I'm horribly lonely

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Epistemes said:
…and it’s seriously affecting my relationship with God. 😦 😦 😦
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Hi Epistemes… (Bidden or Not Bidden, God is Present!!) - always helpful, in any situation like yours, to remember.

I don’t know if you are a reader or if you like books, but I have a couple to suggest to you that I believe will help you in this suffering - regardless of how severe it is or where it comes from or how long you’ve felt this way or any of the other symptoms or things relating to your current troubles.

So, if you like or can do some spiritual reading, here are two books, either one or both of which will greatly help you - I promise.
  1. **There Are No Accidents **- by Fr. Benedict Groeschel
  2. **The Promise **by Fr. Jonathan Morris
Both of these books are about suffering (which is your current situation) - and about the causes (not all that important but helpful in some sense to be aware of), the value of the suffering, the remedies (if they exist), the meaning to be found in the suffering and how to “use” the suffering God permits into your life for supernatural purposes.

It’s important to realize that, first of all, suffering is not a good thing. Suffering is bad. No one likes to or wants to suffer. No one seeks out suffering for its own sake…everyone wants desperately to escape from pain and suffering.

Second, it’s important to understand that even though suffering is bad (an evil, even), that does not automatically mean that it should not be present, that we are doing something wrong (if it’s there), that we’ve failed or are failing at something and causing our own misery, etc., etc.

Of course (and thirdly) God DOES NOT CREATE OR SEND SUFFERING (or evil) to anyone. It can come from lots and lots of places and sources, including often the sins that OTHERS commit against us and over which we have no control, or from things in nature that hurt us or make us uncomfortable, or just (as in your case) a life situation that doesn’t feed the fullness of our humanity, leaving us ‘hungry’ (lonely!!) Believe me, I understand how you feel. Been there, done that!

My point, though, is that although God doesn’t create evil, He permits it - but for only ONE reason: i.e. to bring out of it a better good than we could have ever reached or experienced if we had not encountered the suffering/evil in the first place. Now, that’s all theological and all well and good, but just so you get out of it that God KNOWS what’s going on…He’s NOT SURPRISED by your plight. He is aware of every tear, every sigh, every breath you take and every wish, hope and dream that’s there in your heart…even if it’s just a fleeting nano-second of ache. He’s got your back!

We know God is all-powerful, so we know that that means that, if He chose to do so, He could change things and blast away that loneliness and sorrow in less than a blink of an eye! That’s a fact and there’s no need to hide from it. Many people consider that information to be a bad thing and it brings them down…if God can ‘heal’ them IN AN INSTANT, they feel, why doesn’t He? Then they conclude that He doesn’t care or doesn’t love them or some other very unbecoming (to God) idea.

But here’s the lesson to focus on (while you’re doing all you, personally, can to make things better for yourself, if you can: You know God is all-powerful; you know He loves you (since before the foundations of the world and before He formed you in your mother’s womb!!). You know He loves you in a totally intimate, unique, personal way; a way in which He loves no one else or ever WILL love anyone else.

All that is true! And if it IS all true, and if He still doesn’t move to end your situation immediately, then it can mean only ONE thing: HE HAS A PLAN!! The fact that He has a plan means a few things: * He’s in charge of things. * His plans are ALWAYS for a miraculous kind of BEST CASE SCENARIO and perfection and joy! * He will finish what He started (He ALWAYS does). * He’s not unaware of even one little tear or drop of suffering you feel / endure. There are more things His permitting your situation means, but that’s a small list.

Here’s the key: Because of all that stuff in the last paragraph, you know something else that’s critical: YOU CAN TRUST HIM!! (to take care of you, to see you through this, to fix it all up at the right / appropriate time, to uphold and comfort you in the meantime, to never, ever leave your side or leave you alone, etc., etc. ) You can trust the hands that were pierced for you to lead you out of the darkness - absolutely - for sure - no doubt about it.

Try checking out those books and you will be very comforted and put at ease…and you will fall in love with the God, the Father, who rescues you! Try it and see! (and one more thing: Receive Him, intimately, personally!, Body, Blood, Soul & Divinity! in the Eucharist, as often as you possibly can.) 👍

You will remain in my prayers…you are in good hands!!! 😉
 
Epistemes said:
…and it’s seriously affecting my relationship with God. 😦 😦 😦
Click to expand...
Do you live in London? I know this won’t sound terribly helpful but when I feel lonely and despressed I go to the Westminster Cathedral. There a Chapel in the far left corner with a huge statue of Jesus and only 5 chairs. I sit there (often cry) and feel a bit better afterwards. You aren’t alone with this emotion so don’t think you are. Even Freddie Mercury said he was lonely and he had a crowd around him constantly.
 
alacoque said:
Hi Epistemes… (Bidden or Not Bidden, God is Present!!) - always helpful, in any situation like yours, to remember.

I don’t know if you are a reader or if you like books, but I have a couple to suggest to you that I believe will help you in this suffering - regardless of how severe it is or where it comes from or how long you’ve felt this way or any of the other symptoms or things relating to your current troubles.

So, if you like or can do some spiritual reading, here are two books, either one or both of which will greatly help you - I promise.
  1. **There Are No Accidents **- by Fr. Benedict Groeschel
  2. **The Promise **by Fr. Jonathan Morris
Both of these books are about suffering (which is your current situation) - and about the causes (not all that important but helpful in some sense to be aware of), the value of the suffering, the remedies (if they exist), the meaning to be found in the suffering and how to “use” the suffering God permits into your life for supernatural purposes.

It’s important to realize that, first of all, suffering is not a good thing. Suffering is bad. No one likes to or wants to suffer. No one seeks out suffering for its own sake…everyone wants desperately to escape from pain and suffering.

Second, it’s important to understand that even though suffering is bad (an evil, even), that does not automatically mean that it should not be present, that we are doing something wrong (if it’s there), that we’ve failed or are failing at something and causing our own misery, etc., etc.

Of course (and thirdly) God DOES NOT CREATE OR SEND SUFFERING (or evil) to anyone. It can come from lots and lots of places and sources, including often the sins that OTHERS commit against us and over which we have no control, or from things in nature that hurt us or make us uncomfortable, or just (as in your case) a life situation that doesn’t feed the fullness of our humanity, leaving us ‘hungry’ (lonely!!) Believe me, I understand how you feel. Been there, done that!

My point, though, is that although God doesn’t create evil, He permits it - but for only ONE reason: i.e. to bring out of it a better good than we could have ever reached or experienced if we had not encountered the suffering/evil in the first place. Now, that’s all theological and all well and good, but just so you get out of it that God KNOWS what’s going on…He’s NOT SURPRISED by your plight. He is aware of every tear, every sigh, every breath you take and every wish, hope and dream that’s there in your heart…even if it’s just a fleeting nano-second of ache. He’s got your back!

We know God is all-powerful, so we know that that means that, if He chose to do so, He could change things and blast away that loneliness and sorrow in less than a blink of an eye! That’s a fact and there’s no need to hide from it. Many people consider that information to be a bad thing and it brings them down…if God can ‘heal’ them IN AN INSTANT, they feel, why doesn’t He? Then they conclude that He doesn’t care or doesn’t love them or some other very unbecoming (to God) idea.

But here’s the lesson to focus on (while you’re doing all you, personally, can to make things better for yourself, if you can: You know God is all-powerful; you know He loves you (since before the foundations of the world and before He formed you in your mother’s womb!!). You know He loves you in a totally intimate, unique, personal way; a way in which He loves no one else or ever WILL love anyone else.

All that is true! And if it IS all true, and if He still doesn’t move to end your situation immediately, then it can mean only ONE thing: HE HAS A PLAN!! The fact that He has a plan means a few things: * He’s in charge of things. * His plans are ALWAYS for a miraculous kind of BEST CASE SCENARIO and perfection and joy! * He will finish what He started (He ALWAYS does). * He’s not unaware of even one little tear or drop of suffering you feel / endure. There are more things His permitting your situation means, but that’s a small list.

Here’s the key: Because of all that stuff in the last paragraph, you know something else that’s critical: YOU CAN TRUST HIM!! (to take care of you, to see you through this, to fix it all up at the right / appropriate time, to uphold and comfort you in the meantime, to never, ever leave your side or leave you alone, etc., etc. ) You can trust the hands that were pierced for you to lead you out of the darkness - absolutely - for sure - no doubt about it.

Try checking out those books and you will be very comforted and put at ease…and you will fall in love with the God, the Father, who rescues you! Try it and see! (and one more thing: Receive Him, intimately, personally!, Body, Blood, Soul & Divinity! in the Eucharist, as often as you possibly can.) 👍

You will remain in my prayers…you are in good hands!!! 😉
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The whole question of suffering has been driving me nuts. I’ve been told, ‘God loves you, therefore he wants you to suffer;’ I’ve been told that it’s actually sinful NOT to seek suffering and a martyr’s death (duz not want!) :eek:

I don’t know which end is up by now.
 
Epistemes, Your story touched me, like many others here, i’ve lived through feelings of loneliness (very lonely teenage years, and very much of adult life also, i’m 28 now, i’ve gotten lost, or try ease the pain, in books, alcohol, internet, movies aso.). But the most helpful has been the understanding, that it’s very much up to me, how things are, an that it’s very important to look to the causes. I trust in God, but i do my part. When i open up more, share, decide to talk about very personal issues, when it’s suitable, then i have (closer) friends.
And of course when i think, and take an interest in others, then i get the same in return.
And i’ve seen that the happier i am, the easier it is to make connections with people. The thought behind this is, that actually i do not need people to be happy, otherwise i would be only using them. When i’m alone, i appreciate what is there, when with others, then i try to appreciate that.

As to the prison ministry, where i had some experience, then i can certainly recommend it. It’s good for the prisoners, when they hear about the Good News, but it certainly taught me about the sufferings of others, and how to die more to myself. It really made me become an adult.

My inspiration was very much Anthony de Mellos “Wake up to life” NY conferences, and a bit from here also (there are 3 parts):
video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7194350940635121846
 
Dear EP,

Just in case you have not already asked yourself…
What changes have occured to cause your intense feelings of lonliness? If someone you cared absent? If so, I would say your feelings are justified, and all the suggesions to get involved with something you care is a good idea.
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If everything is pretty much the same, then I would also suggest that you see your doctor as soon as possible to rule out the possibility that your feelings are not due to a physiological or psychological change. Oh yes, and get some exercise and try to eat as healthfuly as you can. For example they recommend 7-9 servings of fresh fruit and vegetables daily.
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Assuming you do all of that and still feel awful detached from the Lord…you might also consider that maybe the Lord is testing your faith. If that is the case, then act on what it is you “know” to be true not on feelings. Increase your prayer life. Don’t forget to call on our heavenly mother asking her to intercede on your behalf. Ask her to please send the Holy Spirit to fill your heart with his love.
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Many of the saints describe decades of feeling detached from the Lord. You might want to read books on lives similar to your own. Seek them as friends because we are in communion with our saintly brother/sisiters who are now sitting before the Lord, bathed in his infinite love. Enlist them in your circle of friends, there is nothing they would like more than comforting a soul in despair.
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When my mother passed away, the priest suggested that, “I think of her, just in the other room.” I have done this for some now. Recently I have added some saint friends (St. Paul, St, Rita, St, Monica, St. Augustin, St Teresa/ Little Flower, St Teresa of Avial and St. Teresa of Calcutta, St Francis DeSales and more). I suppose I could add Jesus too, If I am alone, I even talk out loud. It is comforting to think of them near by.
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Finally, if you are house bound, please know there are many agencies to call upon so that you can be well taken care of. Do you need the names of agencies in your area?
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Please let us know how you are coming along, what you tried, if it worked and if it did not.

Sincerely,
Jaayna
 
One of my favorite saints, and one who’s work played a huge part in sparking my interest in Catholicism overall, is St. John of the Cross. When I saw the title of this thread and read your post, it occured to me that 1. You might want to look into Saint John’s ideas on Dark Night of the Soul, read his poetry as a spiritual booster and reaffirmation of what you desire God to be in your life, and 2. You may be depressed, and while meeting with a priest may help, a good psychotherapist might also be useful. As one who’s lived with the cross of depression since my teens, I use both prayer and therapy to overcome the loneliness I also often feel.

To whomever suggested meeting and trying to interact with more people, involving oneself in parish social groups, etc, if this person is depressed as well as lonely, I’m guessing that doing so will likely make them feel more isolated, seeing people getting along, yet not knowing how to enter the conversation or what have you.
 
Hi. I feel your pain, or at least know how your pain feels, and would like to be of some, if only a litle assistance.
In it’self, a relationship with God, though only a spiritual one, is only a relationship, which is surely a start. Have you tried joining news groops and such on the internet, or simply going to a local social club, social dance or something along those lines? move locations if possible, or simply go and imerce yourself in a hobby or interest? also, though it sounds silly, simply say high to people you have never met or seen?
Hope even a litle of my advise helps.
Best wishes, Rob.
 
I’ve heard that it’s good idea to list your blessings every day. Read and reread them, you might feel better…just a suggestion. 😉
 
I also know that when you’re feeling lonely, ask the Lord to enter into it as He has gone through more loneliness than we could ever imagine.
 
To the OP: I know you don’t feel up to running around and meeting ‘new’ people—what about IM services?

They’ve helped me a LOT.
 
I don’t know why this thread remains at the top of the forum other than the reality that so many of you who *are *posting are also lonely or are just good people trying to help others in need of a “shoulder.” However, there’s a great big chunk of me which wishes this thread would go away, but that’s because I’m currently feeling very selfish and angry. It’s rather evident that this thread is for everyone who is lonely, not just me.

While it remains, I thought I might avail myself its wisdom one more time since today has been hell.

Do you wanna know something personal about me? Well…I’m one of the luckiest people in this world. I’m not gloating – I’m just saying it so that I might be convinced of its truth. Seriously, though, I am very blessed to have parents who love me, a job with friendly co-workers, a couple of friends who I can discuss things with on a regular basis, plus I have wearable clothes, a nice collection of books and music, and the list could go on for several more lines. Regardless of all that, I still feel empty. I go have dinner with friends, enjoy nice conversation, and yet I’m still empty. I buy new music, or new entertainment period, and yet I’m still empty. I laugh at videos on YouTube, and yet I’m still empty. I go to Eucharistic Adoration, and yet only hours later, yes, I’m still empty.

I’m not sure if I should rebel against something or someone, but the rebellion within me keeps building. Lately, I only rebel against myself and against God, which does me absolutely no good and only serves to make me feel worse and even more empty.

I try lifting it up, I seriously do, but sometimes (oftentimes) that’s not “enough.” I don’t believe there is any other medication besides prayer and lifting it up, but it’s a cross which weighs me down week after week, and it’s starting to show. I don’t ever want to get to the point where this loneliness classifies me as clinically depressed, but when co-workers start noticing that I look increasingly “tired,” I can’t help but wonder what exactly is happening to me.
 
Instead of seeking to lean on people you should discern that your loneliness may well be a temptation from the devil, and that you should battle and face and overcome the feeling itself directly.

Loneliness can prevent one from loving God properly because He is there, and you are too caught up in the loneliness to change your feelings and see Him.

It shouldn’t normally be indulged as a feeling. It’s too often self destructive. 🙂

I agree that gratitude for God’s gifts and blessings is a great way to combat it. It is the secret to happiness. 🙂
 
Shin said:
Instead of seeking to lean on people you should discern that your loneliness may well be a temptation from the devil, and that you should battle and face and overcome the feeling itself directly.

Loneliness can prevent one from loving God properly because He is there, and you are too caught up in the loneliness to change your feelings and see Him.

It shouldn’t normally be indulged as a feeling. It’s too often self destructive. 🙂

I agree that gratitude for God’s gifts and blessings is a great way to combat it. It is the secret to happiness. 🙂
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I agree with this. Our words have power when using Jesus’ name. The scripture says we will be able to move mountains with our words. Tell the spirit of loneliness to flee from you in an authoritative way using Jesus’ name. This has worked in the past with me when faced with a lustful spirit, it did indeed flee.

Also, ask Jesus to come into your empty heart and fill it with Him, and He will. You might not feel anything, but He will if you ask Him. I feel the same way at times even though I know He is inside of me. I know then that I need to spend more time filling up on His love for me.
 
Shin said:
Instead of seeking to lean on people you should discern that your loneliness may well be a temptation from the devil, and that you should battle and face and overcome the feeling itself directly.

Loneliness can prevent one from loving God properly because He is there, and you are too caught up in the loneliness to change your feelings and see Him.

It shouldn’t normally be indulged as a feeling. It’s too often self destructive. 🙂

I agree that gratitude for God’s gifts and blessings is a great way to combat it. It is the secret to happiness. 🙂
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Given that I’ve already said much of this in previous posts in this thread, how can I disagree?
 
Shin said:
Instead of seeking to lean on people you should discern that your loneliness may well be a temptation from the devil, and that you should battle and face and overcome the feeling itself directly.

Loneliness can prevent one from loving God properly because He is there, and you are too caught up in the loneliness to change your feelings and see Him.

It shouldn’t normally be indulged as a feeling. It’s too often self destructive. 🙂

I agree that gratitude for God’s gifts and blessings is a great way to combat it. It is the secret to happiness. 🙂
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Or it could be the desert through which you have to travel to reach the Promised Land. My pastor just gave me a couple of books on the subject.
 
The diagnosis is “selfish and angry.” Good one. You are looking at the abyss of somebody seeking love, not seeking to give love. Seems obvious but God didn’t say “be loved by one another” but “love one another.” Looking for love/fulfillment/companionship/entertainment in another is deadly, a bottomless pit. I highly commend Roy Master’s Observation Meditation. This consists of concentrating on one’s hand while viewing the inner visions of one’s mind. Stuff will pop up, that’s the subconscious stuff that is the emotional driver behind your discontent. The ambition of wanting more doesn’t help and does, as you note, lead to rebellion. You’re most wise. But flip the formula. Love is what you give, not what you get. Give to receive. fhu.com/

There is, however, also a physiological issue that may be at play. Some people are neurologically and metabolically skewed to not perceive themselves satisfactorily. It’s one element of ADD/Asperger’s, very common today because of poor nutrition and gut-wrenching antibiotic use that leads to Candida overgrowth that snitches all the relaxer mineral, magnesium. If that is the case, take Caprylic Acid to kill the Candida and lay off sugary and starchy food, please. If you suspect mercury levels are high, as this acts like a catalytic converter in deranging metabolism, take L-Lipoic Acid for a while to chelate out mercury.

This physical inability to perceive one’s self may lead to narcissism and acting out to get some feedback in perceiving self. It could start with low stomach acid that doesn’t let you break out nerve-soothing minerals from your food. This can also lead to high ammonia levels from undigested protein and compulsive thinking that goes with that. Now you’re dwelling on not feeling yourself i.e. being lonely, see? Tricky. You are most wise so give your body a break with full-spectrum digestive enzymes, lots of fresh water and sunshine and a little excercise to keep cortisol levels stable. If you’re tired, consider doing a self-test for thyroid problems, also at epidemic proportions with all the soy products that inhibit iodine uptake. Get a basal temperature test protocol online and do that. Might need kelp for iodine. Anyway, pamper your body a bit, then I’m guessing you’ll unplug the physiological problem and get with the proper formula above. Blessings, my dear friend, it’s a pleasure seeing someone who is so self-aware.
 
Personally, if I need a pick-me-up a handful of fish oil capsules in the morning and evening, pick up the brain activity and mood a discernible notch.
 
nordskoven said:
The diagnosis is “selfish and angry.” Good one. You are looking at the abyss of somebody seeking love, not seeking to give love. Seems obvious but God didn’t say “be loved by one another” but “love one another.” Looking for love/fulfillment/companionship/entertainment in another is deadly, a bottomless pit. I highly commend Roy Master’s Observation Meditation. This consists of concentrating on one’s hand while viewing the inner visions of one’s mind. Stuff will pop up, that’s the subconscious stuff that is the emotional driver behind your discontent. The ambition of wanting more doesn’t help and does, as you note, lead to rebellion. You’re most wise. But flip the formula. Love is what you give, not what you get. Give to receive. fhu.com/

There is, however, also a physiological issue that may be at play. Some people are neurologically and metabolically skewed to not perceive themselves satisfactorily. It’s one element of ADD/Asperger’s, very common today because of poor nutrition and gut-wrenching antibiotic use that leads to Candida overgrowth that snitches all the relaxer mineral, magnesium. If that is the case, take Caprylic Acid to kill the Candida and lay off sugary and starchy food, please. If you suspect mercury levels are high, as this acts like a catalytic converter in deranging metabolism, take L-Lipoic Acid for a while to chelate out mercury.

This physical inability to perceive one’s self may lead to narcissism and acting out to get some feedback in perceiving self. It could start with low stomach acid that doesn’t let you break out nerve-soothing minerals from your food. This can also lead to high ammonia levels from undigested protein and compulsive thinking that goes with that. Now you’re dwelling on not feeling yourself i.e. being lonely, see? Tricky. You are most wise so give your body a break with full-spectrum digestive enzymes, lots of fresh water and sunshine and a little excercise to keep cortisol levels stable. If you’re tired, consider doing a self-test for thyroid problems, also at epidemic proportions with all the soy products that inhibit iodine uptake. Get a basal temperature test protocol online and do that. Might need kelp for iodine.
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Or it could also be God trying to get his attention. ‘Our hearts are restless until they rest in thee.’
 
Hello to everyone reading this thread…

I do not often post here but as I was reading I started thinking about my students and how grateful and happy they would be if they had someone in their lives that would spend time with them, show them some attention, go places with them. Some of my students have mental and emotional problems. Most come from a single parent home. They don’t have much and their families usually have so much “on their plate” that they don’t have time.

Today I took a group of them to our local mall- there were five of them. We went to the pet store and asked to see some puppies. We looked at the hats and shoes and earrings and smelled and tried on perfume and cologne. We went in Game Stop and looked at the newest games. None of it cost a cent but it was priceless afternoon.
I think many of you have such a gift you could share with young people such as my students. And in the sharing you might find that you also received.
Would you be less lonely? That I can’t tell you- but if you came with us today, you would definitely not have been bored! You might have found yourself smiling as they took turns sitting with the puppy in the petting booth and even laughed as the boys asked the girls which earrings would look better.

So- please give this idea some consideration- you might be the one who can save a young person just by being there.
 
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