I'm just not liking my college

[Rob_in_Oregon]

My years in college were the most depressing of my life. I felt isolated, depressed, anxious, lonely. The woman I married attended the same university and says she felt the same way. (Hey, you might meet the perfect spouse-to-be in another year. I did!)

The strongly anti-Christian, anti-Catholic, morally depraved atmosphere of my university greatly contributed to my depression.

It takes a while for good friendships to form. There are others at the university who could be good friends, you just have to find them.

Whatever you decide, don’t give up on getting your degree.

Remember, you’re not the only one of campus feeling this way, and your emotions are common to students in college.

I will pray for you today. - Rob, BS @ U of O '75

 

[scapularkid8]

Also, that illusion of the grand life at college, sipping espresso while having lofty discussions with your fabulous new friends or whatever your college dream was, has been revealed as just an illusion. We could say, the honeymoon is over

HAHA! I laugh because that’s EXACTLY what my high school friends and I would do and that EXACTLY what it isn’t like here! And I expected it to be that! Oh gosh, that’s too ironic.

The one thing that’s bothering me lately is that I’ve made friends with a VERY clingy group and I don’t really want to be with them as much as they want me to be with them and then they get upset at me if I’m not with them ALL the time…I don’t think “grouping” is as severe in college as it is in high school, but if I’m ‘identified’ as part of that group I won’t really be able to branch off and maybe find a group I fit better with without offending my current “posse”. They’re friendly people, it’s just that if I were to find a “best” friend or a group I really fit well with, it wouldn’t be them.

Oh the stresses of a college student! Listen to me. This is nothing compared to what people are suffering in Africa or the middle East.

 

[montanaman]

HAHA! I laugh because that’s EXACTLY what my high school friends and I would do and that EXACTLY what it isn’t like here! And I expected it to be that! Oh gosh, that’s too ironic.

The one thing that’s bothering me lately is that I’ve made friends with a VERY clingy group and I don’t really want to be with them as much as they want me to be with them and then they get upset at me if I’m not with them ALL the time…I don’t think “grouping” is as severe in college as it is in high school, but if I’m ‘identified’ as part of that group I won’t really be able to branch off and maybe find a group I fit better with without offending my current “posse”. They’re friendly people, it’s just that if I were to find a “best” friend or a group I really fit well with, it wouldn’t be them.

Oh the stresses of a college student! Listen to me. This is nothing compared to what people are suffering in Africa or the middle East.

I guarantee that after four years this time will be just a bad memory. Maybe even a bittersweet memory. Just remember that how it seems now isn’t how it’s always going to be. Take it from someone who had a hellish time in college–it’s just a blip in your life.

 

[scapularkid8]

This is what I blogged/journaled today. Maybe this will shed some light on the issue and how I’m feeling and why:

Okay here’s the thing: I come to Seton Hall in August scared out of my mind to be leaving my family and especially my friends. My start at SHU was “rough” to say the least. After classes started it was a little better for like a week and then I got frustrated. My living conditions with my roommate sucked the minute my parents left, and we’ll just leave that to rest. But on went the semester and on went my boredom: classes weren’t interesting or challenging, I wasn’t having fun, and I really wanted Thanksgiving to be here already.

I met a lot of great people as the semester progressed. My mentor Abby, my friends from SHUNA, the kids in my orientation group of course, and Katie, Lauren, and Michelle. They’re all really nice and great friends, but something’s missing. It’s nothing wrong with them, it’s just that Seton Hall just doesn’t feel right the more I’m here. I think I keep fooling myself saying “Oh I’ll just adjust”…but I’ve been saying that for about three months now. Will I be saying that all next semester too? I don’t want that. Yeah, I know the first semester is hard for a college student especially when they’re so far away from home, but something’s gotta give sooner or later. I’m in a “routine”, but it’s just something to keep me going until that next flight to Colorado, that next trip home, the next thing, the next thing… I’m in a routine but I’m just distracting myself. I can tell that much. But what am I distracting myself from is the question. I just can’t help but think “why am I here?”

I mostly wanted to come here because I HATED the idea in high school that you had to stay in your own state with your high school friends. I wanted to leave. I wanted to get away. I was better than that. But somehow I can’t help but think that maybe it’s okay to take small steps. Maybe I don’t have to conquer the world in one day…maybe I’ll take two instead. I just don’t want to look like a hypocrite. Especially to myself. But what I have to remember is that there’s a difference between hypocrisy and maturing: one you can admit you were wrong and be completely happy contradicting yourself because you learned something new, and the other you continue to dupe yourself into the idea of pride even when you know what’s better for yourself.

Am I tricking myself? I sure am tricking everyone around me! “How are you doing?” they ask “Good”, I say. “How are you liking your first semester?” they’ll say “It’s going pretty well.” So much for honesty is the best policy…maybe it’s time to go back to Colorado for good? Maybe I need to take a new step, nota step backwards, but just in a new direction…I’m submitting a transfer application to the University of Denver for fall 2008. I’m going to see how the spring semester here at Seton Hall goes and be open to both staying and leaving. We’ll see what happens.

 

[Chrissy9120]

I mostly wanted to come here because I HATED the idea in high school that you had to stay in your own state with your high school friends. I wanted to leave. I wanted to get away. I was better than that. But somehow I can’t help but think that maybe it’s okay to take small steps. Maybe I don’t have to conquer the world in one day…

I think it’s really interesting that you posted that. After I graduated high school I thought that I wanted to get away from my high school friends (I hope I understood what you meant!), too. So I went to a college in the city (I was from a smallish town) and thought that I could get a new start, redefine myself, etc., etc. But I soon found out that even though I thought I wanted something new, I wasn’t ready for that new thing to be so permanent… living in a city that I had only visited on day trips? Like I mentioned in my previous post, I left my first college after 1 semester. It only took me that long to realize that what I had thought that I wanted was not turning out as I thought it was (my friends and profs were all great… but it just didn’t “fit” me). I agree with you: taking small steps is ok!

Good luck with the possible transfer to the University of Denver and in the meantime, try to take everything day by day and be thankful for the little things that you’ve found at SHU that you wouldn’t have come across otherwise!

 

[scapularkid8]

I’ve thought about this all Advent and prayed about it and my heart is leading me toward a transfer. I’m still going to see how this second semester progresses. Please pray that I can keep an open mind and heart so the Spirit can guide me.

 

[scapularkid8]

I’m just so torn on this issue. I’m still praying and thinking and I’m even in the transfer application process right now. One huge reason I wouldn’t want to leave Seton Hall is that it’s so close to New York City and I really really like New York…I don’t know. I’m just so confused right now and I feel like giving up. Why would I be so confused if this is where I was supposed to be from the start?! I don’t want to carry this cross anymore. I don’t want to make the decision.

I love New York and I don’t want to leave it, but I don’t know what opportunities are waiting at DU that I couldn’t get here at Seton Hall. I made a list of the pros of each school and their reasons for me to stay (or go) there:

Pros of Seton Hall:
-New York City
-Ambassadors as my professors
-Catholic school
-My scholarship (which is paying half my tuition)
-It’s connection to the UN

Pros of DU:
-free study abroad
-higher Arabic levels than Seton Hall
-things to do on the weekend (it’s boring in South Orange)
-school spirit
-good clubs (Model UN, theater, club sports, ect.)
-a curriculum that lets me specialize in International Law
-Undergraduate research opportunities
-Graduate School of International Studies is ranked nationally with Georgetown and Princeton (which, in turn, reflects on the undergraduate program)
-Career planning offered at DU that isn’t at Seton Hall

I’m so confused right now, and it seems like God has abandoned me…

 

[Em_in_FL]

I’m so confused right now, and it seems like God has abandoned me…

I’m so sorry you’re still struggling… but know that God has NOT abandoned you (go read that beautiful Footprints poem right now!)…

If you truly believe God is calling you to move… then bite the bullet and do it! Sometimes it takes a bit of a nudge to take that first step…

Either way… God won’t leave you behind… He’s not “attached” to your current school… He’s with YOU, wherever you go!

You have my prayers!

 

[THutch04]

I’m sorry that you’re still struggling… I know my first year was fairly rough (even though I ended up staying here, because I just really did enjoy the University). There’s nothing wrong with transferring schools. Many people do it. My advice would just be to look at your list of positive qualities that both schools have and determine which of those qualities are REALLY important; like, which do you feel will help you to succeed. Good luck!

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

OK, can you get into DU? For sure? Without racking up extra expenses for your parents? That might be something to double-check. keep up your grades, so you don’t have to retake classes.

This is why I am such an adovcate of doing as much at the community college that’s transferable as possible.

 

[xsuasox]

Seems that we have this illusion of what college life will be, the college brocures/recruiters as well as movies and TV and books all paint this image that is far from reality.

You are homesick, everyone gets homesick and there is NOTHING wrong with it. Also, that illusion of the grand life at college, sipping espresso while having lofty discussions with your fabulous new friends or whatever your college dream was, has been revealed as just an illusion. We could say, the honeymoon is over

Gee, lucky for me, I seem to do nothing but sit with my fellow theology-majoring comrades and discuss our theology class coursework and the like. And there are our wild weekend trips to out-of-town Latin masses. Heh, it is possible, trust me!

Scapularkid: belmontabbeycollege.edu

Give Belmont Abbey College some consideration. Newman Center? No. We have a monastery who’s monks take good care of us. The tuition is higher than a public college, but is actually cheap compared to Catholic colleges, plus almost everyone gets financial aid. And you get to come to North Carolina and eat BBQ and drink delicious Cheerwine.

 

[scapularkid8]

I’m still praying about my transfer decision, but my latest worry is that I’ve been asked to apply for a Sacristan position on campus (we have multiple chapels around the campus and each sacristan is assigned to one) which comes with free room and board ( ) BUT I still don’t want that to trump the fact that there are options not available to me here that are available at the University of Denver where I might be transferring to…

I’m just so lost…I know I’ve complained about this to no end on this thread (thank you for your patience!) but I just want to make the right decision. I feel like I’ve messed up by coming here. The chorus of

this song describes perfectly how I feel at this point in my life. I’m blaming myself for feeling unhappy and making a college decision that caused me huge amounts of suffering (mental, emotional, and physical) and came out the way I didn’t expect.

Maybe I need to see a therapist or something?! I really don’t know what’s going wrong. My experience this semester has been tons better than last, but something’s still missing here…like it’s not where I’m supposed to be.

 

[Em_in_FL]

I’m still praying about my transfer decision, but my latest worry is that I’ve been asked to apply for a Sacristan position on campus (we have multiple chapels around the campus and each sacristan is assigned to one) which comes with free room and board ( ) BUT I still don’t want that to trump the fact that there are options not available to me here that are available at the University of Denver where I might be transferring to…

I’m just so lost…I know I’ve complained about this to no end on this thread (thank you for your patience!) but I just want to make the right decision. I feel like I’ve messed up by coming here. The chorus of

this song describes perfectly how I feel at this point in my life. I’m blaming myself for feeling unhappy and making a college decision that caused me huge amounts of suffering (mental, emotional, and physical) and came out the way I didn’t expect.

Maybe I need to see a therapist or something?! I really don’t know what’s going wrong. My experience this semester has been tons better than last, but something’s still missing here…like it’s not where I’m supposed to be.

Prayers for you!