I'm just not liking my college

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scapularkid8

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I keep trying to convince myself that I’m happy here and I’m not. I tried telling my parents but they don’t seem to understand. I know they just want what is best for me, but it seems like it’s not worth it if I have to sacrifice happiness and inner peace just for an Undergraduate degree…

I’ve been having trouble making friends and the friends that I do usually hang out with are mad at me now for some very immature reasons. I just can’t seem to fit in here no matter how hard I try. I’m involved in clubs and religious organizations, but I just can’t find my niche, it just doesn’t feel right here. If God ordained this, shouldn’t it be just right? I know that if it were easy everyone would do it, but I just don’t know…I feel like I’m all alone even though I’m surrounded by people. I feel like I’m not supposed to be here. Is it possible that’s the Spirit moving me somewhere else?
 
scapularkid8 said:
I keep trying to convince myself that I’m happy here and I’m not. I tried telling my parents but they don’t seem to understand. I know they just want what is best for me, but it seems like it’s not worth it if I have to sacrifice happiness and inner peace just for an Undergraduate degree…

I’ve been having trouble making friends and the friends that I do usually hang out with are mad at me now for some very immature reasons. I just can’t seem to fit in here no matter how hard I try. I’m involved in clubs and religious organizations, but I just can’t find my niche, it just doesn’t feel right here. If God ordained this, shouldn’t it be just right? I know that if it were easy everyone would do it, but I just don’t know…I feel like I’m all alone even though I’m surrounded by people. I feel like I’m not supposed to be here. Is it possible that’s the Spirit moving me somewhere else?
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How long have you been at this school?
 
The first semester of my freshman year ends in like two weeks.
 
scapularkid8 said:
I keep trying to convince myself that I’m happy here and I’m not. I tried telling my parents but they don’t seem to understand. I know they just want what is best for me, but it seems like it’s not worth it if I have to sacrifice happiness and inner peace just for an Undergraduate degree…

I’ve been having trouble making friends and the friends that I do usually hang out with are mad at me now for some very immature reasons. I just can’t seem to fit in here no matter how hard I try. I’m involved in clubs and religious organizations, but I just can’t find my niche, it just doesn’t feel right here. If God ordained this, shouldn’t it be just right? I know that if it were easy everyone would do it, but I just don’t know…I feel like I’m all alone even though I’m surrounded by people. I feel like I’m not supposed to be here. Is it possible that’s the Spirit moving me somewhere else?
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Where are you attending? Could you perhaps join the Newman Center at your college or perhaps find a local parish to join?

Also what exactly is not making you happy about your choice?
 
Have you talked to a counselor. I don’t think that your feelings are unusual. And the counselor might probably have some suggestions for you.

Do you think that you could at least give it one more semester? How are your grades? Do you think switching majors would help?
 
Sorry just realized your in South Orange, NJ…do you attend Seton Hall by any chance?
 
I suggest looking into other places. Nothing wrong with transferring. I attended a college for two years and at the end of my sophomore year, I knew I had to leave. I was very unhappy. I didn’t know why. All I knew was I needed to get out. I prayed about it daily, and I knew I was being pulled from my college. I transfered and soon after made friends and began dating my best friend and soulmate. I know I made the right decision.

So, definitely pray pray pray! Be open to the idea of staying, and the idea of leaving, and seek God’s answer. It will come. Being in tune with your feelings I think is very important. Sometimes I believe its a way God can speak to us and get our attention.
 
scapularkid8 said:
The first semester of my freshman year ends in like two weeks.
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I would give it another semester then before I made too many judgments. That first semester can be pretty hard, there are lots of adjustments all happening at once. You are adjusting to a new place, city, people, school. There are new people, friends, professors, other people. And you are adjusting to not being at home with the people you have lived with for the past 18 years or so. And you are adjusting to being more of an adult having to make more decisions for yourself and be more responsible for them. That is a lot of change in just a couple of months! 😃

I remember feeling pretty similar to you my first semester, and I would bet if people were honest, most of the other people in your class would admit to those feelings at least on occasion. But for me, it got lots better. My second semester freshman year was actually one of my favorites! I think it was a combination of feeling a bit more settled in and having deeper relationships with friends and also not having super hard upper level classes yet which take up more time. 👍

So ya, I would try sticking it out another semester and see what you feel like then. Maybe God does want you somewhere else, I don’t know, but it may get better where you are at if you give it a bit more time. 😃
 
My first semester was the worst. Did you go home for Thanksgiving? I did, and that seemed to make things worse. I had always been at home for the winter holidays and preparations, and having to leave again between Thanksgiving and Christmas was rough- not to mention that I had awful roommates.

It was easier to go back for 2nd semester, and even better after I switched to a different room in the dorm. Those girls were a lot of fun and through them I met the girl who is still my best friend and honorary sister.

I ended up transferring for other reasons (namely I was fed up with my department and sick of the bureaucracy) but I’m so glad I stuck it out past the first semester.
 
I promised myself I would stay the whole year, and I’m sticking to that no matter what. Just for clarification.

Now to answer all the questions:

-We have FOCUS here which is like a Newman Center, but they’re not very active so I don’t get to meet many people through them.

I’m not happy about my choice because I don’t feel like this is where I’m supposed to be. Socially I feel retarded, which is a complete 180 degree change from high school. I was really outgoing, but now I’m just not.

-One thing about my grades is that they are, I think, just fine. Maybe even above average. I’m a good student so that’s not the issue. And I love my major but…there’s just something missing here. One of those “I can’t put my finger on it” things. I don’t feel “full” here if that makes any sense at all.

-Yes. I am at Seton Hall University.

-I did go home for Thanksgiving. But after I got back everything was fine. I was confident, ready to finish the semester, I was even hopeful for the outlook of my second semester…it just went downhill though.

I hope I’m not imagining all of this. I don’t think I am. I have had an exceptionally hard semester compared to most kids I’ve talked to here though. Yes everyone might be a little homesick, but for me it’s just one thing after the other that keeps going wrong and it seems like I’m not supposed to be here.
 
At this point if you’re really not happy, you should start looking into other possible schools for a transfer. If you do decide to leave, you’ll need to apply to other schools by April 15 (usually). If you change your mind after applying and decide to stay where you are, obviously you’re not bound to go to the other school.

When I finally got fed up enough with my department to want out, sending out the applications made me feel a lot better. It gave me something to look forward to and the rest of the year went much more smoothly.
 
SeekerJen said:
At this point if you’re really not happy, you should start looking into other possible schools for a transfer. If you do decide to leave, you’ll need to apply to other schools by April 15 (usually). If you change your mind after applying and decide to stay where you are, obviously you’re not bound to go to the other school.

When I finally got fed up enough with my department to want out, sending out the applications made me feel a lot better. It gave me something to look forward to and the rest of the year went much more smoothly.
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Also researching new schools and having the information to give your parents might make them more receptive towards the idea of you transferring.
 
Yes, I think it’s possible that the Holy Spirit may be trying to lead you somewhere else. The same thing happened to me. I just didn’t feel like I belonged there, at the university I was at my freshman year. I finished the year and then moved back home to live with my mom and transferred to a university close to home. I met my future husband at school shortly thereafter. I like your commitment to staying through the year. That’s a good idea and you’ll have given it a fair chance. Keep praying about it, especially the rosary, and the answer will be clear. Best wishes.
 
Do you not like living on campus? It seems to be the thought these days that the “college experience” is to live away from home. I don’t think that is necessarily the most important thing. Have you thought about a part time on campus job? That might help. Does the college offer Daily Mass? Maybe try attending Mass a few days a week if you can. The Holy Spirit has never let me down.
 
I was in your boat several years ago. I went to what I thought would be the school of my dreams, but early in my first semester there it just was not what I thought it would be and I wanted something else. I ended up transferring to a community college for the 2nd semester of my freshman year and then to a four-year university for my sophomore year.

Since you said that you would stick it out at your current school no matter what, I would try to make a list of things that you really want out of college (it could relate to academics, social events, school spirit, religious activities, etc.) and then look at schools that seem to have that. Not that it will be the same for everyone, but I started at a private university and ended up at state university and couldn’t be happier! One of the things that I did was talk to some of my professors about this during their office hours. They got to know me during the semester so I thought they could give me better advice than a counselor that didn’t really know me.

Use the spring semester to research new schools and, if possible, go on a few visits (most schools have designated tour dates where you can meet with advisors, representatives from the different majors, and get a tour of the campus). Hopefully once you’ve done your research and talk to your parents about how you feel, they will help you in your search for the right school for you.

Your college has to fit you… if it doesn’t, you might look back on it and think you wasted those great years. No one wants that! Good luck! 👍
 
I’ll echo Chrissy9120’s advice about making a list of what exactly you’re looking for from your undergraduate career; that’s a great place to start organizing your thoughts. First semester is usually a tough time for students making the transition from HS to college, and your feelings are very normal. Unless you’re completely miserable about the college itself, I’d caution you about making any rash decisions to transfer based on those initial feelings. One semester really isn’t a lot of time to take in all that it has to offer. You obviously chose Seton Hall for a reason or two – focus on those and see where that leads you.

The funny thing about the “friends” you make in your first year is that they’re usually friendships of convenience based on proximity. Sometimes they’re great (I’m still friends with some of my old floormates 10 years later), sometimes they’re not (my wife had an awful first semester with her floormates). I don’t know what your intended major is, but the people you meet in those classes are more likely to become your biggest friends as you go through the rest of your undergrad years, simply because you’ll be spending a lot of time with them in class and out.

Please don’t take this the wrong way, but just judging by the tone of your posts, I get the impression that you’re either expecting a little too much out of collegiate life, or you’re trying too hard to recreate some of the life you had in HS. Either way, you’re trying to find your place and make your way in this unfamiliar environment. My advice? Relax, be yourself, focus on your studies, and keep your extracurriculars limited to a couple clubs/activities (hopefully one of which has a strong social component). You may find that you feel just dandy about the place when Spring rolls around.
 
I remember this feeling…

I agree with the other posters who have suggested that you stick out the spring semester but also consider your options elsewhere. Keep trying when it comes to friends! The people on my floor freshman year were only interested in partying, so I had to look elsewhere for fun on the weekends - and I didn’t have any really good friends until the middle of spring semester. Find activities that make you happy/feel fulfilled, and you’ll make your best friends there.

As far as Catholic social groups…sometimes they aren’t as organized as they could be. I found myself enjoying Newman a lot more after I got involved in the planning aspects.

Have you thought about becoming a volunteer with a program in the community? Joining the national service fraternity, Alpha Phi Omega? Knights of Columbus?
 
Sounds familiar to me!
I actually went to two different colleges before finally ending up where I was “supposed” to be.
I went away to college for a semester and decided that school was not right for me… but the college I wanted to end up at was not taking transfer students until the following fall… so I went to a different one in-between.

Anyway… there’s hope! I remember having very similar feelings… but once I clicked it was perfect and I loved going to college from then on out!

Have hope! Really pray on it. If it’s not right, then allow yourself to move on and try something else. Credits transfer… there’s not much loss in changing schools if necessary!
 
Seems that we have this illusion of what college life will be, the college brocures/recruiters as well as movies and TV and books all paint this image that is far from reality.

You are homesick, everyone gets homesick and there is NOTHING wrong with it. Also, that illusion of the grand life at college, sipping espresso while having lofty discussions with your fabulous new friends or whatever your college dream was, has been revealed as just an illusion. We could say, the honeymoon is over 🙂

Pray and remember, there is not perfect college.
 
Didn’t read all the replies, but just keep in mind that you will encounter immature people wherever you go. Maybe it’s time to let those “friends” go and find a new set of friends. Maybe you need to be more involved in your actual parish instead of just the college Catholic Center? I enjoyed the company of older adults much more than the generally immature recent high school graduates. Good luck! 🙂
 
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