Oh, I have so many thoughts I don’t know where to begin!
First, maybe some comfort - you are not alone. I am not a natural homemaker. For me, laundry, cooking, grocery shopping, cleaning and organizing activities take much planning and effort. Like you, I worked in the corporate world. I have a bachelors degree and MBA. I used to be able to manage mutli-million dollar projects yet can’t seem to keep milk in the frig. When I first became a SAHM I actually wrote out workplans (and still do!). My husband and I chuckled but it worked for me. One example was the basement. When I first quit work I wanted to tackle our extremely messy basement. For days, I just looked at it and walked around not knowing how to begin. Finally, I drew a diagram of the basement, divided it into sections and numbered the priorities.
The other difficulty I have is taking care of “extra projects” like cleaning the frig and switching seasonal clothes. These seem to consume all available time then the regular chores like grocery shopping, dishes, and laundry don’t get done. Oh, well, at least something got done.
I also don’t do well with self-motivation and self-discipline. It became apparent to me that I did well in school and the corporate world because I had external motivations. So far, I haven’t found any external motivations for having a clean house, nightly meals, etc.
Okay, now some advice that I have learned from experience over the last 15 years I’ve been a SAHM:
Change One. Much too often I want everything to be perfect all at once. This is impossible. It is much easier to break things into smaller goals and tasks.
Figure out what works for you. Trial and error is the only way. For example, my SIL has laundry day. She does all of the week’s laundry on one day. However, my girlfriend does laundry every day. I am actually somewhere in between since neither of these methods worked for me.
Set reasonable expectations. It is great to have goals but keep in mind that running a home and raising children is fluid and filled with surprises beyond our control. Sick children, broken bones, stitches, broken washing machines, flat tires - all of these things are beyond our control and can impact the best of intentions.
Keep things in perspective. We went for 7 years without curtains in the living room and are going on 9 years without curtains in our bedroom just window blinds. What I tell myself is that if God so chooses to take me today, although I cannot purport to know the mind of God, I am pretty sure He is not going to ask me why we don’t have curtains in our bedroom or a cleaner house.
Don’t imagine slights that aren’t there. This is a big one for me. Quite often I feel sorry for my husband. He works long and hard to support our family. Then he comes home and eats cereal for dinner. (Not always!) Yet, he doesn’t complain. It is only in my mind that he thinks I have failed. I have taken the approach that if it is important enough or if he is really bothered by it, then he will voice his opinion.
Finally, you are in my prayers as we struggle together.
