I'm in a struggle

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twk001

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Here I am yet again with a teriffic struggle on my shoulders. DH and I were married 8 yrs ago and have since then attended a number of catholic churches (moving, etc.). Now DD is attending a catholic school. I just don’t seem to be getting what I need. I know there are other spots i could post, but you all always give me good answers when i post.

DH and I are really into contemporary christian music, and this may have something to do with it. we just don’t seem to be getting a lot out of mass and feel sort of disappointed after. we haven’t been going to mass for a while because of this.

i am struggling with remaining in the faith. i can list the reasons to stay, but i can also list reasons to not. i would love a more contemporary type service, and can’t find it. the lutheran church across the street has a contemporary service and it totally rocks. they also have potlucks, bible study, handbell choir, men’s chorus, all sorts of things that frankly, not one of the catholic churches in our town has, and DH and i want them. is there anything wrong with attending once in a while?

i don’t want to confuse DD, but feel like maybe i’m missing out on something here.

can somebody give me some advice? thanks-twk
 
The Catholic Church has Jesus in the Eucharist. The Lutheran church doesn’t. You are missing out big time on graces by not going to Mass. The music isn’t want you ‘need’ it’s what you want. JESUS is what you NEED. That being said, you are certainly free to check out different Masses and Mass times in your area, to see if one has music you like, but stick to the Catholic ones. Receiving Jesus’ Body and Blood each week will make up for the lack of potlucks and hand bells.
 
It’s kind of weird, the timing of your question because our pastor just delivered his homily on this subject yesterday and it’s still fresh in my prego brains.

Yesterday was the 3rd Sunday of Advent. Gaudete Sunday. A chance to glimpse at the joy we can expect when we celebrate the birth of Christ.

He went into a long dissertation as to why Christian hope and Christian joy are one in the same. It’s all wrapped up in Christ. Christ is our hope. Christ is our joy. Christ centered worship should be the reason for all that we do.

That being said, where else can you find what we have? Other denominations don’t have the fullness of faith that we have. They don’t have the True Presence of Christ that we have. They substitute Sacraments for Entertainment. We receive the fullness of Christ’s body, blood, soul, and divinity in the Holy Eucharist. They receive about 30 minutes of music to dance around to.

Scott Hahn has a great book on the Mass I think it’s called The Lamb’s Supper or something like that. He wonderfully explains that the Mass we celebrate here on earth is but a pale representation of the paschal celebration that we’ll have in Heaven.
amazon.com/Lambs-Supper-Mass-Heaven-Earth/dp/0385496591/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1229359048&sr=8-2

I’m sorry that you’re having a hard time and struggling, but really going to Mass isn’t about us. It’s about God. Offer it up as an Advent sacrifice and try to see it in a new light.
 
Pumpkinbeast hit the nail on the head in talking about the Eucharist. Christ’s real presence at Mass is what should attract us every Sunday; everything else pales in importance compared to the great Sacrament we are able to participate in!

However, I do understand how hard it can be to keep going to a church where you just aren’t *feeling *the graces of the Sacraments, aren’t feeling involved or moved by the beauty of the faith. Perhaps this is something to talk to the pastor about, to see if maybe one of the ministries you see doing well at the Lutheran church across the street might be something you could do as well. There’s no reason Catholics can’t have potlucks and Bible studies and men’s or women’s groups! 🙂

Maybe this is a call from God for you to become more involved in your parish community, to try to reinvigorate your own faith life and that of the other parishioners. I’m sure you’re not alone in your feelings!
 
I guess I’m not quite sure what to say, and I’m sorry if this will come across as harsh.

It seems like you are looking for the “fluff” in a church. The music and the socializing. That isn’t the main idea behind being Catholic at all! The reason we go to mass is to be present with our Lord, and to receive the gift of him through the Eucharist. That is SO POWERFUL! And that is the core of being Catholic. It is taking part in the mystery of the mass!

Before you decide to switch faiths simply because of the church service, I suggest you talk to a priest…if there is one you think will be understanding and be able to help you. Maybe it would be beneficial to have a review of catechism to help you understand the meaning behind the mass so that it would have more meaning for you when you are there (so you could get more out of it).

Also if you like to read I highly recommend Scott Hahn’s books!!! He was a protestant who converted to Catholicism, so he explains his “revelations” to the faith in those books, and it is quite awesome to read his experience.

Also do not feel guilty for going through a time of “spiritual dryness”…that happens to everyone from time to time (I am certainly not perfect myself!) That being said, I suggest going to confession (because of missed Sundays) and talking to a trusted priest.

You will be in my prayers, and I hope you find the answers you are seeking 🙂
 
Another good idea…How about the books Mass Confusion and Mass Appeal if Scott Hahn’s book looks a little too intimidating? If you don’t know why or what of the Mass, or need a review of the why and what, these are very good books.

Just remember- The Lutheran church, or any other church, can have a hot rocking band, fabulous sound system and a cafe for lattes with fellowship after services. They don’t have the Mass, and they don’t have Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament.

How’s the side business going BTW?
 
I’ve met many converts who cannot find the activities they were used to at the protestant places - one challange is knowing how to LOOK for them.

In protestant-land, they find YOU - it is very much of a push of information.

In the average Catholic Parish, it is pull - you must go and seek out groups. Once converts find the places to look, most are overwhelmed at the amount of opportunities for fellowship, service and study that are available.

If you would be comfortable letting us know your state or Diocese, we could start looking for you 🙂
 
twk001 said:
Here I am yet again with a teriffic struggle on my shoulders. DH and I were married 8 yrs ago and have since then attended a number of catholic churches (moving, etc.). Now DD is attending a catholic school. I just don’t seem to be getting what I need. I know there are other spots i could post, but you all always give me good answers when i post.

DH and I are really into contemporary christian music, and this may have something to do with it. we just don’t seem to be getting a lot out of mass and feel sort of disappointed after. we haven’t been going to mass for a while because of this.

i am struggling with remaining in the faith. i can list the reasons to stay, but i can also list reasons to not. i would love a more contemporary type service, and can’t find it. the lutheran church across the street has a contemporary service and it totally rocks. they also have potlucks, bible study, handbell choir, men’s chorus, all sorts of things that frankly, not one of the catholic churches in our town has, and DH and i want them. is there anything wrong with attending once in a while?

i don’t want to confuse DD, but feel like maybe i’m missing out on something here.

can somebody give me some advice? thanks-twk
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My advice? Don’t turn your back on the true faith and the Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist so that for one hour per week you can go to a church that doesn’t offer the Eucharist just to hear the same music you can hear on your local Christian radio station. It’s not a worthwhile trade.

Besides, there ARE Catholic churches out there that offer what your local Lutheran church does. Mine is one such church- and we would have none of those things if someone hadn’t stepped up to the plate and started them. What’s stopping you? Perhaps staying in one church long enough to get to know people and be accustomed to the parish community would be a good thing for both you and your daughter.
 
It never ceases to amaze me the number of people who post here about how they want to leave the Church or have stopped going because of the cosmetics of the service. Do you know at most daily Masses there is no music at all? It’s the most spare, bare-bones thing you can imagine, and yet Jesus Christ Himself is present on the altar at every single one. He offers His Body and Blood for us to eat and drink, to pour out grace none of us can imagine on each of us.

Do you think that early Christians, meeting in each other’s homes, had fancy music or worried about whether their service would appeal to artistic sensibilities? (All the earliest Christian churches, were, of course, Catholic.) I doubt most early Masses had any music at all. And yet, people risked their lives every day to be Christians, to evangelize, and to become Christians. Why would that have been? Because they knew they had the truth, and they had something worth giving up everything else for… the Eucharist.

If you leave the Catholic Church, then do so because you disagree with its doctrines and teaching. Do so because you disagree with its claims to authority and Apostolic succession. Don’t leave it, in favor of a church with radically different teachings and structure, over something as shallow and unnecessary as the quality of music. That’s like throwing away shoes that fit well for a pair that hurt because you like the color better!

As for fellowship, it seems unfortunately common for Catholics to complain about this while waiting around for other people to do all the work to set up events or programs. First of all, I bet there are ministries and programs at your parish that need volunteers right now. And second, if you want something specific to happen, why not approach your pastor or parish coordinator and ask how you can make it happen? Fellowship happens when you offer yourself to your Christian community, not to be entertained, but to truly become part of the community.

An aside about Catholic music… seems to me you’re being very narrow about music preference. If you took the time to listen to the Mass settings, you would hear the beauty and flow of that music, much of which is very old and speaks to us of our history. You would also hear how they change with the seasons of the Church year, which speaks to us of our traditions. Just because it doesn’t sound “contemporary” doesn’t mean you should dismiss it out of hand. When you go to the theater or ballet, do you complain that the music is not your taste? Or do you respect the production as a unified whole, seeing how the music sets the mood and supports the story? If you can do that, then why can’t you give the Church, an infinitely more important institution, at least that small bit of respect?
 
I had to speak with my husband after praying on whether to respond. And my husband just made a comment that struck me. At a certain point in life you get to an age where you stop hanging out with people based on the music they listen to.

I love Christian Rock - POD, Anberlin, and Reliant K are my some of my favorites in the Christian music scene. David Kauffman is my favorite Catholic artist, right now and I can name a number of heavy metal secular artists that I enjoy. But even though I love music and I love to sing, I find that music can be highly distracting and especially during mass.

My husband and I have bounced from Catholic Church to Catholic Church to Catholic Church during the 14 years we have been married. We were looking for that Catholic Church that “fulfilled” OUR needs. But never looking outside of the Church - to us that was almost like having an affair. But after years of being selfish we found and mostly me… I found that it wasn’t about my needs per say but what I needed to give to God and that is my attention, my love and in return he gives me so much especially his only son. I know… I know I am rambling… Maybe what you need is to be humbled. Find a church that truly needs your help. I found a church that humbles me it is in a poor community but rich in history and in love. Get involved. Take an RCIA class or become a Catechist. Trust me nothing is more humbling that having to explain the faith to youngsters* (I happen to have 15 to 18 y/o in my class)* 😊

But don’t give up the Eucharist for something like Potluck or Music.

When you really think about it Jesus or Potluck?
 
twk001 said:
Here I am yet again with a teriffic struggle on my shoulders. DH and I were married 8 yrs ago and have since then attended a number of catholic churches (moving, etc.). Now DD is attending a catholic school. I just don’t seem to be getting what I need. I know there are other spots i could post, but you all always give me good answers when i post.

DH and I are really into contemporary christian music, and this may have something to do with it. we just don’t seem to be getting a lot out of mass and feel sort of disappointed after. we haven’t been going to mass for a while because of this.

i am struggling with remaining in the faith. i can list the reasons to stay, but i can also list reasons to not. i would love a more contemporary type service, and can’t find it. the lutheran church across the street has a contemporary service and it totally rocks. they also have potlucks, bible study, handbell choir, men’s chorus, all sorts of things that frankly, not one of the catholic churches in our town has, and DH and i want them. is there anything wrong with attending once in a while?

i don’t want to confuse DD, but feel like maybe i’m missing out on something here.

can somebody give me some advice? thanks-twk
Click to expand...
Have you checked out the Lifeteen masses? The music and energy is much more vibrant than more Catholic traditional services, since young people tend to be naturally energetic and more vibrant. The city I live in has such a service in one of the other parishes, which I occasionally take my kids to because their number one complaint is that church is boring.

I remember thinking the same thing when I was their age, until my parish started something simliar to Lifeteen. It worked because it got the younger generation into the church.

I don’t understand people who insist the music has to be traditional, because really, music changes over time. I don’t think we’re singing and playing the same instruments that folks in the very early church did, since there were no such things as organs and gregorian chants way back when.
 
I would say really just pray for the grace to see the Mass as it is: God’s design for how He wants to be worshipped. It is a sacrifice! You are there to offer the perfect offering to God, His own Son. Remember that Christ dying for us on Calvary is the what opens the door for salvation for us. The Mass is the continuation of that sacrifice! Calvary was not about the music or the potlucks!!! Remember it is not about what you get out of it, it is about what you give! For instance, as in your marriage, you don’t look to recieve, you look to give.
That being said, do get involved in the Church! Many parishes have great activities! If they don’t, maybe it is something that you can help start! The Church is always in need of more volunteers! Maybe that is God’s call to you!
 
I am currently in a Methodist church where we do sing the contemporary Christian songs, we get the emotions high and I am running home to Rome.

The Mass is Christ. Whether or not the homily makes you laugh or cry. Whether or not the music rocks or bores you. You do not need to get “psyched” up to “get something” from the mass, it is always right there. Everything you need!

As one of my favorite 20th Century theologians once said:

“You can’t always get what you want … but you get what you need” - M. Jagger
 
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