I'm coming home, wife isn't

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FarmerTim

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I’m coming home after 20 + years away. In that time I got married and had children. My wife is Presbyterian and is deeply prejudiced against the Catholic religion. Neither of our children are baptized and every time I bring it up, she gets very upset. She is also really against it yet she will join me sometimes at church. Usually with a scowl on her face or a look of disdain. I, of course, would love to get the children in CCD but every time I bring that up, she just explodes. It has been a very rocky road back and feel so good about it, yet I can’t seem to share it with her in any way. I have tried to explain how important this is to me and present it in a very calm way. Usually, it is the other way around. The wife is trying to get the husband to get involved. Does anyone have a ideas or resources that they know of?
Thanks,
Tim
 
For what it’s worth (I’m not married) I don’t think having her go to church with you when her attitude is such is very helpful. Best she stay home for now.

It’s a shame she doesn’t want the kids to go to CCD. Doesn’t mean you can’t, as you learn the faith, give them instruction in it yourself. And you can do other things - direct them to CAF and similar websites with any questions they may have.

Praying for you.
 
FarmerTim said:
I’m coming home after 20 + years away. In that time I got married and had children. My wife is Presbyterian and is deeply prejudiced against the Catholic religion. Neither of our children are baptized and every time I bring it up, she gets very upset. She is also really against it yet she will join me sometimes at church. Usually with a scowl on her face or a look of disdain. I, of course, would love to get the children in CCD but every time I bring that up, she just explodes. It has been a very rocky road back and feel so good about it, yet I can’t seem to share it with her in any way. I have tried to explain how important this is to me and present it in a very calm way. Usually, it is the other way around. The wife is trying to get the husband to get involved. Does anyone have a ideas or resources that they know of?
Thanks,
Tim
Click to expand...
Welcome home! Keep studying the faith and respectfully answer any questions your wife may have. Chances are her opposition to the Catholic faith is a misunderstanding of what it is. Have you checked out Marcus Grodi’s organization (Coming Home Network International)? If not, I would suggest you read through his website. Find ways to strengthen yourself spiritually, because you’re probably going to face some tough times. Prayers for you, your wife, and children.
 
Congratulations! Are you evangelizing each other very loudly yet?

Peace,

Gail
 
Pick up a copy of “When Only One Converts” - you can get it on Amazon even 🙂

Prayers!
 
stop discussing it with her.

pray.
pray.
pray.
offer eucharistic novenas for the peaceful baptism of your children.
offer eucharistic novenas for the conversion of your wife.
pray.
pray.
do pennance.
pray.
be kind.
do all things in love.
show her that your renewed faith has made you a better husband–really.
show her more.
show her that your renewed faith has made you a better father-- really.
keep showing her.
pray.

i didn’t pray ***half ***as much as i’m suggesting to you but when I finally SHUT UP and prayed, my husband, who swore, “I will NEVER be a Catholic” converted. When he did convert, it was entirely between him and God-- just as it should be.

He was baptized 14 years ago. He has been a faithful Catholic every day since then.
 
I love monicatholic’s answer. In the meantime, a suggestion that came to my mind is to offer some kind of concrete compromise with her where she will get something she wants in return for letting you enroll the kids in CCD. For example, I let my (lapsed Catholic, non-attending) husband go hang out with his friends at their house on Saturday night in exchange for him watching the babies on Sunday so that my daughter and I can go to Mass. It might sound weird to some people, but it keeps the hostilities down. I don’t know specifically what would work in your situation, but you probably do. Does your wife work outside the home? Does she want to work, or is she like most women in that she dislikes being torn away from her children? If so, some kind of leeway in this area might get through to her where you tell her that you have found a way to let her stay home or only work part-time. This softens women up enormously. Just a thought!
 
Hi Everyone,
Thanks so much for all the replies, you all are great.
I’m not sure what “Eucharistic novenas” is or how to “offer” it or them. I did a Google search and didn’t really come up with anything useful. Can you describe this a little better. Also penance. I know that is what is done when someone goes to confession. I just went to my first confession as an adult. I went when I was confirmed and all I remember is being very nervous and the padre at San Marcos said the right thing so that I didn’t feel nervous any more. But that is my only memory. And when I went this first time recently, I didn’t end up with any “to do’s”.

Thank you all very much.
 
First, here is a link to the book I suggested When Only One Converts by Lynn Nordhagen .

Offering a novena is a fancy way of saying to pray for someone for nine days (or nine weeks… novena is nine). Does your Church have Adoration? That is where you can go pray before Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. Praying for her before the Sacrament is a powerful thing.

You can “offer” other things, like, when you recieve the Eucharist - in your heart pray “Jesus, I offer this for the conversion of my wife”.

Penance can be much more than the 3 Hail Mary’s we are given to pray after Confession. Penance can be privately and willingly doing something for someone else - here is an example of a practice of fasting and prayer that geared to husbands:

e5men.org/
 
monicatholic said:
stop discussing it with her.

pray.
pray.
pray.
offer eucharistic novenas for the peaceful baptism of your children.
offer eucharistic novenas for the conversion of your wife.
pray.
pray.
do pennance.
pray.
be kind.
do all things in love.
show her that your renewed faith has made you a better husband–really.
show her more.
show her that your renewed faith has made you a better father-- really.
keep showing her.
pray.

i didn’t pray ***half ***as much as i’m suggesting to you but when I finally SHUT UP and prayed, my husband, who swore, “I will NEVER be a Catholic” converted. When he did convert, it was entirely between him and God-- just as it should be.

He was baptized 14 years ago. He has been a faithful Catholic every day since then.
Click to expand...
Yup thats the “recipe” I’ve given to two others and it worked,I mean the Holy Spirit worked;)
 
this might help for the traditional devotions & prayers.

Fisheaters
fisheaters.com/beingcatholic.html

this gives you more time to relearn your faith, that way when she does come home,and she will,you’ll be ready to explain things. God Bless you!
 
Many people are giving you good advice about the spiritual aspect of this situation. I will also tell you - from personal experience - that this can - and , in fact, may - end your marriage. Perhaps not divorce, but just two people living together in the same house.

In my case, my wife converted away from to another branch of the Church. It was a terrible, horrible, awful conversion that lasted years. The resulting stress, pain, hurt and grief - on both our parts - has turned a Fairy Tale marriage into a desert barren of life.

I pray for her and offer sacrifices, but that is all. I will not attend services with her, nor will I allow any of our children to go with her.

As the one who is changing the status quo, my advice is to go above and beyond the call of duty in regards to love, devotion and service to your wife. She may feel - as I did - that you are abandoning and rejecting her as much as you are rejecting your old faith. She needs to understand this is not part of some mid-life crisis; she needs to be reassured and loved.

Do not underestimate the damage this may cause to your marriage. You need to be the primary actor in ensuring that this damage is minimal. Don’t end up in a dead marriage. You don’t have to choose between the Church and your marriage. God wants both.
 
Have you read *Rome Sweet Home *in which a Presbyterian Minister converts to Catholicism and his wife, a devout Presbyterian, feels torn apart?

It would be a nice book for both of you.

I would try to find common faith ground and put energy into that. Does she have a passion for some ministry–the poor, pro-life, the elderly, caring for children, nurturing single mothers? All are common ground for Christians that you can enter into together.
 
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