I'm horribly lonely

[Epistemes]

Thank you all for your replies.

Tonight I attended my first meeting as part of the prison ministry which I mentioned on page 1, and I saw true loneliness and compared it against the blatant self-love and narcissism which I am experiencing. It is evident what I must do, though this “loneliness” may persist for sometime.

I hope this thread continues to serve some purpose for anyone else out there who may be reading and may be lonely.

 

[TrueBlueAstrax]

No you’re not. You have God, the Blessed Virgin, The Saints, and the whole Catholic Church, including Me and everyone else on this forum.:grouphug:
You’re not alone.
Hoping this makes you feel better!

 

[alacoque]

***The whole question of suffering has been driving me nuts. I’ve been told, ‘God loves you, therefore he wants you to suffer;’ I’ve been told that it’s actually sinful NOT to seek suffering and a martyr’s death (duz not want!) ***

Sailor: That’s nonsense. God abhors suffering as much as (more than! we do. He does not want you to seek it out and for heaven’s sake, it is certainly NOT SINFUL to try your best to avoid needless suffering. A martyrs death is 3 things: 1) it’s about love, not about suffering. The importance of a maryters death is not that they suffered,but that they loved! 2) it is not for everyone. 3) it’s not for most of us! Probably not for any of us here reading these posts!

It would be a rare gift of grace to be able to be martyr - i.e. give ones life for Jesus. I don’t think any of us have to worry about it. (but I can see where, if the ‘evil one’ keeps you worrying about martyrdom enough, he will keep you away for the hundreds of other wonderful, but small, graced actions and prayers you CAN be part of and thereby save your soul, taking many other souls with you to heaven!)

btw, whoever told you that stuff you said about God and suffering either doesn’t know what they’re talking about or there was some misunderstanding what they said.

Be of good cheer and peaceful heart…just concentrate on loving Jesus…it’s beauty and joy to do so and not difficult at all!

 

[alacoque]

The whole question of suffering has been driving me nuts. I’ve been told, ‘God loves you, therefore he wants you to suffer;’ I’ve been told that it’s actually sinful NOT to seek suffering and a martyr’s death (duz not want!)

I don’t know which end is up by now.

Hey Sailor (shees - sounds like a bad 40’s movie - )

It’s me again - and I just read another post of yours about the darkness of suffering / loneliness / just ‘gettin through’…and all that.

I’m so sorry about your suffering and neither I nor anyone else can explain it or say why it is. You are wise in your suffering - it comes through - though I don’t suppose that’s necessarily a great comfort or anything.

But, it’s rare for people who are suffering greatly to still have a compass and keep a heading (to keep the maritime thing going, I’ll add that the sea can get very, very black and wicked, and no shore ever appears.)

I don’t know why or how or when or anything at all…except I DO know THIS: God is with us in this…He is especially with us in the really horrendous, unbearable suffering in our lives. He suffered it Himself in Gethsemani…and I mean He suffered ‘it’…YOUR darkness (and mine, and everyone’s). Not in some general, metaphorical, spiritual sense. He suffered OUR pain - and again as He cried out in abandonment on the cross…He cried OUR cry, yours and mine…so we would always know, deep, deep in our hearts, that there is no blackness in our souls that He did not feel and suffer. There is no place we can go, in our darkest moments (and, yeah, our very real feeling of God being gone!! from us) that He did not suffer already. It’s a comfort to know that in the helpless, endless cycle of despair that assails us all too often, our Savior is there with us…that He suffered what He did, that He cried out - and CRIED! - so that we would always know we were never alone.

If we only knew how much He loves us!!! :console:

Some days are just ‘going forward’ - putting one foot in front of the other - plodding…and then, others are walking slowly and painfully (but with purpose) behind Him on a dustry road as He stumbles on the way, with His cross. Both are suffering…but the way of the Cross is a companionship. He suffered and died for us, out of love - and out of love, we remain with Him, while He suffers - and when we suffer, too, it’s with Him! What a blessing it is to be able to comfort the heart of God !!

God bless you…and your angel guardians watch over you!

 

[alacoque]

I don’t know why this thread remains at the top of the forum other than the reality that so many of you who *are *posting are also lonely or are just good people trying to help others in need of a “shoulder.” However, there’s a great big chunk of me which wishes this thread would go away, but that’s because I’m currently feeling very selfish and angry. It’s rather evident that this thread is for everyone who is lonely, not just me.

While it remains, I thought I might avail myself its wisdom one more time since today has been hell.

Do you wanna know something personal about me? Well…I’m one of the luckiest people in this world. I’m not gloating – I’m just saying it so that I might be convinced of its truth. Seriously, though, I am very blessed to have parents who love me, a job with friendly co-workers, a couple of friends who I can discuss things with on a regular basis, plus I have wearable clothes, a nice collection of books and music, and the list could go on for several more lines. Regardless of all that, I still feel empty. I go have dinner with friends, enjoy nice conversation, and yet I’m still empty. I buy new music, or new entertainment period, and yet I’m still empty. I laugh at videos on YouTube, and yet I’m still empty. I go to Eucharistic Adoration, and yet only hours later, yes, I’m still empty.

I’m not sure if I should rebel against something or someone, but the rebellion within me keeps building. Lately, I only rebel against myself and against God, which does me absolutely no good and only serves to make me feel worse and even more empty.

I try lifting it up, I seriously do, but sometimes (oftentimes) that’s not “enough.” I don’t believe there is any other medication besides prayer and lifting it up, but it’s a cross which weighs me down week after week, and it’s starting to show. I don’t ever want to get to the point where this loneliness classifies me as clinically depressed, but when co-workers start noticing that I look increasingly “tired,” I can’t help but wonder what exactly is happening to me.

E: Thank you for posting this and for (as lame as this sounds) sharing your pain and your fear…it makes you ‘real’ to me in a way nothing else could. I am praying for you…

In my experience, when the pain and suffering moves beyond just ‘suffering’ and goes all the way to crucifixion - when you can see the top of Calvary and you’re heading up the hill and there are no exit ramps…you know what’s coming…and then you realize it’s already happening; crucifixion. Like it was with Jesus, there’s a ‘helplessness’ about it - exactly like being nailed to that cross, hands and feet, and unable to barely breath, much less somehow get yourself down!

I read in your post and sense you’re going to God with this…especially in Eucharistic adoration…and that (the adoration) makes me say this to you: don’t ever confuse fact with feeling. Jesus knew the difference, as He hung there on the cross in derision and betrayal…because He cried out in His feeling of being abandoned by the only thing He had left…and then, a short time later, He cried out again, surrending Himself into the very hands of the one He felt had gone away. So, He knew the difference, then, between fact and feeling, and He acted on what He knew, not what He felt.

You cannot - repeat, cannot! spend time in the substantial presence of Jesus, in the Blessed Eucharist, and not be changed - somehow…not be healed - somehow, to some degree - not have the life of your spirit receive His breath of life on and in you. There is no place on this earth where your time is better spent or more valuable than that time you spend with Him, in His Eucharistic presence. Don’t stop going to adoration - please!!

You want Him? You need Him? He waits for you there - as He waits no other place except in heaven - substantially - body, blood, soul and Divinity! He’s called to you - and somewhere inside you heard Him or you wouldn’t have been there at adoration.

Don’t worry about how you ‘feel’ afterwards (or even during!). Don’t gauge ANYTHING by how you ‘feel’.I know the suffering is great - as I said before, I DO know - personally - but relying on your feelings to tell you where you stand with God, with your suffering, or to tell you how much He is with you, is pointless and can be very, very misleading. Just don’t go there, to whatever degree you can control yourself.

God must have a ton of faith in you…because He’s obviously calling you to a much deeper faith. A faith that relies just on Him and His goodness and care that you know by divine revelation - and not the faith of old that determined how you and God were doing in your relationship based on how you felt about it. I’ll bet that when you’re very quiet (maybe at adoration) and you close out the world, not even thinking about anything, but just LISTENING…to your heart and for His voice…something tells you that there IS a call. I’ll bet you hear it - somewhere faarrrr away and not very loud at all…but something is telling you there’s ‘more’.

Whatever you need to get there (where He and you can move to new, deeper levels), He will provide it…don’t worry ,… just stay with Him - and wait with Him (waiting is the hardest…I know…especially when nothing (seemingly) happens and the pain goes on and on…but things are not what they seem. Trust Him…and please DO keep going to adoration. You may still feel alone but you ARE NOT ALONE - and that makes all the difference, even if you don’t know it yet.

May God give you a sense of His presence…through the intercession of Mary - Star of the Sea and comforter of the afflicted! I’m praying for you (at adoration!)

 

[alacoque]

Given that I’ve already said much of this in previous posts in this thread, how can I disagree?

E: Are you open to finding a good priest with whom to discuss this? Maybe you already have a spiritual director or a priest like this to talk to and, if so, just ignore me…

But if you don’t and if you are open to it, it could make a big difference. Sailor posted something, in response to a post saying to fight the feeling and not indulge it - that it could be temptation (and it could, of course…that’s why discernement is so important.)

But sailor gave the other side (kind of the side I am tending to take - because it turns out that’s my story (the desert and the bitter journey to the promised land). If I’m wrong, I hope God directs you away from my ideas - that if it IS temptation you’re dealing with and the fight is a different one than I’ve been talking about, that He will direct you that way.

But, very important to discerning that issue is to have a good and holy priest who will listen and guide you. just a thought…You remain in my prayers.

 

[Shin]

It can be difficult to work on changing our feelings and wills. But that is the call of conversion that is for us.

We must truly become people who always love God. . Feelings do not always obey though we must not give up work. . neither be immoderate and strain ourselves to harm. .

The will though, that we have truly and always. With it we can face huge barriers and go against our own wills for the sake of God and defeat the enemy.

It is ours. Like little children we begin by praying for the grace to properly begin. They we pray for the grace to make the step. They we make the step thinking of God, using our will and all that we need for the purpose. Then we give thanks after the step, whatever has happened. There is a lesson in it.

Adoration is wonderful. Fridays are great days for it. Weekends when there is no chapel, the churches are often open, and weekdays too. We can sit before the tabernacle and pray and think.

‘St. Catherine of Bologna, when she wished to obtain any grace, had recourse to the souls in Purgatory, and her prayers were heard immediately. She declared that, by praying to those holy souls she obtained many favors which she had sought through the intercession of the saints without obtaining them. The graces which devout persons are said to have received through the holy souls are innumerable.’

St. Alphonsus Maria de Liguori

 

[alacoque]

Thank you all for your replies.

Tonight I attended my first meeting as part of the prison ministry which I mentioned on page 1, and I saw true loneliness and compared it against the blatant self-love and narcissism which I am experiencing. It is evident what I must do, though this “loneliness” may persist for sometime.

I hope this thread continues to serve some purpose for anyone else out there who may be reading and may be lonely.

Yesssssssssss! Good for you. It’s a beginning…and bound to have it’s ups and downs also…but remember God and the times you asked Him for just something like this (not prison ministry, per se, but a ‘way out’)…remember the times you prayed for His saving help. He hears. He answers. Most of all, He loves…YOU!!

 

[Sailor_Kenshin]

The whole question of suffering has been driving me nuts. I’ve been told, ‘God loves you, therefore he wants you to suffer;’ I’ve been told that it’s actually sinful NOT to seek suffering and a martyr’s death (duz not want!)

I don’t know which end is up by now.

Hey Sailor (shees - sounds like a bad 40’s movie - )

It’s me again - and I just read another post of yours about the darkness of suffering / loneliness / just ‘gettin through’…and all that.

I’m so sorry about your suffering and neither I nor anyone else can explain it or say why it is. You are wise in your suffering - it comes through - though I don’t suppose that’s necessarily a great comfort or anything.

But, it’s rare for people who are suffering greatly to still have a compass and keep a heading (to keep the maritime thing going, I’ll add that the sea can get very, very black and wicked, and no shore ever appears.)

I don’t know why or how or when or anything at all…except I DO know THIS: God is with us in this…He is especially with us in the really horrendous, unbearable suffering in our lives. He suffered it Himself in Gethsemani…and I mean He suffered ‘it’…YOUR darkness (and mine, and everyone’s). Not in some general, metaphorical, spiritual sense. He suffered OUR pain - and again as He cried out in abandonment on the cross…He cried OUR cry, yours and mine…so we would always know, deep, deep in our hearts, that there is no blackness in our souls that He did not feel and suffer. There is no place we can go, in our darkest moments (and, yeah, our very real feeling of God being gone!! from us) that He did not suffer already. It’s a comfort to know that in the helpless, endless cycle of despair that assails us all too often, our Savior is there with us…that He suffered what He did, that He cried out - and CRIED! - so that we would always know we were never alone.

If we only knew how much He loves us!!! :console:

Some days are just ‘going forward’ - putting one foot in front of the other - plodding…and then, others are walking slowly and painfully (but with purpose) behind Him on a dustry road as He stumbles on the way, with His cross. Both are suffering…but the way of the Cross is a companionship. He suffered and died for us, out of love - and out of love, we remain with Him, while He suffers - and when we suffer, too, it’s with Him! What a blessing it is to be able to comfort the heart of God !!

God bless you…and your angel guardians watch over you!

Thank you. I saw my pastor this week and he cleared up a lot of things for me—and I’ve experienced a few new insights, and a bit of a lift! I’ll take it in any form I can get it.

And I love bad 40s movies.

 

[ready]

…and it’s seriously affecting my relationship with God.

Sorry to hear that, Epistemes. My recommendation to you is that you try to go to Mass daily, attend to spiritual reading daily and go to adoration as frequently as possible - even daily if you can - working on your relationship with the Lord, the most satisfying relationship you could ever have. You’ll even meet people at church who will be become your spiritual friends.

 

[alacoque]

Thank you. I saw my pastor this week and he cleared up a lot of things for me—and I’ve experienced a few new insights, and a bit of a lift! I’ll take it in any form I can get it.

Yup, I know how that one goes, too…and, boy, it IS a relief to have those insights…insights are good! I get some time w/my spiritual director, go to confession, then let it all percolate for a little and, eureka! - light…Truth…and another bit of progress. You’re wise to take it how/when/where you can get it…there’s no other way. Ya can’t tell God it’s a bad time right now for the truth to set us free…or that you’re not really into the mode of things. Ya do that, ya ain’t suffering! Hang in there…sometimes it just takes time - and time can hurt - but that’s all it can do (i.e. hurt)…and we’ve been through that before, right? Good & holy priests are as invaluable as they are hard to find! (no offense intended to any priests who may be reading the fora!)

And I love bad 40s movies.

**hmmmm…welllllll, alrighty then! (Ace Ventura)
**

you’re a very special child of God!

 

[Halos1n2Horns]

I also get lonely, I have a specially challenged young adult, who can’t walk or talk., or understand what it means to be lonely, I have my church and most keep me busy, but when i am off to myself, I also get lonely. So when I pray in ams or when i am down and out I pray this Prayer

In every need let me come to you with humble trust, saying Jesus , help me!
In all my doubts, perplexities, and temptations, Jesus, help me!
In hours of loneliness, weariness and trials, Jesus , help me!
In the failure of my plans, and hopes; in disappointments, troubles and sorrows, Jesus, help me!
When others fail me, and Your grace alone can assist me, Jesus, help me!
When i throw myself on Your tender love as a Brother and Saviour, Jesus, help me!
When my heart is cast down by failure to see any good come from my efforts, Jesus, help me!
When i feel impatient, and my cross irritates me, Jesus, help me!
When i am ill, and my head and hands cannot work and I am lonely, Jesus, help me!
Always , always, in spite of weakness, falls, and shortcomings of every kind, Jesus Help me and never forsake me!

I do this prayer daily and it helps me alot, Then i put my ruthless trust in Christ and let him do the rest cause hes the only one who knows what i need for that day.

Hope this helps, I will pray a rosary for you for your loneliness, and May God’s loving arm hold and keep you close to him.

Halos

 

[Sailor_Kenshin]

Wonderful prayer. Thanks.

 

[ConservativeOne]

Loneliness comes in bouts – frequent bouts…but bouts nonetheless. There are moments of reprieve.

Some of you have said “get involved,” some have some “help others,” and some say that I need to develop my prayer life…and I fully agree. I try – seriously, I do – but the loneliness I feel can be so overwhelming at times. I try to offer up my sufferings, I try to reflect on the loneliness experienced by our Lord, I try reflecting on the even more severe loneliness of others, but sometimes it’s to little avail.

In all honesty, it’s selfish for me to constantly come here and complain about my loneliness because there’s little you all can do for me but type words of encouragement. It’s the people I live with, the people I work with, the people who I call “friend” that I feel isolated from. Maybe I even feel isolated from God and myself…I don’t know.
,

Maybe if I believed that someone cared and loved me I would stop giving in to fantasies where I am loved and appreciated by my complete opposite.

Dear Epistemes:

There is nothing selfish in coming to friends - or fellow sufferers - for consolation, advice and a shoulder to lean on. I know. In recent days, a number of circumstances have brought me not only to “losing it” - but now losing my last friends, as a result.

I am now alone without the few friends I had - abd without the TV that was my constant companion. I can’t, myself, get involved in other activities, etc., as you have been advised - so as not to be lonely. I’d been given similar advice. I tell myself that now is the time to pray, etc. But emotionally I can only turn to God with tears and informal prayers rather than formal ones. I never felt so isolated, so I understand in a way. But I know God is watching over me. I just don’t understand why this is happening - His Will or my fault?

We all want to be loved and understood and for things to go the right way. But there’s no need to fantasize. You’re offering up your sufferings - and that’s a fine thing to do. Even I forget to do that. Just keep coming here to discuss your concerns. Many are willing to listen and help. Who knows where God’s Answer will manifest itself?
God and Our Lady bless you.

 

[Sailor_Kenshin]

I am now alone without the few friends I had - abd without the TV that was my constant companion. I can’t, myself, get involved in other activities, etc., as you have been advised - so as not to be lonely. I’d been given similar advice. I tell myself that now is the time to pray, etc. But emotionally I can only turn to God with tears and informal prayers rather than formal ones. I never felt so isolated, so I understand in a way. But I know God is watching over me. I just don’t understand why this is happening - His Will or my fault?

That’s a completely legitimate way to approach God. He will take us as we are, not when we become perfect.



Have you tried IM?

 

[tbcrawford]

Hello ConservativeOne
im sad that you are isolated & i will keep you in my prayers as i do Sailor kenshin & Epistemes.Sailor is right God accepts us as we are.
I went through several times of depression/isolation/loneliness and anxiety/panic attacks in my life.For me usually due to a tragic event.I wont go into details.
All i can say is right now in my life i have never been more grateful to have God in my life.
He has answered prayers for me which i truly dont deserve.I have not been a good person all my life, i have committed terrible sins against God yet He is there for me.
I wish i could offer you more just know i care & am praying for you and all people who feel this way.
God Bless

 

[KrazyKaiju]

Well, I guess I’m not the only one then.

I’m sort of a Christian philosopher who is looking for a girl who wants to use proper reason and proper faith to get closer to God. If she is on that common quest for truth, I’m happy. For me, opposites just don’t attract…

…and I don’t think that helps my odds. Trying to find that right girl has been rather difficult. I may encounter eligible bachelorettes every day, but how can I tell? Most of the conversations I hear are about last night’s party, tomorrow’s exam, or some gossipy friend. It’s also difficult to just spontaneous go out and “make friends”. It’s not something that’s done overnight like some video game. I’ve found that it’s hard to find the right one without some extra effort, but it’s hard to know just what that extra effort is.

After a while, you may get that “alone in the universe” feeling. You feel like you want to reach out but don’t quite know how. In fact, it seems that every time you try, your efforts are thwarted. You’re left with this awkward sensation; trying seems to only result in failure

I feel your pain. Unfortunately, I haven’t solved the problem yet, so I don’t think I’m in a good position to give advice. But I could try!

Don’ts:

**1) ** Don’t go to the media for solace. There’s ALOT OF JUNK on TV that is too shallow to offer you anything. Cheesy dramas, MTV’s College Life…you name it! TV can screw with your head in many ways. I don’t watch it at all.
2) Don’t go to Myspace/Facebook/Twitter for your solutions. I got on the Myspace bandwagon for socialization/peer pressure reasons. It was addicting, and nothing came out of it anyway. The Myspace life became an awkward, desperate grasp for new friendship, but I think I destroyed potential ones. Go me…
3) Don’t do AIM…or chat rooms. It’ll start getting you to treat people like text boxes or (name removed by moderator)ut-output devices. Myspace had similar consequences. People say some really weird things online, and half of it is because there’s no eye contact - just a text box. I’ve gotten into some pretty awkward situations by just sitting in front of the computer all day. I regret every one of them.
(Staring at a screen for too long screws with your head. It has something to do with blue light and stress.)
**4) Don’t be so intent on making human relationships. ** You can’t control free will. You can only do so much. Some people are fickle, and some do stupid things. Some are emotional, some are gossipy. Some are flip-flops, and some are self-centered. Human nature is so diverse, and I’ve found that my previous “scrambles” for friendships and relationships led me to really weird places and gave me really weird experiences. I’ve learned not to put too much trust in anyone. I’m out for my own physical and spiritual well-being, but I’m also out for doing what’s right. Minimize your dependencies, but God should always be one of them.

Do:
**1) Get physically active. ** Seriously, it helps get out all of those awkward emotional strains and toxins. It promotes clearer thinking!
2) Center your life around good, truth, and God. It’ll give you a better understanding about life, hardship, and compassion.
3) Get involved in certain groups that share similar views. (This is one of the toughest ones.)
4) LET FRIENDSHIP COME FIRST. If you build a relationship w/someone you’re attracted to, just let it come in itty-bitty pieces. Just let friendship come first. I find that the less I focus on intimate relationships, the more I am able to socialize. If it were up to me, I’d get rid of my sexual-attraction-drive. Things are much easier that way.
5) When the time comes, do the right thing. DON’T SCREW UP LIKE I DID! Perhaps I focused too much on #4 and I saw some other girl’s attraction as a nuisance. I crushed her…BADLY. We were good friends…then I screwed up. Looking back on it now, I think she was one of the only people remotely close to what I wanted. That wasn’t a good day for either of us…
6) Pray for knowledge and understanding. Keep in mind that God gave people free will and can only do so much without violating that.

Sorry if I threw alot out at once. I didn’t really put much time into revising what I said. If there’s any questions, just shoot it at the boards, and I’ll get back to you. God bless, and good luck!

 

[learningtheway]

…and it’s seriously affecting my relationship with God.

I’ll pray for you and if ever wanna chat feel free to send a PM my way.

 

[StarMaiden]

I hold you in my prayers and thoughts my friend

 

[cdanison]

I agree that focusing on helping others is a good way to overcome your lonliness. Working with RCIA is very rewarding, but it isn’t in session at this time of the year. Have you thought about becoming an EMHC? I am an EMHC who does In-Home Communion. I have met such wonderful people, and I can take them out of ther loneliness for short periods of time. It gives them something to look forward to on Sunday mornings.

Are there Bible studies going on in your church? Leaders need facillitators for groups involved in the studies. Our churches are really made better by their volunteers. I will be praying for you!

A tidbit about a CAF which might be fun and interesting for you - join the Forum Scrabble #2 on line. It is a fun way to meet other CAF posters.

Connie