Honey, my heart goes out to you. I know you’re struggling here. But please, please don’t do what you are contemplating. You know in the depths of your heart and soul that it’s WRONG. Your eating disorder can kill you, but so can this. You won’t just be killing your baby, you will be killing part of YOU. That isn’t an acceptable “alternative.” Eating disorders can make pregnancy hard…but it isn’t impossible. You’re acting out of an understandable fear, and panic…that is no state to be deciding someone else’s life in. Yes, someone else’s, because you know this is more than about YOU and how hard it will be for YOU.
Your doctor can work with you on this. You can see a nutritionist, keep going to counseling. You can get weighed backwards on the scale and never have to see the number go up. You won’t be able to get around seeing yourself with a bump, but it is a sacrifice that will be worth it…even if it feels horrific to think of right now…it will be temporary, but the choice you make now will affect your eternity, and it will affect the entire life of another innocent person.
Planned or not, you are, right now, a mother. And mothers are strong. We have to be. God made us this way. He does not give us anything without the graces to handle it, we have to be open to those graces. What is impossible for us, IS possible with God. He would not give you a baby you cannot handle. It will be hard for you, but is hard for any mother with a health condition- whether it is a heart condition, diabetes, schizophrenia, etc. etc. etc. YOU CAN DO THIS. Not alone, but with God. He would never abandon you! And He would never abandon the new life inside you that He has willed to exist! Please take your trust out of yourself, your husband, and your own ability to handle this situation, and put it in God Who can do ANYTHING. Talk to your dr. about how you could continue treatment while pregnant, look into financial assistance (once the pregnancy is confirmed by a doctor you can look into a lot of resources to help you out on that front, please don’t dismiss them before you’ve actually tried them!), explore adoption options if you and your husband truly don’t feel able to raise this new life- some will cover your medical expenses while pregnant as well as the delivery. All you would have to do is go to your appointments and fight like hell not to let your illness beat you, and you are doing that already!
You will regret an abortion, literally, forever, but you will never regret trying to let this baby live. I’ll be praying for you, your baby, and your husband. Please, please think this through. There are never enough reasons to justify what you are planning to do, you know this or you wouldn’t be posting here. You are terrified and have every right to be…don’t let the fear win. You are stronger than you think you are. You are a Mama Bear, and you need to fight for your cub now. You’re the only one who can. God bless you!
