If you're not miserable, you're doing it wrong?

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Tis_Bearself

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I am often reading things about “spiritual dryness” and “lack of consolation” in prayer and in our relationship with God generally. These terms seem like buzzwords to me, but I am using them because they seem to be generally accepted terms for describing the condition of feeling like God is not answering or is not giving us what we need or is just not present, or someone is struggling with unbelief or struggling with the whole God thing generally etc.

I appreciate that these are real and serious struggles that many people have on a regular or even daily basis and I do not mean to detract from that in the least.

However, what if a person doesn’t have these issues, or doesn’t have them regularly? I know I get very tired in general, sometimes due to physical causes (anemia, work stress, other stuff going on in life) and this affects my ability to keep up a relationship with God. I also sometimes get discouraged at the behavior of others, especially if it happens on top of my already being physically tired or stressed. But neither of these things seems to be spiritual dryness or lack of consolation. I don’t feel like God isn’t there or doesn’t care or isn’t bothering with me, etc. I actually can’t remember ever feeling this way about God.

It seems like some saints and commentators have indicated that if you don’t have spiritual dryness or lack of consolation, you’re “doing it wrong” or you’re just an absolute beginner so God is giving you extra positive feelings which He will then cease to provide later on when you get more advanced in your spiritual life. The thing is, while I have suffered from occasional fatigue or discouragement as described above, I don’t think I have ever actually experienced this dryness and lack of consolation, or else I’m too stupid to recognize it.

Is this really something everybody gets? Do I have to be looking over my shoulder in case I get zapped with it at some point (like by the Devil)? Did I already get it at some point and not realize it? If I don’t get it, does that mean I am just stuck at some really low level of spiritual progression? Are there people who are generally or consistently happy in their relationship with God and are not spiritual dolts? Weren’t some saints generally pretty happy?
 
Tis_Bearself said:
If I don’t get it, does that mean I am just stuck at some really low level of spiritual progression?
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I’m sorry I can’t give you much advice. But I can tell you this: I’m in a very low level of spiritual progression and I constantly have doubts and “feel abandoned by God”. So no, I don’t think the fact that you don’t have it means you’re at a low level, I would bet my left eye you have more faith than me.

Maybe there’s a chance that what the saints said is more of a consolation technique? Like when we say, “even David doubted God many times”. Maybe it’s to console you when you DO have doubts, rather than telling you you’re wrong if you don’t have them?

And for what it’s worth, based on your answers here, I really don’t think you’re stupid.
 
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Maybe “stupid” is the wrong word, but I’m not spiritually advanced.
I really don’t want to be “spiritually advanced” in the sense of being a great theologian. I feel like it’s better to be “like little children” and apply the KISS (Keep It Simple, Stupid) principle. This makes me a total loser at apologetics or philosophy and it has caused some people to get really upset with me, but if one doesn’t enjoy mental gymnastics about deep life things, they are not necessary for living and it’s a waste of time engaging in unnecessary thoughts that one doesn’t enjoy, when one could be spending that time on pleasant thoughts or activities.
 
I would recommend that you be circumspect in asking for suffering and crosses.
 
I don’t get it. I need to ask for these things?
Daily crosses are part of life.
I’m not to the point where I beg the Lord to give them to me either.
Having a cross is different from spiritual dryness though.

Also, I would hope that just talking about this subject doesn’t mean God plays Gotcha and says “I’m gonna hit that person with a big bunch of bad stuff now! Just like Job!”
 
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Tis_Bearself said:
I don’t get it. I need to ask for these things?
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No, you don’t need to ask for them. You just need to be willing to accept them when they come.

If you’ve never read St Teresa of Avila, I highly recommend her as a guide to prayer and the spiritual life. Start with The Way of Perfection.
 
No, why? It can only mean to trust God more.
Spiritual dryness is not something everyone experiences the same way. Some experience it directly associated with ritual and the sensations are very intense (like pain during prayers etc) others just forget about God in their lives, certain tests of life leave them sad and tired. These are all temptation/research/testing that God either sends to us or allows it to happen to us so we can be clarified about our faith and have time during our life to truly turn towards Him.
Anyone who prides in their own temptations (like an acute sense of spiritual dryness) and says those who don’t feel this didn’t get it, are definitely not getting it. In my honest opinion. And not just mine:
““The one who thinks is beyond deceit is the most deceived of all.”” (St. Ignatius Brianchaninov)
 
Yes, I’m familiar with her, although my reading time is limited. I have also had plenty of trials come up in my life. I just specifically have NOT had a case of spiritual desolation.

For people to be telling me “just be ready for it when it happens!” Or “be careful, you might get it yet!” seems a bit odd. Substitute the word “clinical depression” for “spiritual dryness” or “spiritual desolation “ and you’ll see how this sounds to me.
 
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Thanks, Mary. It makes sense if we just don’t experience it in the same way. Perhaps the years I was away from the Church just due to being disorganized, too busy, or in sin were the equivalent.
Or perhaps it was back when I attended Mass on Sunday every week at the same parish thinking the sermon was boring and I didn’t fit in.
 
Philippians 4:4

Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS. I will say it again, Rejoice!

Always being the operative word…in good times or bad, rejoice, for God is with you!
 
Tis_Bearself said:
Is this really something everybody gets? Do I have to be looking over my shoulder in case I get zapped with it at some point (like by the Devil)? Did I already get it at some point and not realize it? If I don’t get it, does that mean I am just stuck at some really low level of spiritual progression? Are there people who are generally or consistently happy in their relationship with God and are not spiritual dolts? Weren’t some saints generally pretty happy?
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  1. No.
  2. No.
  3. No. If you did experience spiritual desolation you may not have known what it was, but you would certainly have noticed something was different.
  4. No.
  5. Yes.
  6. Yes.
🙂

Don’t worry about it. God knows us better than we know ourselves. If you have not experienced spiritual desolation, He has apparently decided you have not needed to up to this point. KISS, and be at peace. 😉
 
Tis_Bearself said:
Do I have to be looking over my shoulder in case I get zapped with it at some point (like by the Devil)?
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Certainly not! Each of us is given the conditions that are most needed to purify our souls. Since we all have different issues, we will all have different situations in which we will become sanctified. We are to “seek first the Kingdom” at all times and “in everything give thanks”. For some, this holy pursuit is frought with more struggle than others, but I think it has more to do with our inner relationship with God.
 
@Tis_Bearself Since you don’t have much time for reading, I would recommend starting with these rules on the discernment of spirits from the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola. In the rules, he lays out a guide for identifying, acknowledging, and dealing with both spiritual consolation and spiritual desolation, and how to get the most out of consolation and how to not get stuck in desolation:

http://www.sacred-texts.com/chr/seil/seil78.htm

If you find yourself wanting more information, I highly recommend the book “The Discernment of Spirits: An Ignatian Guide for Everyday Living” by Timothy M. Gallagher, which takes each rule and expands on them in each chapter. It is a relatively quick and easy ready.

https://www.amazon.com/Discernment-Spirits-Ignatian-Everyday-Living/dp/0824522915
 
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I don’t think you need to worry. Our relationships with God are our own, tailored to our own needs. I have never felt abandoned by God, the very thought of it terrifies me. Maybe it is in our future, maybe it is not. No sense in worrying about it.

I think most of the comments are intended to be encouraging and hopeful so people know it is normal to feel that way and there is a plan of action to get through it.

Why don’t you spend sometime in prayer asking God to help you see how to deepen your spiritual life?
 
We are parents.

We raise our children in the same home, with the same rules and the same parenting philosophy.

At the same time, we parent each child individually because what this child needs to develop into a functioning adult is not what that child needs to develop into a functioning adult.

God does the same thing. The spiritual life is the same, with Baptism as the birth then the Sacraments and doctrines and practices and disciplines.

At the same time, what will aid my spiritual growth to get me to heaven is different that what will aid your spiritual growth and get YOU to heaven.

Trust that as long as we hold up our end of the deal, God will give us or take from us exactly what is needed at the right time.
 
Tis-Bearself, you seem “spiritually advanced” to me in your posts, in a very good way.
As others state, God treats everyone uniquely. Although many saints have given us “guides” to the spiritual life, all that really matters is that we let God do with us what he wants. I remember reading once that lots of people have trouble giving themselves totally to God, or praying “thy will be done,” because they really don’t trust God but secretly believe the minute they pray this everything in their life will fall apart. In short, God is indeed waiting to “zap” us “for our good.” However, real faith and love of God tell us that God is a gentle Father, “the bruised reed he shall not break” (we are all bruised), and that he will never give us any trials without the corresponding courage and strength to bear them. I agree that it takes some faith to believe this, but it is what the Church has consistently affirmed.
I have always had a firm belief in God’s presence, although I rarely “feel” it. Spiritual dryness (or what I think of as spiritual dryness) seems to come and go–that is, sometimes I just really, really want to do my own thing and ignore prayer. The older I get (and the more our world seems to be out of control) the more I am conscious of being careful to adhere to God, let go of my own expectations (most of which have fallen by the wayside), and just let God do what he wants with me. I have to say that prayer to Mary is essential to fight any fear that comes with such abandonment.
 
anon90438963 said:
Tis-Bearself, you seem “spiritually advanced” to me in your posts, in a very good way.
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That’s kind, but I don’t think so.
Spirituality is not something a person can learn in the way one learns a subject in college, or learns how to get around in a career.
Those activities, and especially the latter, are very fake.
A relationship with God means you have to be as real as real can be. You can’t hide stuff from Him or change the subject.
This is difficult even for basically honest people.
You also have to give up control. This is difficult for any responsible and independent person.
And you have to not see it as a competition in any way.
All these things are so hard.
 
I think the main reason I don’t want to ignore prayer now is I spent the better part of 2 decades ignoring it and I see that was a mistake.
 
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