Im having trouble reading htis situation

  • Thread starter Thread starter passivesquid
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hi everyone, im not pursuing this girl, that is im not taking active steps towards her, yes i do have feelings but im keeping that in check, if you read the horridly mispelled title, im just trying to decipher the situation.

thanks so much for all the feedback and sorry i sounded anrgy and self rightous with some of you. ive decided that ill let it go, despite what she maybe lamenting to me, she IS still with this guy and thre must be a reason for it. i mean if she does break with him and moves on me thats another story, but ill let this thing go… thank you all and peace be with you
 
I really hope you find someone nice. You sound like a really great and caring guy. And a respectful one. Good luck. 👍
 
whatevergirl said:
  • Girls with bf’s are taboo*
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LOL, whatevergirl, that’s so well said. It could be anything, even not assuming this girl is playing one boy against the other. If she is intimate with that guy, she might be still smitten (one of the reasons why physical intimacy before marriage is such a terrible idea - it creates a physiologically well-known hormone rush, a powerful and premature bond that’s difficult to break, with a person who could later turn out to be a total jerk). Also if she is not intimate with the other guy, she might have those same powerful feelings that you are struggling about how to turn off, passivesquid, directed towards the OTHER GUY. There could be a war raging inside her at this moment, where her head tells her that her bf is a jerk, but her feelings still hold her attached to the guy against her better judgment. She is not free, not only in the sense that there is another guy with whom she shares her time, she is not free emotionally.

In a similar situation, I would stay away from her. Keeping your relationship with the girl on a friendly level is probably impossible, therefore it is better to avoid her than to get entangled in a love triangle. If she asks about it, you may honestly tell her how you feel and what you think about her relationship, but there is no point hanging around.
 
*passive, so glad to see you are moving on! Until she is boyfriend-less, I think this borders coveting, if you were to pursue her. Good for you, there are so many boyfriend-less girls out there, I have a feeling you will find a very nice girl. (not that this girl is not nice, but she needs to break things off with her bf if she wants other guys to pursue her)

Joseph, I agree…yeah, it could be a number of things. I think that if a girl/guy doesn’t break things off of their own free will, and feels like someone pulled them away from that situation…they might not be over the person. All in all, healthy relationships are built on strong foundations that start when two people are completely free to date.

Hope things work out for you, passive. 👋*
 
Book recommendation: The Ten Stupid Things Men Do to Mess Up Their Lives by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. From this book came the gem: If you rescue a damsel in distress, all you end up with is a distressed damsel. I really think you need to read it.
 
passivesquid said:
they never do…🤷
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aw, something will work out some day. If you haven’t met the right person, it’s for a reason. I don’t mean to sound so cliche, but it’s true. :o I don’t believe this girl ‘is it.’ You seem like a very mature, responsible, level headed guy…the appropriate situation will present itself…just make sure you’re paying attention. If you are spending time with girls who ‘aren’t meant to be’ (oops another cliche)…then, those opportunities might pass you by. God bless! *
 
That dating rule works the other way too. A nice woman won’t look at you twice if you’ve already got a girlfriend. She’ll respect the other woman’s claim on you and keep going. So by being available, you’re more attractive to that nice woman should she cross your path. 😉
 
Liberanosamalo said:
That dating rule works the other way too. A nice woman won’t look at you twice if you’ve already got a girlfriend. She’ll respect the other woman’s claim on you and keep going. So by being available, you’re more attractive to that nice woman should she cross your path. 😉
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Good point. 🙂
 
Just a thought too…You two are friends…You are very comfortable with each other…Could it be that this little flirtatiousness from her might just be as far as she wants to take a little revenge on her bf for his behavior? You know the old saying… Hell hath no fury…
 
whatevergirl said:
  • Girls with bf’s are taboo*
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It all depends on which guy can bench more…
whatevergirl said:
…doesn’t matter if he is cheating on her/they are together…that says something about* you***.
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Let me get this straight…a guy cheats his girlfriend, and we should respect his “claim” on her? Sorry, enough natural fertilizer in that concept to fertilize Kansas. The minute he cheated on her, he lost all rights and deserves what he gets. It’s not like they’re married or anything. As long as the new guy is worthier than the cheater, then it’s OK in my book.

Now, whether or not it is wise, is a different question. It could just be a “rebound” or even a “revenge” thing, which means this relationship would be built on a non-solid foundation.

What I would ask passivesquid (BTW, how did you choose that screenname?) is this: was the girl fornicating with the guy that cheated on her? If so, then beware of a possibility that she could be using you to gain sexual revenge on the cheater and once she has gotten vengeance out of her system, you could be discarded (and add to that she would have led you to commit mortal sins and may pass on STDs to you), or you could get caught in a “love triangle” and if she gets pregnant, the three of you could end up as guests on Jerry Srpinger waiting for the results of the paternity test on live national TV. I’m sorry if I’m scaring you, but sometimes the “worst-case scenario” needs t be taken into account, so be very careful.
 
Norseman82 said:
It all depends on which guy can bench more…

Let me get this straight…a guy cheats his girlfriend, and we should respect his “claim” on her? Sorry, enough natural fertilizer in that concept to fertilize Kansas. The minute he cheated on her, he lost all rights and deserves what he gets. It’s not like they’re married or anything. As long as the new guy is worthier than the cheater, then it’s OK in my book.

Now, whether or not it is wise, is a different question. It could just be a “rebound” or even a “revenge” thing, which means this relationship would be built on a non-solid foundation.

What I would ask passivesquid (BTW, how did you choose that screenname?) is this: was the girl fornicating with the guy that cheated on her? If so, then beware of a possibility that she could be using you to gain sexual revenge on the cheater and once she has gotten vengeance out of her system, you could be discarded (and add to that she would have led you to commit mortal sins and may pass on STDs to you), or you could get caught in a “love triangle” and if she gets pregnant, the three of you could end up as guests on Jerry Srpinger waiting for the results of the paternity test on live national TV. I’m sorry if I’m scaring you, but sometimes the “worst-case scenario” needs t be taken into account, so be very careful.
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Norseman, I thought I recognized you from an episode of Judge Judy…😛
 
Norseman82 said:
It all depends on which guy can bench more…

Let me get this straight…a guy cheats his girlfriend, and we should respect his “claim” on her? Sorry, enough natural fertilizer in that concept to fertilize Kansas. The minute he cheated on her, he lost all rights and deserves what he gets. It’s not like they’re married or anything. As long as the new guy is worthier than the cheater, then it’s OK in my book.

Now, whether or not it is wise, is a different question. It could just be a “rebound” or even a “revenge” thing, which means this relationship would be built on a non-solid foundation.

What I would ask passivesquid (BTW, how did you choose that screenname?) is this: was the girl fornicating with the guy that cheated on her? If so, then beware of a possibility that she could be using you to gain sexual revenge on the cheater and once she has gotten vengeance out of her system, you could be discarded (and add to that she would have led you to commit mortal sins and may pass on STDs to you), or you could get caught in a “love triangle” and if she gets pregnant, the three of you could end up as guests on Jerry Srpinger waiting for the results of the paternity test on live national TV. I’m sorry if I’m scaring you, but sometimes the “worst-case scenario” needs t be taken into account, so be very careful.
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You can justify coveting if you like. It still is coveting. No, they are not married…but better to find a girl who isn’t ‘attached,’ than one who is. It says a lot about a girl too who can’t break away from a cheating boyfriend. If you would go after someone who has a boyfriend, regardless of their relationship status, it shows that you are okay with ending a relationship for a girl. Let her do it herself, she isn’t 5 yrs old. She’s a woman, and I have taught my son…don’t go after girls who have boyfriends, and don’t allow them to lure you in, as they might be using you to make their bf jealous. Date someone free and clear…much easier, and you won’t feel like you took someone out of a situation. Regardless of the coveting aspect of the whole thing, the girl has to be able to make her own decisions and the OP shouldn’t be the one to swoop down and end the relationship FOR her. You don’t have to agree with me. 🙂
 
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