I'm an African American convert and way too isolated in the Church

[iwillrisenow]

I’m a single African American convert and after five years in the Church and plenty of prayer for guidance to find meaningful connections, I am still extremely isolated. If I am honest with myself, the reasons for my isolation are at least, in part, culturally driven as the US city I live in (and–let’s face it-- the US in general) is very segregated. On top of that, Catholic communities tend to be overwhelmingly white and, if any minority group is present, they will be Hispanic or Asian.

Long story short, I am starting to seriously consider looking beyond Catholic ministries and parish groups to non-Catholic groups within my own culture (e.g.- singles ministries, creative ministries, etc.). I do not know the fullness of what God is calling me to in this life but I have been discerning using certain talents and gifts that I have been given as well as a vocation to marriage. I am open to the possibility that these calls may not be realized unless I am able to make connections and find Christian community which, living in the world that we do, may require shared cultural background and experiences that can only be found outside of the Church.

I will bring this up with my spiritual director before embarking on anything in particular and will certainly continue to pray before taking action, but I know that I must not be the only one in this boat. For instance, even if you are not African American perhaps you live in a part of the world where there are many more active Protestant ministries and churches than Catholic ones.

Does anyone else find themselves getting involved with non-Catholic groups (whether it is as minimal as Christian music concerts or performance events or as involved as attending services in addition to Mass on Sundays)? This is a place to talk about reasons for doing so, how God has worked in your life through such connections as well as challenges a practicing Catholic may face in interacting with certain groups.

 

[Sunbreak]

This is a tough situation, but sometimes the same sense of isolation is experienced by Caucasians who are not married since the Church is geared toward married people. Of course there are youth groups and sometimes senior groups, but really nothing for single people in their middle years. All you can do is try to establish friendships with people.
Now if you want to use musical/singing talents, and I do understand the lack of cultural diversity in Catholic church music at many parishes, maybe you can instead find a secular choral group in your area? I just don’t know how it could work if you went to a non-Catholic church for these things - I think it would be too easy for you to be comfortable there and then leave the Catholic church.

 

[iwillrisenow]

I certainly do get the sense that the Church can be a lonely place for all singles regardless of background, especially if they live in areas where the overwhelming majority of those active in parish life are married (probably everywhere except certain major metro areas like NYC). But the cultural isolation adds another layer on top of it. The choral group sounds like a possibility, but while I already have my secular activities, I am looking for something that is faith-based. It may be interfaith or open to people of different faiths; the issue would be finding something where the teachings align with the Church’s teachings.

 

[Sarcelle]

I’m a single African American convert and after five years in the Church and plenty of prayer for guidance to find meaningful connections, I am still extremely isolated. If I am honest with myself, the reasons for my isolation are at least, in part, culturally driven as the US city I live in (and–let’s face it-- the US in general) is very segregated. On top of that, Catholic communities tend to be overwhelmingly white and, if any minority group is present, they will be Hispanic or Asian.

Long story short, I am starting to seriously consider looking beyond Catholic ministries and parish groups to non-Catholic groups within my own culture (e.g.- singles ministries, creative ministries, etc.). I do not know the fullness of what God is calling me to in this life but I have been discerning using certain talents and gifts that I have been given as well as a vocation to marriage. I am open to the possibility that these calls may not be realized unless I am able to make connections and find Christian community which, living in the world that we do, may require shared cultural background and experiences that can only be found outside of the Church.

I will bring this up with my spiritual director before embarking on anything in particular and will certainly continue to pray before taking action, but I know that I must not be the only one in this boat. For instance, even if you are not African American perhaps you live in a part of the world where there are many more active Protestant ministries and churches than Catholic ones.

Does anyone else find themselves getting involved with non-Catholic groups (whether it is as minimal as Christian music concerts or performance events or as involved as attending services in addition to Mass on Sundays)? This is a place to talk about reasons for doing so, how God has worked in your life through such connections as well as challenges a practicing Catholic may face in interacting with certain groups.

I too am the only non-white member of my parish. I recommend that you try and join the various ministries in your parish. I doubt that they will turn you away because you are not white, Hispanic or Asian. At least give them a chance. You might meet people who down the road may turn into great friends.

 

[Ignatius]

I’m a single African American convert and after five years in the Church and plenty of prayer for guidance to find meaningful connections, I am still extremely isolated. If I am honest with myself, the reasons for my isolation are at least, in part, culturally driven as the US city I live in (and–let’s face it-- the US in general) is very segregated. On top of that, Catholic communities tend to be overwhelmingly white and, if any minority group is present, they will be Hispanic or Asian.
.

You might want to contact the National Black Catholic Conference (http://nbccongress.org/) they can help you find parishes in your area (see here:
nbccongress.org/aboutus/nbcc-regions/default.asp )
.nbccongress.org/aboutus/nbcc-regions/default.asp

You might want to look into the Knights of Peter Claver (kofpc.org/). The KOPC is an organization of African American Catholics.

If your concern is with meeting Catholic women with the object of Holy Matrimony, you might see www.catholicmatch.com

(also see nbccongress.org/aboutus/congress-directory/african-american-catholic-bishop-edward-braxton.asp)

You don’t say where you live, but perhaps you could explore other parishes in towns around where you live to see if there is more fellowship there. One thing can lead to another. I know from visiting EWTN and the Chapel of the Angles in Birmingham that there are a large number of African American Catholics in Huntsville and Birmingham. I would urge anyone to cling to the Church that Jesus Christ founded as their best hope for Eternal happiness.

 

[Memaw]

I’m a single African American convert and after five years in the Church and plenty of prayer for guidance to find meaningful connections, I am still extremely isolated. If I am honest with myself, the reasons for my isolation are at least, in part, culturally driven as the US city I live in (and–let’s face it-- the US in general) is very segregated. On top of that, Catholic communities tend to be overwhelmingly white and, if any minority group is present, they will be Hispanic or Asian.

Long story short, I am starting to seriously consider looking beyond Catholic ministries and parish groups to non-Catholic groups within my own culture (e.g.- singles ministries, creative ministries, etc.). I do not know the fullness of what God is calling me to in this life but I have been discerning using certain talents and gifts that I have been given as well as a vocation to marriage. I am open to the possibility that these calls may not be realized unless I am able to make connections and find Christian community which, living in the world that we do, may require shared cultural background and experiences that can only be found outside of the Church.

I will bring this up with my spiritual director before embarking on anything in particular and will certainly continue to pray before taking action, but I know that I must not be the only one in this boat. For instance, even if you are not African American perhaps you live in a part of the world where there are many more active Protestant ministries and churches than Catholic ones.

Does anyone else find themselves getting involved with non-Catholic groups (whether it is as minimal as Christian music concerts or performance events or as involved as attending services in addition to Mass on Sundays)? This is a place to talk about reasons for doing so, how God has worked in your life through such connections as well as challenges a practicing Catholic may face in interacting with certain groups.

Don’t leave the Catholic Faith because of this. You are never really alone with Jesus there. We have many African Americans in our parish and school. Even Muslim children in our school. All are welcome! For several years we had a priest from Nigeria and we loved him dearly. Still do as he comes back to visit us occasionally. If I see someone that doesn’t seem to connect with others easily, I always go up and introduce myself, talk a bit and eventually introduce them to others. Doesn’t take long before they feel right at home and even get put to work, LOL. Maybe you could even talk to Father and see if he has something you could help with. Wish you were in our Parish. Prayers and God Bless, Memaw

 

[revert_jen]

I’m sorry that you feel culturally isolated within your parish. I feel somewhat isolated as a single myself, but as a person of Irish heritage, there is that little extra bit of belonging feeling, which I am grateful for.

I would be surprised if people in your parish are intentionally giving you the cold shoulder. There are only a few African Americans in my parish (probably mostly because there is a predominantly African American parish not that far away). I’d like to go up and say hi and so forth, but I don’t, because I don’t do that to anyone else (being a bit shy around strangers), and so if I did it to them, it would be like saying, “No, you aren’t like others here, so I have to treat you differently,” which seems wrong, even if that different treatment is good treatment.

I have been in your situation somewhat, and I’m afraid that the result for me of joining interdenominational Protestant ministries was over a decade away from the Church. You, as a convert, are probably MUCH better catechised than I was in college, and so your faith may be tested less. Just keep in mind that what really matters in the long run aren’t feelings, but what is true. If you converted to Catholicism, you must think the teachings of the church are true–just keep hold of that.

Also, I know from experience that one of the things you really have to watch out for is thinking (and having others think) of you as some sort of special or different type of Catholic. You can go from thinking something like, “I’m one of those Catholics that really love Jesus, so I need to have fellowship with these Protestants, because so few Catholics can offer it,” to thinking something like, “I really have a lot more in common with these Protestants,” to “Those Catholics really don’t understand God like I do,” and so forth. Of course, I never thought those actual things “out loud” as it were, but looking back, I can see that my attitude was like that, and even as God was drawing me into a closer relationship with Him among Protestants (not that there weren’t Catholics I could have done the same with, I just wasn’t in a mindset to realize it), the Devil was trying to poison even that good thing (coming closer to God) with Pride. In a group of Protestants, I was the best Catholic–both since I was the only Catholic, and because Protestant standards of “Good Catholic” aren’t the same as Catholic standards.

It didn’t start out that way. When I first started going to an interdenominational Protestant group, it was just an innocent desire for like-minded fellowship, like what you are expressing. If you’ve been a convert for 5 years, you are probably a bit older than I was at 20, so you are probably more mature, and almost certainly more well educated about the faith than I was. So maybe you aren’t in any similar danger. I just thought I’d describe it, so if you did see it creeping up on you, you’d recognize it.

God bless you and help you to find fellowship and truth together!

–Jen

 

[Bodhi303]

Hello iwillrisenow,

I know exactly how you feel! I’m a West Indian American in a US Catholic Church. We are a rare breed you and I. And I have thought about going back to being Protestant or anything other than Catholic because of it.

Not only do I feel socially awkward, but economically too. Everyone is wealthy around me except my family. Being married to a Caucasian woman bridges the gap just a bit. But my “is he black or is he white” looking son still gets strange looks.
Even on CAF I feel like an outsider. Cause you can read in certain people’s responses men and women who reply like they’ve never been a minority or are in desperate need of diversity training. So they just don’t get where you’re coming from.

At times it can be both awkward and a little comical being Black and Catholic. My Black family and friends look at me weird. Most of the people from my island are Seventh Day Adventists. So telling someone I’m Catholic at a family BBQ turned into one person staying by my side the entire day evangelizing me. 5hrs non-stop with Bible App! Not kidding. Smh. Lol
So we get it from both sides!!! Ugh!! I know your pain.
Its is a real issue. I just don’t know how to fix it. But at least we know we are not alone.

All 8 of us Black Catholics across the country should get together and have a good laugh and cry over it.

Peace be with you.

 

[Denise1957]

I’m a single African American convert and after five years in the Church and plenty of prayer for guidance to find meaningful connections, I am still extremely isolated. If I am honest with myself, the reasons for my isolation are at least, in part, culturally driven as the US city I live in (and–let’s face it-- the US in general) is very segregated. On top of that, Catholic communities tend to be overwhelmingly white and, if any minority group is present, they will be Hispanic or Asian.

Long story short, I am starting to seriously consider looking beyond Catholic ministries and parish groups to non-Catholic groups within my own culture (e.g.- singles ministries, creative ministries, etc.). I do not know the fullness of what God is calling me to in this life but I have been discerning using certain talents and gifts that I have been given as well as a vocation to marriage. I am open to the possibility that these calls may not be realized unless I am able to make connections and find Christian community which, living in the world that we do, may require shared cultural background and experiences that can only be found outside of the Church.

I will bring this up with my spiritual director before embarking on anything in particular and will certainly continue to pray before taking action, but I know that I must not be the only one in this boat. For instance, even if you are not African American perhaps you live in a part of the world where there are many more active Protestant ministries and churches than Catholic ones.

Does anyone else find themselves getting involved with non-Catholic groups (whether it is as minimal as Christian music concerts or performance events or as involved as attending services in addition to Mass on Sundays)? This is a place to talk about reasons for doing so, how God has worked in your life through such connections as well as challenges a practicing Catholic may face in interacting with certain groups.

I’m so glad that you’re going to pray and talk to your spiritual director becoming embarking on anything in particular. Feeling isolated is a lonely thing, especially since you’re single, and probably attend Mass alone. I assume that there aren’t any Black Catholic parishes in your town (there’s at least two in my city, and I’ve been Masses at both).

Some Catholics feel isolated for other reasons. For instance, I’m a traditional Catholic, but I don’t attend a traditional parish. It’s really weird to be the only woman who wears skirts instead of pants, a head covering at church, and prays in church after Mass. I sometimes feel like a freak, but I can’t change. I imagine it’s difficult for people of color as well (even more so), in a parish of mostly whites.

Have you looked at the website called the National Black Catholic Congress? They might have some useful ideas.

One of my favorite stories about a Black priest is that of Fr. Charles Smith, a Divine Word father, who ministered to Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh. I have such great respect for this brave and caring priest.

When McVeigh was in jail after the bombing, several Catholic priests and Protestant ministers went to see if they could talk to him, but he refused them. When Fr. Charles Smith went to see him, McVeigh called him a few racist names, and threw feces at the priest. But Fr. Smith didn’t give up. He kept going back, and little by little, McVeigh opened up, and they began talking. eventually, Fr. Smith heard McVeigh’s confession, and there was reconciliation. McVeigh wanted Fr. Smith to accompany him to his execution. Fr. Smith said in the an article about his time with McVeigh:

“I remember my mom and dad say 'Just be patient. God is going to make a way. God is going to change you. God is going to rise, and you’re going to be raised up. Your life will be redeemed, and your people (will be).”

Link to article about Fr. Smith and McVeigh"

culteducation.com/group/1047-timothy-mcveigh/13338-oklahoma-bomber-confessed-to-catholic-priest.html

Another idea is this. Would it be possible for you to move to an area with more Black Catholics? I know it might sound extreme, but then so is changing one’s religious affiliation, and there’s nothing out there like Catholicism. My favorite blog by a woman is called Dymphna’s road. She posts the best and most beautiful traditional Catholic pictures. She a Black Catholic, but lives in Virginia where there are other Black Catholics, and she’s married, so that helps. I hope you take a look at her beautiful site!

dymphnaroad.blogspot.com/2015/05/so-you-think-moving-to-little-town-and.html

 

[the_phoenix]

As a single female,
I find that I am not accepted by
the Donut Sunday people in my parish,
and I’ve reached out to them, believe me.
But I am accepted by
the people in the art world who reach out to me
and send me invitations
to exhibit my artwork in their galleries.
Such is life.

 

[Christy_Beth]

I came into the church 18 years ago, and still feel isolated. Sure, I’ve met a few people, but it’s hard to feel any connection with them because they generally are either married and/or not in my age bracket. As in, usually older than me, and I’m not all that young!!! Ok, I’m 52, and no one close enough in my age to “hang out” with. Also, finding those of similar interests. It gets depressing at times. But hang in there, I think things are going to start changing. At least, I hope and pray they do. We have an awesome Pope, and an even more awesome Savior.

 

[pianistclare]

You don’t say where you live, so that may be the real issue. Although we’re in the South, there are several black parishes in the metro area, and they THRIVE. Additionally, our parish which is predominantly white, has a very large Nigerian community, who are very involved and feel no isolation. They are beloved by all of us, we don’t really see color.
That’s what I would invite you to do. As Catholics, we don’t really see color. I’ve been to Mass at the all=black parishes, and I don’t get the feeling that I stand out. They say good morning, and I respond. They give me the Sign of Peace, and I respond in kind. After all, isn’t that the whole point of the Last Supper? Everyone is welcome at the table?
The sameness that you are seeking is already there. You are Catholic.
Join some of the parish groups and become part of the family. Most everyone so far has said they know how you feel. It’s about engaging in something, and making yourself indispensable. A good volunteer is prized, At least around here. Sing in the choir, be an usher, volunteer with St. Vincent de Paul.
You don’t have to have friends that are exactly your twin. You can simply have good, Catholic friends. I will pray for you, and your involvement and inclusion in something that speaks to you in the parish. If you were in the Atlanta area, I’d put you to work straight away, LOL.
Best wishes!

 

[SAVINGRACE]

I’m the only black person in my parish. Hubby is white. We live in a large country town. Everyone treats me like part of the family.

Last year some Sudanese refugees from a camp in Kenya were settled into our town and we have about 16 black people now. They have doubled the average height in our parish.

Our parish committee is mindful of singles and the ‘loneliness’ factor and always make a point to promote singles events and include them in family events. Widows/widowers fall into this category as well and as a parish I think we succeed in being inclusive.

Catholics in our town are not culturally or racially separated/distanced. We are separated between Conservatives, Traditionalists and Liberal. Even with this separation we get together for diocesan activities and try to get along like a big dysfunctional family.