If you have had an abortion . .

[Convert_in_99]

Obviously there are not a lot of Catholics who will have abortions, but there may be some here, and there certainly may be some who had abortions in the past and now have come to the Church. There is another thread on the % of women who have had abortions and it got me thinking about the effects of abortions.

I’m just curious, but for those of you here who have had an abortion . . . or those of you know are very close friends with women who have had an abortion . . .

• WHAT WERE THE PSYCHOLOGICAL effects of that abortion on you/her?
• Where there any psychological effects on the man who would have been the father?

I have worked with lots of these women.

Just to name a few:

Manic Depression, Panic Attacks, self mutilation, hallucinations of baby, afraid to go near their live children, suicidial thoughts/attempts/completions.

Pretty much the same for the father of the baby, though they were usually more delayed in coming, and often not as intense.

 

[Myangel]

:crying: I had an abortion when I was 22 years old, I am now 30 and the pain of it still cuts lke a knife.

Ask away, I will answer as honestly as I can.

 

[Convert_in_99]

:crying: I had an abortion when I was 22 years old, I am now 30 and the pain of it still cuts lke a knife.

Ask away, I will answer as honestly as I can.

:console:Aww…someone very close to me went through the same. They are still deeply affected by the pains. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you so much for sharing so that others may be spared this pain. If you ever need anything you may private message me anytime! :hug1:

God bless you and keep you!

 

[Myangel]

:console:Aww…someone very close to me went through the same. They are still deeply affected by the pains. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you so much for sharing so that others may be spared this pain. If you ever need anything you may private message me anytime! :hug1:

God bless you and keep you!

Thank you so much, I am in real need of prayers, the nightmares if my actions are stonger than ever nowadays.

TOP I kind of relate to what you said in one of your posts about blood not leaving your hands, I feel that way quite often, I feel as though all the pain and wrongs in my life are because of the pain and hurt I caused God through having the abortion. Then I feel a tremendous guilt, knowing that God would NEVER cause us pain, and would only allow it to happen to make us stronger and bring us closer to him It works!

 

[KathleenElsie]

This is more info then I care to give on a forum. When I was a 15 y.o. boy, my then 18 y.o. girlfriend had one. I didn’t grasp it at the time. Now , I feel like I pulled a trigger on a murder. I don’t know if I will ever forgive myself. After I came back to the Church and confessed it, I got into a car accident that killed a woman. The accident was my fault. It was like God was telling me I’ll never get the blood off my hands.Tim

Part of confession and being reconciled to God is to remember we need to forgive ourselves also. God would not want you to remember what HE has forgotten.

 

[TOP]

Thank you who prayed for me. Something got through. I have been neglecting my daily rosaries for quite some time now. Tonight , my wife asked me to say it with her. Because of discussing this topic today, I dedicated the rosary to the baby that was lost and to the woman in the accident.

Halfway through the rosary , at the nativity of Jesus, something hit me. I could be wrong, but it hit me that Mary knew she would loose her child, it was bittersweet. She felt the pain , just like a mother giving up her child for adoption. Then receiving the gifts confirmed this to her, the gold, frankincense and myrrh. The gold because of Him being King, the frankincense because of His priestly office and the myrrh because of the anointing of the dead. Thanks, Tim

 

[church_mouse]

I personally know (knew) 4 women who have had abortions. 3 of them had their abortions in the '70’s. One had her abortion just a few years ago. One, who had hers in the '70’s, died a few years ago from breast cancer in her early 50’s, I don’t know about her psychological state as we had lost touch after graduating. Another one has been married 3 times (relationship problems?). The one I knew the best was diagnosed with a severe form (hallucinations, delusions) of bipolar disorder. She refuses to take medication and is very belligerent. She was homeless at one time but now lives in a motel, even though she has a loving family who would be glad to take her in…she refuses any help. Don’t know much about the last one who had her abortion a few years ago but she is estranged from her father and sister (again, relationship problems?)

Having worked in pro-life centers, most women who have abortions felt pressured to abort. They feel alone without emotional and often financial (practical) support.

Anyone who has had an abortion or is the father, or grandparent of an aborted baby, please call Rachel’s Vineyard. There you can get compassionate, non-judgemental help to heal. Here is their website:

rachelsvineyard.org/

 

[strngrnrth]

Have you ever held and fed or even given artificial respiration to a small child in the dark? the you know a little of the feeling of supporting and touching a new baby without seeing her or him.
I think of my twins as girls, but in this life I don’t think I’ll ever know. I wanted them. I had so many health issues in my first pregnancy tha tmy mother was afraid for my life. since she had a background in health work, and I was still a young adult, I eventually caved in and let her pressure me into the abortion. I nearly bled to death. It went on for months. I had names for them. I thought of it as just what it was: killing the children. But I thought I had to, to save my own life. if I had died, they would have died too. I was their lifeline. But I always wondered if we three could have made it. I miss them. They have a would-have-been birthday coming up. They’d be teenagers. I think I’d be proud of them. I hope they forgive me.
I can’t describe it. Goodbye, children. I wish I could bring you back.

 

[monkey6]

Hello

I had an abortion in 1991, it was awful, I didn’t want too. But, my family would not let me live at home, and I didn’t know where I could go, and the father didn’t want the baby. I still remember every detail to this day.

I have suffered post tramatic stress disorder, I have tried for years to kill myself, thinking that if I got to heaven, I could just beg for forgiveness to my baby. It has been very hard.

But, I am married to the father of that baby, and thru years of hard work, Rachel’s Vineyard, the Catholic Church, some very good Priests, I am doing very good. I have four childeren now.

But, I will say, that it is very hard for post abortive women/and men, we are very judged, by society, and the Church, It is very hard to be us. I just asked a good friend this year not to be a friend, she keep saying I murdered my baby. That’s breaks my heart to hear people talk to me that way. I have suffered like you cannot believe. You can never know what brings someone to their life, we are not this judge on earth.

 

[DJgang]

Hello

I had an abortion in 1991, it was awful, I didn’t want too. But, my family would not let me live at home, and I didn’t know where I could go, and the father didn’t want the baby. I still remember every detail to this day.

I have suffered post tramatic stress disorder, I have tried for years to kill myself, thinking that if I got to heaven, I could just beg for forgiveness to my baby. It has been very hard.

But, I am married to the father of that baby, and thru years of hard work, Rachel’s Vineyard, the Catholic Church, some very good Priests, I am doing very good. I have four childeren now.

But, I will say, that it is very hard for post abortive women/and men, we are very judged, by society, and the Church, It is very hard to be us. I just asked a good friend this year not to be a friend, she keep saying I murdered my baby. That’s breaks my heart to hear people talk to me that way. I have suffered like you cannot believe. You can never know what brings someone to their life, we are not this judge on earth.

:hug3: I think it is so important that we don’t tell women that they murdered their child, it’s just so insensitive and unchristian.

My mom TOLD me that I would have an abortion. I was 16 years old, and thanks be to God, it was a false alarm, but I did go through four days of waiting and not knowing but knowing that if I were pregnant, my mom was taking me to have an abortion.

 

[monkey6]

to DJ

when I told my mom, she told me that I would have no home, I was faced with no home, no job, no insurance, living in my car, I was just 20 at the time. It was very hard. I so wanted my baby, but I felt like there was no where to turn. I felt very alone, and very scared. Many people cannot relate to women like me, they can only say that they would never do something like that,but you cannot judge someone unless you were there.

 

[blessedtoo]

But, I will say, that it is very hard for post abortive women/and men, we are very judged, by society, and the Church, It is very hard to be us. I just asked a good friend this year not to be a friend, she keep saying I murdered my baby. That’s breaks my heart to hear people talk to me that way. I have suffered like you cannot believe. You can never know what brings someone to their life, we are not this judge on earth.

Dear Lord, that breaks my heart as well. I can’t imagine how a Christian could say such a thing to you. The folks I know who work in the pro-life movement always welcome women who have suffered from a past abortion and do so much to help with the healing. I am so sorry you had to experience this.

I do think there are many, many women who can relate to your experience. While my mom and dad would have killed ME if I had followed through on the scheduled abortion, they did in fact give me very little opportunity for success when I chose to have my baby. They were so enraged that I had engaged in pre-marital sex that nothing short of marriage to the man I had known for only one month would satisfy their thirst for moral justice. Thankfully, the man was supportive and willing to be a father and a husband. Without his support, I shudder to think what I might have done.

 

[KarenNC]

Dear Lord, that breaks my heart as well. I can’t imagine how a Christian could say such a thing to you. The folks I know who work in the pro-life movement always welcome women who have suffered from a past abortion and do so much to help with the healing. I am so sorry you had to experience this.

I think at least one lesson to take from this is that one never know the full life history of every person with whom we interact, either in person, on line or in other ways. It helps to remain aware of that in choosing the words and tactics one uses in pursuit of a goal, however noble.

 

[paradoxy]

A close friend of mine had an abortion. The father was her first boyfriend, and she was in college. After that, they broke up, and she began a series of promiscuous relationships, often with more than one man at a time, constantly lying to all of them, which was killing her, as before she had been unable to utter a white lie to save her life.

The worst part of it is she’s a very intelligent girl with a high level of awareness and she knew what she was doing and she knew and felt it to be wrong all the time, and she has no excuses for herself… so she feels she could never confess it. She just lives with the pain and the guilt.

 

[st_lucy]

to DJ

when I told my mom, she told me that I would have no home, I was faced with no home, no job, no insurance, living in my car, I was just 20 at the time. It was very hard. I so wanted my baby, but I felt like there was no where to turn. I felt very alone, and very scared. Many people cannot relate to women like me, they can only say that they would never do something like that,but you cannot judge someone unless you were there.

This is exactly what happened to my best friend in high school. I remember the night she told me of her abortion her heart break has never left me. I have often wondered how a parent could do this to their own children. I would never have guessed it from her mother I loved her mom as if she was my own, but I never looked at her the same after wards. I wonder now if her mom feels the same as the daughter.

My friend too also married the father and now have children, I have lost contact with her but I remember how filled with joy I was when she had her first child. She was so worried that God would never forgive her. She use to look at all that went wrong in her life as the result of the abortion.

I pray for you monkey6 and for your family.

 

[Mimi]

Thank you so much, I am in real need of prayers, the nightmares if my actions are stonger than ever nowadays.

TOP I kind of relate to what you said in one of your posts about blood not leaving your hands, I feel that way quite often, I feel as though all the pain and wrongs in my life are because of the pain and hurt I caused God through having the abortion. Then I feel a tremendous guilt, knowing that God would NEVER cause us pain, and would only allow it to happen to make us stronger and bring us closer to him It works!

Perhaps getting involved in pro-life activity can help; you will help others avoid the pain you feel/felt and it will help you heal. I know.

Peace,
Mimi

 

[Tonks40]

WHAT WERE THE PSYCHOLOGICAL effects of that abortion on you/her?

Psychological effects:

1. Feelings of self-worth diminished by this action
2. Overwhelming feeling of injustice done towards my baby
3. Not feeling that I deserved to be loved by anyone
4. Low self-worth lead to more immoral actions on my part

Where there any psychological effects on the man who would have been the father?

Initially, did not see any psychological effects on his part - but later he told me that he wished we hadn’t gone through with the abortion.

I echo many women who now have the courage to speak out about their abortions - and it truly was one of the worse things I’ve ever experienced. It took me years to forgive myself (though a week after the abortion, the burden weighed so heavily on me that I tearfully went to confession). I knew little about seeking out the support I needed to carry this child to full term. I operated mostly out of fear and selfishness at that time, along with my ex-husband, even though I knew it was wrong. This experience forever changed my view on abortion, and will haunt me for the rest of my life.

I know through God’s grace that I have been forgiven - the effects of this terrible sin helps me form a strong stance towards protection of innocent life.

I pray often for my little one, who would’ve been 20 this year…

God Bless.

 

[monkey6]

Thank you all for replies and prayers,

I write to all post abortive women/men, to share, because I have lived in shame for so long, and if telling my story helps, I want too.

Years later, my sister got pregnant, and my parents helped her, and she fininshed college and graduate school, go figure. Everyday, I have to find some small forgiveness for my mom. It can be hard.

My friend who keep saying that, she is very pro life, and I have encounted pro life people, who do have the unfortunate attitude that women who have abortions are wasting something, that the baby that they are carrying, that is the only thing worth saving. Very sad,but true. And alot of post abortive women stay away from the pro life movement because of this. We seek out kindness, and loving people who can understand us. We can judge ourselves enough, we don’t others to tell us our sin. Believe me.

Orignal question posted, I have, and had low self esteen, self doubt, guilt, self hatred, depression, saddness, I have had 1 misscarriage.

 

[sosayi1960]

Thank you all for replies and prayers,

I write to all post abortive women/men, to share, because I have lived in shame for so long, and if telling my story helps, I want too.

Years later, my sister got pregnant, and my parents helped her, and she fininshed college and graduate school, go figure. Everyday, I have to find some small forgiveness for my mom. It can be hard.

My friend who keep saying that, she is very pro life, and I have encounted pro life people, who do have the unfortunate attitude that women who have abortions are wasting something, that the baby that they are carrying, that is the only thing worth saving. Very sad,but true. And alot of post abortive women stay away from the pro life movement because of this. We seek out kindness, and loving people who can understand us. We can judge ourselves enough, we don’t others to tell us our sin. Believe me.

Orignal question posted, I have, and had low self esteen, self doubt, guilt, self hatred, depression, saddness, I have had 1 misscarriage.

I’ve been so shocked because a family who calls themselves “pro-life” had a daughter who became pregnant from a guy from a different race. The father who is a prominent conservative. Drove his daughter to a womens clinic to stop the pregnancy. It’s very easy to judge other people until it affects your own house.
Very sad.

 

[TOP]

Perhaps getting involved in pro-life activity can help; you will help others avoid the pain you feel/felt and it will help you heal. I know.

Peace,
Mimi

Very awesome advice!! This does help. Tim