I would like to say a couple things even though i’m not too experienced in this area. I’ve also had this torn feeling, except I’m a girl, and really didn’t know what to do because I know that we do need good Catholic mothers and fathers just as much as we need good priests and religious. I came to this conclusion (but again, this is just from my experience).
Wanting to have a family and having a strong love for children is perfectly natural. Even people who are called to religious life have this feeling. It comes as part of the spiritual family. Being a spiritual mother or father to other people, including children. It might be something you could talk to your spiritual director about; I only have some knowledge of spiritual motherhood, and fatherhood isn’t exactly my specialty.
But knowing that I would still be a mother, but in a different way, helped me a lot in my decision. It’s still hard to give up a husband and my own biological family, but God gives abundant graces to those who, in a leap of faith, choose to follow His divine plan. My vocation director told me that every sister that I met, would have made any amazing mother to her own children, the same goes for a priest or brother. Religious, through their celibacy, are called to represent the motherhood and fatherhood of God our heavenly father to everyone.
Someone who had no desire to be a mother or father couldn’t do this. Maybe there is a thread or something on this topic. It would be a really good thing to discuss, especially in the vocations section. I think that this is probably the hardest part of discernment.
God wants us to choose His will for love of Him. If he only gives us one option and one desire, it’s easier. But what about when after we make that decision, the devil tries to make us believe we were wrong? How can we know unless we really thought about it before we decided in the first place? Either way, God will not be mad at us if we choose a good path that still leads a good Catholic life. But the way that God wants to use us to really make a difference in the world according to his perfect plan is the way that he calls us too. For some people it may be married life. Look at all the saints who were married.
I can’t stress enough the importance of prayer. Constantly pray. Read as much on BOTH paths as you can. You’ll find that eventually which one that you were made for. It still requires some hard sacrifice, but everything does. A good spiritual director would be really helpful. For now, just pray and trust that if you really want what God wants for you, for the betterment of all humanity, He will tell you when it’s the right time.
Hopefully that helps!! I’ll keep you in my prayers!!!
Jessica
