I'm Angry!

[Nick003]

I have to say that I’m feeling pretty angry right now. I met a woman and in my eyes, she is flawless with one exception; she is divorced.

I’ve never been more in love with a woman in my life and I ended the relationship because she was divorced and not annulled. I’m feeling like a fool. She was only the second time in my life that I’d ever been in love.

This business of having to choose between God and her frustrates me. Why is it that I can’t enter into a loving relationship with this woman? Why can’t I be in a loving relationship with her and still love God? I don’t love God less because I love her. I can still love her and love God too.

All of this for what; the approval of the Catholic Church; an organization with their own moral dilemmas. Here they are, living in a glass house and they judge me because a woman, a good mom and respected member of society has stolen my heart.

I don’t know that I will ever be lucky enough to find love a third time.

Thanks for nothing.

 

[jps23430]

I have to say that I’m feeling pretty angry right now. I met a woman and in my eyes, she is flawless with one exception; she is divorced.

I’ve never been more in love with a woman in my life and I ended the relationship because she was divorced and not annulled. I’m feeling like a fool. She was only the second time in my life that I’d ever been in love.

This business of having to choose between God and her frustrates me. Why is it that I can’t enter into a loving relationship with this woman? Why can’t I be in a loving relationship with her and still love God? I don’t love God less because I love her. I can still love her and love God too.

All of this for what; the approval of the Catholic Church; an organization with their own moral dilemmas. Here they are, living in a glass house and they judge me because a woman, a good mom and respected member of society has stolen my heart.
**
I don’t know that I will ever be lucky enough to find love a third time.
**
Thanks for nothing.

that is always our first reaction when our hearts are broken. Not to sound insensitive, but this could have been avoided if you never began it to begin with. She is a married woman. If she has the intention of having her marriage annulled than I suggest you wait for that and then you will have your relationship.
The mere fact that you ended the relationship shows that you already know all of this and keep true to your faith. I wonder why then are you angry if you knew that this would be the result?

 

[teachccd]

I am so sorry that you are so angry. A couple of questions come to mind. One, did you not know Church teachings when you two met? Or two, did she not tell you that she was divorced until you guys fell in love?

The Church has always recognized the sanctity of marriage. When a couple receives the Sacrament of Matrimony they enter into a covenant with God and with themselves. Jesus uses marriage for many examples of our own relationship with God. We are the bride of Christ. The Church is not punishing you by not allowing her to marry but instead is upholding the vows that she took on her wedding day. Now with that being said, did you seek counsel from a priest? Does she need an annulment? Was her marriage valid and sacramental? I hope that you did some research before ending the relationship.

Now, if you did and she could not marry since she is already married in the eyes of God and you have a problem with the Church then you have a problem with God. You are too angry to rationalize that Church doctrine and teachings do not intersect with human failure. Yes, there are clergy members who have sinned greatly but then that started with the Apostles. The Church is guided by the Holy Spirit and her teachings stand clear of any misbehavior exhibited by her members.

I will pray for you. There are many teachings that Catholics find hard to accept. But we have to know that God knows what’s best for us and that all of His commands are for our good out of His infinite love. I pray that you find peace and that your anger turns into love; a love for the God who gave you the freedom to be angry with Him. God bless you…teachccd

 

[mark_a]

I don’t know that I will ever be lucky enough to find love a third time.

I’m sorry for your pain, but don’t confuse self doubt or uncertainty of the future with love for this woman.

 

[Samuel63]

You should thank your guardian angels, the saints, and God in heaven it went no further. You would be dumped years later after draining yourself into the relationship. Divorce is easier the second or third time around.

I give you tremendous credit for cutting off the relationship after discovering it was a divorce situation without anullment. You are doing good service to protect the Sacrament of Marriage.

 

[RomCathCanuck63]

I’m sorry to hear of your pain. Love is a precious thing. However, you mention that she is “divorced but not annulled”. Has she attempted to get an annulment? Just because she is already divorced does not preclude her from seeking the annulment at a later date.

I’ll pray for the two of you. And if she is not able to get an annulment, perhaps it is because God has other plans or even greater things in store for you. Don’t give up hope.

God Bless!!

 

[Nick003]

I have no problem with God. I Love God.

I have a problem with having to choose. Why is it impossible for me to love both?

 

[chipeto]

I have no problem with God. I Love God.

I have a problem with having to choose. Why is it impossible for me to love both?

You can love both, but you can’t marry a woman who is married to someone else.

 

[sherimarie]

You have shown that you do love them both! You put her soul above your own interests when you backed away! That is a beautiful expression of love. I hope you will find each other again if and when she is found to be freee to marry.
You did the only truly loving thing you could have, let that be your counsolation.

 

[twopekinguys]

You should thank your guardian angels, the saints, and God in heaven it went no further. You would be dumped years later after draining yourself into the relationship. Divorce is easier the second or third time around.

I give you tremendous credit for cutting off the relationship after discovering it was a divorce situation without anullment. You are doing good service to protect the Sacrament of Marriage.

That’s a little harsh don’t you think? We don’t know the details surrounding the divorce, and it isn’t for us to judge, or pry into them.

Who knows, she may get a Declaration of Nullity down the road.

As a personal example, both of my parents had previous marriages when they met, fell in love, and got married. They were married 52 years when my father passed away.

 

[jps23430]

You have shown that you do love them both! You put her soul above your own interests when you backed away! That is a beautiful expression of love. I hope you will find each other again if and when she is found to be freee to marry.
You did the only truly loving thing you could have, let that be your counsolation.

I agree. sometimes we are angry because we see so many people willingly doing the wrong thing, and yet we willingly suffer because we can’t bear to betray our consciences. I think, whatever the eventual outcome, you will look back at this time as you being at your best. This may have been the hardest decision you’ve ever had to make. Be proud knowing it was the right one. I think you are in the minority.

By staying true to the teaching of Christ, you showed your love for the Body of Christ, which includes all. So as sherimarie said above, you did show you love them both.

 

[jps23430]

That’s a little harsh don’t you think? We don’t know the details surrounding the divorce, and it isn’t for us to judge, or pry into them.

Who knows, she may get a Declaration of Nullity down the road.

As a personal example, both of my parents had previous marriages when they met, fell in love, and got married. They were married 52 years when my father passed away.

Did they get annulments? Important point to your example on this particular thread.

 

[Angela77]

Is it possible that she can get an annulment?

Also, was she married in the Catholic Church? I feel like I read somewhere that the Catholic Church doesn’t recognize marriages of other churches, but you’d have to check me on that.

Good luck.

 

[twopekinguys]

Did they get annulments? Important point to your example on this particular thread.

Yep, sure did.

 

[Castello]

Is it possible that she can get an annulment?

Also, was she married in the Catholic Church? I feel like I read somewhere that the Catholic Church doesn’t recognize marriages of other churches, but you’d have to check me on that.

Good luck.

What you read was wrong.

The Church follows Christ’s teaching on marriage and divorce.

 

[Christy_Beth]

I was married, and divorced, before becoming Catholic. About a year after I became a Catholic I applied for an annulment. The Church does accept marriages from other denominations. It took awhile, but the annulment came through. I’m still single, but I feel I did the right thing. We were married for all the wrong reasons. In fact, during the 3 1/2 years we were married he had affairs with 8 other women that I know of. Would you call that a marriage?

 

[MrJaundicedEye]

I have to say that I’m feeling pretty angry right now. I met a woman and in my eyes, she is flawless with one exception; she is divorced.

I’ve never been more in love with a woman in my life and I ended the relationship because she was divorced and not annulled.

Unless her attempt at a declaration of nullity was already denied by the Roman Rota, you jumped the gun.

I’m feeling like a fool.

You should.

This business of having to choose between God and her frustrates me. Why is it that I can’t enter into a loving relationship with this woman? Why can’t I be in a loving relationship with her and still love God? I don’t love God less because I love her. I can still love her and love God too.

This is meaningless blah blah. Let’s get to facts.

All of this for what; the approval of the Catholic Church; an organization with their own moral dilemmas. Here they are, living in a glass house and they judge me because a woman, a good mom and respected member of society has stolen my heart.

Just decide what you want. If you want heaven and the ultimate relationship with God, put that first, and insist that your love affairs go by the book. This one could go by the book if ultimately she was granted a decree of nullity by the Church. If you would rather have temporal comfort than God, then marry her in front of a justice of the peace. You just have to choose your greatest love, and Thanks be to God that he gave us the freedom to choose exactly that.

Go, you possess everything you need to choose your priority and destination. God has empowered you to do so, and you obviously understand the stakes already.

 

[NOMINE_PATRIS]

I have no problem with God. I Love God.

I have a problem with having to choose. Why is it impossible for me to love both?

You can love both, you just can’t live with one while trying to follow the other. Life is full of choices. Make yours. If she doesn’t get an annulment, you may be making the biggest decision of your life.

 

[Nick003]

I felt it was important to come back and apologize for my previous post, venting my anger over the loss of someone I’d grown to love. It just doesn’t seem fair that I should have to sacrifice the love of this woman because she was divorced and not annulled.

There are a lot of things that contribute to the frustration I am experiencing, one being the fact that I seek the approval of an organization which suffers from its own moral dilemmas. I realize that every group or organization has its bad apples and the Catholic Church isn’t any different.

Another source of frustration is that the Church keeps changing rules. I mean is it or is it not a sin to eat meat on Friday? I find it depends on who you ask, but I err on the side of caution and choose not to eat meat on any Friday (let’s not have this become a topic of debate here). Now, they are changing the format of the Sunday Mass because they want to get back to the more literal translation from Latin.

I’ve recently learned that prior to 1960, Annulment was something which was not required. Is this true? If so, it is yet another rule change. I feel most strongly about the requirement of Annulment; I guess because at this point in my life, it effects me directly. Perhaps I wouldn’t feel so strongly if my life wasn’t impacted by it. It is easy to say that you wouldn’t get involved with someone who wasn’t annulled.

Generally speaking, my situation has become frustrating. I find myself at a point in my life where I am tired of being alone. When I was younger, it didn’t bother me as much. But now the prospect of growing old alone is become increasingly troubling for me.

I want to settle down with someone who I can share my life with and with someone who wants to share their life with me. At my age, it is very difficult to meet someone who has never been married. It is rare that you find someone who has taken the time to have their marriage annulled. And of course, there is widowed but to look for someone who has lost a husband seems downright morbid.

So I think that my frustration is understandable.

Again, my apologies for my outburst.

 

[MrJaundicedEye]

You need to read instead of post. You continue to make noob mistakes which could be avoided by just, like, using google, you know?

So, go, google, read, and learn, then post. There have been roughly 17 billion internet threads about each of your objections and questions. Use them.