"If you really loved me" book -appropriate for 12 year old?

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I haven’t read it either, but I wouldn’t give a book on dating to a 12 year old girl. Maybe when they start high school. But even then, it’s preferable to have conversations than just giving a book (and those conversations are generally going to be between parent and child). I wouldn’t give any book that I hadn’t read first myself.

EDIT: I just looked at the book description and here is the first paragraph:

These days, virgins may be embarrassed by their lack of “experience” while non-virgins may feel it’s too late for them. Men and women of all ages feel compelled to “take their relationships to the next level”–meaning they think it’s time to have sex, not try on wedding rings. Chastity author and speaker Jason Evert addresses these issue, and dozens more, in If You Really Loved Me: 100 Questions on Dating, Relationships, and Sexual Purity.

Twelve seems a bit young to me for such a book, though I suppose it might depend on the person. These books are usually targeted at a high school / teen audience.
 
I think anytime someone gives a child/teen a book like this, they need to be prepared to discuss it. I think 12 sounds a bit young, but even with an older child I wouldn’t just give the book and say, “OK, here’s what you need to know!” If the book is given in the context of an open, ongoing conversation about the importance of chastity, then that’s going to be a lot more effective. I’m not saying that’s not the case here, just throwing that out there.

And if it isn’t your kid, I’d say no way (but I don’t know that from your post.) 🙂
 
I think it sounds a little young for 12. Maybe when she hits high school and the dating scene is a bigger thing?
 
No question; she is too young.

Dating shouldn’t happen outside of a courtship context; there are too many bad influences and temptations for young people.
 
As someone who was 12 about a decade ago:

Sexuality is definitely going to be discussed by the middle school crowd, and there are going to be people in middle school who start experimenting as well. I think it’s better for someone to have an honest conversation with this girl “a little early” than to wait until she’s been put in situations she hasn’t been taught to respond to. Obviously that may not happen in this case, but I’d say better safe than sorry.

That said, you may or may not be the right person to initiate that conversation. Only you can know whether that is appropriate.

Just my two cents.
 
Thank you all for your thoughtful replies. I had a feeling the book was too advanced, but I know that kids these days are exposed to things earlier than I was. I thought perhaps it was better to get the information in this book out too early than too late, because the secular media is so influential.
 
Ocean_of_Mercy said:
Thank you all for your thoughtful replies. I had a feeling the book was too advanced, but I know that kids these days are exposed to things earlier than I was. I thought perhaps it was better to get the information in this book out too early than too late, because the secular media is so influential.
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First, I am going on the assumption the 12 year old is your child

I agree it is better too early than too late. As another poster suggested, read the book first.

And I am now 44 and I can remember discussing sex when I was 12 and by the time I was 13 knowing girls who were not virgins. I do NOT think 12 is too young. I just think it is sad that 12 year olds need these books
 
I remember my mother handing me a book, I think it was on the dangers of unwed pregnancy, about 50-some years ago. She was embarrassed to say anything herself, poor dear, she had been raised by maiden aunts.
I stuck it under the bed. It’s probably still there.
 
I think it’s a good age. Public school is no joke, if you send your kid into the lion’s den you need to prepare him.
 
Depending on the content of the book, you should probably show it to her. I only knew of one guy who had sex before high school but during 9th and 10th grades many kids lost their virginity. You should talk to her a couple years before then or else it might be too late.
 
The thing with 12-14 year olds is they won’t lose their virginity if mom and dad are keeping close tabs on where they are.
 
Anglewannabe said:
First, I am going on the assumption the 12 year old is your child

I agree it is better too early than too late. As another poster suggested, read the book first.

And I am now 44 and I can remember discussing sex when I was 12 and by the time I was 13 knowing girls who were not virgins. I do NOT think 12 is too young. I just think it is sad that 12 year olds need these books
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Yes, it depends a lot on the peer group and what the local norms are.

Where I grew up, it was not uncommon for 7th graders (i.e. 12-year-olds) to be “going out with” high school boys. I also knew a 14-year-old girl who was “going out with” a 24-year-old (!!!).
 
Xantippe said:
Yes, it depends a lot on the peer group and what the local norms are.

Where I grew up, it was not uncommon for 7th graders (i.e. 12-year-olds) to be “going out with” high school boys. I also knew a 14-year-old girl who was “going out with” a 24-year-old (!!!).
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A few months ago a person I knew from college, but hadn’t seen in a while, was discussing his 10 year old daughter with me. She had a boyfriend who was in high school. I tried really, really hard to not explode at him when he said, “Well, they’re kids, what are you going to do?”

:ehh::doh2::mad::crying::banghead:

(To be fair, he does not have primary custody of his daughter, so he can’t control what her mother permits. But still - oof!)

I remember knowing that there were some kids who were sexually active in middle school, but it was more of a rumor thing. Sure, I had crushes on boys at that age, but I wasn’t seriously interested in doing anything with them besides maybe hold hands. And I did wonder where on earth these kids got so much unsupervised time that they could manage to do anything. 🤷 I would have loved that much time just to read a book uninterrupted all afternoon! 😛
 
pensmama87 said:
A few months ago a person I knew from college, but hadn’t seen in a while, was discussing his 10 year old daughter with me. She had a boyfriend who was in high school. I tried really, really hard to not explode at him when he said, “Well, they’re kids, what are you going to do?”

Call CPS on mom?
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Does anyone have suggestions on books that might be more suitable? I am trying to find resources that would convey to a young person their immeasurable value in the eyes of God, and try and turn them away from seeing their ultimate value in physical appearance or attention/affection from romantic interests.
 
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