If you're not called

[Monica4316]

There’s something I’ve been wondering about a lot lately. I don’t know for sure if I’m called to be a nun or not. I am feeling drawn to the religious life. But I haven’t done any real discerning yet. I’m very afraid of my family’s reaction, etc, so what I decided recently is that I’m just going to let God choose for me. I’d never have the courage to choose something like this myself, lol, only accept what His will is. I also decided to give Him time to show me His will, and not worry so much, but rather concentrate on loving and serving Him here and now, where I am.
But there’s one thing I’m wondering…

Let’s say that I’d be called to marriage instead and have a family. I know that if this is God’s will for me, it would be right to obey… and one thing that I really want - more and more, these past few months - is to live entirely for God. I believe that I’ll live entirely for Him if I’m entirely obedient… whether this would require a big sacrifice on my part (being a nun) or not. (to me, becoming a nun is a big sacrifice because I’m still so attached to the world).
Well - here’s my question… if I’ll end up having a family instead… would my relationship with God be as strong as if I were a nun? would I still be able to be consecrated to Him in some way…

sometimes I feel that we demonstrate our love for God the most through obedience and sacrifice, and trust of Him… and I guess I can have that in both circumstances… but …I’m not sure how to put this, can I still totally ‘be His’ as a wife and mother? I’m sorry if this is a silly question but it’s a sincere concern that I have. Is it better…being a nun? because you’re giving up EVERYTHING for Him. And - sometimes I don’t feel like I even want a boyfriend or husband - I mean naturally I do, at other times, but - often I feel like Jesus is enough. Like I would want to be spiritually ‘married’ to Him.

any thoughts?

 

[Allen537]

Keep in mind that God does not “choose” anything for us in the same way we do. God has a plan for all of us, and he wants us to participate in that plan. That being said, God will direct you in you prayer and discernment if you ask him to and you make yourself open to His Grace. But when push comes to shove, you and you alone will have to make that decision. No one can make it for you.

And likewise, after you make your decision (let’s assume it’s yes to his will) no matter what your state in life, You will continually have to say yes, every day of your life. No Vocation is easy, but with God’s grace we can live them. But we have to do our part too.

In Carmel,

Br. Allen

 

[Cloisters]

There’s something I’ve been wondering about a lot lately. I don’t know for sure if I’m called to be a nun or not. I am feeling drawn to the religious life. But I haven’t done any real discerning yet. I’m very afraid of my family’s reaction, etc, so what I decided recently is that I’m just going to let God choose for me. I’d never have the courage to choose something like this myself, lol, only accept what His will is. I also decided to give Him time to show me His will, and not worry so much, but rather concentrate on loving and serving Him here and now, where I am.
But there’s one thing I’m wondering…

Let’s say that I’d be called to marriage instead and have a family. I know that if this is God’s will for me, it would be right to obey… and one thing that I really want - more and more, these past few months - is to live entirely for God. I believe that I’ll live entirely for Him if I’m entirely obedient… whether this would require a big sacrifice on my part (being a nun) or not. (to me, becoming a nun is a big sacrifice because I’m still so attached to the world).
Well - here’s my question… if I’ll end up having a family instead… would my relationship with God be as strong as if I were a nun? would I still be able to be consecrated to Him in some way…

sometimes I feel that we demonstrate our love for God the most through obedience and sacrifice, and trust of Him… and I guess I can have that in both circumstances… but …I’m not sure how to put this, can I still totally ‘be His’ as a wife and mother? I’m sorry if this is a silly question but it’s a sincere concern that I have. Is it better…being a nun? because you’re giving up EVERYTHING for Him. And - sometimes I don’t feel like I even want a boyfriend or husband - I mean naturally I do, at other times, but - often I feel like Jesus is enough. Like I would want to be spiritually ‘married’ to Him.

any thoughts?

What you’re being called to do RIGHT NOW is do your daily duty for love of God, as Our Lady asked us to do at Fatima. St. Francis de Sales says that our job as Christians is to turn to God a hundred times a day, and to take care of our health that it may serve us to serve God.

Right now–you’re to work on building your relationship with God. Establish that quiet place in your heart where He will always dwell, no matter what vocation you’re called to. This is the “spiritual marriage” you’re talking about.

The Holy Ghost works on attraction, and grace builds on nature. Whatever you’re doing now, be the best you can be. Let go and let God. If He is truly leading you to the religious life, then let Him do the leading. I know He helps those who help themselves, but the best you can do right now is “bloom where you’re planted” (another Salesian maxim).

Get a spiritual director, and get that inner solitude with God established. Then start talking about religious life or marriage. The fundamentals have to be in place before you can start teaching others–which is what you do in both religious life and marriage. They are teaching positions.

If you’re feeling called to marriage, then be the partner you want to find in return. I cannot emphasize this enough.

HTH.

Blessings,
Cloisters

 

[BarbaraTherese]

Quoting Monica:

Well - here’s my question… if I’ll end up having a family instead… would my relationship with God be as strong as if I were a nun? would I still be able to be consecrated to Him in some way…

You are already consecrated to God through Baptism - and yes, your relationship with God can be every bit as strong as if you were consecrated in some other way, which is to build onto that Baptism - to make manifest a deep commitment to one’s Baptism. If one is called one can as a single person or a married person join a Third Order for lay people attached to a religious order and adopt the charism of that Order and a Rule of Life in that spirit…this is to make manifest too a deep commitment to one’s Baptism in a particular way.
One can in the married or single state without any other formal consecration in The Church make a deep commitment to one’s Baptism and to Christ and The Gospel and strive to make these relationships evident in our daily married or single lives. The parents of St. Therese are now beatified and on their way to canonization.

sometimes I feel that we demonstrate our love for God the most through obedience and sacrifice, and trust of Him… and I guess I can have that in both circumstances… but …I’m not sure how to put this, can I still totally ‘be His’ as a wife and mother?

Yes, you can be totally God’s and in a Loving relationship with Him as a wife and a mother. And marriage and family life is going to ask a spirit of obedience and generous self sacrifice in quite unique and demanding ways … all submitted lovingly to for the Love of God and one’s husband and children for God has called one to marriage. Same for religious life, only different in that obedience is owed to one’s superior and sacrifice is in line with the particualr duties of the religious state rather than the duties of marriage:thumbsup: …all done too for the Love of God and the good of the community rather than a husband and children. For God has called one to religious life.

I’m sorry if this is a silly question but it’s a sincere concern that I have. Is it better…being a nun? because you’re giving up EVERYTHING for Him. And - sometimes I don’t feel like I even want a boyfriend or husband - I mean naturally I do, at other times, but - often I feel like Jesus is enough. Like I would want to be spiritually ‘married’ to Him.

The attraction between males and females is created by God and is good and is healthy, is a blessing and a gift and not to be despised. As this world is God’s blessing and gift and not to be despised.

Jesus answers the above questions for you - his mother wanted to speak to Him and when told she was waiting, he replied that those who do the Will of The Father are His bretheren, his mother and his brothers and sisters (and of course none have ever responded so magnificently to God’s Will as Mary). Jesus did not join a religious organization or group of His day and religion, he remained a lay person. Mary and Joseph, his parents were married (though Mary remained a virgin).

The other point is that we never choose our vocation, we receive our vocation from God…we are called by Him. “You have not chosen me, it is I that have chosen you” And our Baptismal call is to “do the will of He who sent me” and like Jesus we are all sent into this world with a mission, a vocation and a call from God to respond to His Will lovingly and generously in imitation of Jesus no matter where He may call us.

The ideal and the aim of discernment is not so much to go in the direction one wants, as to go in the direction in which God is calling. To fulfill God’s Will for one’s life. To discern what God’s Will may be.

Do keep open your options and even seek spiritual advice on a vocation before making up your mind. *Attraction *is the basic indication of a potential call by God…to the religious life, to marriage or to the single state for the sake of The Kingdom or priesthood. It seems you have an attraction to the married state, but also one to religious life.

Barb

 

[Cloisters]

. Attraction is the basic indication of a potential call by God…to the religious life, to marriage or to the single state for the sake of The Kingdom or priesthood. It seems you have an attraction to the married state, but also one to religious life.

Barb

Married Third Order member.

Blessings,
Cloisters

 

[1234]

Your profiles states that you’re in the process of entering the RCC. If this is so, you have a minimum of two years to wait before you can enter an order, possibly longer . It is common for converts to think seriously about entering religious life. In the meantime, you can start discerning, possibly with a spiritual director and by visiting nearby religious houses. I think that the answer will become much clearer once you start discerning.

 

[Cloisters]

Your profiles states that you’re in the process of entering the RCC. If this is so, you have a minimum of two years to wait before you can enter an order, possibly longer . It is common for converts to think seriously about entering religious life. In the meantime, you can start discerning, possibly with a spiritual director and by visiting nearby religious houses. I think that the answer will become much clearer once you start discerning.

Three years.

Blessings,
Cloisters

 

[BarbaraTherese]

Married Third Order member.

Blessings,
Cloisters

Not too sure, Gemma, where the connection is between what you have quoted from my Post and the comments above. What I meant was that if one wants to deepen their Baptism commitment in a formal type of way and one is married, one could consider, if led, to become the member of a Third Order for lay people, which do accept married members. I was outlining options to Monica in my overall Post, while noting and point out to her at the end of my Post that she did have an attraction to both married life and a religious vocation it seemed and to make her decision between the two most wisely and best with spiritual direction/vocational guidance.

Here is what I said re Third Orders:

If one is called one can as a single person or a married person join a Third Order for lay people attached to a religious order and adopt the charism of that Order and a Rule of Life in that spirit…this is to make manifest too a deep commitment to one’s Baptism in a particular way.

 

[Monica4316]

Thank you very much for your replies!! they’ve really helped me… I’ll reply to each one a little later because I want to spend some more time thinking. But I’ve read all your advice, and thanks again! God bless!

 

[Jacki5389]

It sounds like you and I are kind of on the same page in our lives now.

I was speaking with a friend of mine recently whom I admire as a spiritual friend. She was telling me how in the past month, God “told her” that His Plan for her now is to go into college campus ministry…something she would never dream of herself. But she is pumped about it!

In the past year, I’ve been having thoughts about becoming a nun or living my life in full tme ministry. I want nothing more, like you, than to live my life entirely for God. But that certainly doesn’t leave marriage out. I believe it says in the Psalms that God will grant you the desires of your heart. My heart’s desires are to marry and raise a family, and work in ministry.

My friend’s (name removed by moderator)ut was that maybe God is just testing me right now. And you too. He may be asking, “Jacki, do you truly love Me enough to become a nun and live your life for Me? Are you able to give up your possessions and all of the plans that you have made for your life in order to live My Will?” He may be trying to teach you something now and bring you deeper in your relationship.

Another bit of her advice was to PRAY ABOUT IT! Ask God what His Will is for you, but you’ve got to be willing to live it. Ask Him to open the doors for you where they need to be opened, and ask Him to shut the ones where He does not want you to go. He may open doors to teach you lessons, but then close ones so you dont fully follow that path. Ex: He may be opening the doors of campus ministry for her because there is something to be taught, but He may not want her there for her whole life. Maybe she will meet her husband there.

And I know I hate hearing that you’ll just know it when He tells you, because obviously we haven’t experienced that, but my friend said she also hates that, but it happened to her and you truly will just know.

Feel free to message me if you want!

 

[barb_finnegan]

I’m not sure WHAT my ‘vocation’ is!

I’m a single woman, 54 years old. When I was in my late teens/early twenties, I thought of becoming a Carmelite nun (I love Our Lady and St. Therese). But, after seven years of letters and visits, the Mother Prioress and Novice Mistress determined that I had ‘a love and a loyalty to the Order, but not a vocation’. So that was that…

Next, I was in two Third Orders-the Franciscans, and then the Discalced Carmelites. I may have stated the reasons I left those Orders in another thread, so I won’t repeat it here.

Now I’m NOTHING. I never wanted marriage, and I’m ‘too old’ for religious life. I have no spiritual director-it’s too hard to look for one.

I thought about Consecrated Virginity-but it means I would still have to ‘live in the world’. I don’t like having ‘one foot in the world and one foot out of it’. And I’m not keen on ‘lay minstry’ (I HATE THOSE WORDS), because I don’t want to be an ‘accessory’ to the emasculation of the priesthood…and I’M NOT ORDAINED!

It seems that the Church doesn’t have anything for older people who aren’t overly intellectual (read: with a big fat college degree). They want only the young, because they’re ‘the future’…people my age are ‘the past’.

Any suggestions? Hope I’m hijacking this thread…

 

[1234]

I’m not sure WHAT my ‘vocation’ is!

I’m a single woman, 54 years old. When I was in my late teens/early twenties, I thought of becoming a Carmelite nun (I love Our Lady and St. Therese). But, after seven years of letters and visits, the Mother Prioress and Novice Mistress determined that I had ‘a love and a loyalty to the Order, but not a vocation’. So that was that…

Next, I was in two Third Orders-the Franciscans, and then the Discalced Carmelites. I may have stated the reasons I left those Orders in another thread, so I won’t repeat it here.

Now I’m NOTHING. I never wanted marriage, and I’m ‘too old’ for religious life. I have no spiritual director-it’s too hard to look for one.

I thought about Consecrated Virginity-but it means I would still have to ‘live in the world’. I don’t like having ‘one foot in the world and one foot out of it’. And I’m not keen on ‘lay minstry’ (I HATE THOSE WORDS), because I don’t want to be an ‘accessory’ to the emasculation of the priesthood…and I’M NOT ORDAINED!

It seems that the Church doesn’t have anything for older people who aren’t overly intellectual (read: with a big fat college degree). They want only the young, because they’re ‘the future’…people my age are ‘the past’.

Any suggestions? Hope I’m hijacking this thread…

You’re not hijacking the thread and you’re not too old for religious life, but you have to figure out what sort of religious life you’re most suited for. For this you need a spiritual director, and you should start learning more about religious orders. Only certain ones are strict about upper age limits. The ‘updated’ orders’ without the full traditional habits are not as strict and a number of habited cloistered orders, either in small orders or small monasteries, probably aren’t either. A spiritual director and a copy of the Guide to Religious Ministries in book form and online are ways to start.

 

[barb_finnegan]

You’re not hijacking the thread and you’re not too old for religious life, but you have to figure out what sort of religious life you’re most suited for. For this you need a spiritual director, and you should start learning more about religious orders. Only certain ones are strict about upper age limits. The ‘updated’ orders’ without the full traditional habits are not as strict and a number of habited cloistered orders, either in small orders or small monasteries, probably aren’t either. A spiritual director and a copy of the Guide to Religious Ministries in book form and online are ways to start.

I don’t have a spiritual director, that’s it…I’ll only go to a priest. But our priests are SOOOO busy these days! (I WILL NOT go to a ‘priestess wanna-be’ or a weird-thinking layman!)

I’m ‘traditional’ in my spiritual outlook, and so I have no patience with ‘updated orders’. I won’t touch them with a ten-foot pole! Those are the only ones in my Upstate NY diocese-the liberals in the chancery will not allow any of the newer, more faithful Orders in! And then they wonder why there are no new vocations? It’s as plain as the nose on their face!

I’m more into the contemplative than the the active Orders-that’s why I looked into the Carmelites when I was younger. But my health isn’t strong enough. And I’m ‘too dumb’ and ‘too disorganized’ to be in the active religious life!

I have a copy of the Guide to Religious Ministries-not the recent one, though. And I was in touch a few years ago with a group that arranged vocation retreats in various convents. But I have very little money now, and can’t go traipsing off to visit them (not working).

Maybe I’m better off being a hermit…

 

[1234]

I don’t have a spiritual director, that’s it…I’ll only go to a priest. But our priests are SOOOO busy these days! (I WILL NOT go to a ‘priestess wanna-be’ or a weird-thinking layman!)

I’m ‘traditional’ in my spiritual outlook, and so I have no patience with ‘updated orders’. I won’t touch them with a ten-foot pole! Those are the only ones in my Upstate NY diocese-the liberals in the chancery will not allow any of the newer, more faithful Orders in! And then they wonder why there are no new vocations? It’s as plain as the nose on their face!

I’m more into the contemplative than the the active Orders-that’s why I looked into the Carmelites when I was younger. But my health isn’t strong enough. And I’m ‘too dumb’ and ‘too disorganized’ to be in the active religious life!

I have a copy of the Guide to Religious Ministries-not the recent one, though. And I was in touch a few years ago with a group that arranged vocation retreats in various convents. But I have very little money now, and can’t go traipsing off to visit them (not working).

Maybe I’m better off being a hermit…

Well, there are the Sister Adorers of the Precious Blood in Watertown, Maine, The Sacramentine Nuns in Scarsdale NY, the Visitation in Brooklyn, the Camaldolese nuns in Windsor NY, the Dominican nuns in Elmira NY, the Redemptorist nuns in Esopus NY–for starters. Most only have a web presence at macc.catholic.org. These aren’t very complete websites, but a start. All wear habits, some with a modified veil, but with characteristic scapulars, colors, and veil. All seem to be suitable for an older candidate who cannot perform the heavy penances of the Collettines Poor Clares or Passionist nuns.

 

[HAP0623]

This is EXACTLY what I’m going through right now! Right now I am 22 and just finished getting a history degree in college, but can’t help thinking about becoming a nun. I’ve always wanted to be a wife and mother, but lately serving God seems more right. I was praying for a job that would help people, a job that He would be proud of, and ever since then I’ve been thinking of this. I’m afraid of what my family would say, or even if this is what He wants for me. It’s extremely confusing, but I just continue going to church and praying and asking if this is what He wants for me to do. When I think about it though, I just don’t feel worthy enough for this vocation. I just want to help people in need and spread the Catholic word. It’s just a confusing time, but my only advice is to pray and follow your heart. He knows what He is doing!

 

[barb_finnegan]

Well, there are the Sister Adorers of the Precious Blood in Watertown, Maine, The Sacramentine Nuns in Scarsdale NY, the Visitation in Brooklyn, the Camaldolese nuns in Windsor NY, the Dominican nuns in Elmira NY, the Redemptorist nuns in Esopus NY–for starters. Most only have a web presence at macc.catholic.org. These aren’t very complete websites, but a start. All wear habits, some with a modified veil, but with characteristic scapulars, colors, and veil. All seem to be suitable for an older candidate who cannot perform the heavy penances of the Collettines Poor Clares or Passionist nuns.

I’ve read about-and seen what limited websites have on-these religious communities. But all of the members are…OLD! They’re not going to last much longer with just OLD women!

I went to a “Prayer for Vocations” evening in the summer of 2002, at a parish in the southern part of NY. I was traveling with a married couple and a young altar boy/sacristan from the parish who was thinking of the priesthood. We started out late, and missed the prayer service, but stayed for the picnic in the parish center. The Bishop was there, along with the priests’ vocations director at the time.

Afterwards, there was a question/answer session. I was the first to say something. I said, “Why are there no places for ‘older’ women like me in religious life? And don’t we have any of the new flourishing religious Orders here in this diocese?” And before the vocation director said anything, the Bishop’s secretary, who sat behind me, responded with, “Why not the Dominican nuns on … Street?” I shot back with, “They’re all OLD!” The Bishop didn’t say anything, but the vocation director did-he just said to me, “Let us help you…” And when I was getting ready to leave that night, he made it a point to repeat that to me.

After some ‘phone and email tag’, we did get together early the following year. The vocation director came to do a day of recollection not far from my home. We talked for a hour or so after the day’s activities were done.

Sad to say, nothing else happened. Several months later, he was out as vocation director after a sexual abuse lawsuit was filed against him.

 

[1234]

Um…it seems to me that you in a previous post revealed that you’re in your …mid-50’s? That’s not old, but by the time you’re discerned and entered somewhere, you’re going to be several years older.

Older nuns are full of wisdom and patience. They live a long time and are often very bright. There are a lot of older vocations floating around who sooner or later are going to discover those orders.

It sounds as if you’re an older discerner looking for a community wearing a habit who accepts older discerners. Face it. Those women aren’t that much older than you. They may or may not survive–that is a problem. If there is more than one house of an order, or an affiliated house, they may survive. Otherwise they may not…

Habited orders getting a lot of young vocations aren’t interested in people your age.

I don’t think that you’re being realistic. If you want a habited order, near you, these orders and undoubtedly a few others are your best bet.

 

[Monica4316]

aw vocations can be really confusing sometimes hugs

Barb, I can not say what God’s will is for you, and you may yet be a nun or a religious sister, - and I don’t really have any great advice… sorry… I wish I did… but St Padre Pio once said, we must learn to accept as God’s will whatever happens and totally surrender to Him no matter how difficult it is. St Gemma really wanted to be a nun yet she never became one, instead she got a terrible illness and died. Yet through that she became a great Saint. I believe that God can use us wherever we are.

God bless

 

[Monica4316]

My friend’s (name removed by moderator)ut was that maybe God is just testing me right now. And you too. He may be asking, “Jacki, do you truly love Me enough to become a nun and live your life for Me? Are you able to give up your possessions and all of the plans that you have made for your life in order to live My Will?” He may be trying to teach you something now and bring you deeper in your relationship.

this is a great point, thanks!

and thanks for all your replies.

 

[Monica4316]

This is EXACTLY what I’m going through right now! Right now I am 22 and just finished getting a history degree in college, but can’t help thinking about becoming a nun. I’ve always wanted to be a wife and mother, but lately serving God seems more right. I was praying for a job that would help people, a job that He would be proud of, and ever since then I’ve been thinking of this. I’m afraid of what my family would say, or even if this is what He wants for me. It’s extremely confusing, but I just continue going to church and praying and asking if this is what He wants for me to do. When I think about it though, I just don’t feel worthy enough for this vocation. I just want to help people in need and spread the Catholic word. It’s just a confusing time, but my only advice is to pray and follow your heart. He knows what He is doing!

I could have written this post… lol! We’re definitely in similar situations… I’m also so afraid of what my family would say too. I’m also 22 lol. I hope everything works out! Definitely pray… a friend of mine recently advised me to go to Adoration as much as I can. Probably that’s the best advice I could give to anyone… go to Adoration. hehe.

God bless you!