I'm at a loss: Differing Liturgies

[crenfro]

Did it feel like there was a loss of reverence to you?

Yesterday at Mass I walked out during the Homily because our priest had a Methodist preacher speak the homily. I’m Catholic and I’d like a Catholic to give the homily. If I wanted a Methodist spin on the Gospel I’d go somewhere else. I returned after the homily was finished.

We also have too many eucharistic ministers up there at the altar at communion time -not during the consecration however-and the holding of the hands during the Our Father as well as shaking each other’s hands at the start of Mass in order to greet each other.

And there is no reverent silence there before or after Mass.

And oh dear, none of us dress reverently. I was ashamed of what I was wearing. I doubt if our parish was going out to supper or to see the queen of England or something that we’d dress that way.

The most frustrating thing to me is having no one to speak to about this because if I complain, it will upset the priest and the other parish members will get mad at me saying I’m unenlightened or who knows what. I’d like to write the bishop but I think that would hurt our pastor’s feelings and he is a good man and priest.

I did discuss it with God a bit.

Sometimes I’d like to simply join another parish in this city, but, as I understand things, I really need a serious reason to do this.

Another very frustrating thing to me is Confession. Seems everybody is going to Communion but few go to Confession. I do know our priest is busy and tries to be available for 30 minutes, at least, before Mass begins, but with the whole thing somehow just doesn’t sit right with me.

But then, God’s in charge, ultimately, though I do wish some of these things would cease in my parish.

 

[adrift]

Time to be misunderstood again …

I hate tamborines. I’m not fond of guitar music. This doesn’t sound like a mass I’d enjoy.

But - they are NOT, in fact, prohibited. The GIRM and music in Catholic Worship make mention of “other instruments other than the organ” being used.

.

1. The organ and other lawfully approved musical instruments are to be placed in an appropriate place so that they can sustain the singing of both the choir and the congregation and be heard with ease by all if they are played alone. It is appropriate that, before being put into liturgical use, the organ be blessed according to the rite described in the Roman Ritual.124

USCCB
I do not know if the tambourine is approved

As I have been instructed - by people who hold degrees, yes DOCTORATES in canon law and liturgy - is that when documents don’t mention something, we cannot infer it is prohibited. Meaning, silence is just that. If something is prohibited, it will be mentioned

This is an appeal to an anonymous authority and it is wrong. It would feel volumes to mention everything that would be forbidden. That is why the GIRM is a positive decree. That is it tells you what you can do not what you can’t. I don’t understand why you would appeal to the “authority” of a cannon lawyer. They are experts on the cannons not the GIRM. Unless you can provide a cannon to support your assertion?

 

[Windmill]

Many people in our country are affected by the culture, and they have no concept of the heritage of something like the Roman Rite. No one, today, cares about the fact that the Mass they hear at a typical mainstream parish is nothing like the Mass that all the saints grew up with. Modern people are only about what makes them “feel” closer to God. We distrust “tradition” and think that we, necessarily, have a better answer to the problems of the times - be it in morality, worship, or doctrine. In such a limited view of history, “tradition” tends to be something that has been done for a couple of years in a row - not, as the Church views “tradition”, something that has been done for centuries or a millenium. It never occurs to people that we are throwing away what our forefathers died to give us.

I would suggest a few things.

1. Pray together. This is a forum that is independent of the form of Mass you are frequenting. It builds intimacy and trust in a way that doesn’t necessarily depend on others (eg. the priest, music director, choir, altar servers, Extraordinary ministers of Communion, etc…). YOU can set the tone according to what you both like in prayer. You may have common modes of prayer, you may not. Share, be open to what she has to offer in your own spirituality. My wife and I pray the Rosary, Liturgy of the Hours, spontaneous prayer, Latin prayers, and now The Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary. The wonderful thing is, our Holy Faith offers us many avenues to communion with God and with each other through prayer.
2. If you haven’t done it already, start learning your faith. I know a lot of people that say, “Read the Bible,” and that has its benefits. However, I find that it helps to have some guidance. I highly recommend Scott Hahn’s tapes from St. Joseph’s Communications in walking you through many books in the Bible. It will give you much strength, and the common learning will be a strong bond that will deepen your faith.
3. Start learning about liturgy. Yeah, it may sound boring, but I have found out that it is one of the most inspiring topics that really teaches you about what liturgy is and isn’t. I’d first recommend Ratzinger’s, “Spirit of the Liturgy”. Then, if you are interested in mp3’s on the subject, try www.keepthefaith.org Much good things there.
4. Start listening to good Catholic music. I’d recommend listening to this CD on the way to Mass, Dignus est Agnus. the composer is really good, and it puts you in a prayerful mode. Not only that, but it gives you exposure to SACRED music (ie, music that is inherently angelic, not music that you have to be TOLD is sacred).
5. Trust that God will use this to strengthen your marriage.

I hope this helps.

 

[Manfred]

I agree with you, I never have, never will take part in hand-holding exercises at Holy Mass, I have been to prayer meetings with this going on, I just point blank respectfully say " I don’t hold hands".

Was it like that on Calvary ? IE; singing and dancing, as far as I can remember, Hosanna in the Highest was before the Crucifixion.

No it isn’t a party, we had a few months ago drums at Mass, well I sent an email to the Parish, so far so good, no more drums.

Many couples here goto different Masses, mostly to do with baby minding, then it becomes a habit.

Our Baptismal Font is just outside where the non-existent Altar Rails used to be.
You may be part of the problem, but you aren’t the problem.

I’ll tell you who is/are the problem, it’s from the Bishops, to the Priests with their appeasement to the masses, and the liberal laity to the liberal Clergy.

And the sheep are the ones who know the wrong that is going on, when those that have the power to do something about it, do diddly squat, sweet damn all for those that didn’t get it, apart from the few brave ones that dare to speak out.

Well said, snowfly; well said! Spot on comments re the Hosanna and the undue honor accorded the baptismal font. The essence of the Mass is Christ’s sacrifice on Calvary - that’s why we used to call it “the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass” - not baptism, and most certainly NOT A FREAKIN’ CELEBRATION OF THE COMMUNITY!

 

[Suudy]

200 is not a large congregation; did you mean 2,000?
Our Sunday Masses average maybe 1400 at each Mass, and there are never more than 4 EMHC’s.

Nope, I meant 200. The sanctuary probably couldn’t hold 2000.

There were 8 EMHC’s total–4 for the body, 4 for the blood. And the priest watched over it all.

 

[Suudy]

tamborines
glass chalices
wire crucifix
huge baptismal pool at the back of the sanctuary

The tamborines were part of the campfire, folksy feel to the music. Too “happy, clappy” (literally clappy), and, in my opinion, not reverent. It did not invoke awe in me.

As I understand it from the GIRM, glass is not a suitable container for Christ’s blood. Not only are the ordinary class chalices, they risk being broken. Both no-nos.

The wire crucifix strikes me as odd. You really have to study it to see the corpus. When you walk in and look at the altar, there is no evidence that Christ is even on the cross. Perhaps bad art, perhaps in bad tasted. But in my opinion, it hardly calls to mind just what Christ did for us.

The font is not large enough for immersion. It is more like a fancy water pool at the rear of the sanctuary. It is larger than life when you walk in, and I think sticks out like a sore thumb. It serves no purpose during most masses since there are no baptisms.

I realize that these are minor things. And I was probably looking for things to be annoyed about once I heard the music. But the large number of these annoyances drives me away. Why can’t mass be about us and Christ’s sacrifice? Why is there this drive by parishes to be different? As far as I am concerned, there is too much emphasis on the community, and not enough on Christ. At least at most of the parishes I’ve been in.

 

[agapewolf]

Well said, snowfly; well said! Spot on comments re the Hosanna and the undue honor accorded the baptismal font. The essence of the Mass is Christ’s sacrifice on Calvary - that’s why we used to call it “the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass” - not baptism, and most certainly NOT A FREAKIN’ CELEBRATION OF THE COMMUNITY!

You are very incorrect. It is the sacrifice, as well as the resurrection , as well as community…

from the GIRM: (regarding music during Holy Communion, but it still rebutts what you are saying)

During the priest’s and the faithful’s reception of the sacrament
the communion song is sung. Its function is to express outwardly the communicants’ union in spirit by means of the unity of their voices,to give evidence of joy of heart, and to make the procession to receive Christ’s body more fully an act of community. The song begins when the priest takes communion and continues for as long as seems appropriate while the faithful receive Christ’s body. But the communion song should be ended in good time whenever there is to be a hymn after communion.

And there is nothing wrong with having a large baptismal font in the church.

 

[Cat]

Well said, snowfly; well said! Spot on comments re the Hosanna and the undue honor accorded the baptismal font. The essence of the Mass is Christ’s sacrifice on Calvary - that’s why we used to call it “the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass” - not baptism, and most certainly NOT A FREAKIN’ CELEBRATION OF THE COMMUNITY!

Read CCC 1322-1419.

P1348 speaks of All gathering together. “All have their own active parts to play in the celebration, each in his own way…”

P1354 mentions that the intercessions indicate that the Eucharist is celebrated in communion with the whole Church in heaven and on earth. (The word “celebrate” is used.)

P1368 says, “The lives of the faithful, their praise, sufferings, prayer, and work, are united with those of Christ and with his total offering, and so acquire a new value.”

P1383 says “This liturgy expresses this unity of sacrifice and communion in many prayers.”

These are just a few out-of-context quotes. It’s best to read the whole section.

If your statement means that Holy Communion is not solely a celebration of community, then you are correct. Or if you are saying that the Holy Communion is not merely a “celebration,” then you are corret.

But there is definitely, according to the Catechism, a **community aspect **to Holy Communion. And according to the CCC, it is appropriate to refer to Eucharist as a “celebration.”

I stick with with what I said. Check with the proper Church authorities, the people in the diocese headquarters, to see if this Church is “abusive.” If not, then swallow your desires and attend with your wife. If so, well, then you would be right to ask your wife to attend a more-correct Mass.

Don’t fall into the trap that many Protestants are in–searching and seaching endlessly for the “perfect church.” Guess what–you’ll never find it, and you’ll become bitter and judgemental, unable to enjoy even a liturgically-correct Mass. Stop looking for all the little errors, the dress of others, the music, the preaching ability of the priest, the architecture, etc., and just keep your eyes on Jesus.

Many people claim that these little errors are terribly important. They claim that they are justified to demand a “perfect” Mass, and they quote documents stating that Catholics are “entitled.”

We are entitled to nothing except hell. Certainly we enjoy a good Mass, where the rubrics are followed. But we must trust our AUTHORITIES, and stop looking, as the Protestants do, for a demon behind every misstep in the Mass. Be forbearing. Be reasonable.

The kind of person who is always church-hopping, searching for perfection, is the kind of person who will eventually split away and start their own “perfect” church. That’s one reason there are so many Protestant denoms. It’s one thing to ask the diocese to correct obvious, blatent abuses that profane the Holy Sacrifice. But it’s another thing to have a direct complaint line to the diocese and present a weekly list of errors and irreverences.

In the Old Testament, the Israelites were forbidden to enter the Promised Land because they complained. Complaints keep us from entering heaven on earth at the Holy Mass.

Don’t go there. Be wise as a serpent, but gentle as a dove.

 

[Sr_Sally]

This is really wise advice. Of course, you can still continue looking for another parish or another Mass time at one of the parishes you’ve been too that will be more of a compromise. But discovering exactly what is a true abuse and what is just something you don’t like will hopefully go a long way toward easing your mind. And for those things that are an abuse, please try to be part of the solution. Pray for the priest and bishop, get to know the priest and gently and respectfully ask him to correct those things that are abuses.

You are not going to like my suggestion.

Sacrifice for your wife.

In his letter to the Ephesians, St. Paul says that a husband should be ready to die for his wife, as Christ died for His bride.

If that parish was truly abusive of the Holy Mass, then yes, you will have to gently lead your wife away from that Mass and toward another Mass that is correct.

But make sure that you are leaving because of true serious abuses, not because of minor “errors”, or because the Mass doesn’t fit your personal taste.

Rather than getting your information about “abuse” from an online board, go straight to your diocese and talk to your bishop (or his aide). Find out what is and isn’t allowed, and get him to document it for you from reliable Catholic writings. (He might be a “rogue” bishop who is out to wreck the Church. If so, my suggestion is that you MOVE to a diocese with an orthodox bishop–I’m very serious about this.)

But if he is an orthodox Bishop, you might discover that he really DOES have the authority to allow some of these variations in the Mass.

At any rate, do it. Call your diocese headquarters and talk to the right person. Your MARRIAGE is at stake. You think this conflict will just fix itself? It won’t. This is the beginning of a power struggle between you and your wife that will eventually become constant fighting and eventually separation and divorce and heartbreak. Stop the wreck of your marriage NOW.

I’m betting that you will discover that many of the things at that Mass are NOT abuses at all. If they are abuses, perhaps the bishop will be grateful that you brought them to his attention.

But find out the TRUTH before pulling “rank” and dragging your wife away from something that she loves and you dislike. Make darn sure that these things are truly abuses before sacrificing your marriage.

And sir, with all due respect, if you can’t stand music that your wife likes, then how will you handle it when when something really bad happens in your marriage?

Are you a man or a little boy?

What will happen when your wife gets breast cancer and they whack off her breasts and she looks like a boy? What will happen when your wife goes into post-partum depression and has to be hospitalized and you get sole care of your new baby? What will happen when you lose your job and you and your wife have to move back in with parents and live on unemployment for six months? What will happen when your kids turn out to have colic and cry non-stop for three months straight?!

You’ve only been married a short time, and you will find that over the years, many, many terrible things will happen, and you as the husband will have to make sacrifices for your wife and children, and make those sacrifices cheerfully and lovingly, not grudgingly or resentfully.

Hopefully, she will do the same for you, but YOU are the only one who answers to God for YOUR behavior. YOU serve the Lord and sacrifice whether your wife follows your example or not.

Here is a suggestion. If you discover from your bishop that this Mass was not incurring serious abuses, you should remain there, where your wife is happy.

But since this Mass is not to your personal taste, get up very early and find a Mass that IS to your personal taste, and go to THAT Mass, then come back home (with coffee and bagels), and go with your wife (and kidlets) to the Mass of her choice. And put on a happy face and never, ever let on that you don’t like her Mass of choice. Mom and Dad MUST be united in front of the children, or you will be courting parenting disaster.

My Catholic Great-Uncle, who was married for over 70 years to a Lutheran woman, did this. He attended early morning Mass on Sundays, then went home, picked up his beloved wife, and went to Lutheran services with her. Never a complaint, never a whine. They were dear people, and my Great-Uncle played a major role in my conversion from evangelical Protestantism to Catholicism. His funeral Mass was packed, BTW, with Catholics and Lutherans.

I don’t mean to sound harsh. I am not suggesting anything that my dear husband hasn’t already done. Over the years, he has sacrificed many of his personal desires, interests, and dreams for me and our daughters. Through his sacrifices, he is showing us Jesus everyday. I am extremely blessed in my good husband.

 

[japhy]

There were 8 EMHC’s total–4 for the body, 4 for the blood. And the priest watched over it all.

That is deplorable; such practice has been called by the teaching authority of the Church “reprobate” and “reprehensible”:

“The practice of those Priests is reprobated who, even though present at the celebration, abstain from distributing Communion and hand this function over to laypersons.” (Redemptionis Sacramentum, 157)

“Accordingly, a reprehensible attitude is shown by those priests who, though present at the celebration, refrain from distributing Communion and leave the task to the laity.” (Inaestimabile Donum, 10)

It is the duty and responsibility of the priest to offer the sacrifice and to administer Communion to those present.

 

[japhy]

Many people claim that these little errors are terribly important. They claim that they are justified to demand a “perfect” Mass, and they quote documents stating that Catholics are “entitled.”

Well, yes, we do quote documents that mention these rights: “the right of Christ’s faithful to a liturgical celebration that is an expression of the Church’s life in accordance with her tradition and discipline”, “the right of all of Christ’s faithful that the Liturgy, and in particular the celebration of Holy Mass, should truly be as the Church wishes, according to her stipulations as prescribed in the liturgical books and in the other laws and norms”, “the right that the Sacrifice of the Holy Mass should be celebrated for them in an integral manner, according to the entire doctrine of the Church’s Magisterium”, and the “right that the celebration of the Most Holy Eucharist should be carried out for it in such a manner that it truly stands out as a sacrament of unity, to the exclusion of all blemishes and actions that might engender divisions and factions in the Church”. (Redemptionis Sacramentum, 11-12)

We are entitled to nothing except hell. Certainly we enjoy a good Mass, where the rubrics are followed. But we must trust our AUTHORITIES, and stop looking, as the Protestants do, for a demon behind every misstep in the Mass. Be forbearing. Be reasonable.

Yes, I sure do “enjoy a good Mass” every now and then… it’s right up there with a fine brandy. It’s up to the priest, I guess, to decide when the faithful can have their “good Mass, where the rubrics are followed”?

Since God has graced us with the opportunity not to go to Hell, the least we can do for Him is to offer the Sacrifice of the Mass in as reverent a manner as possible, in the manner prescribed by the Church itself. I don’t see why the desire of some of the faithful to go to a Mass celebrated as it ought to demonized by others.

 

[THutch04]

I’m going to agree with the other posters that you need to determine what is a REAL abuse (such as the Priest not distributing Communion at all), and what is personal preference. I agree with you, the way you described that Mass seems like it would be one I wouldn’t care to go to every week either. I’m not necessarily against modern music, I just think that in whatever we do, we need to preserve the sacred nature of the Mass. Usually, in western culture, music that you described does not help in that aspect.

 

[Sarabande]

The font is not large enough for immersion. It is more like a fancy water pool at the rear of the sanctuary. It is larger than life when you walk in, and I think sticks out like a sore thumb. It serves no purpose during most masses since there are no baptisms.

A lot of older churches have their baptismal fonts in them. Usually at the side or in a side chapel. So, although perhaps the font you are talking about may be just impractical and perhaps just badly designed, there really isn’t anything wrong with having it in there.

I realize that these are minor things. And I was probably looking for things to be annoyed about once I heard the music. But the large number of these annoyances drives me away. Why can’t mass be about us and Christ’s sacrifice? Why is there this drive by parishes to be different? As far as I am concerned, there is too much emphasis on the community, and not enough on Christ. At least at most of the parishes I’ve been in.

I totally understand how you feel. I really think a compromise should be the best way. Perhaps not switching off from one mass to another, as I earlier suggested. But sacrificing your total spiritual nourishment for hers is also not the way either. If my husband and I had different beliefs on how we receive our spiritual nourishment, I definitely would not expect him to sacrifice all for me. That would be extremely selfish. But that’s just me - I couldn’t in good concience let my husband do that.

You could perhaps see if your wife’s preferred parish also has masses that isn’t like the one she likes to attend so that at least you can stay at the same parish. Many parishes do different kinds music for each mass now. Although, since it only has 200 families, it probably doesn’t offer too many masses. At least you could attend a few more times with her and see if you can stomach it. If not, then definitely try to get to a parish which will be nourishing for both.

I’m sure your wife doesn’t want you to suffer either, so I bet if you both just sit down and calmly discuss your feelings and beliefs on this and really pray together about it, you can both see each other’s side and make a good, educated, and prayerful decision on what to do. God bless and good luck.

 

[Colorado_Mike]

I have been in your shoes, and found myself looking for abuses or “abuses”, always wishing the Mass would be done in perfect accord with the rubrics and my personal preferences.

This, however, is not going to happen, and is the opposite of what we should be doing at Mass. The Mass is not about ME and is not held to satisfy ME or to nourish ME or to make ME happy. It is about God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit. It is about worshipping the Almighty. Emulate Christ’s sacrifice and stop thinking about yourself at the liturgy.

Second, one of the great beauties of the Catholic Church is that it is CATHOLIC. It is diverse, and the liturgical celebrations will vary across a wide dimension. That’s ok - that is how we have a large tent. Keep going to different liturgies - maybe an Eastern Rite, or a charismatic, or an African American community. Appreciate the range of worship, all within the One Church.

Third, appreciate that a number of the items you identified are your personal preference, NOT actual abuses. Tambourines and guitars - maybe annoying, but not abuses. No kneelers - not an abuse. Girl altar servers - not an abuse. Large baptismal font - not an abuse. Lots of EMHCs - maybe an abuse, but so what? Glass chalice - that’s an abuse - buy the parish a new one.

Last, take it easy on your wife. Her personal preferences are just as valid as yours. In fact, they are more important, because she is your vocation and your means to heaven. So be a servant to her.

Yours In Christ

 

[japhy]

The Mass is not about ME and is not held to satisfy ME or to nourish ME or to make ME happy.

First of all, the Mass is supposed to nourish us. Second, correct, the Mass is not about us, it is about God: tell that to the people who want to inject “performances” into it, trying to captivate an “audience”.

It is diverse, and the liturgical celebrations will vary across a wide dimension. That’s ok - that is how we have a large tent. Keep going to different liturgies - maybe an Eastern Rite, or a charismatic, or an African American community. Appreciate the range of worship, all within the One Church.

Appreciate the various rites of the Church, yes. Appreciate the liturgically acceptable variations of those rites, yes. Appreciate some particular priest’s or liturgical director’s changes to the Mass, no. Just because something happens under the auspices of the Mass does not make it an acceptable form of Catholic worship. (Liturgical dance at Mass, for example.)

No kneelers - not an abuse. … Lots of EMHCs - maybe an abuse, but so what? … Glass chalice - that’s an abuse - buy the parish a new one.

The lack of kneelers, while not constituting is an abuse, is harmful to the spirituality of the faithful and can end up instilling a mentality of “we don’t kneel” or “kneeling is outlawed” or even “kneeling is wrong”. GIRM 43: “In the dioceses of the United States of America, they should kneel beginning after the singing or recitation of the Sanctus until after the Amen of the Eucharistic Prayer, except when prevented on occasion by reasons of health, lack of space, the large number of people present, or some other good reason. Those who do not kneel ought to make a profound bow when the priest genuflects after the consecration. The faithful kneel after the Agnus Dei unless the Diocesan Bishop determines otherwise.” Was that church built without kneelers despite the GIRM? That is not good reason; seeking the exception to the rule is not obeying even the spirit of the law. Were kneelers removed? That is not good reason, again. Why are there no kneelers? Not kneeling is not the norm!

The problem is not the number of EMHCs per se (although, for 200 people, 8 people distributing Communion sounds absurd). It’s that the priest doesn’t do anything. That’s an abuse, plain and simple. “So what?” is never a valid response to an abuse.

The glass cups are certainly an abuse, and while a member of the laity purchasing the proper vessels for Mass is a noble gesture, it shouldn’t have to depend on the laity!

 

[JimR-OCDS]

My wife and I attended mass this morning at a new parish. My wife loved it. I hated it.
I felt the entire mass was a happy, clappy feel-good affair.

And whats wrong with a Mass that is a happy afair that makes you feel good?

Do you desire a Mass that is sorrowful and depressing?

Maybe you should spend less time in this forum, and more time learning about the Good News of Jesus Christ?

Jim

 

[Suudy]

And whats wrong with a Mass that is a happy afair that makes you feel good?

That’s the point. It doesn’t make me feel good. A sense of awe, reverence, and respect is what makes me feel good. Clapping along doesn’t.

Do you desire a Mass that is sorrowful and depressing?

Absolutely not. Awe inspiring. Humbling. A mass that demonstrates the vast greatness of God. Practices that try to make things “fun” fail to do this for me.

Maybe you should spend less time in this forum, and more time learning about the Good News of Jesus Christ?

Excuse me? I’ve posted, what, 70 times since Sep 2004? Does that make me a frequent visitor? Are you suggesting that my time on this forum somehow detracts from my time with Christ?

I made this post to seek advice on how to deal with differences in liturgical preferences. Not to seek advice on my relationship with Christ. Not to seek marital advice. And certainly not advice on my forum habits.

 

[lak611]

My suggestion would be to try a different Mass at this parish. Usually, each Mass has a different style if the parish has a lot of Masses. My mother’s church has a 12 p.m. CCM Mass (with all the “praise and worship”, guitars, drums, etc. like on a Christian radio station). I went with her twice because the Masses were being offered for my late father and late uncle. We found the music intolerable for Mass. However, my mother found out that the same parish has organ/cantor at the Vigil Mass, traditional choir at the 10:30 a.m. Mass, and almost no music at the 9:00 a.m. Mass. She just doesn’t go to the 12 p.m. Mass any more (and I won’t be going either because I belong to a different parish and there are no Masses being offered for family members now).

 

[Image_of_God]

That’s the point. It doesn’t make me feel good. A sense of awe, reverence, and respect is what makes me feel good. Clapping along doesn’t.

Absolutely not. Awe inspiring. Humbling. A mass that demonstrates the vast greatness of God. Practices that try to make things “fun” fail to do this for me.

Excuse me? I’ve posted, what, 70 times since Sep 2004? Does that make me a frequent visitor? Are you suggesting that my time on this forum somehow detracts from my time with Christ?

I made this post to seek advice on how to deal with differences in liturgical preferences. Not to seek advice on my relationship with Christ. Not to seek marital advice. And certainly not advice on my forum habits.

Please be careful. Losing your marriage over this would be saddening. You might want to show her the views of the Church on what is supposed to be in the liturgy. I am too disheartened and concerned about the things that go on in Masses. The best we can do is study more about what the Church says about the Roman Rite, study its history and try to tell others. You and your wife will be (I hope) suprised when you see that what people are doing in liturgies contradicts what the Church has been trying to convey. I recommend a conciliatory approach to the matter, but you should not have to give up your idea on the matter. I too agree that liturgies should not appear as they did to you. But your wife has probably grown up experiencing such Masses, not knowing that they were not done as the Church recommended. I recommend that you gently expose to your wife what the Roman Liturgy is about; this will take time for her to understand.

 

[Suudy]

Please be careful. Losing your marriage over this would be saddening. You might want to show her the views of the Church on what is supposed to be in the liturgy

You are the second person that has suggested that my marriage may be in trouble over this. At no point did I suggest our marriage was having problems. I was merely asking for suggestions on how to deal with this difference in opinion.

But your wife has probably grown up experiencing such Masses, not knowing that they were not done as the Church recommended. I recommend that you gently expose to your wife what the Roman Liturgy is about; this will take time for her to understand.

I was comfortable at the masses in our hometown. We only recently moved after getting married, and have been looking for a new parish. The parish we attended–the very same the grew up in–had a mostly traditional NO mass. The music was, in my opinion tastefully done, the priest kept things very deliberate and reverent, and there were none of the things that bothered me at the last parish I attended. It is only recently, since looking for a new parish, that this has come to a head.