I'm just sick to my stomach

[tundramom]

I don’t even know where to begin.

My oldest daughter, just turned 20. She is living with her boyfriend. I am at my wit’s end with trying to get through to her. She posts such sad things on facebook. I call her about them and she tells me that I’m “cyber-stalking”. She won’t listen to reason at all.

This boyfriend doesn’t have a job… claims that he went to Afghanistan while in BOOT CAMP on some “secret” mission… he claims he went to a funeral last weekend of someone killed in Iraq. No mention of a soldier killed from the area in the news or on the department of defense website… now he writes that he just bought a gun.

I’m frightened for her. This all sounds like such a mish mash of babble that it doesn’t even make sense to me.

please pray for her.

in Christ
Steph

 

[Island_Oak]

Is the boyfriend still around or away at this boot camp? Do you fear for her safety? Has your relationship w/your daughter always been this conflicted?

Perhaps if you backed off and even ignored her antics for a while she would stop fighting so hard to rebel against you and look around to see her circumstances for what they are…which is pretty dead-end.

I bet if she didn’t hear from you for several weeks she’d come looking for you…

 

[PrayHarder]

The advice that I always hear in these situations is to cut them off until they come to their senses. You tell them that you love them and that your door is always open but you cannot support them and their current lifestyle. After that, you pray.

Of course, that sounds easy for me to write since I don’t have any kids. I hope I will have that endurance if I ever have a problem child. For now, all I can do is pray for you and your daughter.

 

[Dori1]

Can’t advise you specifically on this situation from my own experience; but I would say that what’s been written so far makes sense.

I had a very troubled son for a while (he’s now turned out to be an incredible blessing and is living nearby with his wife and 4 children). Essentially, I told him that he could never do anything bad enough for me to stop loving him. However, he could do something bad enough that he wasn’t welcome to live in my home. Further, if his bad choices got him in to trouble with the law, he was on his own. I’d visit, but I wouldn’t “bail him out” or pay attorney’s fees or anything else. Essentially, I cut him off while letting him know that I loved him. In his case, it worked.

That said, if you think your daughter is really in a dangerous (not simply socially perilous) situation, maybe you shouldn’t take that approach. I wish I could give you specific advice in this painful situation, but it would be unwise; not knowing your daughter, you or all the particulars. I will, however, be praying hard for you and your daughter, and her boyfriend (who sounds mentally unstable at best).

Please talk to a reliable counselor about your situation.

 

[whatevergirl]

The advice that I always hear in these situations is to cut them off until they come to their senses. You tell them that you love them and that your door is always open but you cannot support them and their current lifestyle. After that, you pray.

Of course, that sounds easy for me to write since I don’t have any kids. I hope I will have that endurance if I ever have a problem child. For now, all I can do is pray for you and your daughter.

*I think your advice is spot on. Afterall, we are to be ‘like’ Jesus to others, and when we stray from Jesus, He doesn’t force us back home…He waits for us, with open arms. Now, there are consequences to our actions…and Jesus doesn’t want us to suffer, but often times, the sin we create in our lives breeds problems. We reap what we sow, essentially.

tundramom–I will be praying for you, that this situation will resolve itself…and that you find peace through this challenging time. God bless. *

 

[Rascalking]

Just “cutting them off” and praying is a bit much.

There was a school shooting one time, and they interviewed the boys father (the mother had died years before the incident). The father was asked about his feelings-he said that no matter what happens, he still loves his son and would never disown or stop talking to him, even though he is sickened and repulsed by the behavior.

I don’t have kids, and I’m only 29. However, let’s keep things in perspective here.

If the parent of a child who was a spree killer can keep in contact, you can too.

They know you don’t approve. You don’t have too, and shouldn’t with that behavior. But cutting off contact is much, much, much too extreme.

 

[Dori1]

Just “cutting them off” and praying is a bit much.

There was a school shooting one time, and they interviewed the boys father (the mother had died years before the incident). The father was asked about his feelings-he said that no matter what happens, he still loves his son and would never disown or stop talking to him, even though he is sickened and repulsed by the behavior.

I don’t have kids, and I’m only 29. However, let’s keep things in perspective here.

If the parent of a child who was a spree killer can keep in contact, you can too.

They know you don’t approve. You don’t have too, and shouldn’t with that behavior. But cutting off contact is much, much, much too extreme.

Rascalking, I think you have not understood what people here mean by “cut them off.” For most, this doesn’t have anything to do with stopping contact. It means that any financial support is unavailable for them, including for the consequences of their actions. If you notice from my previous post, I said I’d visit, but wouldn’t bail him out of his circumstances. People of an age where their behavior can get them in to serious trouble are not helped by having mommy and daddy fix their problems when their bad decisions get them in to trouble. We are responsible for our own actions when we reach adulthood. Keeping open the doors of contact is a different story all together.

 

[Earnest_Bunbury]

Sacrifice, fasting, and the Rosary, as Our Lady of Fatima told us through the little shepherd children 92 years ago today. Thanking God in advance for her conversion doesn’t hurt either, as that proves the faith we have in an action, the action of thanking. It may get worse before it gets better, faith through it all and no worrying, as worry is not faith. I will pray for you too.