I'm Becoming Catholic, my Wife is staying Mormon

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Sunstone

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What am I in for?

If you have advice/experiences, please share.

My wife isn’t a true-believing Mormon, but it’s what she knows and she feels like there isn’t anything better out there. We have a strong marriage and are very devoted to each other. Our son will probably go to the LDS Church regularly–it’s what he knows–and to mass/parish activities with all of us on special occasions.

I’ve been secretly off and on with RCIA for several years, but feel like this time I’ll finally be baptized. Those of you who are regular around here know this.

This will be a big deal with my parents and siblings, as I am descended from a member of Brigham Young’s wagon company. They won’t banish me or anything, but it could be an issue.

It will also be a big deal with my Mormon friends. I’m on the Stake High Council and even though I want to go quietly–I have no animosity–there might be some backlash.
 
What a hard decision you have made. I pray you are not shunned. I think because Mormons tend to socialize almost exclusively with other LDS members, your wife is most likely worried that she will lose her friends. Hopefully, if she attends mass with you once in a while and understands that you are very happy and fulfilled in the Church, then she might become more supportive. I can’t imagine how stressful it must be for you to be living a double life.:rolleyes:
 
Sunstone said:
What am I in for?

If you have advice/experiences, please share.

My wife isn’t a true-believing Mormon, but it’s what she knows and she feels like there isn’t anything better out there. We have a strong marriage and are very devoted to each other. Our son will probably go to the LDS Church regularly–it’s what he knows–and to mass/parish activities with all of us on special occasions.

I’ve been secretly off and on with RCIA for several years, but feel like this time I’ll finally be baptized. Those of you who are regular around here know this.

This will be a big deal with my parents and siblings, as I am descended from a member of Brigham Young’s wagon company. They won’t banish me or anything, but it could be an issue.

It will also be a big deal with my Mormon friends. I’m on the Stake High Council and even though I want to go quietly–I have no animosity–there might be some backlash.
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The persecution will come we were promised this…endure it well and with charity and humbleness. The Crosses we are asked to carry are never light. I’m sure you will be fine. I live in a huge Mormon area so I hear these stories a lot. the majority of the people I work with are Mormons. Don’t be pushy with your wife but as you learn the faith and find the contradictions politely reveal them to her, She may come around. Live you life by example…although at least on the outside Mormons live how Catholics should live…in my opinion so really that’s going to be a hard thing to show your faith since you probably already live that way.
 
kozlosap said:
What a hard decision you have made. I pray you are not shunned. I think because Mormons tend to socialize almost exclusively with other LDS members, your wife is most likely worried that she will lose her friends. Hopefully, if she attends mass with you once in a while and understands that you are very happy and fulfilled in the Church, then she might become more supportive. I can’t imagine how stressful it must be for you to be living a double life.:rolleyes:
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I don’t think of it as living a double life. My wife has been “in the know” for years. I don’t understand the :rolleyes:.
 
Sunstone,

May the Lord bless you and be your strength, joy, and love!
 
I’m also a former Mormon. In some ways, I found the transition to Catholicism easier because of that, because the hierarchy is set up similarly. Whereas in other areas they couldn’t be more different.

I think that prayer is going to be your best ally in your transition, both in acceptance of the Church by your wife and in acceptance of your leaving the Mormon faith by your friends.
 
Mormons, like Jehovah’s Witnesses, Christian Scientists,and Seventh Day Adventists all claim that they have restored Christ’s true church after an apostasy had occurred. They follow the teachings of Joseph Smith, Charles Taze Russell, Mary Baker Eddy, and Ellen G. White. The problem for these groups is not in so much that they are bad people, but that their beliefs are wrong. All a person needs to do is look at the historical nature of the time period in which they were founded, all being during the second great awakening in the United States, which by the way at the time had very little Catholic or Orthodox churches. ( Maryland was originally set up as a Catholic colony but quickly became overcome by Protestant groups). Joseph Smith made many prophesies, as did the other denominations above mentioned which never came to pass. For instance, Smith claimed “Quakers lived on the moon”. A Mormon always tells you the Book of Mormon is true and to pray on it, and you will feel good. This argument never held any credibility on me, because I could read the Communist Manifesto by Karl Marx and feel good, because communism in theory does look good, but it has been tried historically, and does not succeed. Reading the Book of Mormon, which I have by the way, is a strange thing, and difficult, as it is written in old English, which resembles the KJV of the Bible. The irony I always thought of the Mormon and Jehovah’s Witnesses etc. is, if they are the true church from the apostles time, why are they using a Protestant bible? Luther took out books he deemed “not inspired”. During the apostles time, the Greek Septuagint was the most read canon, which was originally translated by Jerome into the Latin Vulgate. Also, the book of Mormon has absolutely no historical evidence to back it up, and there are animals and weapons used in the book that did not exist in the Americas, or in the world in the timeframe in which the book is supposed to be speaking of. Joseph Smith’s community claimed that he was always a “dreamer looking for fame”. Him and his father looked for treasure. The LDS church will tell you that any negativity against Mormonism is Satan trying to tempt you from Christ’s true church. This is in turn brain washing, which is why some regard the group as a cult. I am Roman Catholic but I view myself as just being a Christian. The Mormon movement is interesting in a world religion context because it actually resembles in Christianity, the Ahmidiyyah movement in Islam. A person claiming to be a prophet yet it completely goes against the religions mainstream beliefs. If the apostasy of Mormonism happened, what is to be said of Christ. Did he lie to Peter when he told him the gates of hell would never prevail against his church? Protestants have reason in the past why they left Catholicism, the church did become corrupt, however we acknowledge that. However the truth is the only groups that can really say they were the church Christ founded are the Roman Catholic and Eastern Orthodox churches, which I pray will reunite again in the future. The separation of those two were mainly power of the bishop of Rome over the bishops of Constantinople, Alexandria, Antioch, and Jerusalem, which Orthodox thought should be equal however the bishop of Rome( the pope) had much more political influence after the collapse of the western former Roman empire and also claimed to have more authority, as he did, Peter passed on the apostolic succession which we have to this day, which Christ gave to Peter. I don’t know how to convince your wife of this, because I have a couple Mormon friends, and trying to talk to them in an intelligent conversation about their beliefs seems impossible. They just “know it is the truth”. It is sad because they have been raised to not question anything, but just view it as Satan if they do. That is brainwashing. Joseph Smith didn’t restore anything. He just wanted to have his hey day and also was killed not by anti Mormons, but by the husbands of people in his movement, because they became aware that he was committing adultery with their wives. Some prophet.
 
Congratulations on making the decision! I left the LDS Church slowly during high school, along with the rest of my immediate family. I was agnostic for about a decade until I fell in love with a Catholic man who shared with me the most basics of his faith (e.g.,God loves everyone). I independently decided I should learn more about his faith since we were getting more serious. He never pressured me. He never suggested anything. I dragged him to Mass! He listened to what I learned in RCIA but rarely talked. It was not until the Holy Thursday before Easter Vigil that he said, “I am really happy that you are becoming Catholic!” I responded, “I had no idea! I wasn’t even sure if you cared.”

I suggest you do the same. Respect your wife and family and their beliefs, regardless of how frustrating it may be. Live your Catholic faith authentically through actions and not talk. Let them begin the conversations, answer questions simply when possible, and listen to their thoughts.

This is a wonderful time. Make it positive. Brush the negativity off. And remember how God loves you more than you could ever imagine.
 
(former Mormon also, though didnt have the issues that come with family members who remainded LDS when I left)

Do you best not to let religion become a wedge between the two of you.

Leave Mormonism and Catholicism on the outside of both your marriage and family. Focus more on discipleship to Christ.

As long as she doesn’t try to convert you (well as others in the ward), and you dont try to convert her, you have a shot at maintaining a decent marriage.
 
I appreciate the advice some of you are sharing. Former Mormons have a unique perspective on what I’m going through.
 
mamagoose said:
Congratulations on making the decision! I left the LDS Church slowly during high school, along with the rest of my immediate family. I was agnostic for about a decade until I fell in love with a Catholic man who shared with me the most basics of his faith (e.g.,God loves everyone). I independently decided I should learn more about his faith since we were getting more serious. He never pressured me. He never suggested anything. I dragged him to Mass! He listened to what I learned in RCIA but rarely talked. It was not until the Holy Thursday before Easter Vigil that he said, “I am really happy that you are becoming Catholic!” I responded, “I had no idea! I wasn’t even sure if you cared.”
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Am not surprised. Very Catholic of him. Hehe. 😉

God bless. 🙂
 
Many prayers for you. Good luck and God bless your efforts and your family. I hope to get there one day.
 
Welcome home! And good luck in dealing with the fall out. Being on the high Council and leaving to become Catholic will be quite scandalous. I would not be surprised if they drag you in for a “court of love” due to your high profile calling.

Oh and with regards to parents and extended family, establish boundaries and defend them. If someone doesn’t know how to be respectful, you can simply walk away. No need to subject yourself to bad behavior.
 
Former ‘born in the covenant’ LDS here too. Welcome home!
I understand how hard it is to leave the LDS church but please keep in mind that The fall out will only be as bad as you & your wife will let it affect your marriage.
Apart from their obvious disappointment & disapproval of my conversion to The Catholic Church, to keep the peace, there iis very little discussion of religious beliefs between my parents & myself (oh they have invited he missionaries to their house when I’m there to chat to me & my husband & have given them my address to my house…).
I live & love my Catholic faith & life with my husband & kids. I love attending Mass & regular bible discussion groups.
I will pray for you & others going through this 😊
 
Congratulations! It’s not easy to become Catholic when your family member’s religious beliefs are so different (I have personal experience of this) but trust Jesus and everything will be fine. I was received into the Church three weeks ago and though my family was very angry and very much against it I’m so incredibly happy and thankful that I still did it. I hope everything goes well and you’ll be baptized.
 
I have a beautiful friendship with a couple in my parish. She a cradle Catholic, he a converted Mormon.

Upon his conversion, his wife of 10 years left him and has turned his four children against him:( It has been 15 years since he has seen or heard from his children. His heart breaks, but he continues to pray that he may one day see them again.

I pray that this does NOT happen to you. I also pray that you find peace and strength in your journey towards our beautiful Catholic faith.
 
Sunstone said:
I don’t think of it as living a double life. My wife has been “in the know” for years. I don’t understand the :rolleyes:.
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I’m sorry! I meant to hit the pink smile icon! Quite obviously, I assumed facts that were not true about your situation - ie - the double life. My friend who is LDS found out that her son was living the double Mormon, Catholic life when he was away at college. He eventually went through RCIA and came into the Church. It was devastating to his parents at first since his da:eek:d was a bishop, but eventually they seemed to let go when they realized how happy and faithful their son was. I’m quite sure that they endured snide remarks from Stake and Ward members, but everyone survived. Once again, I apologize for assuming!:o
 
I’ll be praying for you Sunstone and hope you’ll do the same for me. I’ve made quite the progression over the last 10 years or so from losing the faith, to finding an almost taboo interest in Catholicism, to secretly attending Mass, to slowly introducing my wife to my issues with Mormonism, to finally telling her of my interest in conversion. She’s grown more and more supportive but still shows great concern for me and my immortal soul. I requested to be released from my callings almost a year ago and have entirely stopped attending Sacrament Meeting as of a couple months ago. The Mrs. attended Mass with me for the first time last week! :eek: Anything is possible!

May I ask, where exactly on the “no longer a believing Mormon” spectrum does your wife lie? Does she still believe in the BoM and Joseph Smith but have reservations about the current Brethren? Does she still believe in Christianity but doesn’t believe a word of any form of Mormonism? Does she even believe in God? I think you’ll get more fruitful advice if we know where she’s currently at.
 
Sunstone said:
What am I in for? If you have advice/experiences, please share.
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Sunstone,

My prayers and empathy are with you! My wife and I were married in the LDS temple almost 20 years ago. I left Mormonism shortly thereafter and finally (by way of Orthodoxy and many year of non-belief) found my way home to the Catholic church several years ago. My wife and oldest child remain TBMs.

At first, I foolishly tried to convince my wife of her misplaced belief by discussing theology, history, scripture, reason, morality, etc. All this accomplished was making her feel disrespected. For the last year, I have bitten my tongue on all religious matters and quietly prayed for unity & reconciliation in my family and in the world. My family now attends mass together every weekend; we pray, read scripture, and say grace together almost daily. In my experience, words only bring contention; example and kindness bring unity. My wife still believes in the BoM and JS; I cannot change that, but I love having her beside me in faith.

The issue with your child is tricky. At first I was OK with my daughter being raised Mormon, but the more I learned about Mormonism, the more uncomfortable I became. As a father, part of my job is to protect my child… and I feel this extends to protecting her spiritually. I felt (and feel) the need to protect her from false teachings. Subsequently, my younger child will soon be baptized Catholic; my older child believes too strongly in the LDS faith and she’s of the age where she must choose herself. It’s tricky.

Bottom-line: Theology, reason, history, scripture, and morality may be on our side, but such things don’t mean as much to Mormons as we might like. Their faith is based on feelings and behavior; focus your energy on where it will have an impact.
 
I have many friends here in Utah that are Catholic/Mormon. they are just like any other couple I’ve known. They rotate going to each others churches. the only problem is you will not be able to receive their communion. but good luck and God bless!
 
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