I'm 15 and already so scrupulous I can hardly live, please help?

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livelovelyxx

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I am a very paranoid person. I go to confession every single time I believe I’ve committed a mortal sin for fear of hell. I went this past Wednesday, but wasn’t paying attention, so I felt I had to go again this past Saturday. Now, I feel like I have to go again because I think I may have lied during the confession I made on Wednesday:
One of my sins I confessed was “hurting others physically and verbally”. This was because I have hit my sister before quite badly, as well as other things that I felt was categorized into the “hitting” category, such as minor kicking, scratching, etc. I’ve even hurt my parents before, but not severely. (I think I may have left a bruise once or twice). I’ve since moved on from those sins and am definitely making a strong effort to never do them again. Still, I don’t consider what I’ve done to be “serious” violence. Anyways, once I was finished confessing all of my sins, the priest asked me what I meant by hurting others physically. He said…“Is this hitting, or really serious violence?” My mind immediately thought,“Oh, I haven’t done serious violence!” So I said, “Oh, just hitting!.” At the time, I thought I was telling the entire truth. I didn’t mean just strictly hitting, but I thought he was generalizing hitting into other fairly minor things such as scratching, throwing things here and there, and things like that. Just yesterday, which was Sunday, I realized that I may have lied. I know I didn’t mean to, and I went to confession on Saturday and thought I was confessing all of the mortal sins I had (I wasn’t deliberately leaving any out). I’m only fifteen and part of my penance on Saturday was to stop worrying so much about my sins and to receive God’s grace. I hate living my life in fear, and it’s a hassle for my mom to have to drive me to confession every time I become aware that i forgot something and things like that. I’m afraid now I need to go again this coming Wednesday. That would be the third time in one week. Please help me with some guidance… I’m beginning to get scared.
 
Frequent confession is a great thing to be in the habit of. However, confessing sins that are already absolved is un-necessary.
Hitting your family and causing bruises is a very serious offense. In some cases, it is criminal, it shows a severe disrespect for your family and the commandment to honor one’s parents; find another way to lower your stress by a stress ball/screaming into a pillow/etc. Physical violence harms not only you and your soul but damages the body and soul of the person on the receiving end of your tantrum.
 
I would say no, you don’t. In the future if this continues to happen say “I committed physical violence against siblings X times, and against my parents X times.” If he wishes for you to elaborate you may. However, his reasons for asking are for pastoral reasons, he wishes to best till you how to live better in the future, not specific to absolution.
I believe you can be clear of conscious, you meant no deception and were simply caught off guard. He absolved you of all your sins in the confessional. And always, at the end of your confession of everything you list simply add “for these sins and ALL my sins I am sorry and ask for forgiveness.” That will make you be rest assured that anything you may have forgotten(venial) is also forgiven.
God sees into your heart in confession, worry a little less; be more concerned about your actions after confession than before.
 
I just realized something… if I forget a mortal sin, which I did (lying to the Holy Spirit), it isn’t forgiven?
 
Yes, it is forgiven, he absolves you of all your sins in the confessional. You should at the next opportunity confess the mortal sin however you did not lie to the holy spirit, you truly forgot and were truly contrite.
 
livelovelyxx said:
I just realized something… if I forget a mortal sin, which I did (lying to the Holy Spirit), it isn’t forgiven?
Click to expand...
All your sins were forgiven. If you forgot to confess a mortal sin (and are absolutely, positively sure it was mortal), just mention it the next time you go to confession.

When the priest says he absolves you of all your sins, he means it 🙂
 
livelovelyxx said:
I just realized something… if I forget a mortal sin, which I did (lying to the Holy Spirit), it isn’t forgiven?
Click to expand...
If you forget a sin, it is forgiven in confession.

Now on to your scrupulosity. You need to go to ONE confessor only. Tell him that you are suffering from scrupulosity. Obey him.
 
Hmmmnnn Anger control problems accompanied with serious guilt afterwards could indicate some psychological problems. If it continues and he advises you to see a counselor, by all means, do it. That is the benefit of having one confessor.
 
livelovelyxx said:
I am a very paranoid person. I go to confession every single time I believe I’ve committed a mortal sin for fear of hell. I went this past Wednesday, but wasn’t paying attention, so I felt I had to go again this past Saturday. Now, I feel like I have to go again because I think I may have lied during the confession I made on Wednesday:
One of my sins I confessed was “hurting others physically and verbally”. This was because I have hit my sister before quite badly, as well as other things that I felt was categorized into the “hitting” category, such as minor kicking, scratching, etc. I’ve even hurt my parents before, but not severely. (I think I may have left a bruise once or twice). I’ve since moved on from those sins and am definitely making a strong effort to never do them again. Still, I don’t consider what I’ve done to be “serious” violence. Anyways, once I was finished confessing all of my sins, the priest asked me what I meant by hurting others physically. He said…“Is this hitting, or really serious violence?” My mind immediately thought,“Oh, I haven’t done serious violence!” So I said, “Oh, just hitting!.” At the time, I thought I was telling the entire truth. I didn’t mean just strictly hitting, but I thought he was generalizing hitting into other fairly minor things such as scratching, throwing things here and there, and things like that. Just yesterday, which was Sunday, I realized that I may have lied. I know I didn’t mean to, and I went to confession on Saturday and thought I was confessing all of the mortal sins I had (I wasn’t deliberately leaving any out). I’m only fifteen and part of my penance on Saturday was to stop worrying so much about my sins and to receive God’s grace. I hate living my life in fear, and it’s a hassle for my mom to have to drive me to confession every time I become aware that i forgot something and things like that. I’m afraid now I need to go again this coming Wednesday. That would be the third time in one week. Please help me with some guidance… I’m beginning to get scared.
Click to expand...
dont be scared little one. some of us caries some anger issues. some of us are more agressives than the others. when i was very young, i was getting into fights with my brother and cousins, and i used to bite them. after growing up, i became more diplomatic. today, i am very tamed. so, it could also be an age issue. talk to a priest and confesse your feelings to him. tell him what makes you so angry that you want to hit others. believe me it will help. right it down how you feel and take to the priest, the priest is very understandble and will help you. telll him all your fears and why you have these fears. God is a loving God and forgiven. He knows your heart.
 
livelovelyxx said:
I just realized something… if I forget a mortal sin, which I did (lying to the Holy Spirit), it isn’t forgiven?
Click to expand...
My friend, you need to relax and recognize the mercy of God. The Church teaches that one is to confess all mortal sins because we cannot be healed of what we REFUSE to admit not what we forget. It looks like you need formal counseling outside of confession. Satan wishes nothing better than for you to think that you are constantly offending God and not worthy of Him. If Jesus could sit on a park bench with you He would tell you to look at all of the good in your heart. Your problem with hitting and physical violence stems from some kind of behavioral mismanagement but does not define you as a child of God. Love defines you as a child of God and out of that love God would want you to seek out help for these times when you express your anger through hitting.

The next time that you go to confession realize that you are sitting with Jesus and remember how compassionate He was while on earth to those who sinned. Jesus loves you more than you know. He would never want to receive a letter like this post as it would sadden Him to know that you might think that your sins are more powerful than His love. God loves you in all of your weaknesses and mistakes. Realize that, my friend, and please talk with someone who can sort this out for you. It’s not as bad as you perceive it. Please know that… peace… teachccd 🙂
 
Is it possible for you to get to church by bus or bicycle? If so, I think it would help
you if you could go for confession independently. I’m sure your mother would appreciate it.
I’m not a shrink but I wonder if you might have “obssessive compulsive disorder”.
I returned to the church just a year ago after being gone for 45 years. I had what’s
called “general confession”. And believe me there are a lot of both mortal and venial sins
after that long. And you better believe I didn’t remember them all. They dribble into
your memory and God knows I wasn’t trying to lie or deceive the priest. In fact just
this week I remembered a mortal sin after going to mass and confession for a year.
Do you have a positive relationship with an adult catholic man who could help you
with all this confusion. If not, maybe your priest arrange for you to have a mentor.
I promise you this, I will pray for you every day.

Lorraine

Hail Mary full of grace, the Lord is with Thee.
Blessed art Thou among women
and blessed is thfruit of Thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners
now and at the hour of our death.Amen.
 
Thank you everyone. I’m feeling much better now. I probably won’t go to confession for a while now (not too long, but at least a month or two), unless I willingly commit a mortal sin until then. Please keep me in your prayers!
 
Family dynamics over time, do create ingrained actions & responses to anger (15 years of learned responces). I grew up with 3 sisters 😃 and an older brother who thought we all were pains in his neck.

Be aware of how you subconsciously react to pressure situations. Maybe even start a diary to talk with yourself about your emotional ranges & reactions, etc. To get yourself aware & consistent with your emotional reaction inventory.

Watch how your emotions override what’s good for your soul. Emotions spark all of us toward action.

Respect Mom & Dad and don’t hit them 🙂 Mom gave birth to you and your parents sacrifice their individual needs daily to love, support and raise you & your brothers/sisters.

Respect your soul and don’t wound it with anger either. 👍

Meditating on favorite areas of Sacred Scripture - , ipod Christian music or radio stations. Speak to the Holy Spirit several times each day and become connected to the gifts and fruits of the Spirit:

scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s1c1a7.htm

I’v found that It’s much easier to accept & love other people once I stopped inventorying their sins 😃

Take to heart, the words of the prayer that Jesus asked us to pray, the Our Father:

“…forgive me my trespasses as I forgive those who trespass against me.”
 
Monitor the events that trigger anger, and the thoughts that can precede lashing out. Learn to verbalize, in a calm way, rather than reacting physically.
 
I also just remembered that I deliberately withheld telling the priest about hurting others physically and verbally during the confession I went to on Saturday because I didn’t realize that it was a mortal sin… do I need to now go again??
 
No, you don’t need to go again. You were absolved from all your sins last time. For something to be mortal sin you have to know it is and not care and do it anyway. You really must try not to live in fear of committing mortal sins - talk to your priest next time you go, he will have some sound advice for you.
 
livelovelyxxx, it sounds like you have a greater problem with habitual commission of these grave sins, rather than whether or not you have remembered them when you go to confession.

You should probably talk with your pastor or another priest, or maybe even your parents, about these sins that you are frequently committing.
 
livelovelyxxx,

please know that God loves you (I’m sure you know that, but ponder it again). He’s not trying to trick you, nor is He looking for ways to prevent you from being in union with Him. You obviously love God too; your scruples show your heart is in the right place, but it seems they are also getting in the way of your relationship with God.

If I were to offer some advice, I’d say you should go to Communion only if you know for sure that you are in a state of sin (if you were a person who suffered from laxity, I’d suggest the opposite: only go to Confession if you know for sure that you are in a state of Grace).

I don’t know you, my friend, but your heart is in the right place; though it’s probably pounding much harderthan it should be. God only wants you to Confess your sins to the best of your ability, and then you don’t need to worry about those sins anymore (even the ones you forgot) because we know He heals all our sins at that time.

I will certainly pray for you to have peace; please pray for me to hate my sin as much as you do.
 
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