I'm confused as to whether this was a mortal sin

[m8g8]

Thank you everyone so much for your replies, they’re really helpful, but I obviously can’t thank everyone individually lol.

And sorry it’s a late reply, but deadlines are coming up, so I’m having to restrict time on here

… you may want to reflect on the description of your relationship you’ve shared with us and the history of your experiences with him.

AthonyPadua001, this would be relevant, because it’s something I’m wondering about and would appreciate a Catholic point of view. Before I was with him, I had lost my faith for a while and we had sexual activity, but after I got my faith back, I told him we would stop. He found this really difficult and I had to snap at him/tell him off a lot for a while. I have told him that if he had any respect for me, he wouldn’t keep trying, but he says that he has lots of respect, but finds it too difficult…

By the way, he’s not an arrogant, selfish person. He’s completely the opposite, just these situations are his downfall. He gets upset randomly sometimes because he feels like something has been taken away (i.e sexual activity). I don’t really understand how this could upset someone… Maybe a man could explain? lol

… If you lose control and sin then you help cause your boyfriend to sin. Causing others to sin is most evil. So this is another reason to stop making out.

Thanks, for reminding me. I think I will tell him this tonight

I hope we hear back from the OP soon… Telling us that she has been to confession and discussed this with her confessor.

Sorry again for the late reply- I appreciate your responses a lot. I have not been to Confession yet, but will on Saturday.

 

[AnthonyPadua001]

AthonyPadua001, this would be relevant, because it’s something I’m wondering about and would appreciate a Catholic point of view. Before I was with him, I had lost my faith for a while and we had sexual activity, but after I got my faith back, I told him we would stop. He found this really difficult and I had to snap at him/tell him off a lot for a while. I have told him that if he had any respect for me, he wouldn’t keep trying, but he says that he has lots of respect, but finds it too difficult…

By the way, he’s not an arrogant, selfish person. He’s completely the opposite, just these situations are his downfall. He gets upset randomly sometimes because he feels like something has been taken away (i.e sexual activity). I don’t really understand how this could upset someone… Maybe a man could explain? lol

If he truly respected you as you should be respected, he would not continuously make these kind of approaches and instist on such activities when he knows that you are not comfortable with it and don’t want it! He seems to be in this relationship with the mentality of “What do I sexually get out of it?” You (insert name here _______) deserve so much more than that! I understand it may be difficult for him to go from being sexually active to not, but don’t you think you’re worth it??? You are!

He has a lot of growing to do and I’m wondering if this relationship is truly healthy for you and your faith right now. He may not be a bad guy, but do you think this is the best thing for you at this moment in your life? Something to take to prayer at least.

 

[m8g8]

If he truly respected you as you should be respected, he would not continuously make these kind of approaches and instist on such activities when he knows that you are not comfortable with it and don’t want it! He seems to be in this relationship with the mentality of “What do I sexually get out of it?” You (insert name here _______) deserve so much more than that! I understand it may be difficult for him to go from being sexually active to not, but don’t you think you’re worth it??? You are!

He has a lot of growing to do and I’m wondering if this relationship is truly healthy for you and your faith right now. He may not be a bad guy, but do you think this is the best thing for you at this moment in your life? Something to take to prayer at least.

Thank you for replying to quickly and giving good advice.

I agree with what you are saying, but it’s not that easy to cut off from someone who you love. Not only that, but we will be on the same course as me for another year, so I couldn’t just give him a final warning.

It does turn me off him quite a bit the more he does things like that however.

 

[FNDRB58]

What it comes down to is your relationship with your Savior. You may love Christ but do you LOVE Christ. Logically, you know that having a LOVING relationship with Christ is more important than your love for your boyfriend. It is indeed essential whereas love for your boyfriend is not. So the problem is that you are weak and you are letting your emotions dictate how you manifest your love for God. You know what you need to do. It is just a matter of not letting your feelings for your boyfriend get between you and God. I would suggest taking some time apart even if it is just for a few weeks. In time those sexual feelings that bother you will die down and you will be more able to get perspective on things without the current sexual tension running through your veins. Then perhaps you can lay down the law to your boyfriend. If he doesn’t acquiesce to your desires to LOVE God then he is an impediment to your faith building. He should be just the opposite! But all of this starts and ends with you. You can fix this problem or you can let your emotions and feelings control you.

 

[Greg27]

I think the best solution is if it troubles your conscience, go to confession and discuss it with the priest.

 

[Antrim]

I beleive it was St Thomas Aquinas said no touching below the neck before marriage and only kiss with the lips closed. The sixth commandment forbids all words looks and actions contrary to holy purity The ninth forbids all impure thoughts and desires willfuly entertained or consented to. He is responsible for your Soul and needs to make sure he is not causing you to sin. You set limits and stick with them at all times.

Antrim

 

[neisan]

I’m going to sound so old-fashioned, even though I’m around 15 years of age but…

If he’s not Christian, leave him. You won’t be married by the Church so your relationship will go nowhere. However, if he can convert with your help, persevere. I’m sorry to be harsh but it’s the truth and you should know it.

 

[Sarahforgiven]

Just a word of caution - if you continuously have to tell your boyfriend to stop (which you mention you frequently do) because you feel uncomfortable about how fast you’re moving and especially if he doesn’t listen to you about wanting to stop (which it sounds like he doesn’t and is trying to convince you to keep going), I would highly question how much respect he has for you. No, your sexuality is not a bad thing, but it doesn’t sound like he truly values your wishes. To me (even as a guy) that raises huge red flags.

Now I do need to stress the fact that I obviously don’t know your situation or anything about you guys other than the very little information you stated in this thread - this is just some friendly advice that you may or may not agree with. I’m not saying he’s a bad guy or anything (again, don’t know him), but you may want to reflect on the description of your relationship you’ve shared with us and the history of your experiences with him.

I am more concerned that you are this far along in a relationship with a young man who does not share your faith. Seek confession & spiritual guidance.

 

[onmyknees]

I’m going to sound so old-fashioned, even though I’m around 15 years of age but…

If he’s not Christian, leave him. You won’t be married by the Church so your relationship will go nowhere. However, if he can convert with your help, persevere. I’m sorry to be harsh but it’s the truth and you should know it.

I agree that it is good to marry someone of the same faith but it is not true that a Catholic cannot be married in the Church if he/she marries a non-Christian.