I'm afraid of going to Catholic events alone. What to do?

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benjammin

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Okay, so I’ve found some good Catholic events to go to in my area that while not especially close, are close enough that it is worth going. The problem is I have no one to go with. As i’ve mentioned before in posts, I live in rural Nebraska and unfortunately there aren’t many young people active in my church, or really any area churches, especially people who are single (which sucks when your only 23). As a result i don’t have anyone to go to these events to. Even my friends who live farther away don’t have time. Another problem is due to my part time job, I can’t really come every week.

Now I know the point of going is to make friends, but i’ve never had it easy making friends. Even in school when it was easier for me and I did have friends who were close both in area and personally, it seemed hard. Anyway, I don’t want to go to these events alone because i’d feel like a creep. I’m worried people would see me without friends and think I am a loser (okay maybe not at a catholic event), or think i’m strange or odd and not make many friends.

So what should I do. Of course i’ll go to some of these (one is a theology on tap but i’m just so worried people will think i’m strange even if its in a nice way. What should I do? I know I sound like an immature middle schooler, but i’ve always worried people see me as weird or strange
 
🙂 I know just how you feel because I’ve felt the same way too. All you can do is ask yourself, “how would I like to be treated by these people?”

… and then treat them the exact same way!

Mush easier to type than to do - but it generally works wonders.

The good thing is that nobody you know or whose opinion you value is there anyway, so if you do end up feeling you’ve made a total idiot of yourself or resorted to Plan A (Being the Quiet One in the Corner) nobody is going to know!

When you get there, look for a task to do. Find whoever is in charge and volunteer yourself to do something - even if it’s just handing out drinks or putting out chairs.

Most people will not see you as a freak at all. Sometimes couples are so used to being together and having one another for company that they just fail to see that someone else might be really grateful for a few minutes of their valuable time. They take companionship and easy chatter for granted, which can come accross as more hurtful than many of them will ever know. Don’t despair though! Pick an older couple. They could well have sons or daughters in exacly the same situation as you are in - or dearly wish their own offspring had your faith.

Above all - just be yourself. I’ve only ever met one Nebraskan, so I can confidently say that 100% of the Nebraskans I have met were really lovely and friendly and funny people:thumbsup:
 
Just make a exasperated comment about the Huskers’ season, it’s a good ice beaker… 🙂 (Said as a fellow Nebraskan…)

I think you just have time dive in! Surely no place is better to receive a friendly and warm reception than a Catholic group. Maybe go see the priest privately and see if you can accompany him there, so you don’t show up all alone?
 
Volunteering to help is always good, but in addition, I bet you might find one or two other people who also will not have anyone to go with, and you can strike up a conversation with them. They may be feeling exactly as you are and be very grateful 🙂 Just make sure you don’t do this *only *with the ladies 😉
 
Ah, the plight of the introverted. A plight I know all too well. :o

My advice is to not overthink it and just go. You cannot control what other people think of you. You can only control yourself. Moreover, you do not know what other people are thinking about you, so stop trying to guess. It’s just not productive nor fruitful.

Yes, it may be awkward at first. Pray about it! Do not underestimate the power of prayer. Ask God to lead you to sit next to the right person and strike up the right conversation. He is always with you. Don’t forget that.
 
Thanks for all the help. I will pray, but i’m still worried. Also, i’m not expecting i’ll be shunned or anything, but i’m just worried about not being accepted fully. I mean even at my college newman center where I was very involved it sucked because everyone else was in a couple on the council and met through that group and all stuck together and I always seemed to be the odd man out.

Anyway, I appreciate the suggestions and hopefully there are more to come. 👍
 
Benjammin, Here’s advice from a Mom.

Just get dressed and go. If you want to meet new people, it’s actually better to go alone.

Smile and introduce yourself to people—practice a short intro if you need to (Hi, I’m Benjammin, I drove up here from ______). Shake hands and ask What’s your name?"

Remember the key to getting a conversation moving is getting the other person to speak…For example “have you been to these meetings before?” “Do you go to Church here?” “Is there a Catholic young adults group?” “where do you work, live, go the church, etc…” “Do you know this speaker/topic” “Can I get you a cup of punch?” When you ask people questions, it takes the focus off you and you learn about them. You’ll get better at this if you try doing it. I can guarantee you, there will be single young ladies and others there who would love to have a nice young man speaking to them.

Yogi Berra who said 80% of life is just showing up. 🙂
 
I don’t know what type of events these are, but if it is something where there are volunteers
manning booths, taking tickets, etc.; maybe you can volunteer to help. If you do, then you
can meet some people before the event. (You’ll probably get there early to set things up, etc.)
Don’t worry if people are older than you are. You’ll find that many of us “older” people are
really appreciative of the younger crowd and might even have a grandson or granddaughter,
son, daughter your age they’d love to introduce you to.
After you help, you can wander around, but you’ll probably be more at ease.
I felt much like you do when I was divorced and had to start learning to do things by myself.
It took awhile, but sometimes I go to things alone and other times I meet up with someone.
It is not uncomfortable now.
 
Maria_in_Ramona said:
Benjammin, Here’s advice from a Mom.

Just get dressed and go. If you want to meet new people, it’s actually better to go alone.

Smile and introduce yourself to people—practice a short intro if you need to (Hi, I’m Benjammin, I drove up here from ______). Shake hands and ask What’s your name?"

Remember the key to getting a conversation moving is getting the other person to speak…For example “have you been to these meetings before?” “Do you go to Church here?” “Is there a Catholic young adults group?” “where do you work, live, go the church, etc…” “Do you know this speaker/topic” “Can I get you a cup of punch?” When you ask people questions, it takes the focus off you and you learn about them. You’ll get better at this if you try doing it. I can guarantee you, there will be single young ladies and others there who would love to have a nice young man speaking to them.

Yogi Berra who said 80% of life is just showing up. 🙂
Click to expand...
This sounds really great, but not to poo poo your advice, most girls will come in groups and probably don’t want to be hit on. I don’t want to be the sleazy “hey how are you doin” guy at these events, even though i’m a pretty nice guy. It seems to me most girls would rather just be left alone with their girlfriends, or worse have boyfriends already.

However, I do think your advice is the best out of all of these great comments
 
Look for someone who looks uncomfortable and go over and talk to him/her. IOW, stop thinking of how YOU feel and think of someone ELSE. Make the night better for the other person and you will make a friend.

“Hi, how are you? I just got here, can you tell me where I get my name tag? (or something like that 🙂 ) Are you from around here, I had to drive 50 miles to get here, I hope it’s worth it! Have you ever been to this kind of thing? I went to X program a couple of months ago, did you go to that?”

etc.

Just go, even if you feel uncomfortable.
 
Benjammin: Nobody will think you are a sleazy guy if you are friendly and just making pleasant conversation. You should introduce yourself to everyone around you and talk to lots of people—not just the cute girls. It is so much easier to do this if you are by yourself.

You are correct that girls do tend to go places in groups which intimidates young men from meeting them. That’s not the intention of most girls who would like to meet someone. If one or two get away from their pack–at the punch bowl for example, you can approach them there. Remember, if people are attending this event, they wanted to get out of their houses and many are hoping to meet new people too, even if it’s just for a friendly conversation.

Good luck and please let us know how it goes.🙂
 
benjammin said:
Okay, so I’ve found some good Catholic events to go to in my area that while not especially close, are close enough that it is worth going. The problem is I have no one to go with. Another problem is due to my part time job, I can’t really come every week.

Now I know the point of going is to make friends,

So what should I do. Of course i’ll go to some of these (one is a theology on tap
Click to expand...
Hi Benjammin,
I’ve read posts 1-10 and you are getting some great advice. 👍
As someone who goes to Catholic events alone, I’m going to hit this from another angle.
I usually go to something educational that interests me, or to a fundraiser for a cause that I really want to support. Having a sense that what I am doing is good for my faith life and, consequently, for my Church and community makes the event something that I look forward to. If I get some great ideas from other attendees or meet some really nice people that is icing on the cake!
I know that because I am really busy, I will never be able to attend a complete sequence of events, so I look forward to attending what I can and don’t fret the missed episodes. (Father Barron’s series, episode …? Well, someday, someone will loan me the cd or send me a youtube link.😃 Life is good.)There are far more choices at neighboring parishes than I have the time to explore, so I do what I can and keep on with my responsibilities.
It might be helpful to fret less about meeting people, choose what you really want to attend (because it looks really good to you), and enjoy. 🙂
Over time, you will start recognizing faces from the events and you will know that you are spending time with people who share your interests.
Have a great time exploring your faith! I’m recommending Guinness or Oatmeal Stout over IPA.👍 May God bless you and may you be a blessing to those you meet. Amen.
 
benjammin said:
Okay, so I’ve found some good Catholic events to go to in my area that while not especially close, are close enough that it is worth going. The problem is I have no one to go with. As i’ve mentioned before in posts, I live in rural Nebraska and unfortunately there aren’t many young people active in my church, or really any area churches, especially people who are single (which sucks when your only 23). As a result i don’t have anyone to go to these events to. Even my friends who live farther away don’t have time. Another problem is due to my part time job, I can’t really come every week.

Now I know the point of going is to make friends, but i’ve never had it easy making friends. Even in school when it was easier for me and I did have friends who were close both in area and personally, it seemed hard. Anyway, I don’t want to go to these events alone because i’d feel like a creep. I’m worried people would see me without friends and think I am a loser (okay maybe not at a catholic event), or think i’m strange or odd and not make many friends.

So what should I do. Of course i’ll go to some of these (one is a theology on tap but i’m just so worried people will think i’m strange even if its in a nice way. What should I do? I know I sound like an immature middle schooler, but i’ve always worried people see me as weird or strange
Click to expand...
As much as you might hate it at first sometimes you have to take a chance and go for it. Life will be awfully dull for you if you don’t. Just my opinion.
 
benjammin said:
Okay, so I’ve found some good Catholic events to go to in my area that while not especially close, are close enough that it is worth going. The problem is I have no one to go with. As i’ve mentioned before in posts, I live in rural Nebraska and unfortunately there aren’t many young people active in my church, or really any area churches, especially people who are single (which sucks when your only 23). As a result i don’t have anyone to go to these events to. Even my friends who live farther away don’t have time. Another problem is due to my part time job, I can’t really come every week.

Now I know the point of going is to make friends, but i’ve never had it easy making friends. Even in school when it was easier for me and I did have friends who were close both in area and personally, it seemed hard. Anyway, I don’t want to go to these events alone because i’d feel like a creep. I’m worried people would see me without friends and think I am a loser (okay maybe not at a catholic event), or think i’m strange or odd and not make many friends.

So what should I do. Of course i’ll go to some of these (one is a theology on tap but i’m just so worried people will think i’m strange even if its in a nice way. What should I do? I know I sound like an immature middle schooler, but i’ve always worried people see me as weird or strange
Click to expand...
I’ve had the same anxieties too at one point. But at some point you’re gonna have to say [nail]] it! I’m going anyway. I’ve been in so many situations where I’m starting over again with no friends and trust me, people don’t think twice. Go as yourself people will either love your, hate you or feel indifferent…hence life.

What do you want to do friend. Sit around all day moping about how you have no friends? Or do you want to say “No, that’s not me. I’ve had some set backs but I’m not dictated by my past.” and go out and have fun.

Don’t be worried what others think, it’s not like you’re walking around with a sign on your neck saying “No friends, please don’t like me” just go and have a good time 👍
 
I’m an introvert but I go out all the time alone. For me, the level of awkwardness depends on the setting. If I go to a movie, lecture, Bible Study, Holy Hour, etc alone, there’s little opportunity to interact during those events so I’m fine. If it’s a social event like a Happy Hour, dance, etc, I tend to avoid those because it’s awkward for me. How I’ve worked around that is I started meeting people at the first type of event and then get invited to more social things now knowing a few people.

Now, I’m slowly but surely developing a network of Catholic friends. Things are still in the superficial getting to know you stage but I know that building relationships take time. It is worth the investment however because it’s nice to be able to talk to people in your general age group about your Faith!

I encourage you to take little steps and in time, you’ll meet a core group of people and won’t be going to these events alone. 👍
 
austenbosten said:
What do you want to do friend. Sit around all day moping about how you have no friends? Or do you want to say “No, that’s not me. I’ve had some set backs but I’m not dictated by my past.” and go out and have fun.
Click to expand...
I went through several friendless periods in my life because of moving so I know how to start over in new cities. I learned that to make friends, you have to put yourself out there. All it takes sometimes is one event. In the past, I joined a bunch of young professionals groups which helped me to tap into a network in my new city right away. I have basically applied these same skills to Catholic events. It takes time to develop true friendship so I know that although I might gain a bunch of acquaintances, only a fraction will end up being a true friend. But I totally agree with you–you have to get out there.

I also went through a period where I said “I don’t need friends” and started doing everything by myself. The cool thing is I’m not afraid to do anything alone from going to a movie, a restaurant, a bar (although I enjoy this least and don’t do it much at all), Europe, a cruise, LOL. It’s good to be able to tolerate your own company but I think it’s quite healthy to nurture friendships.
 
SeekNFind said:
I went through several friendless periods in my life because of moving so I know how to start over in new cities. I learned that to make friends, you have to put yourself out there. All it takes sometimes is one event. In the past, I joined a bunch of young professionals groups which helped me to tap into a network in my new city right away. I have basically applied these same skills to Catholic events. It takes time to develop true friendship so I know that although I might gain a bunch of acquaintances, only a fraction will end up being a true friend. But I totally agree with you–you have to get out there.

I also went through a period where I said “I don’t need friends” and started doing everything by myself. The cool thing is I’m not afraid to do anything alone from going to a movie, a restaurant, a bar (although I enjoy this least and don’t do it much at all), Europe, a cruise, LOL. It’s good to be able to tolerate your own company but I think it’s quite healthy to nurture friendships.
Click to expand...
Yep moving to new cities certainly takes you to square one. I know from experience too. One should be comfortable in their own skin by themselves and around others.
 
benjammin said:
Thanks for all the help. I will pray, but i’m still worried. Also, i’m not expecting i’ll be shunned or anything, but i’m just worried about not being accepted fully. I mean even at my college newman center where I was very involved it sucked because everyone else was in a couple on the council and met through that group and all stuck together and I always seemed to be the odd man out.

Anyway, I appreciate the suggestions and hopefully there are more to come. 👍
Click to expand...
There always is that possibility. People can be clique-ish and non-welcoming to newcomers (sometimes deliberately, sometimes because they’re just so wrapped up in their own circle of friends that they don’t notice anyone else).

Just look at any potential awkwardness as mortification for the glory of the Kingdom. 😉

I’m a big believer in the mere-exposure effect. 🙂 Even if you don’t say anything, just by showing up and being present, eventually people will become familiar with seeing you around and grow to like you. It’s proven psychology. 😛
 
Brother, I rarely find people in our Church that are not socially handicapped in some way. I live in Harrisburg, PA and had a heck of a time making friends. I went to an event in my diocese after living here for 8 months and only developing “friendships” with little old ladies at prayer group and bible study. While driving to the event I prayed very earnestly for the Lord to help me make friends, and at this event I met a young guy like myself who told me about his Catholic Young Adult group. The rest is history. These folks are still horribly introverted and hard to be around, but at least I have the shell of a Catholic community. My advice to you: don’t be one of those socially awkward people. When I go to Theology on Tap I get myself a beer (a very effective social lubricant!) and try to talk to many different folks. I think I have met someone new at nearly every Theology on Tap event. Don’t be afraid to move around and introduce yourself. Don’t be afraid to ask a table of folks if you can sit with them! If they are all socially awkward, make them less awkward by being friendly and talkative.

This is probably not going to be easy for you since you have some trepidation about going in the first place, but it seems that you must. Ask the Lord to give you words for your interactions, ask him to help you find and make friends. Ask him to help you find a Catholic Community. He loves you and wants you to have these things! But, success will ultimately depend on your ability to “put yourself out there.” Good luck and much peace!
 
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