I'm Gonna Be a Grandma! Need advice

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RWMorris

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Some of you might remember that last year I posted a thread on what weddings cost and how inexpensive our daughter’s wedding was last year.
Well, big news - she’s now pregnant! I just thank God because I have wanted another grandchild for so long (our grandson is eight and precious, but I really want another one, preferably a girl:p ).
My daughter is the apple of my eye and I am so tremendously excited that I don’t know what to do with myself!!!
AND I get to be present for the birth. (I’m going to keep my mouth shut during the birth, which is going to be at home and in a tub of warm water.)
Not only that, but if it is a little girl, she will be named after me.
HOWEVER, I desperately need advice from all of you: How do I best meet my daughter’s needs during her pregnancy? Do I just agree with all of her decisions? I guess so, it’s her baby, right? I just want my daughter to have the best pregnancy and birth, but I also know how much advice is unwarranted.
BTW, her names for the baby are kinda weird, should I say anything or not? If it’s a boy it will be Jude Isaak; if a girl, Korah-Lissa Rose. Those may change, right?
Anyway, just wanted to share the news with you all and get your feedback!!!
 
RWMorris said:
BTW, her names for the baby are kinda weird, should I say anything or not? If it’s a boy it will be Jude Isaak; if a girl, Korah-Lissa Rose. Those may change, right?
Anyway, just wanted to share the news with you all and get your feedback!!!
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I’d ask why Issac has to have a K and what they were thinking when they came up with Korah-Lissa. It sounds like they were thinking of the name Alyssa.
 
I too don’t understand why it has to be Isaak rather than Isaac.🤷
The Korah part came out of nowhere. However, Lissa is my name and they are wanting to name a girl after that.
So who knows?
 
That’s what I’d like to know!
But OTOH I don’t want to dictate what they should name their own child.
 
Congratulations to you and your daughter!!! What wonderful news!!!

My Mom has been a wonderful inspiration and blessing to me. She tends to have a domineering personality, but when it comes to my children, she doesn’t give much advice, unless I ask and I do ask (the older they get, the more I ask). I don’t do things quite the same as she did, but that’s okay. I want her to tell me if she thinks I’m doing something that could be harmful, but everyone is different and people have different ways of doing things. She raised her children her way, and I will raise mine my way (that’s not to say that my way will be so different from hers b/c I think she did a great job!).

On the names, you had the chance to name your children whatever you wanted. Please give that same chance to your daughter. You could suggest using names with meaning - saints names or relatives names, but do so gently. She’ll make a good choice and whatever the name, years from now, (most likely) you’ll feel it fits your grandbaby perfectly and won’t be able to imagine he or she named any differently. Encourage your daughter to pray about her choices and pray for her.
 
Congrats, grandma!!

Why not ask your daughter what she wants? What she wants you to do during the birth? Does she want your feedback about things or does she just want you to listen?
 
zip it zip it zip it
don’t give your advice until asked, then simply answer her question, don’t give the dissertation.
be there, be the one person she can rant to and unload on without inviting a lot of commentary, just give sympathy
she is also not interested in how many hours of labor you endured with her

if the whole idea of her “birthing plan” whatever it is disgusts, amazes or puzzles you, ask to be called when the new arrival is ready to greet visitors and stay out of the way during the birth–unless she specifically asks for your assistance and you attend the classes with her
 
Larowyn said:
I’d ask why Issac has to have a K and what they were thinking when they came up with Korah-Lissa. It sounds like they were thinking of the name Alyssa.
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I definately would not do this! All four of my children have names that I spelt differently because that is what I wanted. It is your daughter’s baby and she can spell it iwth a K if she wants to.
And I would definately not ask her what she was thinking when she came up with the name Korah-Lissa aparently it is the name she likes!

Congratulations grandma!:dancing:
 
RWMorris said:
**
Congratulations!**
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I just thank God because I have wanted another grandchild for so long (our grandson is eight and precious, but I really want another one, preferably a girl:p ).
**
I would keep that preference to yourself unless your DD asks sincerely;)
**

HOWEVER, I desperately need advice from all of you:

How do I best meet my daughter’s needs during her pregnancy?

ASK her. And try to remember how those hormones can affect us poor women, lol. Be her rock.

Do I just agree with all of her decisions? I guess so, it’s her baby, right?

For the most part, you don’t need to agree or disagree…unless she specifically asks for your opinion/advice.

I just want my daughter to have the best pregnancy and birth, but I also know how much advice is unwarranted.

Tell her that. We all know that moms are not somehow superhuman. They don’t know everything (no matter how much they think they do or how much we wish they would;)). So, when in doubt, tell her that you aren’t sure what she needs or how to help…or even IF she wants help.

BTW, her names for the baby are kinda weird, should I say anything or not? If it’s a boy it will be Jude Isaak; if a girl, **Korah-Lissa Rose. Those may change, right?
**
DO NOT say anything even remotely negative about her choices out loud to ANYONE. Unless she wants to name her baby some vulgar word, let it alone.
 
Ya know, I think you are all mostly right. I have so far only expressed delight about the names she wants. I am really kind of weird, I usually try to validate my children’s decisions even if it is not a personal choice of mine.
I am going to take y’all’s advice and ZIP IT (like Puzzleannie said). So far nothing really outlandish has happened, except maybe the plan to use cloth diapers, which I can’t imagine, frankly.😛 I am totally onboard with the homebirth, though.
 
This is an issue that is near and dear to me… on one hand, my mother’s advice about labor and weight loss were invaluable, on the other hand, mom tried to not only name my kids, but my sisters kids too…

Mom’s best advice…
Everyone has a horror story and they think they should share it with every pregnant woman… don’t listen, you will be different.

AND: Use your stomach muscles to get up not your hands after you have the baby…

Mom’s worst advice… Hazel? Hazel? Thats the name of my maid that hasn’t shown up for the past 20 years…you should name your baby XXXXXXX! I will spare you the racial comments she made…

There is constructive and not constructive advice… She needs your constructive advice about things like labor and delivery but not advice about names.

After the baby is born, advice about feeding is iffy because they keep changing when to start solids and in what order…but do encourage breastfeeding if that is her choice and maybe offer lots of babysitting if she is close by.
 
My mom’s advice to me during pregnancy and in raising my DD so far has been sooooooo helpful. Just some guidelines… Wait for your daughter to ask for advice OR offer it when she seems like she is struggling with a simple problem. As far as naming the kids, it doesn’t seem like either of those apply as she hasn’t asked for your advice and seems like she knows quite certainly what she wants to name them. I have a theory about naming kids… if you don’t lay down to make the baby, then you don’t get any (name removed by moderator)ut in naming them either (adoptive parents excluded). I have heard so many hurtful comments about naming my next baby Francis. It’s no one’s business what I choose for his name and when I want some advice about baby naming, I’ll ask for it!
 
I like the name Korah…

I wouldn’t say anything. Her kids = her names.

Congratulations! What an amazing blessing!
 
samovila said:
My mom’s advice to me during pregnancy and in raising my DD so far has been sooooooo helpful. Just some guidelines… Wait for your daughter to ask for advice OR offer it when she seems like she is struggling with a simple problem. As far as naming the kids, it doesn’t seem like either of those apply as she hasn’t asked for your advice and seems like she knows quite certainly what she wants to name them. I have a theory about naming kids… if you don’t lay down to make the baby, then you don’t get any (name removed by moderator)ut in naming them either (adoptive parents excluded). I have heard so many hurtful comments about naming my next baby Francis. It’s no one’s business what I choose for his name and when I want some advice about baby naming, I’ll ask for it!
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I have a Francis that is almost 19 yo… I love the name (obviously)! But I do agree… I ended up telling my mom that she named her babies, and now it is my turn to name mine. I wasn’t the only one… my 2 sisters were pregnant at the same time I was preggo with ds2… it got so bad that my one sis called me up and we made a deal to tell my mom that I was naming my kid her surname and she was naming hers my surname… it would have been something like this… if my name was Mrs. Henry and her name was Mrs. Frank, she would have named hers Henry Frank and I would have named mine Frank Henry… (not our real names but you get the gist). We had mom all confused and she temporarily left us alone.
 
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