I'm horribly lonely

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Epistemes said:
In all honesty, it’s selfish for me to constantly come here and complain about my loneliness because there’s little you all can do for me but type words of encouragement. It’s the people I live with, the people I work with, the people who I call “friend” that I feel isolated from. Maybe I even feel isolated from God and myself…I don’t know.
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Hi “Ep”. Sorry that you’re still feeling lonely. 😦 I’ve been praying for you. I don’t think it is selfish for you to come to CAF and post about your lonliness. It’s true, there is little we can do for you… aside from giving advice or encouraging words. But if it helps to talk about it… then please do.

I would like to make a gentle suggestion to you, though. From your words, it seems to me that perhaps your expectations of the people in your daily life might be a bit on the “too hopeful” side. I’m not judging you, but speaking as someone who has experienced this… first hand. And still do, at times.

I’m learning that the people in my daily life are (like me) human beings with shortcomings and problems of their own. And that I shouldn’t rely on them… too much. This has been a particularly difficult lesson for me to learn, with my closest relatives… who have “let me down” over and over and over again.

For a very long time… I carried great anger in my heart toward all of them. This resulted in extreme (bouts) of lonliness. But Our good Lord continues to show me… that I mustn’t react this way. But rather, forgive them… pray for them… and lean on HIM.
Epistemes said:
If I had a “best friend,” that doesn’t necessarily mean that I can simply unload my existential dilemmas with no confrontation or unwanted advice. It would be nice, though, to at least know that someone cared.

Maybe if I believed that someone cared and loved me I would stop giving in to fantasies where I am loved and appreciated by my complete opposite.
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I think it’s when we come to realize the truth… that all of us DO have a “Best Friend”… and His Name is Jesus… that we begin to make progress with our lonliness. I think Our blessed Lord is using this time in your life, to bring you closer to Him. I can’t remember if you said that you attend Eucharistic Adoration, or not. But please do… and continue with it. Place yourself, very close to the Heart of Jesus… Who IS your Best Friend.

St. Augustine said… “Our hearts are restless, until they rest in Thee, O Lord”. Only God can fill that void and that desire for happiness that all of us experience. You are not alone, “Ep”. Even though it sometimes feels that way. You are not alone. :o

God bless you.
 
I’m alone as well, but not lonely so much; praying takes it’s place and I lift it up. I found a book that I love it helps me spiritually become closer to God. I adore Christ in the Blessed Sacrament regularly that is a wonderful opportunity to get closer to Jesus in the most holy Eucharist.

I joined the prison ministry in my parish.

We have Why Catholic here in my parish as well it meets for 8 weeks in the fall and spring. From that has sprung a wonderful group of friends; and now we are expanding it to a book study during the summer months.

Once I started getting out there and involved with the parish life; opportunities for fellowship just keeps happening. We also have a Women’s fellowship group, that puts on various events.

Volunteer to a favorite local charity such as a soup kitchen; or the local hospital. Or the food bank.

Hope you feel better soon; you are in my prayers.
 
MarieVeronica said:
I would like to make a gentle suggestion to you, though. From your words, it seems to me that perhaps your expectations of the people in your daily life might be a bit on the “too hopeful” side.

I’m learning that the people in my daily life are (like me) human beings with shortcomings and problems of their own. And that I shouldn’t rely on them… too much.

I think it’s when we come to realize the truth… that all of us DO have a “Best Friend”… and His Name is Jesus… that we begin to make progress with our lonliness.

You are not alone. :o
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Thank you for your kind words, MarieVeronica, I greatly appreciate (and agree with) most of what you said.

Do I have high hopes for the people around me? Well, yes and no. Like you, I sense that everyone around me, even my parents, is like me in many ways, afraid of being misunderstood, wanting to be loved and appreciated, wanting reassurance that they’re doing the right thing, and so on. I see this more and more with the eyes that Spirit graces me with. In talking with my pastor, I’ve even come to learn that there are even men and women with great jobs, great families, great active lifestyles who still feel horribly alone – so I sense that all the things that I think I want will not ultimately make me happy.

Am I being called to a deeper relationship with Christ? Most likely – but it’s horribly frustrating! It’s frustrating because I not only refuse to cooperate with the grace which I’m given, but I fear becoming so heavenly-minded that I’m no earthly good (to quote Johnny Cash). Between overcoming scrupulosity and “being human,” I’m equally stuck between being in the world and of the world. I recognize that Christ is truly my only friend – though it’s been a recent comfort to me to know that the saints pray for me regardless – but sometimes I do get tired of him, wish he’d leave me alone, wish he’d stop nudging my conscience…but then, when I see that everyone else around me suffers just as much, when they’re not particularly interested in dealing with someone else’s problems in addition to their own, when they’d rather find ways of escaping the loneliness they feel, when they risk infidelity just to be appreciated, who else can I turn to?

It’s just frustrating for me…
 
Hi Epistemes I have just come back from Mass & have been reading your notes.I prayed for you in Mass & you are highly thought of not just by myself but all the other responders on this htread to say the least!!!
Your words are so sad I wish I could give you a big hug.I truly wish we could all help you on a more practical level.So glad you have been speaking to your pastor.
So have you joined any new group/organisation?Are you still going to visit in prison?
You will have so much empathy for prisoners you will be a good help to them & make them feel that you understand their fears.I dont know how old you are or how often you have dated etc but I wish you could meet a young lady, you would be such a sensitive caring companion.Keep trying my friend dont give up God will be showing you how to help yourself make sure you are listening…He works in mysterious ways and He is always with you.God Bless
 
Are you feeling lonely or are you experiencing anxiety and depression? Often, our moods trick us into attributing a false cause to something. In your case you may feel depressed and think that it’s loneliness.

In any event, I have you in my prayers.

BTW: I suffer from a major depression and an anxiety disorder. I also have Asperger’s syndrome.
 
Epistemes said:
Thank you for your kind words, MarieVeronica, I greatly appreciate (and agree with) most of what you said.

Do I have high hopes for the people around me? Well, yes and no. Like you, I sense that everyone around me, even my parents, is like me in many ways, afraid of being misunderstood, wanting to be loved and appreciated, wanting reassurance that they’re doing the right thing, and so on. I see this more and more with the eyes that Spirit graces me with. In talking with my pastor, I’ve even come to learn that there are even men and women with great jobs, great families, great active lifestyles who still feel horribly alone – so I sense that all the things that I think I want will not ultimately make me happy.

Am I being called to a deeper relationship with Christ? Most likely – but it’s horribly frustrating! It’s frustrating because I not only refuse to cooperate with the grace which I’m given, but I fear becoming so heavenly-minded that I’m no earthly good (to quote Johnny Cash). Between overcoming scrupulosity and “being human,” I’m equally stuck between being in the world and of the world. I recognize that Christ is truly my only friend – though it’s been a recent comfort to me to know that the saints pray for me regardless–
It’s just frustrating for me…
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I absolutely hear you on this. I could have written much of it.

But I find when nothing seems to go right, if I increase my prayers, well, something usually lifts, at least for a time. And that’s better than I have a right to expect.
 
Hi Epistemes, Sailor Kenshin ,Robert Sock & anyone else suffering loneliness…
I am truly sorry for your pain & sorrow you must feel.Keep praying you have friends
here at CAF but try to engage in activities. Enrol in an evening class or something broaden your horizons to make new friends.Im praying for you all
God Bless

May the Grace of Almighty God
comfort you guide you and be
with you now and always
Amen
 
Epistemes said:
…and it’s seriously affecting my relationship with God. 😦 😦 😦
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I understand. I am also experiencing a loneliness that I will not detail but despite some of the great responses you’ve gotten, I’d think that being alone would give me the opportunity to devote more time to prayer. I think about it but I’m depressed - or lazy. My relationship with God is so disappointing to me I can’t tell you. I talk to Him - although not formal prayer - no, I cry to Him OFTEN. I know He hears me. I just don’t know if I’m missing His Answers. As for getting involved in groups, I’ve had the same suggestions offered to me. Sometimes, it’s part of the solution - I can’t really do so but I hope you can avail yourself of them. It’s a good start. I just wanted you to know - you’re not totally alone. Not only is God always with you - but you have alot of company in the form of other lonely people around the world.

Meantime, I’ll say a prayer for you - please, return that prayer for me. God bless you. Our Lady intercede for you.
 
Hi ConservativeOne I am so sorry to hear you also are lonely.Be assured you are in my prayers for the right solution to come for you from God our Father.I understand from your note that joining a group is not for you for now so I have an idea you and all other like -minded people perhaps- lonely. sad ,depressed ,feeling in the depths of despair,
start your own thread about ways to overcome & deal with these painful life challenges.
By the way I personally think God
must think pretty highly of you guys because he chooses "special"people to be tested
& your rewards will be all the greater in the next life.
Thats not much help right now i know im trying to be practical.Please keep praying
God really does answer prayers & He is with you always & you have your friends here at CAF

Dear Lord
Guide and protect your servant ConservativeOne
through this difficult time we humbly ask
Through Christ Our Lord
Amen
 
I found my old RCIA journal, half-full. From now, I will fill the rest of the pages with letters to …

Whom? I’m not sure. God the Father? Jesus? The Holy Spirit? I’ll just write and see what happens.

I wonder if writing it all down would help the Epistemes? Sometimes, though, even putting words on paper is too much for me.
 
Robert_Sock said:
Are you feeling lonely or are you experiencing anxiety and depression? Often, our moods trick us into attributing a false cause to something. In your case you may feel depressed and think that it’s loneliness.

In any event, I have you in my prayers.

BTW: I suffer from a major depression and an anxiety disorder. I also have Asperger’s syndrome.
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I have Asperger’s as well and it’s a huge burden. I’m lonely all the time and it doesn’t seem like there’s anything I can do about it. It’s a catch 22 situation, but I don’t like talking to people I don’t know. I hate small talk as well. I like knowing people, but don’t like meeting people. With my job having me work evenings, it’s hard to get involved in any kind of organized activity. My life is pretty much getting up around noon, hanging around the house, not doing much until I leave for work at 3:30 pm. I get home from work about 12:30 am and just hang around the house (watch TV) until I go to bed about 4:00 am.

Even if I worked a normal schedule, it’s still excruciatingly hard. It’s really hard to explain to someone who doesn’t have Asperger’s, but it’s almost physically torturous to participate in activities/events that I’m not interested in. I’ve had people suggest taking dance classes. I have absolutely no interest in dancing and just think the idea is stupid. When I tell people that, they say I should go anyway, to meet people. I would not be in a mood to meet people because I would be so irritated if not angry that I’m “wasting time and money” on an activity that isn’t interesting that I wouldn’t be up to talking. I realize this is a part of me, but I don’t see how I can change it.

Both of my younger siblings are married and I’m 30 and have never had a girlfriend. Haven’t been on an actual date in over 10 years, I don’t have any friends so yeah, I’m lonely.
 
You have my sympathy; sometimes we just have to offer it up and keep trudging on.
 
Hello all my dear friends who are feeling lonely.
I have been praying for all of you and thinking about you all.I really wish I could do
something practical to help you.Bataar i understand with shift work its difficult to socialise
and i agree doing a dancing class might not be for you (it wouldnt be for me either).Try to list all the things you have an interest in.Do you like computers?I dont know what you do for a living but an evening class learning more about computers/new programmes/games.Maybe there is a club you would be interested in joining locally.Places like that are often a good idea for meeting new friends who may become more one day !!! I met my husband who was in a new group of friends I made when i moved to a new area.I joined a local social club and went to the local pub and joined crib teams quiz teams(i love quizzes!)learned to play pool so well i ended up running the team.I had so many good players at one stage I had enough for two teams.My husband -to- be and I helped do lots of fundraising for a charity (he shaved his head) when a mutual friend died.We were friends a long time before we dated.
I hope things improve for all you guys…and i am your friend as many other people on CAF are
God Bless
 
A lot of well-meaning people don’t understand that you can’t give what you don’t have.

Sometimes the darkness is so encompassing that the thought of going out ‘just to meet people’ makes you cringe (“GREAT!!! MORE PEOPLE TO DRAIN MY SOUL!”). You cannot coerce yourself to take a class in something that doesn’t interest you. You can not deal with one more person that wants something from you and gives nothing in return.

Been there. Done that. Still struggling, still trudging on.

For some this is (blessedly) a temporary situation. But not for all. Sometimes the darkness lifts for an hour, a day. Then it comes crashing down again. Trudge on. Offer it up. The alternative is unthinkable.
 
Sailor Kenshin thankyou for enlightening me & im truly sorry if i have at all offended you or anybody if i have -sorry it was truly unintentional.I will cintinue to pray.
God Bless
 
Naaah, you didn’t even come close to offending me—or I bet anybody—it’s just that many ‘normal’ people can’t imagine what it’s like to be so tapped out and slogging through such darkness.

Years ago, when I didn’t even take my own advice or notice what was going on inside, I would have thought, “Yeah! Great! Join a group, take a class!” And I’ve done that, many times.

Maybe I’m just being horribly ungrateful for what I do have, but lately it feels like I’m being ground into peanut butter.

Thanks for your prayers.
 
Hey Sailor you sound really nice im so sorry you have this burden to bear take care
 
Epistemes said:
…and it’s seriously affecting my relationship with God. 😦 😦 😦
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Hey,

Sorry to hear that. You were helpful to me on another thread, so I saw this thread and thought I would post to tell you that. 🙂

I am rather lonely myself now, and what is comforting to me now is just realizing that no matter how small my progress is in some things that I am able to do more everyday.

We may not share the same backround and have different beliefs of things, but we are in this world together and I am happy to chat about any topic if you want to chew the fat.🙂

It’s not much, I realize but feel free to chat away about anything either PM or on your thread here. Up to you of course. 🙂

Hope you will see this as a temporary thing, and not a permanent situation.

Kind regards,

SJ
 
Thanks Sailor Kenshin just looked at CAF personality on Back Fence.I think you have a great personality & clearly shows when i looked up your profile you have lots of friends.I’d like to be one too.Epistemes hope you are doing ok havent heard from you for a bit?
 
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