and share it with everyone I know, especially young people who might not be exposed to the pro-life side very often. Thanks for sharing this info. God bless, Theresa
 
I was involved in the use of the Morning After Pill. I am still not sure if I had a kid or not but I can tell you that from the male perspective it is devastating.

I still remember every detail of that morning - all my emotions running away in every direction. Most of all I remember the fear, the selfish fear for my own educational future and career. I remember going to PP with my girlfriend at the time - she drove. I also know that it was that day that was the beginning of the end of our relationship.

Later I had my conversion to the faith and I thought that I had got over that day but I found that the damaged emotions were still there. Then one summer while at the seminary I helped with a retreat for the Sisters of Life and I was able to have a conversation with then Sister Teresita Joy of the Pierced Priestly Heart of Jesus who was trying to focus her personal apostolate on the healing of men. In God’s providence we had an opportunity to talk and it gave me the ability to work through my own feelings.

Today I can say that I am healed by the love of God but I often wonder if I have a child out there. If I felt this way with just the use of the Morning After Pill and not actually knowing if conception happened I can’t begin to imagine the pain and suffering of those who do know. Often us men are forgotten in the whole anti-abortion movement but we need prayers too because as a man it is our role to provide and protect but instead we are complicit in the murder of that which we are designed to protect - our child - the most valuable thing we have this side of heaven.
 
This is more info then I care to give on a forum. When I was a 15 y.o. boy, my then 18 y.o. girlfriend had one. I didn’t grasp it at the time. Now , I feel like I pulled a trigger on a murder. I don’t know if I will ever forgive myself. After I came back to the Church and confessed it, I got into a car accident that killed a woman. The accident was my fault. It was like God was telling me I’ll never get the blood off my hands.Tim
 
melensdad said:
Perhaps the question could be expanded slightly . . .
  • If you CONSIDERED an abortion and did not, why did you consider it and what changed your mind?
Click to expand...
I’ve never had an abortion (or even considered one), but I have a close friend who considered aborting her son, who’s now 4 years old.

She was an unmarried woman, barely in her 20’s, involved with a man (10 years older, but she didn’t know his age at the time) who she had known for only a few months. She got pregnant while on the Pill, and her folks had always told her as a teenager that if she ever got pregnant out of wedlock, they would kick her out of the house (which proved to be an empty threat).

Ultimately, what changed her mind was a coworker who had had an abortion with her first baby. The woman, who knew my friend’s circumstances, asked her if she was considering abortion. My friend, who is very pro-choice, was not afraid to admit to this lady that she had an appointment with Planned Parenthood in a few weeks. The next day, this wonderful gal brought a baby development book to work. Based on my friend’s last period, they figured out how far along she was, and my friend said, “Oh, it has a heartbeat now. I can’t kill it if it has a heart already.” She decided to not show up to her appointment. The coworker also expressed deep regret over killing her first baby, saying that now, she feels she can’t have enough children to make up for what she did (she had 5 living children at the time, and was trying for more). This emotional appeal seemed to have no effect on my friend, but the book did.

My friend’s son was born at 23 weeks gestation, and has suffered greatly since his birth. My friend is still pro-choice, and would consider abortion in the future, as long as she wasn’t “too far along.” It breaks my heart. I used to repeatedly reminded her what a blessing she has in her son, especially since there are so many women out there who can’t have children and cry out to God daily, for a baby. She would softly say, “Yeah, I know,” as she remembered my own struggle to achieve pregnancy for the first time.
 
TOP said:
This is more info then I care to give on a forum. When I was a 15 y.o. boy, my then 18 y.o. girlfriend had one. I didn’t grasp it at the time. Now , I feel like I pulled a trigger on a murder. I don’t know if I will ever forgive myself. After I came back to the Church and confessed it, I got into a car accident that killed a woman. The accident was my fault. It was like God was telling me I’ll never get the blood off my hands.Tim
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Oh, Tim, prayers for you. :signofcross: May God grant you peace.
 
TOP said:
This is more info then I care to give on a forum. When I was a 15 y.o. boy, my then 18 y.o. girlfriend had one. I didn’t grasp it at the time. Now , I feel like I pulled a trigger on a murder. I don’t know if I will ever forgive myself. After I came back to the Church and confessed it, I got into a car accident that killed a woman. The accident was my fault. It was like God was telling me I’ll never get the blood off my hands.Tim
Click to expand...
Don’t give in to that sort of thinking. God is the lover of your soul and does not cause evil to happen but will allow it because he lets us be completely free. If you learn to forgive yourself that is where the true healing begins and where sorrow and self-hate ends.
 
melensdad said:
I was hoping for some first hand information so I could follow up with a question or two (if I thought of any). Honestly as a male I am not sure that I can related to the abortion question in nearly the same way as a woman. Still I oppose it in every way, but get told that “I DON’T UNDERSTAND” so that is why I was hoping to understand it, with the help of those here.

Perhaps the question could be expanded slightly . . .
  • If you CONSIDERED an abortion and did not, why did you consider it and what changed your mind?
Click to expand...
I considered having an abortion when I was 21. I was in college and the boy that had fathered my child, via a one night stand, informed me that his father was an a**hole and he was too.

I had been engaged but had broke up with my fiance’ due to his jealousy. I had not cheated on him but I grew very depressed after our breakup and I think that had something to do with my one night stand.

My fiancé was in Florida and he began to call me again. I was in NC and hadn’t seen him for a couple of months. We began to discuss getting back together when I discovered that I was pregnant.

I knew that my baby did not belong to the man that I had once considered marriaging. The father wanted nothing to do with my pregnancy. I wanted to continue college and was terrified that I would be a horrible mom like my own mother.

I felt trapped, alone and frightened. I was very prochoice and even had my pregnancy test at an abortion clinic.

I told my exfiance’ over the phone that I was going to get an abortion. He was horrified and begged me not to do it. Then he suggested that we get married and that he would be the baby’s father because he would love any child that was mine.

My mother was married six times and I was certain that couples stopped being happy after a short time.

So, two people from dysfunctional families, one who was certain the marriage wouldn’t work, financially broke and the woman carrying another man’s child, got married and are still very happily married now, 18 years later. That is pretty miraculous if you ask me.
 
deb1 said:
So, two people from dysfunctional families, one who was certain the marriage wouldn’t work, financially broke and the woman carrying another man’s child, got married and are still very happily married now, 18 years later. That is pretty miraculous if you ask me.
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That is beautiful, Deb. Thank you so much for sharing your story!
 
mosher said:
Don’t give in to that sort of thinking. God is the lover of your soul and does not cause evil to happen but will allow it because he lets us be completely free. If you learn to forgive yourself that is where the true healing begins and where sorrow and self-hate ends.
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Its a tough thing to deal with. I have felt some of God’s justice. God introduced me to the writings of St.Faustina and I now have a friendship with her. This year I tried very hard to do the indulgence for Divine Mercy Sunday. My act of mercy had to do with my parish plans for memorial for the unborn. I feel I fufilled the indulgence requirements. I felt something “click” when I kissed the feet of Jesus on the image of divine mercy. I highly recommend trying for that indulgence to all suffering from the effects of abortion. Thanks,Tim
 
deb1 said:
I considered having an abortion when I was 21. I was in college and the boy that had fathered my child, via a one night stand, informed me that his father was an a**hole and he was too.

I had been engaged but had broke up with my fiance’ due to his jealousy. I had not cheated on him but I grew very depressed after our breakup and I think that had something to do with my one night stand.

My fiancé was in Florida and he began to call me again. I was in NC and hadn’t seen him for a couple of months. We began to discuss getting back together when I discovered that I was pregnant.

I knew that my baby did not belong to the man that I had once considered marriaging. The father wanted nothing to do with my pregnancy. I wanted to continue college and was terrified that I would be a horrible mom like my own mother.

I felt trapped, alone and frightened. I was very prochoice and even had my pregnancy test at an abortion clinic.

I told my exfiance’ over the phone that I was going to get an abortion. He was horrified and begged me not to do it. Then he suggested that we get married and that he would be the baby’s father because he would love any child that was mine.

My mother was married six times and I was certain that couples stopped being happy after a short time.

So, two people from dysfunctional families, one who was certain the marriage wouldn’t work, financially broke and the woman carrying another man’s child, got married and are still very happily married now, 18 years later. That is pretty miraculous if you ask me.
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God Bless you and your family, Tim
 
I never had an abortion, but I did consider it once years ago. I am a convert who was raised in a non-religious home. My parents were strong supporters of Planned Parenthood both politically and financially. When I was in my early 20’s, my boyfriend and I had a contraceptive failure (broken condom). My boyfriend was more of a “Mr. Right Now” than “Mr. Right,” and I knew deep down that I didn’t really want to marry him if it turned out that I was pregnant. So I thought I’d just get rid of it and go on with my life. But as the due date of my next period approached, I found myself noticing pregnant women and mothers with babies, and every time I thought of aborting my own baby, I was filled with the most awful, sick feeling. Even though I was still a non-religious feminist, I had the feeling that this baby was more than just a blob of unwanted cells, this “blob” was my child. I came to realize that I could not just have it sucked out and thrown away, and that if I did, I was murdering my baby. Fortunately, this turned out to be a false alarm, but it changed my thinking toward abortion forever. If I had indeed been pregnant, I don’t know how things would have worked out, but I would have carried the baby to term even if I chose to give it up for adoption.

One of my friends was not so lucky. She had two abortions back in the ‘70’s when we were young. I don’t know what the fathers’ feelings were or if they even knew she was pregnant, but she is haunted to this day with thoughts of those dear little souls who would have been her children, especially each year around the times of her due-dates, their birthdays. And now that we are too old to have children, she especially grieves that she threw away the ones she was given in her youth because she never married and these were the only pregnancies she ever had. It’s very sad.

A coworker of mine had an abortion, and the emotional and spiritual aftermath is what brought her to the Christian faith in an evangelical Protestant church. She deeply regrets what she did, but has found healing and forgiveness through her repentance. She talks freely about it as a part of her witness to others about Jesus.

Every time I think back over this, I thank God that it was a false alarm and that I didn’t do something awful which would haunt me for the rest of my days. And I pray for my friend’s healing, and that other women’s hearts will be opened to the truth before it is too late for themselves and their babies.
 
Wow, I didn’t really know what to expect in this thread but I am grateful for the openness of the answers and appreciate what was written. Perhaps this thread can open the eyes of both men and women who may come across it?
TOP said:
This is more info then I care to give . . .
.Tim
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Tim,I appreciate all you have written and can only believe that you will be eternally loved because you have learned, unfortunately the hard way.
 
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