I'm having an abortion...

[FickleFreckled]

PatsWife,
Please allow God to guide you in this. Don’t be afraid to listen for His voice and hear His answer for you. It won’t be a generic answer, but an answer just for you in your given circumstances. When He asks something difficult of us, He always gives us a way to cope with it if we’ll trust Him. Please trust that He knows what He’s doing in wanting to bring this life into the world through you. Maybe you can’t see the big picture but He can.

We are all praying for you and there’s also a prayer thread for you in the Prayer Intentions forum.

 

[kevinsgirl]

I found out I am pregnant yesterday. I scheduled an abortion for Wednesday.

I know that this is horrible, that I will regret it, and I hate myself - but I have no choice. The alternative is just not an option. All I can think about is if God will ever forgive me…

Have you considered waiting this week out and meeting with a priest, a counselor and talking with your husband more? I want you to let this baby live just as much as everyone else…why are you rushing into this? You say it is horrible and you know you will hate yourself and regret it–so why are you making this decision so quickly?

There are several reasons:

1. We are just not ready yet.
2. I have an eating disorder - I am not in the emotional, mental, and physical health to have a baby right now
3. I am currently on ST disability from my employer because I am getting treatment for my eating disorder - and I can only take so much time in a 12 month period.
4. We are in a pile of debt - and financially it would be impossible.
5. I would be due early April - and with my work schedule - that is the worst time possible. My husband and I always talked about him finding a new job when we decided to have kids - as we need something more flexible and he is just not ready to leave his job yet.

Numbers 2-4 are our main reasons. This is a very scary situation for me - my husband is scared to death about how this is all going to effect me and my trying to recover.

This is why we cannot go through with this. It is just not possible.

As to your reasons–I’m going to address 2 and 4. Have you discussed the effect a baby would have on your eating disorder with a counselor, your doctor, and a spiritual advisor? I’m thinking probaby not since you just found out you are pregnant. How do you know that having this baby won’t be a hugely positive thing on you emotionally, mentally, and physically? You’re in treatment for you disorder–have you addressed the people who are helping you and asked them if they could help you through a pregnancy while you battle your disorder?

Finances are scary things, but you have 9 months to get things together. There are lots of financial resources for women in bad financial situations. Have you crunched the numbers? Is there nothing you can give up to save up for this baby? Has your husband not even considered looking in the newspaper this week for job openings so you can afford this baby?

I know this has got to be scary for you. You say you want us to talk you out of this and, believe me, we are trying. And we’re praying for you.

I honestly think you feel that you have no choice, but I*** honestly think you’ve haven’t given yourself any time to find another way. ***

If you were going to get a new job, you’d think about it for awhile.

If you were going to buy a house, you’d research it and discuss it for weeks and months.

If you were given a baby, how can you decide to have an abortion after only a day?

If nothing else, cancel your appointment and try your hardest to find a way. I know you can if you give yourself more than two days…

P.S. What about talking to the Catholic therapist you were seeing in March–could you talk to him? What about talking this over with Our Lord in adoration?

 

[ac_claire]

Thanks to everyone’s responses…

Yes - this is a serious post. I am truly sorry.

You are right to say that I am looking for help - looking for someone to talk me out of it and give me a viable option. I do not want to give this baby for adoption - I could not handle that kind of embarassment or shame.

It is a terrible situation - one in which we hoped we would never face. We do not want to do this - it is killing us - but feel it is the best thing to do.

I just want this to be over…

If you’re looking for viable options, that’s what you’re being given here!! What exactly do you want? There is no magic formula to make all this go away. If you hoped so bad to avoid something like this you should have practiced NFP, as your physical/emotional problems seem to be a just reason for NFP. Now, you have two viable options: keep the baby and raise it or give the baby up for adoption. That’s it. Or, you can kill the baby. Killing somone with the full intent to kill is murder.

Do the noble thing and let your baby live. I know you’re strong enough to handle it. Look at all you’ve survived so far. The baby is already here; you’ve already “had” him or her. The choice now is do you allow the baby to live or do you murder your own child?

 

[pamnbam]

I agree that you really haven’t given yourself enough time to think things through. Many women who want abortions don’t know what happens after the fact. They only see the here and now. They think that an abortion “fixes everything.”

When I go to the annual March for Life, there is always a large group of women who have gone through abortions and so deeply regret them. Many of these women turn up year after year and stand patiently in the January cold to inform others of their mistake. They don’t want other women to fall in the trap that they did, thinking that an abortion is the solution to their “problem.” In our pro-choice world, the after-effects of an abortion are not really publicized, but like all the others here have stated, if you go through with this, it is NOT going to make things better for you.

 

[turtle18]

You have to remember…abortion is FOREVER. If you kill your child, there is no going back. Calling it “abortion” doesn’t lessen the severity of what you are going to do. Even if you go to Confession and receive forgiveness from God, it will still haunt you the rest of your life!

Every reason you have mentioned is temporary & can be overcome. Death cannot be. Do you still think you will have an eating disorder five years from now? Carrying a child within you will give you new respect for your body, what it was designed for–it was designed to give life. Motherhood is a great gift, think about it–you have to shed blood to give new life to your baby. You have to take your body and feed your baby with it? Who does that sound like, that is Christ–He is so present in motherhood–it is a beautiful gift.

I think the evil one is giving you a bunch of psychological reasons not to have this baby. Financial situations often change. I can think of how broke I was five years ago and now today I am doing very well. Being in debt is no reason not to have a baby; if it were half the world would not be born. It is highly probable that your parents were in debt when they had you. Billions of women throughout the course of time have been giving birth in situations far worse and more strenous than those that exist now.

I have also been through several jobs in my life. Looking back over the course of my life, I can see they were just jobs & how unimportant they really were in the grand scheme of things. Of course, at the time, when I was in those jobs, I thought I was irreplacable and that the whole company would fall apart without me. Not true at all. Don’t ever, ever put work above God, your husband or your family. It is just not worth it, no matter what you do.

As for not being ready, no one ever is! You need self confidence. God created you to be a beautiful, wonderful loving person. Through your baptism, you were made an adopted daughter of God and that gives you all the self confidence you will ever need. God loves you & that is your worth. God will give you the grace to be a wonderful, loving mother, just trust in Him. Let Him provide–turn all your worries, cares & concerns over to Him. You will not be disappointed and you will see what a beautiful treasure your child is & you will come to see what a beautiful treasure you are to God because you are His child.

 

[JReducation]

Hi,

I can tell you that in my years of experience I have found that nothing is impossible for God. Post #5 gave you an exhaustive list of resources. You can choose to try them before you go through with this or not. But you know that there are resources out there. If you had a cancer you would be rushing to the telephone to call one or all of these resources, wouldn’t you?

You’re in a crisis situation. You need to act with the same common sense. Check out the resources, before you throw in the towel. It is easy to panic when we are in crisis. The problem is that we cannot turn back the clock and undo what we have done after the deed is done.

Every human being has the right to be born. This is your child. Your child has the right to be born. This does not mean that you will have an easy time going through with this pregnancy. But at least you have given your child the same right that was given to you, the right to live.

Because you are in a state of crisis is the second best reason not to go through with an abortion. No one makes good decisions when their mind is in crisis. Now let’s look at your reasons for allowing someone to kill your child.

There are several reasons:

1. We are just not ready yet.

Ask yourself, is anyone really ready to become a parent? Ask yourself is there a perfect time for having children? Are your perceptions of what may be a perfect time to have children your own or are they God’s percpetons as well?

1. I have an eating disorder - I am not in the emotional, mental, and physical health to have a baby right now

An eating disorder complicates a pregnacy. This is true. However, there are many health conditions that complicate a pregnancy. When a mother is ill, does this justify letting someone kill her child? Yes, you are now a mother. So you must ask yourself, how to best deal with your health and protect your baby at the same time. Look for the solutions that will help both of you make it.

1. I am currently on ST disability from my employer because I am getting treatment for my eating disorder - and I can only take so much time in a 12 month period.

Let’s assume the worse possible scenario here. Let’s assume that you can lose your job, because you need time off. You know that you can find another job when you’re in shape. If you allow someone to kill your child, you cannot bring him back to life when you’re in better shape. You can have a second child. But a second child is not the first one who is dead. One child does not replace another. Each person is very unique and very special to God and parents.

1. We are in a pile of debt - and financially it would be impossible.

There are many government, religious and non-profit agencies that can help you manage your debt. You can call them. They do not charge for their services. In addition, sometimes people get into debt after they have children. Debt is a stressful situation. But it does not justify killing your baby, whom I believe that you already love or you would not be posting here.

1. I would be due early April - and with my work schedule - that is the worst time possible. My husband and I always talked about him finding a new job when we decided to have kids - as we need something more flexible and he is just not ready to leave his job yet.

Your husband may not be ready to leave his job yet and he may or may not have to do so. He will only know if he goes to pregnancy counseling at a pro-life or respect life center. Your husband is now a Dad. He will have to make some choices as a father who loves his child.

Numbers 2-4 are our main reasons. This is a very scary situation for me - my husband is scared to death about how this is all going to effect me and my trying to recover.

Your husband has good reasons to be afraid of how this is going to affect your recovery. I can guarrantee that your recovery will be much more difficult with post-abortion syndrome. Why? Because both of you will suffer the same syndrome. Then you will have two very sick people.

This is why we cannot go through with this. It is just not possible.

You say that you cannot go through this for these reasons. You’re saying that it is not possible. You have declared it impossible. There are support systems. It may not be a walk in the park, but it is possible.

Allow me to share something pesonal. Before I became a Franciscan Brother, I was married. When my wife was pregnant with our third child, everyone said that she should not have him because it was too difficult and too complicated. They found that he had brain damage.

Four years later, she, my father and my oldest son were killed in an auto accident. My daughter and our youngest son survived the accident. Yes, the son whom everyone said should have been aborted.

I was saddled with debts and a child who was brain damaged and a lttle girl age nine. I lost my house paying for his treatments. Today he is a junior in college, majoring in art. He still lives with brain damage, but is a functional person and a happy person. His sister finished her Master’s Degree, despite our debts and losing our home. I went to graduate school and finished a doctorate.

My children are good people who have made a life for themselves. They never went to bed hungry. We were homeless, but we found shelter with family and friends. Today, they have a home of their own. I’m in a religious order. They are happy and successful at what they do. Do you know why? Nothing is impossible for God. Be not afraid!

If you need further contacts, please ask. I know that the list on these posts are very good ones. Please pray for me.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF

 

[rayne89]

I am an adopted child and a shudder at the idea that your baby was in the same position as I was many years ago. What if my mother had chose to kill me off instead of place me for adoption? I had no say. I was born with heart defects and my life has not always been rosy but to think about the fact that I could have just as easily been murdered -my mother was unmarried and kicked out by her parents.She must have felt like you scared, overwhelmed with a bleak looking future. But she didn’t kill me. I have a husband who loves me and a beautiful daughter who would never have been here had my mother made the choice you want to make.

I’m not saying it won’t be hard to have a child in this moment in time. But moments pass and life murdered is gone forever from this earth. I don’t think of your pregnancy as an unseen inconvenience but that baby your carrying is a human being, with a life and a future. Just as human as your neighbor’s child up the street and you couldn’t go and kill that child. This is a person you are saying you have no other choice but to murder, you would be killing this baby just as if you took a pillow a smothered an infant in its crib. You are taking a life that God says is his or her time to be here on this earth. You have only one true to choice to bear this child because the alternative is no alternative -it is an evil, a horrendous evil and I do not believe you are evil. You can place this child for adoption, in foster care until you are ready or raise it yourself but murder is not an option.

 

[spankyg]

Put the baby up for adoption.

If you kill this baby, YOUR baby, you will NEVER look at a child the same way again. You will always know, that YOU, had murdered your own son or daughter, YOU will be responsible, YOU took the very life which you managed to create, YOU will always remember this.

How can you feel justified in murdering the purest and most innocent of all life… A growing child.

your growing child

You have been gifted with bearing a child. People everywhere are unable to possess such a gift, and yet you believe that you have the right to destroy him/her… another life, a human being, innocent, growing within you. A baby who will have your characteristics, your face reflected in his/her own.

Yet you feel justified in killing it, to benefit yourself, YOUR LIFE? You think your life is more important than this Childs?

I would give my life for an infant, I WOULD RATHER YOU KILL ME, THAN THIS SMALL BABY.

I’m not asking you this, I’m telling you, as a fellow catholic, for your good, and the good of this beautiful child which is growing within you, that you will have this baby, and in the very least put it up for adoption.

There is NO other option.

 

[TeresaAnn]

Have you thought that being pregnant may help you with your eating disorder? I know that I ate properly when pregnant for the baby, not myself. This may be a blessing from God to help you.

There are places you can go during your pregnancy to be well taken care of. You can give everyone at home another reason for being away. You could then give up the baby for adoption if you don’t feel you can keep him or her.

Please let me know if I can help you. I care about you and your baby inside you.

God Bless,
Teresa

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

You are right to say that I am looking for help - looking for someone to talk me out of it and give me a viable option. I do not want to give this baby for adoption - I could not handle that kind of embarassment or shame.

Pat’s Wife, I wish I knew exactly what to tell you to talk you out of this. I really do. Please don’t end your baby’s life. I am pregnant right now. Its amazing to know there is a unique person growing inside of you, that God chose us to be the mothers of these children. This little baby inside of me (and that little baby inside of you) has a heartbeat. He or she has a unique DNA, all they know is their mother, they trust that we will protect them and love them. I don’t know how far along you are, but that new irreplaceable little soul is there from day 1. Killing that little baby isn’t a viable option…would you consider killing anyone else to solve your problems? Just because this baby, your child, can’t fight back and can’t sue you etc, doesn’t make it any better. Please, please call the different numbers people have posted on here. God does have a plan for you and your family, whether it be adoption, or getting help and keeping the baby yourself… there is a plan out there that does not involve killing him/her.

It is a terrible situation - one in which we hoped we would never face. We do not want to do this - it is killing us - but feel it is the best thing to do.

Its isn’t. You will find out sooner or later, please just try to realize it before it is too late. Cancel the appt. Think about it more, think about this little life.

I just want this to be over…

With an abortion the only thing that will be over is the baby’s life. This won’t be over. It will be something you cannot change and can have horrible repercussions for the rest of your life. I know you are feeling desperate and want all these worries to be gone, but this isn’t the way. Please seek help from these organizations, please pray for God’s guidance, that he may help you and Pat make the right decision. The devil would be delighted if you aborted your child, and I am sure he is pushing it in your mind right now, trying to make it sound ok, but please listen to God, He is the only one that truly loves you, He has been planning this little soul from the beginning of time. He loves you and will help you through this, no matter what. Please let us know if we can help you in any way, I will be praying for you and your little one. Make the calls.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

You want this to be over.

If you have an abortion, it will never be over.

You are a mother now. The question is, will you be the mother of a dead baby or a live baby.

When you are pregnant your body takes over and does everything it can to protect that baby. You have to do horrendous violence to your body to get rid of the baby.

Please don’t do that to yourself or your baby. Both of you are worth so much more. You are a child of God. And so is your baby. And your husband’s role in life is to protect you with his life. If you make him a party to this, it will destroy him and your marriage. I have seen it happen.

Consider God sent this child to you now for a reason. Welcome it with the love it deserves.

I’ll pray for you to make the better choice.

Abortion isn’t pro-choice. It’s POOR CHOICE.

Give love a chance. Give life a chance.

 

[Mrs_V]

You WILL regret the abortion. There is NO getting around that. It will be with you for all eternity and you WILL answer for it in one way or another to Our Lord.

I can also say that you WILL love this child. And when they first lay that precious, innocent, perfect bundle in your arms you WILL fall in love with someone like you have never loved anyone before. You WILL NOT regret having given that child life. EVER.

Please, dear sweet child of God, you came to the board and posted this thread for a reason. You know it is wrong and you want to do what it right. It will be tough but after that baby is born you will look back on this time with horror at how you ever could have thought to kill him or her.

 

[Monica4316]

I found out I am pregnant yesterday. I scheduled an abortion for Wednesday.

I know that this is horrible, that I will regret it, and I hate myself - but I have no choice. The alternative is just not an option. All I can think about is if God will ever forgive me…

Please don’t do it I know someone who’s had an abortion…you will regret this for the rest of your life. Think of your baby and think of your soul.

There is an alternative…why not give up the baby for adoption? Even if it will be difficult and painful… the baby will be alive. Life is a gift. Please I beg you to reconsider…

you are in my prayers.

God bless you. :hug1:

 

[nancy_dalrymple]

I am going to the abortion mill this September and I watched some video’s called the Scilent Screams and i had no idea the child actually knows that it is in danger and tries to move to the left when they come in with the scapel it tries to get away from the thing that is trying to take it’s life. i never knew this until i saw this last week and i cried. i saw that child move away from the killing machine. It had an instinct to protect itself, only it couldn’t go far it was stuck there and couldn’t defend it’s self Nancy

 

[Jennifer_J]

Please see her new post! She is not going through with the abortion!!!

 

[yellowbird]

I wanted to adress your #2 reason - the eating disorder.

If you are suffering right now with annorexia or bulimia, I can appreicate how terribly scary it must be to know that as your baby grows, you will gain weight. Unless someone has has suffered with an eating disorder, I don’t think anyone can truly understand what a crippling grip it can have on a person. So I get that… I really do. But here’s what I want to say… I was honestly thinner AFTER having my baby then before. I not only lost all the baby weight, but nursing burns an unbelievable amount of calories. If you follow a standard healthy diet and you allow your doctor to monitor you, you won’t gain alot of weight… just the right amount for your baby and it will be GONE after you deliver if you breastfeed. If you tell your doctor about your eating disorder, he/she will help you. You aren’t the first person with this problem to have a baby.

PLEASE give it some thought. I know it’s hard. I really do. But your precious child is soooo worth it. And you can do this. PLEASE give it some time.

 

[Monica4316]

There are so many ways out there to get financial and other help. Please talk to your doctor and ask about your health concerns…maybe there are other alternatives out there! don’t make the assumption that there aren’t…

Have you ever heard of these associations?
sistersoflife.org/apostolates.html
shifrahomes.com/
there are many others as well…

I know this must be soo hard to you; I don’t really know what to say, but just think of how your baby is alive right now inside of you, and how it is God’s will for the baby to live… and He will be with you every step of the way, strengthening you. This is a cross for you to carry but when we carry our crosses, we share in Christ’s suffering and He sanctifies us.

hugs

God bless

 

[yellowbird]

Please see her new post! She is not going through with the abortion!!!

Really? Where is that post? Did I miss it?

 

[Jesus_123]

+ Dear child . . . the Lord blessed my life with a wonderful opportunity to work in a Catholic Family Services Office for a time . . . and they do absolutely . . . ** wonderful counseling work** . . . and are so very loving and supportive to people who feel they are in . . . “over their heads” . . . in a life circumstance . . . and they also have a beautiful adoption ministry . . . should it be needed . . . and they have all kinds of help available in so many ways for those in need . . .

But neither abortion . . . ** (God forbid this should ever be considered for even a second more as an alternative)** . . . nor adoption . . . should be your concern right now . . . YOU need supportive help from Catholic people of faith right now . . . you need to contact your **Catholic Family Services Office ** . . . or a like minded Catholic ministry . . . and make an immediate appointment with a counselor trained to help persons in your distressed state of mind . . . and please seriously consider contacting a Catholic Church immediately to talk all this over with a priest . . . please ** don’t kill **your child! . . . that would be deliberate murder of an innocent baby and is a mortal sin . . . God has given this baby the gift of life . . . and in love has entrusted this child to you and your husband to care for . . . and He has a wonderful loving pathway for you and your husband and your little one’s care and healthy upbringing . . . if you will just search for it in faith believing . . . truly . . . this little one can be used of God to bless and help your life in ways you can’t even imagine at this point . . . this sweet babe is a gift of God’s love to you to love . . . and is given for your husband and you to grow in love together . . . and to embrace with joy . . .

We’re praying for you here at Catholic Answers Forums . . . that **God **will strengthen you with resolve to . . . embrace your pregnancy and the little one He has entrusted to you and to your husband . . . *God love and tenderly lead and guide you away from the darkness and lies of the “culture of death” and choosing death . . . to choose LIFE instead . . .

*I have found the 23rd :bible1: Psalm below . . . **an absolute treasure . . . to learn and pray . . . over and over again . . . when trouble is near and a bit overwhelming . . . God is good . . . and He loves you . . . and this Psalm can remind you of how . . . very good . . . He is . . . and how . . . very much . . . ** He loves His children . . .

**
The
LORD
is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul:
he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake.
Yea,
though I walk through the valley
of the shadow of death,
I will fear NO evil:
for THOU art with me;
thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me
in the presence of mine enemies:
thou anointest my head with oil;
my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life:
and I will dwell
in the house of the
LORD
for ever. **

. . . all for Jesus+
. . . Holy Mother of God+
. . . protect these childred . . . all . . . +
. . . cover them with your Holy Mantle+

. . . precious Blood of Jesus+
. . . we plead ALL
Thy Ancient Holy Omnipotent Power+
. . . against the dark and evil thoughts
afflicting this dear mother’s soul+
:angel1:
. . . Dear Holy St. Michael the Archangel+
. . . please aid and assist+

. . . we pray in
. . . Jesus Dear and Holy Name+
​

 

[Elizabeth502]

Dear PatsWife,

I’m certainly not going to encourage or join in anyone’s condemnation of you, but to counteract that, you have also received much support, encouragement, and helpful assistance here. Here is my “bottom line” regarding what your assumptions are in your OP:

Trust me, you do not know how you will feel about childbirth & motherhood until you actually give birth. There is no way that you can predict that until after birth. The vast majority of new mothers feel indescribable, ecstatic wonderment & love & bonding, so to say that you know how you will feel is not possible. I was sure I would feel nervous, tentative, and apprehensive, until I gave birth. Then I was sorry that I didn’t start earlier and didn’t end up with 8 children. Everybody in my life was shocked at the turnaround in me. Ditto for a female executive I knew in my work environment, who came off as “hard” and “cold” to everyone until she became a mother. Suddenly we all saw an entirely different human being immediately after the child was born.

We don’t even need to go into the grace realm to support this; it is first of all biology.

And if you find yourself one of the exceptions to this rule (because of the stresses in your life), you can, as others suggest, give the newborn up to an agency or to a particular seeking couple. God will support what your decision ends up being after that birth, given what you believe you can handle. God does not require more of us than we can handle. If God knows at the time of birth that you are not emotionally prepared for the demands of motherhood, he will give you that peace and self-acceptance that you need. It’s just that you truly do not know now what you will feel later. I resisted pregnancy because I assumed that what I felt prior to pregnancy & motherhood was the way I would feel afterward (detached from the idea of motherood, and very self-doubting about my ability to handle the role). What a ridiculous assumption on my part. Nature provides these hormones because it is necessary for the survival of the child that the mother feel bonded, etc. But I didn’t have any way of knowing that until I experienced it. My assumptions were symptomatic of my lack of trust – in God, in life, in nature – as well as my wish to control all the circumstances of my life.

I’m not judging you, dear. I’m just sharing my experience as an example of a radical change.
God Bless You.