why bother? I don’t change! It doesn’t go away! I can’t overcome sin. So why should I bother going to daily Mass? I go to confession on a regular basis. I try to pray. Yet I don’t change. I AM SO DISGUSTED!!!
Well, being disgusted means you are one step closer to redemption and salvation.
Unrepentant sinners who have separated themselves from Christ do not feel disgusted.
You seem simply unwilling to continue to fight the good fight with the apostolic zeal that is required of a disciple of the Christ, who although being immaculate, let evil men scourge and torture Him and nail Him on a cross.
You still have temptations and imperfections? Why, you thought Baptism or Reconciliation turned you into a saint? Well, yes…but partaking in the divine nature does not mean the fallen human nature is restored…we become united to Christ in Baptism and in Holy Communion, but it is just the beginning of the path of perfection…the Holy Father recently spoke of the Baptismal grace:
The baptized person emerged from the basin and put on a new robe, the white one; in other words, by immersing himself in the death and Resurrection of Christ he was born to new life. He had become a son of God. The Holy Spirit creates within us this new condition as children of God. And this is the greatest gift we have received from the Paschal Mystery of Jesus. Moreover God treats us as children, he understands us, he forgives us, he embraces us, he loves us even when we err. In the Old Testament, the Prophet Isaiah was already affirming that even if a mother could forget her child, God never forgets us at any moment. And this is beautiful!
He who once called us servants now calls us friends. And more than friends!
You say: why should I bother? Why should I receive Him daily in Holy Mass?
Well, it is written: “
He went to His own, and they did not receive Him. But to those that did receive Him, He gave them authority to become children of God.”
That is why! You are not your own (1 Cor 6:19-20) but the temple of the Holy Spirit, one of the holy living stones of which the Church is built (1 Peter 2:5). Will you not receive Him when He comes to you, who are His own? Or will you let Him bestow on you the partaking in the very divine nature that comes from the divine adoption (2 Peter 1:4)?
If you, following the path of our forefathers in the faith through 20 centuries, decide to love Him and follow Him, your work is not over, but it has begun. You will be tried by fire, and refined like gold in the hands of the goldsmith. You are to become a saint by the will of the Father, the grace of Christ, and the work of the Holy Spirit. This will happen in a lifetime of dedication, of constant spiritual warfare, of falling and raising, of sinning and being forgiven, even seventy times seven. You will deny the Lord more than three times in one night, and be restored to grace before daybreak. You will forget yourself, take up your Cross, and follow Christ on the way up to Calvary. You can’t forget the last part, the essential part. That part which made Christ say: " Not those who say ‘Lord, Lord’ will be saved, but those who do the will of my Father who is in Heaven".
We are here to do the Father’s will in Christ. Not what we want. We do not know and do not understand the mystery of our own life. We sin, we fall, we struggle, we find ourselves unable not only to be “perfect as the heavenly Father” (Mt 5:48) but even to keep the simplest of all commandments…Paul knew this well when he said:
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? …]
Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners–of whom I am the worst. …] I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. …]
I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. …]
Pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus …]
For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present , nor things to come , nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Here, then, do not be afraid of spiritual warfare. Do not let the good fight distress you. Do not expect too much of yourself. You and I are very little, very weak, compared to the might of our enemies and to the corruption of our flesh and senses. But He who is Lord of all and Light is greater than everyone and everything. And in Him we now live, or rather, He lives in us.
So don’t let these things discourage you. Sanctification and, as it were, theosis, is a lifelong process, and requires commitment to be in the world but not of the world, as well as love not just for the sweetness of the Lord but for the bitterness of the chalice and for the redemptive suffering of the cross.
A good reading is “The Spiritual Combat” by Dom Lorenzo Scupoli. Small and very practical.
Also, when you find yourself in such distress, this is the time to talk to a priest not just for confession but for spiritual direction. For the works of evil are undone when they are brought into the light, and the Light gives Himself to us through the apostles and their successors.
I wish I could overcome. I know it’s possible in Christ.
A double blessing has come out of my own sinfulness.