I'm Afraid to Grow Up

[David_Treadman]

I’m 25, a Freshman in college, and I live at home with my parents. I am the youngest and I find it hard to taper out from the nest. There is a lot of security in living like this, and a lot of fear living some way else. I talked to a good friend, he understood and said, “Growing up means you will like things you never did before or stop liking things you did like before so its a cycle of life that is how it works with everyone pretty much.” That part about not liking things I like now is what hurts the most. I have to grow up, take on more responsibility and leave everything I hold dear to my heart that I have done for years. I have to be someone else that I can’t imagine being? It sounds like I’m giving up the security of a self for more daunting tasks that I have no skills or experience in.

I tend to fence off the world, seeing it as gray and as unstructured chaos. I feel like if I threw myself out there that the world would step on me, crush me, rob me and destroy everything I hold precious to my heart that makes me happy. The world would break down my door and make me as dirty, irrational creature spat me out as a carbon copy. This is why I would like to stay that ‘Catcher in the Rye’ as it were, and not have to look in the mirror and see the same grubby, disgusting faces that I see in others. I would like to keep my hands clean of such a world and its sickness, yet I know this is just a fantasy.

I guess it just comes down to that I don’t trust myself and the choices I will make out there. Everything out there is questioned, relegated, denied the meaning and purity that one gets from knowing themselves. As my mother has grown more distant and moody, I have had to bear the weight of not living like others on my own and the gray modern world with its worship of money and competitive A type personalities, don’t provide much positivity in my eyes. The world is a rough, animalistic place, where people like me are victimized and living each day on the edge of a knife of something very good or very bad happening to me.

If I thought that I could move out on my own, make friends, and be hopeful, all the while just being myself I would love that. I would like a smooth transition and not one where I feel like I’m leaping off a cliff. My biggest fear is not knowing who I am in the mirror or how I came to make such tragic decisions that impact the course of my life. For I don’t want to change because there’s things about me that I love and appreciate; however, I know I can’t stay the same, so something has to break.

Some say I should just trust my fears and insecurities in God that He will give me the hope and solace to light that torch on the other side of the bridge. I should trust in Him, although there’s a part of me where I don’t really want to feel that kind of security; on the other hand, if I can’t let the Lord’s light be my beacon, then I am making myself beyond help…for that is a scarier place to be than over there on the other side of this bridge. One thing is for sure, this problem is universal for all people at one time in their life or another…

Thank you,
David

 

[beckycmarie]

If you were Catholic, I’d wonder if you had a calling to the monastic life.

Perhaps it’d be helpful to keep in mind that God placed you here to be a light in the world, to bring Christ to a dark and dirty world desperately in need of living water.

*“You are the light of the world. A city set on a mountain cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and then put it under a bushel basket; it is set on a lampstand, where it gives light to all in the house. Just so, your light must shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your heavenly Father.” *(Matthew 5:14-16)

“Those who are wise will shine like the brightness of the heavens, and those who lead many to righteousness, like the stars for ever and ever.” (Daniel 12:3)

*“The stars in the night sky declare the glory of the Lord, so too God’s people radiate with the glory of God in a dark world. God has strategically placed each star in the heavens and God has strategically placed you on the earth to bring light to your environment.” * – Archbishop Wilton D. Gregory

“As the darkness gets darker, the Stars shine brighter.”
-Mark Mallett, Catholic singer and evangelist

 

[Trishie]

I guess if you think too much in isolation the fear would become intensified. I hope you are able to find the way forward to a fulfilling and wholesome life.

What you project seems to be a rather theoretical view of things, and includes generalized judgements about others.
It would not necessarily have a huge amount to do with reality. Living life at second hand is a betrayal of self, not freedom. And seeing others as a labled and judged mass of humanity is to betray ones own place amongst those whom God has created to be our brothers and sisters in time and in eternity.

The bottom line in living is based on the words of God who became man to save us, to ensure that you and I and everyone who responds to the command to love God and others

1:
Jesus’ command to love God above all
and others as oneself, (which isn’t intended to be an a self-indulgent manner but a healthy wholesome, generous way.)

2: In remembering the guidelines Jesus spells our about loving when He speaks of the judgement that will take us either to heaven, or to hell which is absence of love and complete betrayal of our purpose.

Jesus made absolutely clear that what makes the difference between heaven and hell is whether or not we live lives of practical kindness to others, which can be difficult if we hothouse ourselves and shut others out. [Jesus in Matthew 25 verses 31-46.]

Jesus as Judge of souls doesn’t send us to hell. We choose heaven by our participation in life with practical acts of kindness to others, and Jesus takes these acts of kindness very personally, or we reject heaven by our refusal.

So long as you are aware that it is your basic task as a human being to live in practical love of others, in honest worship of God, and as scripture says, “Anyone who says ‘I love God’, and hates his brother is a liar, since a person who does not love the brother that he can see, cannot love God whom he has never seen.” [1 letter of John 4:20-21]

Hoping that you will find a way to flourish in the full wholesome way God wishes for you, as a blessing to yourself with others, God bless you.

Pardon dear friend, but until David learns to have a wholesome response to others, not see them as an unwholesome multitude for which he has a kind of disgust, I wouldn’t think that a monastic life would be anything other than a continued means of escape.

 

[James_S_Saint]

Pardon dear friend, but until David learns to have a wholesome response to others, not see them as an unwholesome multitude for which he has a kind of disgust, I wouldn’t think that a monastic life would be anything other than a continued means of escape.

Yes, I have seen far too many become monks or priests merely to mother their fears.

David, what you are expressing is very common, as you know. It is the insight of being aware of a lack of the spirit confidence. “Confidence” means “with fidelity or inner harmony”, the lack of indecision and fear. This is so very common due to the fact that there is an element in society designed to ensure it and desires that you attempt what you cannot accomplish.

To gain that spirit of confidence that will enable you to transcend your fears takes only a few things, but things in which you must develop faith;

1. 
   *]Understand that confidence is earned and slowly developed. It takes time. Avoid get into a rush, being rushed, or causing a rush.
   *]Practice much smaller and very certain accomplishments (“baby steps”). Don’t jump into the deep end merely because you are “supposed to learn to swim”.
   *]To be “grown up” means that you attend to true need over mere desire. Seek a goal that reflects true need. The child is raised thinking in terms of “what am I supposed to do” rather than “what needs doing”.
   *]Choose a long range goal, a purpose for which you have the courage to challenge your fears, but do not let someone give you that goal, make sure it is one that you chose only because it makes sense to you.
   *]Realize that your fear is not unjustified, but merely exaggerated due to uncertainty. Don’t lie to yourself with false confidence in a world that will quickly laugh and take advantage, else you will merely practice justifying your fear.
   *]The more you draw away from society, the less you know what you can or cannot do with it. Awareness is essential in ALL that you do. You cannot gain enlightenment in a vacuum although you must maintain a degree of isolation from interference.
   *]You have always been forgiven far more often than you realize and such forgiveness will continue but grows less with age.
   *]“Responsibility” means “the ability to respond”. You are not responsible for what you have no true ability to respond to such as to make it any better, regardless of accusations and condemnations from other people.
   *]Never expect to gain courage from another person. The most another person (such as a wife) can do for you is to help you forget your fears temporarily while you build yourself stronger. Don’t expect them to always be there carrying you. Work toward building your own legs and back with which to walk and carry the load that You have chosen to carry.
   *]Learn ways to **measure **what you wish to improve.

 

[James_S_Saint]

I might add;

Know your enemy and know yourself.

1. • Your enemy are those who keep you weak, confused, and frightened so as to keep you dependant upon them.
   • Your “self” is the harmony of your;
   • a) awareness
   • b) understanding
   • c) emotions
   • d) influence
   • e) self verification of each of the above

 

[Bookcat]

I’m 25, a Freshman in college, and I live at home with my parents. I am the youngest and I find it hard to taper out from the nest. There is a lot of security in living like this, and a lot of fear living some way else. I talked to a good friend, he understood and said, “Growing up means you will like things you never did before or stop liking things you did like before so its a cycle of life that is how it works with everyone pretty much.” That part about not liking things I like now is what hurts the most. I have to grow up, take on more responsibility and leave everything I hold dear to my heart that I have done for years. I have to be someone else that I can’t imagine being? It sounds like I’m giving up the security of a self for more daunting tasks that I have no skills or experience in.

I tend to fence off the world, seeing it as gray and as unstructured chaos. I feel like if I threw myself out there that the world would step on me, crush me, rob me and destroy everything I hold precious to my heart that makes me happy. The world would break down my door and make me as dirty, irrational creature spat me out as a carbon copy. This is why I would like to stay that ‘Catcher in the Rye’ as it were, and not have to look in the mirror and see the same grubby, disgusting faces that I see in others. I would like to keep my hands clean of such a world and its sickness, yet I know this is just a fantasy.

I guess it just comes down to that I don’t trust myself and the choices I will make out there. Everything out there is questioned, relegated, denied the meaning and purity that one gets from knowing themselves. As my mother has grown more distant and moody, I have had to bear the weight of not living like others on my own and the gray modern world with its worship of money and competitive A type personalities, don’t provide much positivity in my eyes. The world is a rough, animalistic place, where people like me are victimized and living each day on the edge of a knife of something very good or very bad happening to me.

If I thought that I could move out on my own, make friends, and be hopeful, all the while just being myself I would love that. I would like a smooth transition and not one where I feel like I’m leaping off a cliff. My biggest fear is not knowing who I am in the mirror or how I came to make such tragic decisions that impact the course of my life. For I don’t want to change because there’s things about me that I love and appreciate; however, I know I can’t stay the same, so something has to break.

Some say I should just trust my fears and insecurities in God that He will give me the hope and solace to light that torch on the other side of the bridge. I should trust in Him, although there’s a part of me where I don’t really want to feel that kind of security; on the other hand, if I can’t let the Lord’s light be my beacon, then I am making myself beyond help…for that is a scarier place to be than over there on the other side of this bridge. One thing is for sure, this problem is universal for all people at one time in their life or another…

Thank you,
David

Watch …Lionking

 

[jessep28]

I don’t know how far away from your birthday you are but 25 was a hard age for me. I was questioning a lot of my past such as whether I should have had more fun in college (e.g., travel more vs. work) and if I’m happy with my career choice.

Just keep in mind that the Holy Spirit is your guide. Trust in it and the Holy Spirit will guide you to the right place you need to be.