I'm embarrassed to confess same sin over and over

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Shana

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-]/-]Lately I’ve been struggling with impure thoughts. I was doing well for quite a few months but it has been much harder ever since I started liking someone (A LOT!!) especially because there have been signs of reciprocacy. He’s on my mind often and it seems that when I think of him my thoughts have a tendency to drift to sexual ones and I entertain them sometimes. I just went to confession last Saturday about it but the next day I was right back at it! It’s like I have very weak will power and I’m too lazy to make the effort to cooperate with God and have neglected prayer. I sort of feel like I should go to confession again this week but I’m embarrassed confessing the same sexual sin repeatedly especially because I’m a girl and it’s weird talking to an older man about it. I’m worried that it would create akwardness between my priest and I. Has anyone else had this problem? Any advice?

Also, at what point is entertaining impure thoughts a mortal sin? I hope I’m not trying to rationalize my sin, because I know venial sins are harmful too and must be resisted, I’m just trying to gain understanding. I’m not sure if my emotions and my desire to be with him could be a mitigating factor reducing my culpability to some degree? I mean I have knowledge that it is serious and do consent or give in to the impure thoughts, but it feels like my heart is divided. I’m 19 by the way.

Please pray for me. I’m having a hard time shaking my complacency.
 
Dear Shana:

Maybe you can do the confession behind the screen.

Pray the Rosary and ask Mother Mary to help you.
Mary represents purity.

God bless!
 
Shana :hug3: many of us have the same difficulties with particular recurring sins.

It’s probably part of God’s way of motivating us to do better on these particular sins that we get sick of hearing ourselves confess them over and over again.

Don’t worry about the priest - I’m sure he’d rather you confessed than not. And of all sins sexual sins would be the ones most frequently confessed, they’d be a) the most often committed and b) the ones people are most aware of as BEING sins, apart maybe from murder and theft. So your priest wouldn’t be hearing anything new or startling.
 
You could try going to another parish, and ask the priest for a long talk/confession. You can say it is more comfortable for you to sit behind the screen. Then you can just pour your heart out as if he was Christ.
 
Shana,

I’ve been told that the more you concentrate on not thinking about a certain thing (impure thoughts) that the more you will think about it. I was told to immediately do something incompatible with the sinful thought such as saying a Hail Mary or if I was someplace appropriate (not driving) to look at an image of Mary or Jesus and redirect myself.

It really seemed that redirection worked better for me than trying to just use will power. Now it has become a habit to redirect away from sinful thoughts of all kinds rather than something I have to sit and struggle with for a long time. Thoughts will still pop up but I don’t dwell like I did in the past.

I hope you find somehting that works for you.
 
Shana:

Its normal to have attractions to the opposite sex in your daily life because God gave us this desire in order to seek out a husband or wife. When your thoughts go too far about someone focus on God and ask him to help you overcome them. Going to confession regularly is the best way to overcome your sins. By confessing your sins God will give you the grace and help you to resist temptation. Try to see the other person as a child of God. Focus on the true meaning of love the way God loves us and let this fill your heart and mind. God bless you
 
Hi Shana. I will pray for you. And please don’t become discouraged about confessing the same sins over and over. It happens to most of us. :hug1: But you have some wonderful suggestions here. I agree with two suggestions in particular… try going to different parishes… on different weekends… and using the screen.

But don’t give up on the Sacrament of Reconciliation. We gain such immeasurable graces by frequent reception of this Sacrament. The devil will try and try to get us NOT to go. Don’t listen to the lies! Receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation AND the Eucharist… OFTEN. You will receive the grace to make progress in the particular areas where you’re having difficulty. God bless. 🙂
 
Shana, it’s OK…go to confession. I prefer the screen for this reason, among others! :o

And, yeah, lots of us girls have a problem with this type of thing. You’re not alone. I say the prayer to St. Michael or a Hail Mary as soon as thoughts pop up and it helps most of the time.
 
I would also reccomend the prayer to St. Michael when you start to have these thoughts. Also, in addition to praying the Rosary like others have suggested, also try the Chaplet of St. Michael. It is believed that saying the Chaplet will gradually help us defeat our demons and grant us a pure heart. St. Michael also promised his continual assistance and that of all holy angels during life for those who would recite the Chaplet daily.
 
I’m not familiar with the Chaplet of St. Michael. Could you direct us to the pertinent info?

Sam, the Neon Orange Knight
 
Shana said:
-]/-]Lately I’ve been struggling with impure thoughts. I was doing well for quite a few months but it has been much harder ever since I started liking someone (A LOT!!) especially because there have been signs of reciprocacy. He’s on my mind often and it seems that when I think of him my thoughts have a tendency to drift to sexual ones and I entertain them sometimes. Also, at what point is entertaining impure thoughts a mortal sin? I hope I’m not trying to rationalize my sin, because I know venial sins are harmful too and must be resisted, I’m just trying to gain understanding. I’m not sure if my emotions and my desire to be with him could be a mitigating factor reducing my culpability to some degree? I mean I have knowledge that it is serious and do consent or give in to the impure thoughts, but it feels like my heart is divided. I’m 19 by the way.

Please pray for me. I’m having a hard time shaking my complacency.
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Well welcome to the wide wide world, full of thoughts some led to our minds by satan.
Yes we must remember to not put the power onto satan but to remember that it will do it’s best to ruin our minds thoughts and relationships.
That is what it (he) tries to do best. The point to remember is that ALL yes all people will be entertained by satan and it is when we fall (as St Therese did) that we call to God to ask for help. Oh kay?.
It is when we are at our point of realisation that we are so sooo weak and fall on our knees asking God for help, that God is so blessed.
I am one of those sinners sister.
Godbless
 
Very often satan will try to persuade you to stop going to confession for recurring sins. Don’t listen!

God is proud of you!!

I myself will FREQUENTLY go to confession over the same sins. Its a struggle to change yourself, but its possible.
Prayer and perserverance is the best medicine.
 
average_Joe said:
I would also reccomend the prayer to St. Michael when you start to have these thoughts. Also, in addition to praying the Rosary like others have suggested, also try the Chaplet of St. Michael. It is believed that saying the Chaplet will gradually help us defeat our demons and grant us a pure heart. St. Michael also promised his continual assistance and that of all holy angels during life for those who would recite the Chaplet daily.
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This is good advice. Our sexual urge is the second strongest one we have. Many struggle with these issues. Yet please do not give in. Whether venial or mortal, sin takes us away from the grace and peace of God. Don’t be afraid to confess the same sin over. Sometimes I think of myself as the perpetual prodigal son. But keep coming back. Prayer during the day will help you. Don’t watch ads on TV that are suggestive - skip channels. The devil will tell you that you must give in to this sin. he will make you believe it.
Don’t believe it. You can avoid this sin and become stronger. You can change your ways. Remember, God has a plan for you. It may be as a wife/mother, or it may be as a single person. Most of get in the way of His plans for us. Yet do not give up.
 
Also, at what point is entertaining impure thoughts a mortal sin? I hope I’m not trying to rationalize my sin, because I know venial sins are harmful too and must be resisted, I’m just trying to gain understanding. I’m not sure if my emotions and my desire to be with him could be a mitigating factor reducing my culpability to some degree? I mean I have knowledge that it is serious and do consent or give in to the impure thoughts, but it feels like my heart is divided. I’m 19 by the way.
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There is no mathematical rule or a scale to say how grave your sin is. Many things have influence on our behaviour - age, education, lifestyle, family, friends, etc.
If some sinful thoughts come to your mind, that’s not a sin.
A sin is if you don’t try to refocus your mind on something else.
Like you said, you have feelings for this man, so I suppose that thinking about him and you two together is something you use in your mind to feel closer to him, to feel appreciated by him, to share emotions with him. That’s normal.
Everyone gave you good advice on sacramental life and I would like to add a thing more - try to occupy yourself. Try to fill your day with different activities. The less time you have to sit in your room and fantasize, the more you will grow in sanctity.

And, consider getting closer to that boy in real life, not just your imagination 👍
 
MarieVeronica said:
Hi Shana. I will pray for you. And please don’t become discouraged about confessing the same sins over and over. It happens to most of us. :hug1: But you have some wonderful suggestions here. I agree with two suggestions in particular… try going to different parishes… on different weekends… and using the screen.

But don’t give up on the Sacrament of Reconciliation. We gain such immeasurable graces by frequent reception of this Sacrament. The devil will try and try to get us NOT to go. Don’t listen to the lies! Receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation AND the Eucharist… OFTEN. You will receive the grace to make progress in the particular areas where you’re having difficulty. God bless. 🙂
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Jolly good advice. 👍

Probably most of us do confess the same thing over again, and perhaps even Father himself has the same problem…priests go to Confession too. There is that fault, imperfection or sin that just keeps clinging on it seems…and that is the very reason to confess it. Confession brings many Graces - many! Both of sanctification and of strength to avoid sin…and may well lessen our proneness to any persistent faults and imperfections. (Sanctifying and Actual Grace)

By all means, try a priest who does not know you in another parish. We have this option. … as well as using the screen if we prefer…and make your confession straightforward and simply and include anything you think may increase or mitigate culpability…and if it would be helpful, ask Father if the circumstances you have mentioned do mitigate or increase culpability. You can ask “Did I commit a mortal sin, Father?”
Confession is also the place of spiritual advice and direction, albeit the situation of a Confessional asks that Father be brief. But we should leave the Confessional at Peace…for The Lord not only forgives in Confession…he also completely forgets.

Another thing that has helped me with a difficult confession is to first write out what I want to say making it brief and very much to the point… and then tell Father in Confession “This is difficult for me, Father, and I need to read it. It is not lengthy”.

Most of all and always…pray! And you can talk to The Lord, Our Lady or a favourite loved saint in prayer and in your own words, confiding to him/her your problems and difficulties, your joys and sorrows…and certainly ask his/her help, which will never be withheld. Our Lady, the angels and saints pray on our behalf as our advocates in Heaven. But remember “My Ways are not your ways”.

I love the sentence (whoever said it) “saints are sinners who dont give up”. Don’t give up!

Keeping you in prayer…Barb:)
Re a strange priest, another parish and the screen. Some people and its just in their nature in any sort of even minor difficult situation in a face to face type of situation - a personal situation - get tongue tied, embarrased, even forgetful. I love Confession, I really do…but I sure find it stressful.
 
I felt badly about doing that too, and I finally said something during a Confession about it! I actually brought up the fact that I confess the same things over and over, and I got some very good spiritual direction on how to deal with those sins from Father. Redirection is a great tool, I use it a lot. Even a simple prayer like “Jesus, have mercy on me” can get my thoughts back to where they belong. Giving my mind other things to occupy it works too-whether the diversion is spiritual or not.
 
I had a similar situation a few years back. I told the priest I was embarassed to be confessing the same thing over and over. He was a monk at our closest monastery and seemed a very steady man. His response to me was that sin as we come to know it is very boring. The same thing over and over and that it is just our fight to continue to return to the sacraments.

He really put me in my place, over dramatizing my sin just because it was a sexual one. I left the confessional feeling completely human and ordinary yet with the graces of absolution.
 
You have already received some good advice.
I will just add: don’t be embarassed to confess the same sin over and over.
Just be glad that you are not coming up with new and different sins every week.
 
Shana said:
-]/-]Lately I’ve been struggling with impure thoughts. I was doing well for quite a few months but it has been much harder ever since I started liking someone (A LOT!!) especially because there have been signs of reciprocacy. He’s on my mind often and it seems that when I think of him my thoughts have a tendency to drift to sexual ones and I entertain them sometimes. I just went to confession last Saturday about it but the next day I was right back at it! It’s like I have very weak will power and I’m too lazy to make the effort to cooperate with God and have neglected prayer. I sort of feel like I should go to confession again this week but I’m embarrassed confessing the same sexual sin repeatedly especially because I’m a girl and it’s weird talking to an older man about it. I’m worried that it would create akwardness between my priest and I. Has anyone else had this problem? Any advice?

Also, at what point is entertaining impure thoughts a mortal sin? I hope I’m not trying to rationalize my sin, because I know venial sins are harmful too and must be resisted, I’m just trying to gain understanding. I’m not sure if my emotions and my desire to be with him could be a mitigating factor reducing my culpability to some degree? I mean I have knowledge that it is serious and do consent or give in to the impure thoughts, but it feels like my heart is divided. I’m 19 by the way.

Please pray for me. I’m having a hard time shaking my complacency.
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Aw, I’m sorry–I know the feeling. I have different sins that I wrestle with, that keep coming up on my list during confession. Impure thoughts have been a part of my list in the past…and if the thought if fleeting, and you don’t dwell on it, and keep concentrating on it–a priest told me that it wouldn’t fall into a gravely sinful category, as we have thoughts that can run across our minds all day long. He said you might be flipping the channels on tv, and something impure comes on the screen, and you quickly turn the channel, but the thought lingers. That wouldn’t be ‘sinful,’ he said. It was helpful to know, because my thoughts are sometimes fleeting, and don’t last long. But, my advice, would just keep going to confession…and perhaps, make some time to pray the Rosary. Mary’s intercessory prayer is remarkable…she is a prayer warrior! Our blessed Mother will help you with all of your struggles…perhaps getting a cd that you can listen to in the car, or when you are relaxing at night, will help you incorporate the Rosary into your daily life.

But, frequest confession will help, I believe this. God bless you–
 
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