My husband and I do not have secrets. We have found
for us that being open and honest allows us to deal with things together, and not alone. Also it helps the other spouse to know when the other is in need of specific “prayer cover.”
My husband recently shared a struggle he was having at work concerning a cute mexican girl. He is in the construction trade and she is the only woman there, and she dresses in a way that is eyecatching. Very tight and lowcut jeans and blouses.
He wanted my advice on how to handle the situation. He said he had been averting his eyes, but that sometimes he would walk into the room and she would be there bent over, and he would “see” then divert his eyes. But the fact that he “saw” first really bothered him and though he didn’t want to he would have images pop up. It REALLY bothered him, and as most of the other men he worked with enjoyed this diversion, he felt quite alone in his struggle.
We talked about how Christ would look at this woman, and I said I didn’t think he would avert his eyes, but see beyond her exterior and into her personhood. BUT that if he was not able to do this, it was best to continue averting his eyes.
I didn’t bring it up again, but used the opportunity to storm Heaven on my husbands behalf, and enlist prayers from friends of mine to help my husband. I felt so bad for him (and all men who struggle to be chaste in a sex saturated culture.)
Anyways, a few weeks later he and a coworker were in our home speaking of an incident that happened earlier that day concerning another employee and the girl. Supposedly this man said something extrememely rude and sexually offensive to this girl, and my husband and his friend were laughing about it in a “wow he’s really got some b*lls” kind of way.
I was crushed. I felt that my husband laughing was condoning this other man’s behaviour, and I told him that I hope someday he will be brave enough to not only worry about protecting himself ( by averting his eyes), but to
see her truly as a human being. I admonished him for laughing and not defending her. Especially because she does not speak English and many men are making her the butt of jokes, with her in the room, and she doesn’t even know it.
Anyway, this was a few weeks ago. Last night my husband said that he had something that he wanted to tell me. I hate when he does that because I always think it’s some big thing and it ends up being not that big of a deal. So he says something that was very minor and I said “phew, I thought you were going to tell me something about that girl at work.” He looked very surprised, like it was the furthest thing from his mind, then he said … “But now that you mentioned it, I stood up for her like you said.” He is the foreman on this jobsite, and he told all of them that it was wrong to take advantage of the fact that she could not speak English by mocking her in her presence and making crude sexual referances about her. That from now on, anyone he heard doing this was going to be kicked off the jobsite and sent back to the shop immediately.:clapping:
I am so proud of him. I am not sure that if he didn’t share his struggle with me, and we didn’t have the opportunity to discuss the theological truths behind it, and I wasn’t made aware of how much in need of prayer he was … that this situation would have turned out to be such an opportunity for growth. For me as well, I was invited into a deeper level of trust in my husband and in God through this opportunity.
I am here to “help” my husband. I can’t do that if I don’t know he needs help.
