I'm Leaving Christianity

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C_Del86

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I’m not leaving my beliefs in God, the Father Son and Holy Spirit… but i think i’ve lost my faith in the “system” or the fundementals involved in it. I can’t find the exact word to explain better.

For years i’ve been a “prisoner” of my mind, my past. I’ve went on various christian forums to dialing the 700 club, novenas, to people in real life for prayers for happiness and freedom from the resentment in my heart and the sinful vices/addictions (smoking… masturbation) that are ruining my life. FOR YEARS. I’ve stood infront of God, to kneeling, to reciting prayers but in return i can’t gain any strength to over come it. The resentment towards someone in my past lives so strongly, that no matter how many prayers i’ve made for the strength to forgive, for satan to leave me be, yelling “in the name of Jesus, GO!”, novenas, councilors to even youtube videos. I’m still chained to this “poison”.

I’ve made a thread about this here in the prayer request section before (as with many other prayer forums) but it won’t stop. I can’t get over it. In my heart there is anger that i want so much to go… it would calm down for a moment but then return. That’s how it’s been.

Now, maybe it is my fault… maybe i’m not helping my self the right way… i don’t know. As people say, God helps those who help themselves… and i’ve tried but failed… and at the same time, wouldn’t helping myself just be helping myself? Right now, since i’ve tried my best for so long in prayer and all i get is the remaining answer of inner-unresolved anger and powerless over the addictions that came with it, i’m starting to lose my faith in prayer. Or the philosophies involved with it. Of course, i can’t stop believing in Jesus Christ. I find his existence academically correct but maybe the philosophies of christianity. The church isn’t as universally correct anymore as i thought. I don’t want to blame or leave God either because i know there are many in the world who are going through greater suffering… which causes me to additionally think against the traditional christian beliefs of prayer.

I don’t know anymore. Is this god’s will in my life? Am i this powerless and sad inside due to it being his will? Which is why all the novenas and prayers, etc etc have been deemed ineffective for years? Is it all in his time? sure people have said that, but then again… it’s been years and i only have one life to live. A life i can’t repeat. The person who i have so much anger towards too hurt me very hard before yet that person is living happy now with out any care about how i am doing. That person doesn’t care how i got hurt nor cared about destroying my reputation towards her circle… but yet i am the one who’s down?

There is allot of reasons i can give but i can’t over load a post… in short, i’m beginning to leave Christianity for Buddhism… i don’t know if i can agree anymore with christianity’s philosophies and it probably has left the true teachings of Jesus a long time ago.
 
I understand where you are coming from and I have allot of respect for the Buddhist Faith. But if you are having trouble finding peace in your heart in general then you will become just as frustrated with Buddhism. It requires allot of self reflection, meditation, quite mind & peace in your heart to achieve total enlightenment.
The teaching however is more understanding of people flaws and there is no strict doctrine you need to follow like with Christianity or Judaism.

If you are just frustrated with the Church then I would think of taking some time to look in your heart and find some good books like Joel Osteen series of books his books are full of positive ways of thinking without pushing the bible down your throat.
I hope no matter what direction your heart leads you to, you find the peace you are searching for. 🙂
 
C_Del86 said:
I’m not leaving my beliefs in God, the Father Son and Holy Spirit… but i think i’ve lost my faith in the “system” or the fundementals involved in it. I can’t find the exact word to explain better. . .
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Jesus cares. He loves you. God is bigger than any sins. Do not abandon yourself to despair.

Please try these meditations while praying the Chaplet of Diving Mercy: Contemplate My Wounds: Praying the Chaplet opens us to the lessons of Christ’s wounds
 
have you tried the rosary? just try as a last resort. enroll in the confraternity. see what it does for you… until then ill pray for you.
just out of curiosity though, how can you be a catholic and a protestant at the same time??
 
C_Del86 said:
i don’t know if i can agree anymore with christianity’s philosophies and it probably has left the true teachings of Jesus a long time ago.
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Christianity is more than a philosophy. It is the Truth, the Word, Christ.

Catholicism has faithfully preserved the teachings of Jesus for 2000 years.

My suggestion is to learn more about the Faith because to me, the fact that you could make such a statement, implies that you don’t really have a good understanding of the Faith. You could start here, with Pillar of Fire, Pillar of Truth, and take your time reading whatever other articles appeal to you.
 
Don’t give up - you can conquer anger.

Christianity is about making the needs of others more important than your own needs. Thats why charity is a big part of Gods plan, it helps us to stop thinking of ourselves. Do not allow yourself to sit with the emotion of anger again. When you have that temptation move your thoughts to a charity that your involved in. Find a charity, people really need help and it will also help put your problems in perspective. Now every time the devil temps you with anger, he watches you move to charity… how long can that last?

Our life is a test - you will always have temptations, thats part of our body, original sin, chemicals in our brain, dopamine. You can tame these temptations but to not expect them to leave. Dont run from the test to an easier religion in hopes of finding peace for yourself, to turn your back on Christ would be a big mistake. St. Paul talks about this battle we are in with our body when he says ‘For while we were in the flesh, the sinful passions, aroused by the Law, were at work in our body to bear fruit for death’. The sins from our past have caused us serious damage.

I’m sorry you have this frustration, find someone that has conquered anger and and work with them like a workout partner until its gone.
 
I think I have been addicted to computer for years. I always prayed for God to change me after having sinned other ways too. I think I know what you might feel. I felt that I need the world to fill the gap of God. All I needed was a solid relationship with Christ. I began to tell Him my sins every day without a priest. I know that I have to tell the priest too but when its not possible to tell him often I choose to tell him personally. I also began to read the Bible. I was given of course a push. I got into a community in which they made me realise that religion was more like a custom for me than a personal way to God. I now have a so much better relationship with my Lord. Believe me He cares. I offered him myself. He took me as I am and is trying to help me get to a more fulfilling life. I would really like to help you so I give you a few lines to read in the Bible.
1 johnh 1:9 The more ways you trust him, the more He can help you
1 Peter 2:11
1 chorintians 13 I find that this chapter is so inspiring. The guy who wrote it once hated Christ so much that he killed christians. After he got into a relationship with Him he was so changed that he could write such a love hymn. It also tells that what we see now is missing many things. Christ is the light, if we follow the light many things become brighter to our minds. Thats why believing is important. Believe that the light you find can change you. John first chapter might give you a solid ground. Thats what you need.
 
someperson555 said:
have you tried the rosary? just try as a last resort. enroll in the confraternity. see what it does for you… until then ill pray for you.
just out of curiosity though, how can you be a catholic and a protestant at the same time??
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Yes i have. I have done several repeated novenas over the years, even asked around here to other sites through the years.

I’m catholic and protestant due to my parents being one of the other and i’ve tried to be opened to their forms of philosophies.
 
GraceSofia said:
Good idea. 🙂

I love this site: comepraytherosary.org/
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wow! great site.
its too bad they dont give a link to the confratenity though, then it would be complete.
heres a site which alows you to enroll in the confraternity:

rosary-center.org/howto.htm

click on “enroll in the confraternity” and it will guide you through the steps. its all free (ofcourse) and you get a neat little letter from them each month containing meditations. all for free. come on join it, see how you like it.
 
C_Del86 said:
Yes i have. I have done several repeated novenas over the years, even asked around here to other sites through the years.

I’m catholic and protestant due to my parents being one of the other and i’ve tried to be opened to their forms of philosophies.
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well, a novena is not the rosary, i hope youre not confusing the two. the rosary is a prayer consisting of five decades of hail maries.
 
GraceSofia said:
Christianity is more than a philosophy. It is the Truth, the Word, Christ.

Catholicism has faithfully preserved the teachings of Jesus for 2000 years.

My suggestion is to learn more about the Faith because to me, the fact that you could make such a statement, implies that you don’t really have a good understanding of the Faith. You could start here, with Pillar of Fire, Pillar of Truth, and take your time reading whatever other articles appeal to you.
Click to expand...
I know there is more than Philosophy in Christianity, but i’ve began to think that the philosophical side in terms of health or anything related to personal being is flawed in philosophy. As i’ve explained in my 1st post. Maybe the whole “prayer” thing isn’t as universal as taught by christianity in general. There has to be one real reason why that after all these years that no prayer has ever gave me the “juice” to break free inside. I just remain in it, and feel it destroying me and as much as i try i’m still in it. Therefore i just looked a bit into buddhasim with the thoughts of positive thinking, meditation, the breathe ins and outs. Some of it’s philosophies seem more naturalistic and down to earth now in comparison to christianity philosophies.

I do have some bad opinions against the church, especially some of it’s laws that are sometimes pressed on the government. It just seems that the majority of Christians (protestant or catholic) press the bible to be the answer for every situation even if reason contradicts so. I’ve began thinking this very recently, i’ve tried my best to hold on and while i know i will not deny Jesus i just don’t know if christianity is the way to him or the peaceful mind/life that i feel i need anymore.
 
someperson555 said:
well, a novena is not the rosary, i hope youre not confusing the two. the rosary is a prayer consisting of five decades of hail maries.
Click to expand...
Yes, i’m not confusing the two. Some of the novenas i did ended or began with the rosary.
 
C_Del86 said:
i don’t know if i can agree anymore with christianity’s philosophies and it probably has left the true teachings of Jesus a long time ago.
Click to expand...
This is what we Essenes believe too; the more I study, the more I see it’s true.

All I can do is pray for you, that you find what you’re looking for. I had to leave Christianity for a while as well, before I really found a connection with God.

Jala
 
Jala said:
This is what we Essenes believe too; the more I study, the more I see it’s true.

All I can do is pray for you, that you find what you’re looking for. I had to leave Christianity for a while as well, before I really found a connection with God.

Jala
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In my honest opinion. I think the best books in terms of “christian spirituality” where the Proverbs, James and The Gospels while the rest just built too much fundementalistic point of views. The Gospels contained Jesus’ teachings, and he never taught religious laws but how to live as a good man, then the other two contain realistic like philosophies.

My problem is mainly the confusion of the power of prayer, and also some “bad” things from the church. I recall a story of a woman who had a dead baby in her womb and she was rushed to a hospital that was a strict catholic owned hospital. Now medically, if a dead baby isn’t removed it can actually become poison but due to the rules of that hospital which works under the rules of the Church… they refused to remove it unless the church approves of it. So that hospital had to ask permission and you know how long the passing of clearances/letters can potentially take, well… sadly, 3 days passed for waiting for the approval and the woman died during that weight. There are other things like the reproductive health laws and certain dos and donts of the church to society that i cant possibly agree on. Their reason is because the bible but reasonably not every situation can be pressed with what quotes of verses say. That’s the political reason that came when i started to gain more confusion towards the power of prayer stuff. I don’t know…
 
C_Del86 said:
I’m not leaving my beliefs in God, the Father Son and Holy Spirit… but i think i’ve lost my faith in the “system” or the fundementals involved in it. I can’t find the exact word to explain better.

For years i’ve been a “prisoner” of my mind, my past. I’ve went on various christian forums to dialing the 700 club, novenas, to people in real life for prayers for happiness and freedom from the resentment in my heart and the sinful vices/addictions (smoking… masturbation) that are ruining my life. FOR YEARS. I’ve stood infront of God, to kneeling, to reciting prayers but in return i can’t gain any strength to over come it. The resentment towards someone in my past lives so strongly, that no matter how many prayers i’ve made for the strength to forgive, for satan to leave me be, yelling “in the name of Jesus, GO!”, novenas, councilors to even youtube videos. I’m still chained to this “poison”.
…
Now, maybe it is my fault… maybe i’m not helping my self the right way… i don’t know. As people say, God helps those who help themselves… and i’ve tried but failed… and at the same time, wouldn’t helping myself just be helping myself? Right now, since i’ve tried my best for so long in prayer and all i get is the remaining answer of inner-unresolved anger and powerless over the addictions that came with it, i’m starting to lose my faith in prayer. Or the philosophies involved with it. Of course, i can’t stop believing in Jesus Christ. I find his existence academically correct but maybe the philosophies of christianity. The church isn’t as universally correct anymore as i thought. I don’t want to blame or leave God either because i know there are many in the world who are going through greater suffering… which causes me to additionally think against the traditional christian beliefs of prayer.

I don’t know anymore. Is this god’s will in my life? Am i this powerless and sad inside due to it being his will? Which is why all the novenas and prayers, etc etc have been deemed ineffective for years? Is it all in his time? sure people have said that, but then again… it’s been years and i only have one life to live. A life i can’t repeat. The person who i have so much anger towards too hurt me very hard before yet that person is living happy now with out any care about how i am doing. That person doesn’t care how i got hurt nor cared about destroying my reputation towards her circle… but yet i am the one who’s down?

There is allot of reasons i can give but i can’t over load a post… in short, i’m beginning to leave Christianity for Buddhism… i don’t know if i can agree anymore with christianity’s philosophies and it probably has left the true teachings of Jesus a long time ago.
Click to expand...
Well, you have tried all the “mechanical things” of the “religion”, prayers, novenas, rosaries, trying to contact those who have left the Church (700 Club) to form their own Kingdom of God structure.
How about trying the real stuff of the Church, the real theology/philosophy, like Thomas Aquinas?

You want to end problematic sins - then you must understand why you do things, why you choose things. Understand the Will and Free Will (two different things).
When you love something, you have the desire or inclination to participate in that thing. The desire or inclination is the Will. You have no choice about it - what you love you desire to participate in. Free will is the actions you choose to attain participation of some sort.

Another thing about the Will - you will only love and desire what is good, and you will flee from what is not good. Contradictory? Is smoking good? No, but smoking is the activity of Free Will, not of Will. You love the good sense of well being your body senses. But your habits have shown you a method of choices that will get that goodness for yourself (it is the method of choices that are not good - buying, opening the pack, lighting up, inhaling, etc).

How can you win over things like that? By loving something even more than the good sense of well being in your body. When you love something, it is always accompanied by the Will to participate in that, and accompanied by the Will to make choices that will attain participation or experience of the loved thing.

Victory over sins is not correctly found in wrestling with them but by Love - loving something that is contrary to the sin, loving it more than anything.
How do you love? Love itself is an outpouring from something you know, and you know it is true or truth or good.
I am pointing you to consider loving God, or knowing God, instead of looking at God as a fixer of you. You don’t need fixing. You became a citizen of his Kingdom when you were baptized, he gave you the full participation in his Spirit, his Love, when you were confirmed. You are what he wants to participate in (that is his Will, his Love). He knows you, he wants you to know him. Who is he? Your Father. Not only are you a citizen of the Kingdom of God, but you are his child, your Brother is the King.

Know him, and you will find yourself making new “free will” choices, such as going to Mass, or to Confession, and doing your Penance with a sense of Joy - I am a son of my Father, learning to be like him and like my brother Jesus. You will find yourself seeing other Catholics as “my People” (saying things like, “my people meet together for a feast on Sunday’s”)

Don’t leave your Father, instead, ask, “Who are You?” and “Who am I to You?” Participate in him by participating in the covenant meal at Mass.

Know Him, everything else will take care of itself in time. You will find yourself matching the descriptions of the beatitudes as you know him more and more.

John Martin
 
C_Del,
You have several problems: 1. confusion of theology, 2. anger, and 3. addictions.

First, theology. Trying to go around several theologies is going to be very confusing and counter-productive. It’s like using several guidance counselors at school, each of ehom has a very different idea of what you are going to study. Do you see what I mean?

Naturally, I lean towards the Catholic, and I would recommend that to anyone, becausr in Catholicism we have what is called the Fullness of the Faiith. Aditionally Catholicism is internally coherent and so works better than the Protestant theologies.

Catholic theology tells us that most of God’s grace cannot get through to us when we are in mortal sin. Have you received the sacraments in the Catholic Church? Can you go to Confession? If you have, then go to Confession and start receiving the Body of Our Lord as often as possible, and continue to go to Confession.

Way back before I even considered myself Christian, someone hurt me and I was very angry about that. My friend recommended that I pray, and I tried it. This was my prayer: Ok, God, You can wreak more havoc in this person’s life than I can, so I will leave it up to You. Well, you can see what a beginner i was in the spiritual life at that point! But I prayed that prayer every time I was upset by my thoughts of that event and after 6 months, I realized I was better 🙂 It came back from time to time after that, but I put it back in God’s Hands (somewhat more graciously 😉 ) and that worked.

The Catholic Church teaches that we can get help from other people as well as from God. If a person is sick, for example, the Church does not say, as do some Protestants, that one should rely only on God; the Church teaches that we should go to the doctor! That is why God sent doctors and permitted medical discoveries!

It sounds like you could use some human help as well in your journey: counseling, perhaps, or going to a 12-step group for whatever problem(s) you are suffering.

Another thing that helps me when I am troubled or suffering is to reflect solely on Christ’s Passion and Death. It may be for just a few minutes, of it may be through praying the Sorrowful Mysteries of the Rosary, but that helps me in so many different circumstances.

Your distress really shows throw your words, and I hope that you will be able to find some relief. One little thing I did about a (much less serious, but after the problem above) resentment I had for some time was to ask myself why I was continuing to hold onto it and carry it around with me? That was not comfortable, but it was very helpful in that I was able to let it go.

I pray that you find some relief.
 
I have had sims I could not overcome as well, and left the Church. Then I felt a strong pull back, and at one time felt God near me and saying those faults were healed. I stull feel tempted from time to time, but not sucked in. I think maybeGod wanted to show me how inadequate I am to make my own perfection. The main point is a relationship with Christ through his Church. So keep swimming upstream so to speak, I do believe you will find Christ worth it.
 
No one is going to convince you to believe the teachings of the Church. You are dead set on this rationalistic frame of mind and no matter what you ‘have to be right’. No one can do the work it takes to become “holy as the Father is holy” for you. You are going to have to decide to take up your Cross and follow Him or not, but the challenge is yours. The Lord wants you to come follow him, but will you like the rich man in Scripture be unable to leave behind what you have grown to love–your confusion and ability to not commit to a faith community or in his case his wealth? Jesus wants us to come follow Him, but we hold back because of the things we have created that are rooted in selfishness and greed–we have set up mental idols that we have replaced the Catholic Faith with. It is your choice. Will you come follow him?
 
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