I'm in spiritual anguish

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Fox

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I’m spiritually beat down and I’m wounded. I’m married civilly to my wife. She was previously civilly married but civilly divorced. The Church wants her to get an annullment for this previous marriage before we can be married in the CC. We are doing the paperwork. She doesn’t understand it (she is episcopal). The priest imposed on me no communion or confession. So I’m excommunicated.

What if the annullment doesn’t get approved? Is the Church telling me that I have to break up my family, get another divorce/annullment, find another person and get married to them so I can receive communion/confession again? If I don’t then I can’t take communion nor confession for the rest of my life because of this? I’m faithful to my wife and love her dearly and I wouldn’t put her nor my children through pain for a principle.

It has been almost two years since I’ve had communion or confession and it is wearing me down now, so much so I broke down in church today. I can’t even get strength that confession affords and I’m slowly going down hill now. I’m beginning to question why I’m putting myself through this. Communion/confession are two things that sets us apart than other denominations so what benefit do I get for going to Mass anymore, why not just go to another church fo that matter to get that communal worship? I’m not getting anything out of coming to Mass anymore.
 
Annulments are granted, I believe, to the former Sacrament of Marriage. It doesn’t sound like you have a Sacramental marriage, only a civil one. So I am confused on what you are annulling? The church doesn’t annul a civil marriage.

I would get a “second opinion” and suggest this post gets moved to the proper forum.
 
Fox said:
I’m spiritually beat down and I’m wounded. I’m married civilly to my wife. She was previously civilly married but civilly divorced. The Church wants her to get an annullment for this previous marriage before we can be married in the CC. We are doing the paperwork. She doesn’t understand it (she is episcopal). The priest imposed on me no communion or confession. So I’m excommunicated.

What if the annullment doesn’t get approved? Is the Church telling me that I have to break up my family, get another divorce/annullment, find another person and get married to them so I can receive communion/confession again? If I don’t then I can’t take communion nor confession for the rest of my life because of this? I’m faithful to my wife and love her dearly and I wouldn’t put her nor my children through pain for a principle.

It has been almost two years since I’ve had communion or confession and it is wearing me down now, so much so I broke down in church today. I can’t even get strength that confession affords and I’m slowly going down hill now. I’m beginning to question why I’m putting myself through this. Communion/confession are two things that sets us apart than other denominations so what benefit do I get for going to Mass anymore, why not just go to another church fo that matter to get that communal worship? I’m not getting anything out of coming to Mass anymore.
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You are going through the right steps, now you are thinking on the future, if this if that. Better wait, no? I guess Protestant Divorce or anulment is easy, no?

God is great, so, dont brek down!!!
 
I am not sure about annulment laws but I will pray for you. Remember that all suffering can work out for good. I believe that God wants you to stay in His Church, even if it is a difficult road to receiving the sacraments again. May God comfort you at this hard time.
 
Fox said:
Communion/confession are two things that sets us apart than other denominations so what benefit do I get for going to Mass anymore, why not just go to another church fo that matter to get that communal worship? I’m not getting anything out of coming to Mass anymore.
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I will pray for you Brother, but if I may say so what sets apart from other ‘churches’ is that the Catholic Church is the One true Church of Christ, surely you believe that? In that case the point of not going to other churches is that they do not have the fullness of the truth or in some cases any of it.

Regarding you not being able to receive communion, have you considered doing spiritual communion? Theres an article on it here

If you believe that the priest may be mistaken, speak to the bishop or perhaps another priest first to see if you have a case, I do not know enough about such matters to venture an opinion.
 
Fox said:
The priest imposed on me no …] confession.
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I think the priest meant that you cannot be absolved, but you can still talk to a priest. If you are in danger of walking away, you need to talk to someone.

The Mass is still the highest form of worship. You are still baptized. You still take part in and benefit from all of the prayers.

Maybe you should read a book more about the Mass and sacramental marriage so that you can see the great reward that awaits you at the end of this hard journey.

No suffering is wasted, especially this suffering to come to Jesus again.
 
Fox said:
I’m spiritually beat down and I’m wounded. I’m married civilly to my wife. She was previously civilly married but civilly divorced. The Church wants her to get an annullment for this previous marriage before we can be married in the CC. We are doing the paperwork. She doesn’t understand it (she is episcopal). The priest imposed on me no communion or confession. So I’m excommunicated.

to another church fo that matter to get that communal worship? I’m not getting anything out of coming to Mass anymore.
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This should be posted in the ask an apologist, I think they would give you better advice. Or maybe try PMing Father Serpa. I don’t think you are excommunicated and you could agree to live together as brother and sister until the annulment is granted and you are married in the church. That would allow you to receive the sacraments again. Talk to your priest let him know of your distress. If you left the church you still would not be able to receive the sacraments anyway. I will pray for you.
 
Please pray for me. Yes, my wife’s civil previous marriage needs to be annulled by the Church, she is civilly divorced. They weren’t married in any type of church.

I need absolution from my sins that confession grants, it is weighing heavily on my pysche. I have no outlet now.
 
Fox said:
Please pray for me. Yes, my wife’s civil previous marriage needs to be annulled by the Church, she is civilly divorced. They weren’t married in any type of church.

I need absolution from my sins that confession grants, it is weighing heavily on my pysche. I have no outlet now.
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Take heart . You are not excommunicated.

Consider living as brother and sister or to actually separate for the time it takes to get the judgement back from the tribunal. You may be able to receive the sacraments if you do that. Ask your priest. Of course this means you cannot participate in marital relations with your civil partner. Do you have children together?

Why did you get married civilly? Did you consider the ramifications?
 
I have two children with her, 2 and a 3 year old. I wasn’t aware of the fact she needed an anullment since she isn’t Catholic. I love her very much and married for that reason, she was also pregnant and she needed to be on my insurance for herself and the baby at the time (check ups, doctor, etc.)
 
Fox said:
I have two children with her, 2 and a 3 year old. I wasn’t aware of the fact she needed an anullment since she isn’t Catholic. I love her very much and married for that reason, she was also pregnant and she needed to be on my insurance for herself and the baby at the time (check ups, doctor, etc.)
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Hello Fox,

My heart goes out to you and the anguish you are suffering right now. Please talk to your Priest about this (how not being permitted the Sacrament of Reconcilation is causing you anguish). You can still go up for a blessing during Communion.

The process of nullility shouldn’t take more than a year – so please don’t loose heart. Because it is a matter involving legalities, every avenue must be searched and processed so that there will be no impediment to your receiving the Sacrament of Marriage later on. It will be worth the wait.

You are in my prayers. God bless you and your family.
CEM
 
I’m soo sorry! 😦 I feel you need to talk to the priest more about this—maybe tell him how your are feeling? If you can’t talk to the one at your parish church than find another priest at another location that you feel comfortable talking to. Please do not give up as I am sure there is a way that this will all work out for you! 🙂 In the meantime, I will be praying for you–and remember that God loves you and nothing is impossible with God. So it will work out!
Fox said:
I’m spiritually beat down and I’m wounded. I’m married civilly to my wife. She was previously civilly married but civilly divorced. The Church wants her to get an annullment for this previous marriage before we can be married in the CC. We are doing the paperwork. She doesn’t understand it (she is episcopal). The priest imposed on me no communion or confession. So I’m excommunicated.

What if the annullment doesn’t get approved? Is the Church telling me that I have to break up my family, get another divorce/annullment, find another person and get married to them so I can receive communion/confession again? If I don’t then I can’t take communion nor confession for the rest of my life because of this? I’m faithful to my wife and love her dearly and I wouldn’t put her nor my children through pain for a principle.

It has been almost two years since I’ve had communion or confession and it is wearing me down now, so much so I broke down in church today. I can’t even get strength that confession affords and I’m slowly going down hill now. I’m beginning to question why I’m putting myself through this. Communion/confession are two things that sets us apart than other denominations so what benefit do I get for going to Mass anymore, why not just go to another church fo that matter to get that communal worship? I’m not getting anything out of coming to Mass anymore.
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giuseppeTO said:
Annulments are granted, I believe, to the former Sacrament of Marriage. It doesn’t sound like you have a Sacramental marriage, only a civil one. So I am confused on what you are annulling? The church doesn’t annul a civil marriage.

I would get a “second opinion” and suggest this post gets moved to the proper forum.
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A marriage does not have to be sacramental to be valid and binding until death. For example, two Jewish people marry. The marriage is not a sacrament. However, it is valid and binding until death as long as there was no impediment for validity

The Church always acts in defense of the bond, regardless of where one is married.

A decree of nullity means that the marriage never existed, because it was invalid.

Obviously, if an apparent marriage is invalid, it can’t be a sacrament.

What the Church looks for is validity, not sacramentality, since we can have valid marriages that are not a sacrament, such as between two Jewish people.

I AM NOT A CANON LAWYER nor an expert on law. The advice to ask this question in Ask An Apologist (AAA) is a good one. You may also find a canon lawyer in your diocese and ask him. Seminaries always have Canon Law professors, because all of us take a basic course in law.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF 🙂
 
I’m sorry to hear of the difficulty you’re having with your wife’s annullment. It appears that this situation has also raised questions about your faith, so basically there are two issues that you’re dealing with.

As far as the annullment goes–if you check the statistics you’ll find that many, many Catholics have gone through the annullment process and that many, many Catholics have had their annullments granted. By faith, just get the necessary paperwork going and submit it to the Church as soon as possible. Pray to God to bless your request and then continue on with your life and leave the rest to God. If for some reason, the annullment does not go through or is taking too long, don’t give up (keep the faith). If you stay on top of this matter, you will begin to see real faith in action–if you believe that your wife’s first marriage was invalid, stand behind that belief until you get what you want.

You feel as if the Church has abandoned you, but know that God has not abandoned you. Whether you are denied the sacraments of confession or communion, you can still repent to God when you fall from grace and still receive Jesus in communion spiritually. Please don’t let these barriers stop you from having a relationship with God. In faith, start the ball rolling by moving on the annullment papers. Then pray to God to help expedite the process, and to remove any red tape you may encounter and sit back and watch in awe and wonder as you begin to see God’s miraculous powers unfold.

As you undergo this trial, know that God is there-- waiting for you to call upon HIm. He hears (especially) the anguished cry of the heart–you just need to turn to Him first when the annullment process becomes too much or when you feel your faith is being compromised. I urge you to read the bible (if you’re not already) because you will find His real presence in the Word as well. He says if we seek Him–we will find Him. Just be ready when He comes knocking at your door.

God Bless
 
Fox said:
I have two children with her, 2 and a 3 year old. I wasn’t aware of the fact she needed an anullment since she isn’t Catholic. I love her very much and married for that reason, she was also pregnant and she needed to be on my insurance for herself and the baby at the time (check ups, doctor, etc.)
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Ok there are young children. You probably aren’t going to want to separate then. Ask the priest about sleeping separately and being able to return to the sacraments.
 
I am wondering if you have an adoration chapel nearby? If so, praying there would be a great way to unite yourself to our Lord’s Loving Presence. Also, make sure you talk alot about all of your concerns to our Lord directly, and ask Him to let you know that He is hearing you! He will!!! There is a group in CAF for people who are in your exact situation and it is under Divorce and Annulment. I think that would help alot. Another thing to help you during this transition period is to google Eucharistic Miracles. Whenever I get down and out, I think about these amazing miracles that God has given us to boost our faith. You will get so many graces just sitting in front of the Eucharist in adoration and you will feel so encouraged! God knows how hard you are trying! Keep focused on His Face and this difficult time will be over soon! I will pray for you and your family. By the way, make sure you also enjoy your beautiful children during their early years and don’t let this stuff interfere with that. God will take care of everything for you…He loves you and your family so much!!! I will be praying for you…
 
Thought you might like this story/prayer, it certainly comforted me in hard times-

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints.
Other times there were one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life
When I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to the Lord, “you promised me, Lord, that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one set of prints in the sand.
Why, when I have needed you most, you have not been there for me?”
The Lord replied,
“The times when you have seen only one set of footprints
are when I carried you.”
 
JReducation said:
A marriage does not have to be sacramental to be valid and binding until death. For example, two Jewish people marry. The marriage is not a sacrament. However, it is valid and binding until death as long as there was no impediment for validity

The Church always acts in defense of the bond, regardless of where one is married.

A decree of nullity means that the marriage never existed, because it was invalid.

Obviously, if an apparent marriage is invalid, it can’t be a sacrament.

What the Church looks for is validity, not sacramentality, since we can have valid marriages that are not a sacrament, such as between two Jewish people.

I AM NOT A CANON LAWYER nor an expert on law. The advice to ask this question in Ask An Apologist (AAA) is a good one. You may also find a canon lawyer in your diocese and ask him. Seminaries always have Canon Law professors, because all of us take a basic course in law.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF 🙂
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Br. JR, I believe that what you said above is incorrect. What the Church looks for is whether the marriage was a valid sacramental marriage. The OP was civilly married to a non-Catholic Christian who has been divorced. Since non-Catholic Christians are not bound to get married in their church, their civil marriage is considered valid by the Catholic Church. It must, therefore must go through the annulment process. It may, or may not be found to be a valid sacramental marriage. If this is the case, then the OP will have to face separating from his wife.

He is, however, not excommunicated. He cannot receive Communion because he is objectively living in a state of mortal sin. He cannot receive absolution in Confession, because, it seems that he is not prepared to separate from his wife, and also, the priest seems not to have approached the possibility of living as brother and sister. But, he is not excommunicated and is still under obligation to go to Mass every Sunday and Holyday.

Perhaps is was ignorant of the laws of the Catholic Church, but he needs to confront himself as to why he decided to commit the sin of going through a marriage ceremony outside the Church with someone who is, in the eyes of God and the Church, married to someone else. He should not blame the Church for his situation, but himself.

That may seem harsh, but it is the simple truth. Too often we blindly ignore reality and follow our romantic sentiments, which, unfortunately, lead us to problems that really mess up our lives.
 
I will not break up my family for a principle, THAT does more harm than good. Jesus would not treat me as an outcast so I really don’t know why the Church is, when they know full well I’m trying to rectify the situation. The priests seem unsympathetic or oblivious. God forgives me, why can’t the church? It isn’t that i’m not in the process or trying to make it straight, it isn’t out of spite.

My wife and unborn child needed my help and it would of been more of a sin to let them fend for themselves than to help. It wasn’t about me, it was about them, I wasn’t aware she would need an annulment for a civil marriage because i was under the impression that the church doesn’t recognise civil marriages as true marriages because it was a “worldly” union.
 
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