I'm Catholic, she's 7th Day Adventist. Can it work out?

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A little background about us…
Me: 24 years old. I was born and raised Catholic, and was baptised when I was 1 year old. My family and relatives are Catholic too. We’re not super fanatic or crazy devout anything, but we try to be good people, be good and decent to others, go to church every Sundays, believe in God, Jesus, Mary, etc. You know…the usual Catholic stuff.

She: 20 years old. Her dad’s 7th Day Adventist, her mum’s Catholic. It wasn’t until she was 15 that she became Seventh Day Adventist. She said that it was from many years of reading the Bible that she concluded that SDA is the path to follow. She observes the sabbath, doesn’t believe in baptising babies, doesn’t believe in saints, doesn’t believe in Mary.

We’ve been together for about a year. We really love each other and plan to marry about 4 or 5 years from now. Personalities-wise, we’re very compatible. It’s our differences in religion that worries me quite a bit…
She said that when we get married, she wants to teach our children what we both believe in common (God and Jesus) and let them decide what to believe when they are more grown up. She also doesn’t want to baptise them when they’re babies since she prefers them to decide which religion to follow on their own (when they’re grown up). I told her that I’d be willing to accompany her to her church whenever she goes on Saturdays (so that she won’t be lonely), but she says she’s not sure if she’s willing to go to my church since the Catholic teaching kind of bothers her, especially our belief in the saints. Amongst my family and relatives, we just do the usual Catholic custom, which is to baptise babies, go to Catholic school, go to church on Sundays, etc.

We agreed not to influence each other to convert into the other’s religion, so I guess it’s pretty clear that if we did get married someday, there would be two different beliefs in our family…I’m just wondering if it can work well? Also, our children will start hearing and learning about conflicting things (because their parents’ religions are different) and they may get confused, and who knows what’s gonna happen…

I think marriage is a very serious thing. I think that nothing in the world is absolute, and I believe marriage is a little bit like gambling. Even if my future wife were Catholic like me, it still doesn’t guarantee that everything will be perfect. I only want to get married once, and before doing it, I want to be absolutely sure that it’s the right thing to do.
So do you guys think it can work out? Any other things we should do to increase the chance of our relationship/future marriage working? Any of you have/had a similar situation as we?
 
For me, I can’t tell you if it can work or not. It has worked for some, and not for others. Marriage is important, but I place my religious faith above my marriage. That is to say I don’t believe that I would raise my children to know a common beliefe in God. I believe I should raise my children and expose them to the Full Truth of the Church. It is my responsibility; I am born Catholic for the reason not to bring my children away from being Catholic.

I suggest that you would learn more about what SDA thinks of Catholic, that might give you a better idea if you could handle the conflicts.

I hope you make the right decision.
 
Forgot to mention that you need to be prepared to defend your Catholic faith too! 🙂

In my opinion, the more you know about and embarace the Catholic faith, the easier you make your decision.
 
Are you planning on marrying in the Catholic Church? If you are, you are required to raise your kids Catholic. If not, you won’t be following your Catholic faith by marrying outside the church. Which also means you won’t be able to recieve communion.
 
srferdave said:
Are you planning on marrying in the Catholic Church? If you are, you are required to raise your kids Catholic. If not, you won’t be following your Catholic faith by marrying outside the church. Which also means you won’t be able to recieve communion.
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Thanks water and srferdave. Yes we do plan to marry in the Catholic church. As a (relatively) young Catholic who has never married before, I have recently become aware of the Catholic church’s requirement to raise our children in the Catholic faith, and this is also a factor that confuses me.

If I see the big picture, afterall we’re both Christians and we both believe in God and Jesus, and it would be such a waste if we can’t be together just because of our religious differences. I also put God before everything else, which is why I’m so confused and sad, because at the same time I love this woman very much such that I would be very sad if I had to let her go.
 
It might be problematic. She has already stated to you that if you two have children, she does not want them to be baptized, nor does she want to attend Mass with you. How is that suppose to foster any understanding of the Faith to her?

It’s good that you are thinking about this before you decide to marry her. The obligations in marriage to follow the Church’s teachings are not there to create hardship, but to ensure that the marriage will be a valid, faithful, fruitful, and done out of free will.

I think you already know what the answer is on this one…I’ll be praying for you.

God Bless.
 
recife said:
If I see the big picture, afterall we’re both Christians and we both believe in God and Jesus, and it would be such a waste if we can’t be together just because of our religious differences.
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To be honest, I don’t think you see the big picture yet. You are loving her, and that’s mostly all it matters to you. Believing in God is easy to say, but following what Jesus is teaching is another matter.

Here is what I gather on internet about SDA:

1)The SDA believe that one must worship on Saturday, the Old Covenant Sabbath. The CC teaches that Sunday is the New Covenant day of worship.

2)The SDA believe that one cannot be saved without keeping the Sabbath. The CC teaches that one can still be saved without keeping Sunday.

3)The SDA believe that Jesus’ Atonement was not completed on earth, but is completed through the Investigative Judgment in heaven. The CC teaches that the Atonement was complete at the Cross. There is no Investigative Judgment.

4)The SDA believe that Ellen White was an inspired prophet of God. The CC does not accept Mrs. White’s visions.

5)The SDA believe in Old Covenant dietary restrictions such as not eating pork. The CC does not have any regular dietary restrictions.

6)The SDA believe that when one dies the soul “sleeps” unconscious until the Second Coming of Christ. The CC teaches that the dead are conscious.

7)The SDA believe that hell is not eternal. The CC teaches that hell is eternal.

8)The SDA believe that they are the One True Church of Christ. The CC teaches that it is the Church that Christ founded.

9)The SDA believe that a woman may choose to have an abortion. The CC teaches that abortion is murder.

10)The SDA believe that Jesus and Michael the archangel are the same person. The CC teaches that they are separate individuals.

11)The SDA believe that the Pope is the anti-Christ. The CC teaches that the Pope is Christ’s vicar or the prime minister of Christ’s earthly kingdom.

en.allexperts.com/q/Catholics-955/Seventh-Day-Adventist-beliefs.htm
 
SDAs officially teach that the Roman Catholic Church is the Whore of Babylon and worship on Sunday is the Mark of the Beast.

Now, can you go through life with your wife thinking this about you every time she looks at you every day?
 
recife said:
If I see the big picture, afterall we’re both Christians and we both believe in God and Jesus, and it would be such a waste if we can’t be together just because of our religious differences. I also put God before everything else, which is why I’m so confused and sad, because at the same time I love this woman very much such that I would be very sad if I had to let her go.
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You contradicted yourself. You say that you put God before everything else, but also say it would be a “waste” if you can’t be together because of religious differences. If God doesn’t want you to be together because of your religious differences than its not a “waste”. But I’m not saying thats what God wants. Both of you have to be very clear about what you want. And remember that God should be at the center of every decision you make. You said that your not planning on getting married for for awhile so you have time to see what develops. Try to learn more about your Catholic faith so you can answer questions that she has about it. You should try to grow in faith together. Share your religious characteristics you do have in common.

I’m in a similar situation as you. My girlfriend is Baptist and I’m Catholic. Although she shares more characteristics to the Catholic faith then a 7th Day Adventist, it is still quite different. We talk about this often so that we know where we stand. She is willing to get married in the Catholic Church and raise the kids Catholic. I tell her that I am concerned that if she doesn’t go to church with me what will the kids think. e.g. “Why isn’t mommy going to the same church as us”. In response she said she would go to Catholic Mass with the family. Now it’s possible she will convert to Catholicism, but I can’t force that on her. She has never hinted at it either. The best thing I can do is learn as much about my faith so that I can answer her questions when she has them. I pray to God every day about this. And I am sure that God will let me know what the right path is. Don’t rush your decision. Take it slow. But always move in the right direction.
 
water said:
To be honest, I don’t think you see the big picture yet. You are loving her, and that’s mostly all it matters to you. Believing in God is easy to say, but following what Jesus is teaching is another matter.

Here is what I gather on internet about SDA:

1)The SDA believe that one must worship on Saturday, the Old Covenant Sabbath. The CC teaches that Sunday is the New Covenant day of worship.

2)The SDA believe that one cannot be saved without keeping the Sabbath. The CC teaches that one can still be saved without keeping Sunday.

3)The SDA believe that Jesus’ Atonement was not completed on earth, but is completed through the Investigative Judgment in heaven. The CC teaches that the Atonement was complete at the Cross. There is no Investigative Judgment.

4)The SDA believe that Ellen White was an inspired prophet of God. The CC does not accept Mrs. White’s visions.

5)The SDA believe in Old Covenant dietary restrictions such as not eating pork. The CC does not have any regular dietary restrictions.

6)The SDA believe that when one dies the soul “sleeps” unconscious until the Second Coming of Christ. The CC teaches that the dead are conscious.

7)The SDA believe that hell is not eternal. The CC teaches that hell is eternal.

8)The SDA believe that they are the One True Church of Christ. The CC teaches that it is the Church that Christ founded.

9)The SDA believe that a woman may choose to have an abortion. The CC teaches that abortion is murder.

10)The SDA believe that Jesus and Michael the archangel are the same person. The CC teaches that they are separate individuals.

11)The SDA believe that the Pope is the anti-Christ. The CC teaches that the Pope is Christ’s vicar or the prime minister of Christ’s earthly kingdom.

en.allexperts.com/q/Catholics-955/Seventh-Day-Adventist-beliefs.htm
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Thanks so much water for compiling all the bits above! I haven’t heard about some of the things, but I can’t agree more with this “The SDA believe that one cannot be saved without keeping the Sabbath. The CC teaches that one can still be saved without keeping Sunday.”

She was going for a university entrance exam, and to boost her knowledge she was taking extra classes, and some of the important ones were on Saturdays. Due to her strong observance of the sabbath, she decided never to go to any classes on Saturdays, and as a result fell behind in those important classes. So now I understand that she must’ve done it out of fear of not being saved eh?!
 
srferdave said:
You contradicted yourself. You say that you put God before everything else, but also say it would be a “waste” if you can’t be together because of religious differences. If God doesn’t want you to be together because of your religious differences than its not a “waste”. But I’m not saying thats what God wants. Both of you have to be very clear about what you want. And remember that God should be at the center of every decision you make. You said that your not planning on getting married for for awhile so you have time to see what develops. Try to learn more about your Catholic faith so you can answer questions that she has about it. You should try to grow in faith together. Share your religious characteristics you do have in common.

I’m in a similar situation as you. My girlfriend is Baptist and I’m Catholic. Although she shares more characteristics to the Catholic faith then a 7th Day Adventist, it is still quite different. We talk about this often so that we know where we stand. She is willing to get married in the Catholic Church and raise the kids Catholic. I tell her that I am concerned that if she doesn’t go to church with me what will the kids think. e.g. “Why isn’t mommy going to the same church as us”. In response she said she would go to Catholic Mass with the family. Now it’s possible she will convert to Catholicism, but I can’t force that on her. She has never hinted at it either. The best thing I can do is learn as much about my faith so that I can answer her questions when she has them. I pray to God every day about this. And I am sure that God will let me know what the right path is. Don’t rush your decision. Take it slow. But always move in the right direction.
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Hmmmmm, well you’re right…if we see it from a God’s standpoint, then yes I guess I contradicted myself, because I know that what God gives us is always what He thinks is best.
But I was talking from a more down to earth manner…I said it would be such a waste because apart from religious issues, she’s such a great girl, and so far I’ve never met anyone like her:)

I guess your case is similar to that of my parents’. Before marriage, my mum was Protestant (but went to Catholic school all her life) and my dad was Catholic. When they got marriage she immediately converted to Catholic, which is why there were never any religious issues.

It’s very good that your girlfriend is willing to compromise the way you described, and I sincerely wish the best of luck in your future marriage! I’d be so happy if my girl would agree to such arrangement, but just like you, I wouldn’t try to convert her to Catholic either.
 
recife said:
Hmmmmm, well you’re right…if we see it from a God’s standpoint, then yes I guess I contradicted myself, because I know that what God gives us is always what He thinks is best.
But I was talking from a more down to earth manner…I said it would be such a waste because apart from religious issues, she’s such a great girl, and so far I’ve never met anyone like her:)
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I understand. But always keep in mind that everything done on earth should be directed toward the ultimate goal, being one with our Lord in heaven. Once we are dead, nothing on earth matters anymore. You have to ask yourself, will marrying this girl help you to grow closer to God and get you to heaven? And if your answer is “maybe” then you are not ready to marry her.
 
recife said:
…“The SDA believe that one cannot be saved without keeping the Sabbath. The CC teaches that one can still be saved without keeping Sunday.”

…So now I understand that she must’ve done it out of fear of not being saved eh?!
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You’re welcome. She does what she believes. Now, wouldn’t a loving mother want her children to believe the same thing so that they would be also saved?

I agree with many points srferdave made. I agree that you should pray hard, learn about your faith.
 
recife said:
It’s very good that your girlfriend is willing to compromise the way you described, and I sincerely wish the best of luck in your future marriage! I’d be so happy if my girl would agree to such arrangement, but just like you, I wouldn’t try to convert her to Catholic either.
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If you truly believe in the Catholic Church shouldn’t you be trying to convert her? Not forcing her obviously but if you think it is the surest way to salvation then surely you want that for everyone and especially someone you love and are thinking of marrying.

I’m not sure if compromise is the right way to go in this kind of thing. It seems like she is giving the concessions which are permissible under her faith and then expecting you to make concessions which go against what the Church teaches e.g.regarding children etc.
 
water said:
You’re welcome. She does what she believes. Now, wouldn’t a loving mother want her children to believe the same thing so that they would be also saved?

I agree with many points srferdave made. I agree that you should pray hard, learn about your faith.
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Yes I will think really heavily about this. I certainly won’t rush to marriage (at my current age I’m not ready anyway), but at the same time I wouldn’t leave her hastily too, I guess. I’ll really need to ask for some guidance from God…
 
snhs said:
If you truly believe in the Catholic Church shouldn’t you be trying to convert her? Not forcing her obviously but if you think it is the surest way to salvation then surely you want that for everyone and especially someone you love and are thinking of marrying.

I’m not sure if compromise is the right way to go in this kind of thing. It seems like she is giving the concessions which are permissible under her faith and then expecting you to make concessions which go against what the Church teaches e.g.regarding children etc.
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This issue is really confusing me, it’s such a grey matter…yes as a Catholic then ideally my wife should be Catholic too, but she’s also a human being with a free will, I’m afraid it’d be wrong too…
may be “steer” is a better word??

Well I don’t think that being Catholic is the only way to salvation…because if it were true, then all the non-Catholics such as Jewish, Buddhists, Muslims, Hindus, etc would not be salvated, which somehow doesn’t sound right to me??:confused:
 
snhs said:
If you truly believe in the Catholic Church shouldn’t you be trying to convert her? Not forcing her obviously but if you think it is the surest way to salvation then surely you want that for everyone and especially someone you love and are thinking of marrying.

I’m not sure if compromise is the right way to go in this kind of thing. It seems like she is giving the concessions which are permissible under her faith and then expecting you to make concessions which go against what the Church teaches e.g.regarding children etc.
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I agree with snhs. If she is willing to sacrifice things in order for you to live Catholic life than it can possibly work. However it might be hard to share in your spirituality together which is such an amazing gift when both are Catholic. If you have to sacrifice things for which you believe than the marriage is not meant to be. Also, be certain that she will follow through with what she says she will do before the marriage.
 
I just got back from lunch with a friend and one of the people that I respect the most. He is an elder in the SDA church. We discussed our experience and feelings during holy week. He is so much closer to my religious and social beliefs than a lot of so called catholics. I think that in the long run we will have the opportunity to discuss about our faith even longer.

Having said that, and looking at my understanding of the SDA theology, I do not think that I could ever marry a women belonging to the SDA church. The differences are too critical and considering that the SDA church is formally against any ecumenical interaction I doubt that things will improve in the long run. The only two outcomes that I see are divorce or conversion of one spouse in the other’s church. If you are getting married in the Catholic Church that means that she (in all honesty to God and to you) agrees to raise the kids as Catholics. Now from what you say that is not possible and so I doubt that you would be able to marry in a the Catholic Church.
 
recife said:
This issue is really confusing me, it’s such a grey matter…yes as a Catholic then ideally my wife should be Catholic too, but she’s also a human being with a free will, I’m afraid it’d be wrong too…
may be “steer” is a better word??

Well I don’t think that being Catholic is the only way to salvation…because if it were true, then all the non-Catholics such as Jewish, Buddhists, Muslims, Hindus, etc would not be salvated, which somehow doesn’t sound right to me??:confused:
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I believe that you should do what you can for her to become Catholic without forcing her. Show her how awesome the Catholic faith is by your knowledge and actions. And pray about it. If you do this and she has an open mind I believe God will lead her to the Catholic faith.

I also believe that being Catholic is not the ONLY way to salvation. As my late aunt once said… “The Catholic faith is not the only way to salvation, its the best way.” I believe that is one of the reasons for purgatory. To prepare the lost souls for heaven. One is only responsible for the knowledge given to them.
 
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