I'm a Pack Rat, Help!

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akela135

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Hey everyone. It is spring cleaning time again and this is really hard for me because I’m a future “Hoarders: Buried Alive” story in the making. Thankfully my husband doesn’t appreciate messes or keeping items we no longer need. When we combined our lives I brought 80% of the items to our new home and most of those things we don’t need. My husband wants to declutter and keeps trying to go through the items he brought with him but I’ve made him promise not get rid of anythings else of “his” until I’ve cleared the useless things I brought. I’m looking for advice on ways to let go of things. Any advice? How do you go about getting rid of old things? Or things you don’t need? What about things you don’t need that were given to you as gifts? Or were passed down through family?

The problem is compounded because when I moved out of my parents house (to the apartment I lived in before I was married) I left some stuff behind and my parents want me to either get rid of it or move it into my home. I’ve tried going through it and I got rid of quite a bit but I stack up like 5 or 6 boxes that I “couldn’t part with” that have yet to make it to my home (husband won’t be happy if they show up) and my parents keep reminding me to come get them… I really need some help. 😊
 
You know you don’t need that stuff, don’t you:)

Get rid of it now, or the mountain will only grow larger and more difficult to scale. Give it to Goodwill or your church, and take the tax deduction. Don’t bring into the house or buy anything else without getting rid of two things. Don’t let clutter come between you and your new spouse, which it will if he can part with the stuff, but you can’t.
 
akela135 said:
Hey everyone. It is spring cleaning time again and this is really hard for me because I’m a future “Hoarders: Buried Alive” story in the making. Thankfully my husband doesn’t appreciate messes or keeping items we no longer need. When we combined our lives I brought 80% of the items to our new home and most of those things we don’t need. My husband wants to declutter and keeps trying to go through the items he brought with him but I’ve made him promise not get rid of anythings else of “his” until I’ve cleared the useless things I brought. I’m looking for advice on ways to let go of things. Any advice? How do you go about getting rid of old things? Or things you don’t need? What about things you don’t need that were given to you as gifts? Or were passed down through family?

The problem is compounded because when I moved out of my parents house (to the apartment I lived in before I was married) I left some stuff behind and my parents want me to either get rid of it or move it into my home. I’ve tried going through it and I got rid of quite a bit but I stack up like 5 or 6 boxes that I “couldn’t part with” that have yet to make it to my home (husband won’t be happy if they show up) and my parents keep reminding me to come get them… I really need some help. 😊
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A person tends to cling to worldly treasures. I have lost my home twice and realized the true meaning of “letting go”. Priorities first. Things that have been past down through the family should be first to keep. Second are the necessities. The rest clean house. Give to the poor. You will find a greater joy in this. If you don’t use it get rid of it. Tough words to let go but sounds like that is what you may have to do! If you or your family is in a bind for cash then Yard Sale. If not give it to a good will or something. Even better if you know of someone in your neighborhood that may be in need give it to them. Hope this helps and you find this advice useful! God Bless!
 
I can’t give you anything but sympathy. I have the same problem. As I get older, some of the clutter is easier to get rid of - I have no idea where it came from or why I kept it.

Stuff with memories attached is the most diffcult. What do I do with my kids artwork (they are both in their 20s)? Things that belonged to my grandparents, parents, or other relatives? I even save calendars because they have notes on them like, “K lost first tooth” or “C tied his shoes.”

I’m feeling pressured (by myself, not someone else) to accept a piece of furniture made by my grandfather - I can’t stand the idea of it being dumped. Carpentry was his hobby, but he wasn’t awfully good at it. What will I do with another piece of mediocre furniture? (I have 2 dressers that he made.) And it’s big!

If anyone knows a cure - other than dying & letting letting the kids take care of the problem - please let me know!
 
I can sympathize, being somewhat of a packrat myself and coming from a family of packrats. First of all, as long as you have space, you don’t have to get rid of everything. Decide what is most important to you. All those old birthday cards? Nope, don’t need them. The old school papers? Nope. The high school year books? Could be good for laughs later on. I donated one of mine to the old high school library (it had no writing in it, I only went there 1 year and so was not attached) and they were glad to have an extra copy since it wasn’t a recent year.
Old clothes - pick out the best to keep if you want, sell or donate the others or recycle into cleaning rags. Old books can be sold or donated.
Gifts you don’t use - regift to someone else (as long as it’s not in the family) or donate. Things that were passed down through the family? Well, there’s a limit to how much of that a person can keep. Someone else’s treasures are not necessarily your idea of treasures. I’d save a few very sentimental items or useful items and either sell or give away the rest. It’s hard to draw the line, I know. What worked for me is to go through the boxes in “passes”. First pass, the obviously unwanted stuff goes away. Then, maybe it’ll take a few more looks in the box and each time, I’m willing to part with something else. That way it doesn’t seem like I am throwing my whole life away in one swoop.
 
I didn’t write this but the method has been successful for me.
Break Down Organizing Into Manageable Tasks
I used to be very disorganized; that wasn’t the problem. The problem was I had no way to sort things out that felt comfortable to me. But in 1991, I was unemployed for a few weeks and decided to occupy myself by solving the problem once and for all. I had my bedroom in a large family room with all my hobby stuff, intermingled with my personal things. It gave me a headache to approach the mess and I felt inadequate. But this one day, the light bulb went on, and life has been better ever since.
I started to gather my hair things and felt overwhelmed by all the categories. I had three sizes and types of bobby pins alone. Even that felt like too much. So I picked the medium brown ones, and literally went around the room and gathered each one I found until I had them all and put a rubber band around them and put them in a small box. Then I picked the second kind, searched them all out, rubberbanded them, and added them to the box.
I found I needed to break the categories down to one at a time, taking it through the gathering, securing, and placing, otherwise I felt overwhelmed. I had been postponing this day of reckoning for a long time. I let my feelings be my guide. If I didn’t feel confused or overwhelmed, I continued. I went by size, category, attachment, conflict, etc. If I felt conflicted, I put it down and worked on something else or broke the task down to yet smaller tasks.
This room contained sewing things, a knitting machine, two spinning wheels, wool, yarn, dyes, a loom, clothing, books, and all the equipment which went with these hobbies. It took me two long, long days, probably 8-9 hours per day, plus a bit of a 3rd day to get things hung up, sorted and given a place, categorized, thrown away, and so on.
Afterward, I let things go for a while again until it got messy, perhaps to test myself. When it reached a degree of clutter I couldn’t abide, not as bad as the first time, I did the same thing. I had to break it down, just as before, to get the job done with any degree of inner peace. But after that second round, organizing anything was never a problem again, and in fact, I do it to relax. I am more than happy to help clean up disorganization in my grandchildren’s houses when they are at work, and very little dismays me. I have been lost, and found my own way out.
Chaos does not unnerve me anymore, as long as I can help do something about it. So I suggest being the feeling creatures we are, use your feelings as your guide and break it down until you feel all right, and clutter just magically disappears.
Bypikkafrom Westminster, CO
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Hope it helps.
 
I’m not suggesting this for everyone, but what worked for me was giving away my most prized possession. I had my deceased Mom’s wedding band. My daughter was going through rough times, and I gave it to her.

I have to admit…there was a pang in parting with it. But I found since then that I’m just not that attached to “things” anymore. It was very freeing.
 
First off, if you can’t part with it, then start using it. Remember that most of the time, what is of sentimental value to you is something that means nothing so important to anyone else. If Grandma’s teacups are stained inside, then feel free to make a candle out of them, or to try to drill a hole in the bottom and make a little pot out of them. Don’t be afraid of ruining something that has already had someone else ruin it for its intended use. Don’t be afraid of chipping something that is in perfect condition. They still make teacups. Drink out of them!! Who is it going to mean anything to, when you’re dead? Who will ever want to own it after you, if no one ever gets to use it, or if you, the person they loved, didn’t love it or use it? If you didn’t care enough about it to use it, you are just sticking your descendants with the work of looking it over and pitching it out. (For this, they will not be likely to thank you.)

Are you saving scraps to make a quilt? If not now, when? When you save things, take into account that ownership of things costs time as well as space. Scraps don’t become a quilt without time. Things you have on display must be dusted, and take the place of other things you could be looking at. There is no free lunch when it comes to ownership, and you may be hoarding things that someone would use, if you don’t hoard them for so long that they’re beyond use.

After all, if you don’t ever want to use it or have it out where you can see it, then when on earth are you going to enjoy it? If it is worth too much for you to use, it is worth too much for you to own. Give it to a museum, if it is too valuable to use. If it isn’t nice enough to give away, ask yourself how much wear it really has left. If it is useful, though, then use it. Don’t just hold on to it, destined for the day when it will be lost in a house fire or discovered by an unsentimental stranger. Use it. If that wears it out, then throw it out. It will have served its purpose.
 
Get in the miondset of helping others with the things you are getting rid of - that works well for items you may have two or three of.

Don’t however give broken, stained, or otherwise useless stuff to charity - just throw it away.

Here’s what I do - and my husband and I are both pack-ratty so we have to do it regularly!

First pick a place/category and give yourself a set time (a couple of hours is plenty! You’ll do this more than once!)

Get a box and a trash bag and start going through stuff. It is is usable but you’ve never used it or haven’t used it in awhile (the stuff at your parents house???) put it in the give away box.

If it is broken, stained, ripped, trash it.

If it is something you want to keep, you know you’ll use, your husband likes, etc. put it away properly.

After your two hours take the give aways directly to the thrift store/charity. Throw the trash away at the dump.

I usually schedule a pick up from a local charity and do this right before trash day.

Do this every weekend or so until you are done. Remember this stuff is just STUFF. Your relationship with your husband (and parents if you don’t get your boxes out of their garage. ;)) is much more important.

You will be happier and less stressed if the house is cleared up and easier to keep clean.
 
Perhaps you can set yourself some rules regarding certain things that can guide you. For example…

Clothing - make a rule that if you haven’t worn it in the past year, it goes. (excluding certain formal wear that you may only use occasionally)

Jewellery - if you haven’t worn it in the last year, it goes. (excluding very sentimental/important items)

Kitchenware - if you haven’t cooked with it in the last year, it goes.

Documents - do you legally need to store them (eg for tax)? No…they go.

Try your very best to make as few excuses for keeping items as possible. If you are in doubt about certain things, run them by your husband for another perspective. Ask your husband and entrust him to decide.

As for the stuff at your parents place…the fact that it’s sat there this long clearly indicates that you don’t need any of it. What may help is if you go there to sort through it, and only bring back what you absolutely want to keep. You will be much less inclined to hang on to it this way than if you bring all the boxes across and then try to cull it. (of course, make sure your parents are happy to dispose of what you leave, or take it straight to the tip yourselves).
 
akela135 said:
Hey everyone. It is spring cleaning time again and this is really hard for me because I’m a future “Hoarders: Buried Alive” story in the making. Thankfully my husband doesn’t appreciate messes or keeping items we no longer need. When we combined our lives I brought 80% of the items to our new home and most of those things we don’t need. My husband wants to declutter and keeps trying to go through the items he brought with him but I’ve made him promise not get rid of anythings else of “his” until I’ve cleared the useless things I brought. I’m looking for advice on ways to let go of things. Any advice? How do you go about getting rid of old things? Or things you don’t need? What about things you don’t need that were given to you as gifts? Or were passed down through family?

The problem is compounded because when I moved out of my parents house (to the apartment I lived in before I was married) I left some stuff behind and my parents want me to either get rid of it or move it into my home. I’ve tried going through it and I got rid of quite a bit but I stack up like 5 or 6 boxes that I “couldn’t part with” that have yet to make it to my home (husband won’t be happy if they show up) and my parents keep reminding me to come get them… I really need some help. 😊
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It’s not an uncommon problem. Depending on what the items are, especially gifts and items passed down over the years in the family, do you have a relative who might keep them? Maybe a niece? Or a family friend?

I’m currently helping a friend sell some his ‘collection’ and he just needs a little money. I’ve kept some things I need to throw out, and my plan is to do it a little at a time. But family heirlooms, old photos and gifts, I’ll hold onto.

You could donate some things to Purple Heart or the Salvation Army.

Peace,
Ed
 
What I did was take stuff I don’t need and don’t use (but didn’t want to get rid of it) and put it in a box and set it aside for a few months. (3-6) If in that time I didn’t even open the box, it all went. If I did go in it, if I used any of it, that stayed the rest went. If you don’t use it and don’t know even what’s in the box, how can you need it?
I had a ton of those little nicknacks that people gave me, but they just sat in a box (I don’t like little fussy things but kept them for the sentiment). I took them all out, took pictures (made sure I kept a list of who gave what) and then packed them back up and donated them and kept the photos.
Then I took all those cards and papers that I wanted to keep (you know, art by my nieces and nephews, stuff like that) and made them into a scrapbook. Then I had all those ticket stubs and stuff all together, and photos to go with it and stuff like that without boxes of it all over the place.
Hope this helps 🙂
 
We’ve moved a lot.

Once an awhile, I find there is an unopned box I’ve forgotten about 6mo-1 year.

If I don’t know exactly what’s in it, and it’s something I will NEED (ie, winter clothes and it’s only been summer), I throw it out, unopened. If I’ve gone that long without missing it, then I don’t need it in my life.
 
Aggies08 said:
We’ve moved a lot.

Once an awhile, I find there is an unopned box I’ve forgotten about 6mo-1 year.

If I don’t know exactly what’s in it, and it’s something I will NEED (ie, winter clothes and it’s only been summer), I throw it out, unopened. If I’ve gone that long without missing it, then I don’t need it in my life.
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Wait that doesn’t suond right. :confused: If it has only been summer (and only 6 mo) you will be likely to need winter clothes. If it is a box of summer clothes and you’ve never opened it, then I can see giving/throwing it away.
 
oh I worded it wrong, ha.

IE If I know what is in the box, and it is something I will need, but have not used because it is seasonal, I keep it.

If I can’t remember what is in the box, and it’s been sitting around forever, I figure it’s clutter that isn’t something I need to be dusting/cleaning/washing/storing, and throw it out!
 
Aggies08 said:
We’ve moved a lot.

Once an awhile, I find there is an unopned box I’ve forgotten about 6mo-1 year.

If I don’t know exactly what’s in it, and it’s something I will NEED (ie, winter clothes and it’s only been summer), I throw it out, unopened. If I’ve gone that long without missing it, then I don’t need it in my life.
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Mrs_Sally said:
Wait that doesn’t suond right. :confused: If it has only been summer (and only 6 mo) you will be likely to need winter clothes. If it is a box of summer clothes and you’ve never opened it, then I can see giving/throwing it away.
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Surely a typing error…probably meant to say “something I don’t NEED”.

A year for clothes works well. That allows all four seasons. If you haven’t worn a piece of clothing for a full year, give it to charity so someone else can get use of it. (with a few exceptions eg formal wear).
 
I am not sure how long you have to get rid of stuff ie does DH want the house clean ASAP or can you go about it bit by bit. Here is my plan that I believe will take about 1 year.

First, I am going through a first kick at the can. I am writing down what is in each cupboard and drawer and closet. (yes time consuming). After that, I am going to take a list and see if I have repeat items. One place I lived in I could not figure out why I was going through so many light bulbs. It turns out I would buy a pack and put them away, forget where they were so buy another pack and put them away somewhere else. So my place was full of light bulbs.

Then, I assign so much space for things. For example, I only have one shelf for books. I rate them in order of my liking them. Then I put the favorite one on the shelf, then the second favorite and so on. Once the shelf is full, I give the rest away. Also, sometimes if I remember really liking a book, I start to read it again. At times I wonder why I ever enjoyed that book and out it goes. This is a lengthy process so make sure not to buy any more books in the mean time (easier said than done and I have been guilty of not doing this). I also now go to the library more often to avoid bringing more books in.

As for things that have been in the family for years. Ask yourself honestly ‘Do I really like this or am I showing off that I am the one who got it’. If you are only holding onto it for bragging rights, ask other family members if they want it.

Sentimental items… I am of the opinion if you have more than 20, there is not very much sentiment. What makes something special is the uniqueness and I doubt you had 20 special birthday cards over the years. I put all cards on the mantle and when they have been there a few months out they go.

Just a few of my suggestions.

However the best way to not collect junk is do not let it in the house in the first place. I buy a lot of second hand clothes so the guilt of giving away something I spent a lot of money on rarely exist now. My favorite moisturizer is on sale, I no longer buy a 3 year supply. I buy two and usually there is another sale before I use up the second bottle.

Make it known to people you do not like knick knacks and maybe for your next birthday you won’t receive as many.

A lot X amount of space to unessentials and once the space is full, get rid of the rest

Angie
 
Thanks everyone! You’ve given me some great advice! There is no immediate rush to this project and I have been trying to work on it every few months with my husband’s encouragement. I did pretty good at first since I did have a lot of junk, but as the time went on I started to move into things that seemed to have more value and I started to lose steam. I actually went through the stuff I had left in my old bedroom at my parents house a bit after Christmas, and even got rid of two bags of trash and two boxes of stuff, but the rest I piled up and left in a corner. I honestly don’t even remember what I put in those boxes and have told myself I just need to pick them up and drop them at Goodwill on the way home, but then I start to panic that I’d throw out something important.

My biggest problem is that I’ve been collecting books since I was in high school and have quite the collection now. Some of which I have never actually read. The last time I tried to tackle a bookcase I ended up getting rid of one book for every twenty I passed by, so I haven’t attempted another bookcase since. However they are the biggest culprit taking up space. It is just so mentally draining to even think about tackling the bookcases.

I’m going to do some serious praying because I do know it is bad to be attached to worldly things.
 
akela135 said:
Thanks everyone! You’ve given me some great advice! There is no immediate rush to this project and I have been trying to work on it every few months with my husband’s encouragement. I did pretty good at first since I did have a lot of junk, but as the time went on I started to move into things that seemed to have more value and I started to lose steam. I actually went through the stuff I had left in my old bedroom at my parents house a bit after Christmas, and even got rid of two bags of trash and two boxes of stuff, but the rest I piled up and left in a corner. I honestly don’t even remember what I put in those boxes and have told myself I just need to pick them up and drop them at Goodwill on the way home, but then I start to panic that I’d throw out something important.

My biggest problem is that I’ve been collecting books since I was in high school and have quite the collection now. Some of which I have never actually read. The last time I tried to tackle a bookcase I ended up getting rid of one book for every twenty I passed by, so I haven’t attempted another bookcase since. However they are the biggest culprit taking up space. It is just so mentally draining to even think about tackling the bookcases.

I’m going to do some serious praying because I do know it is bad to be attached to worldly things.
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Books are treasures to me and I hate to think of getting rid of them. I regret the books I have given away, except for really bad novels! I think I treasure many things,but then I don’t look at them or use them, so how is that treasuring them? It really is more like simply hoarding, having them just for the sake of it. A lot of what I have has just built up over the years of having kids, keeping their stuff, adding to it, keeping my stuff and adding to it. The “one year” rule just doesn’t work for me. There are things I have from my own childhood and from the boys’ childhoods that I don’t want to give away. They are too full of memories. Some of that is upstairs in the attic, but a lot is not.

I am going to have to get on top of all this junk though. It’s on top of me right now and squeezing the life out of me.

I am going to tell everyone I know - please, please don’t buy me any more presents!!! I have so much stuff that I have no idea what to do with it - no need for more!
 
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