If your spouse could never have sex again, would you divorce him/her, or remain faithful?

[babs57]

Be heartened by the fact that no one has yet selected the divorce option. There are a few “don’t know”, which is at least an honest response open to trying to do what is right.

I agree. I am very heartened by what I am reading.

 

[PaulinVA]

Since I live in the Washington suburbs, we occasionally read or hear stories of the returning vets being healed at Walter Reed/Bethesda.

The spouses/girlfriends/boyfriends of these people are awesome. Can you imagine having your finance losing arms and or legs in combat and STILL marrying them?

These people are showing the rest of us what marriage is about. This preoccupation with sex misses the whole point of love and commitment.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

I almost cried thinking about this. The idea of leaving my fiance over a physical inability to have sex is heartbreaking. He is my best friend and he has given me all of himself. To abandon him because he got sick or injured, leaving him to suffer alone and leaving me to live out the rest of my life without him is just…horrible.

 

[Chantal25]

My days, that was fast. Could you lot explain your reasons?

Simple, first i am a woman of my word, second sexuality shouldn’t be used for pleasure but with respect, sexuality is blessed by God to multiply for married couple (Clearly if this person is sick, he/she cannot have children or raise more children).

A woman or an man aren’t an object for pleasure but two children of God that were made one by God through marriage. If you leave your spouse for this reason, clearly your own interest are far more important then your sweat half and even God.

Morally, if you love your husband or wife, you cannot do such a thing, i certainly wouldn’t be able to do a selfish decision like this.

All the best!

 

[Usige]

I agree with that. But let’s be honest…sex is a pretty big part of it. It’s one of the main reasons we get married, because God does not want us to have sex outside of marriage.

Hopefully sex isn’t one of the main driving forces. Sexual intimacy should flower from self sacrificing love. If avoidance of the sin of fornication is the main reason people get married then I weep for how little the sacramental nature of marriage means to people.

 

[Frank_Drebin]

Would you like to post it? There are people who stone their neighbours.

No, I couldn’t care less. I found the question absurd. And how much would you like to bet there are exactly zero neighbor-stoners on CA?

What makes you assume there is only one answer?

Are we human? Do we have free will?

Sure, and anyone who says yes may be honest, but is wrong. There is only one correct answer. Now you can say otherwise in a Catholic Answers poll, but that doesn’t mean there is any right answer but the one the Church already gave us.

This is a hypothetical but possible scenario. None of us knows the choice we will make until we are tested.

Ah, then why have a poll asking what we “would” do, since we don’t know what we “would” do unless we were tested already? Hypothetically, I might be able to heal my sex-malfunctioning wife with otherworldy superpowers should the need arise. Hypothetically.

It just seems an odd poll to have. Like asking - “be honest, have you ever thought about literally killling your spouse?” What are you hoping to get - a healthy good mix of yesses and nos.

No.

Actually, yes, you are. That’s precisely what you are asking. Why fib and say no? Your questions is still at the top of the page, dude.

 

[Frank_Drebin]

I know I already answered, but I just have to say… I keep thinking about this poll. It makes me feel an incredible sadness to think of anybody leaving in this situation. While I understand that the OP is stating we have free will and can choose to sin, but sinning against my life partner in this manner is unimaginable to me. How could anyone take a vow so lightly?

Inherently, asking polls with a negative spin serves little purpose, and is rather saddening.

 

[Cariethra]

I think divorcing someone because they can’t have sex is selfish. Especially when it would be due to some horrible thing happening to them. I would also say divorce in that case would be cruel. They would be going through so much already.

 

[crcath]

**NOTE: **Please read the scenario below before responding and explain your reasons.

Your spouse suffers a life-threatening injury or illness.

Although he/she recovers mentally intact, and even shows good chances for a normal life expectancy, doctors inform you that he/she will sustain permanent and severe physical disabilities. In other words, your spouse can converse normally and recall memories, but sexual intercourse will be impossible.

As no known treatment or cure exists within your lifetime, and the chances of a full, miraculous recovery are extremely unlikely, you must face the future of a very long, sexless marriage.

What would you do? Divorce or seperate from your spouse? Or would you honour your marital vows and make the best of a tragic situation? Why?

While the righteous thing to do would be to remain faithful, I’m much more inclined towards the divorce option. However, if I was married I might think otherwise.

If I’m describing your situation (more or less) what did you decide?

Definitely would remain faithful to my vows. In sickness and in health, till death do us part. A sad scenario to even think about, but so many other situations could be much worse.

 

[fpt]

**NOTE: **Please read the scenario below before responding and explain your reasons.

Your spouse suffers a life-threatening injury or illness.

Although he/she recovers mentally intact, and even shows good chances for a normal life expectancy, doctors inform you that he/she will sustain permanent and severe physical disabilities. In other words, your spouse can converse normally and recall memories, but sexual intercourse will be impossible.

As no known treatment or cure exists within your lifetime, and the chances of a full, miraculous recovery are extremely unlikely, you must face the future of a very long, sexless marriage.

]What do you mean? What is the type of medical issue?

In link with the sexual impotence: the reasons of the male impotence or the female impotence??? If the sexual organs are, some medical treatments are possible , useful and very helpful. If the sexual organs are not, it is impossible of treating. The definition of impotence, that is the issue for identifying the morality of sexual act???

In link with a STD that can be cured???

A spouse in Coma

ETC.

What would you do? Divorce or seperate from your spouse? Or would you honour your marital vows and make the best of a tragic situation? Why?

While the righteous thing to do would be to remain faithful, I’m much more inclined towards the divorce option. However, if I was married I might think otherwise.

If I’m describing your situation (more or less) what did you decide?

 

[Bezant]

I think the fact that you aren’t married and haven’t taken any vows yet skews your point of view and your answer. If you honestly would divorce your spouse because they can no longer have sex due to no fault of their own because they were in an accident, then this is something you need to seriously talk about with your future spouse when you are discerning marriage.

I would warn you that this kind of opinion is against one of the requirements of proper consent, which is permanence (the other two are fecundity and faithfulness). If you continue to hold this mindset, this could likely constitute an impediment to a valid marriage, and you may not have a valid marriage (which could be annulled).

If the priest were to even find out you think this way, he would be obligated to delay your wedding until this is resolved. But even if you manage to sneak this by the priest, God is not mocked. Hopefully, you will turn away from this before you decide to get married.

You are both correct, however, I never said I would divorce my spouse. Perhaps my answer (“I don’t know”) was unclear.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

You are both correct, however, I never said I would divorce my spouse. Perhaps my answer (“I don’t know”) was unclear.

You said you were leaning towards divorce.

As a lot of people have pointed out thinking that you may not be able to stick it out in sickness as well as health could render your marriage invalid. But even from a secular standpoint what would the purpose of getting married be if you would end it because your spouse got too sick or injured to have sex? Why make the commitment in the first place?

At the very least you should warn any potential spouses that you aren’t sure that you can stick with them through illness/injury before you marry them. That’s only fair.

 

[Bezant]

I think the fact that you aren’t married and haven’t taken any vows yet skews your point of view and your answer. If you honestly would divorce your spouse because they can no longer have sex due to no fault of their own because they were in an accident, then this is something you need to seriously talk about with your future spouse when you are discerning marriage.

I would warn you that this kind of opinion is against one of the requirements of proper consent, which is permanence (the other two are fecundity and faithfulness). If you continue to hold this mindset, this could likely constitute an impediment to a valid marriage, and you may not have a valid marriage (which could be annulled).

If the priest were to even find out you think this way, he would be obligated to delay your wedding until this is resolved. But even if you manage to sneak this by the priest, God is not mocked. Hopefully, you will turn away from this before you decide to get married.

You are both correct, but I never said I would divorce my spouse (granted, that wasn’t clear in my first post).

In other words: I don’t know. No one escapes old age or poor health, so marriage must mean more than sexual intimacy. I hope to do the right thing. Nevertheless, you can’t deny that sexual intimacy is an important component to marriage, or that, in the situation I describe, the potential for infidelity can be greater. In that case, divorce could be understandable. There are other factors that could sway my opinion one way or another (e.g., children, age). I don’t think any of us know what we’ll do until we’re tested.

 

[Bezant]

You said you were leaning towards divorce.

I did, but I stated my view incorrectly. Mea culpa.

Why make the commitment in the first place?

At the very least you should warn any potential spouses that you aren’t sure that you can stick with them through illness/injury before you marry them. That’s only fair.

Fair point, BlueEyedLady.

 

[Ellen_Mary]

I’m enough of a man to say that it would absolutely suck but there’s no way I’m bailing on my wife. She’s the mother of my (soon to be) three kids and my partner in life. She’s done her darndest to get me to heaven and I have the obligation to do the same.

Would I always “remain faithful” in terms of avoiding all sexual sin? I don’t know. I’m also enough of a man to admit that such a circumstance would be potentially leave me in a vulnerable situation where I might succumb. Not to other women, but to other sexual sin. I mean, as a recovering porn addict, I was active in addiction even with her being perfectly capable of relations. So that might be an issue.

But would I divorce her or seek out other women? Absolutely and firmly NO.

I am in this situation at the moment, and have been for over 3 years. My husband doesn’t want to have sex with me although there is no medical reason for his decision. He has an addiction to porn and I think he is now becoming incapable of having ‘real’ sex as his only focus is fantasy and ultimately that is unobtainable. Strangly I am the one with the disability, as I have spina bifida not my husband. I miss the intimacy and the tenderness of cuddles and kissing, but I’ve got used to the no sex part but miss it. I would like to have the love and tenderness back, but I am unable to initiate that as he freezes so we are like brother and sister.

This is my second marriage (my first aged 24 not in a Catholic church was annulled) I will stay in my marriage as I gave my vow. I have been away from the church for almost 30 years but I am following a need to return to the Church. However my marriage isn’t valid as my husband was previously married (in a Catholic church) and divorced. He married again but that marriage was annuled as his wife (who had very severe mental health issues and has since passed away) tried to kill him and her 2 children. His marriage to his 2nd wife only lasted 6 days and she was sent away by authorities. My husband is Catholic but he isn’t committed to coming back to the church so that’s another difference in my marriage.

 

[Michael_Allen]

Stay faithful - absolutely no shadow of a doubt.

 

[VirtusTransitus]

I know I already answered, but I just have to say… I keep thinking about this poll. It makes me feel an incredible sadness to think of anybody leaving in this situation. While I understand that the OP is stating we have free will and can choose to sin, but sinning against my life partner in this manner is unimaginable to me. How could anyone take a vow so lightly?

This is a total branch off of the original question, but…

In answer to the above quote, I could think of some possible reasons for leaving, but not **directly **related to the inability to have sex.

What I mean is: a person injured or diseased in such a way may lead an otherwise happy life and be a fantastic partner. Or, they could blame God, be inconsolable, and make everyone else around them miserable (i.e. be emotionally abusive, and possibly physically so).

In the latter case, I could imagine how an annulment might be a very attractive and preferable option after significant effort had been expended to help the injured/diseased spouse come to terms with their situation.

I don’t believe God’s will for anyone is to endure abuse.

 

[ahs]

I would honor my vows and stay with my “other half” to whom I have perfectly joined myself…for better or worse…until death. If nothing else, it would give us more opportunity to build one another up for the Kingdom as we carry that cross together.

 

[Debora123]

What would you do? Divorce or seperate from your spouse? Or would you honour your marital vows and make the best of a tragic situation? Why?

I would stay with him, of course.

Why? Because I love him… for better or for worse, in sickness and in health.

Seems like a no brainer to me.

 

[Debora123]

If you honestly would divorce your spouse because they can no longer have sex due to no fault of their own because they were in an accident, then this is something you need to seriously talk about with your future spouse when you are discerning marriage. This scenario you’ve put together and the decision you would make, is absolutely something you need to disclose before you enter into the Sacrament of Matrimony.

Agreed.