I'm lost... am I worth it?

[57thDimension]

we don’t, but I’ll lay* 50-1 odds that the guy in the OP doesn’t refer to check forgers or tax cheats. its a particular mindset

Well, I’ve known men to have a list of deal-breakers which includes felonies, travel restrictions, membership in racist groups, and so forth. I think those types of people are just cautious (and yes, they also get bashed for it). What do you mean by a “particular mindset”?

notice how you didn’t include check forgers and tax cheats as falling within the ambit of “pure”? now, I’ll give that guy the benefit of the doubt that “pure” didn’t mean pure in a racial sense, but there’s no a lot of doubt that he’s talking about sex.

I’m not sure what you’re talking about. Are you replying to someone else?

+Sebastian

 

[TheWarriorMonk]

You need to address the abuse you’ve suffered in the past. Please seek professional counseling. That abuse has set you up for dysfunctional relationships.

Ditto.

I’ll just say I’ve known woman that have been abused in this manner, the comment about dysfunctional relationships is correct. Please, please seek counseling.

Remember, you are not damaged goods. You are person deserving of dignity and respect.

Also absolutely correct. You were abused, you did some bad things, and none of this can be undone. However, you can deal with these experiences and learn from them, and become a stronger person because of it. Being a dysfunctional person will make it difficult to have a stable relationship. Being a strong person that made some mistakes and learned from them results in stable relationships.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I have gone to confession, am avoiding all near occasions and the like, and I have been seeing a therapist, but he is not Catholic. there isn’t one in my area that I can afford. So he doesn’t understand completely the Catholic principles behind pre-marital intimacy.

He doesn’t have to understand the Catholic principles. He has to understand that you are hurting yourself when you do these things, and help you stop doing them. Of course it would be ideal if your therapist was a Catholic, but a good therapist will help you to determine why you want to sabotage yourself this way.

You should go to confession regularly, especially since you already said you are struggling with masturbation and porn. Develop a relationship with your priest if you can, because he can help guide you toward a life that will glorify God.

:console:

You have to believe that you deserve better than what you are currently doing. You do. You’re a precious child of God and He doesn’t want you to hurt yourself in these ways.

 

[ffg]

To answer your question, yes you are worth it.

Now don’t use the internet for counseling. Go talk to a priest and that path should help you find a good counselor as needed.

 

[iwillrisenow]

This is by no means a replacement for talking with a priest or counseling, but since these things sometimes take time to set up, here’s a resource that may be helpful in the meantime: womenmadenew.com/

Praying for you

 

[LaMusicaSenior]

My dear sister in Christ,

Do not for one split second ever think that you are not worth it. You are - more than you could ever imagine. Christ knows the hurt you have been through, and the pain it has caused you. He loves you - and more than that, He died for you. He offered up His very life up so that you could be with Him in Heaven.

We have all stumbled and fallen short of the glory of God. We make mistakes, and we sin. The amazing thing about Catholicism is that you can go to the Sacrament of Reconciliation and ask for His forgiveness.

While a therapist is a wonderful solution for working through what you have endured, may I also suggest selecting a spiritual director? Perhaps it is a priest who you know, or a religious sister who could help you work through the spiritual side of your life. It could even be someone in your life who’s Catholicism is inspiring to you.

Never doubt God’s love for you. Ever.

God bless you,

Chloe M.

 

[marysfiat]

Yes. Your worth it. God chose you! He loves you just as you are. I prayed my way through the toughest times. Yes even when I felt unworthy.
We are all in this fight together. Your not alone. I will be prayer for you.
Replace negative thoughts with a Hail Mary ~its a daily battle for MANY of us . NEVER GIVE UP!!! GOD’S MERCY IS GREATER THAN ALL OUR SINS♥

Can you imagine if you didn’t feel guilty?? Its a blessing!! And its a healthy word. Society turned it into a negative one. I’m so proud of your courageous heart to reach out!!

Go to confession. Feel the grace waiting for you. The priest will talk you through it. Honestly you deserve Gods love~ you already have it♥ accept♥ it allow Him to love you! Spend time in Adoration♥ “make time” you can DO this…Also Our Blessed Mother will comfort you♥ she will show you how to embrace God♥ baby steps…just as Jesus came into the world…as a baby…wanting us to hold him♥ know …He is holding you♥

Your Sister in Christ.

 

[HolyRosaryChild]

1. As Easter Joy stated in entirety.
2. Visit a Psychologist;preferably a Catholic or Christian Psychologist interstate up to an hour if you can travel (give a donation for whatever you can afford)
3. Daily Prayer and Healing time now as you have arrived at the healing point
4. Refrain from all dating or online chats with people until the counselling is done; other than a fully trustworthy most loving platonic friend or family member (these are best left as they are not always objective within their relationships with us)
5. Attend weekly Mass and Reconciliation; the most important parts of your Healing process
6. Surround yourself with some young Catholic and Christian people as platonic friends (do not try and seek a Father Figure until you have done your Healing with God’s Holy Intercession); later when Healed you can pray The Holy Rosary asking for God to send through ‘the right Husband for you’
7. Place The Holy Rosary Cards, Jesus Crucifixes and other Holy Images of Jesus around your home and in your vehicle along with the Green Scapula and Brown Scapula for protection

Love and best wishes

 

[chevalier]

You need to address the abuse you’ve suffered in the past. Please seek professional counseling. That abuse has set you up for dysfunctional relationships.

+1 on that. Also ellzeena brought that up later. While every single human being is a work in progress, so you’re never completely finished and free of problems, those traumatic experiences you mention could make a relationship more difficult for you than is usually the case. While your difficulties are difficulties and not complete bars, don’t underestimate them and the help qualified counsellors can give you in sorting them out.

I would avoid men who are looking for “pure” women. That usually means they only value virginity and not the person you can become through repentance.

I don’t know about usually, to be honest, but myself being a man (aged 30, though, so a different age range than we’re talking about) I do have some kind of expectation of ‘pure’ in a woman, which I understand as her current disposition rather than her history. It mostly comes down to wanting to be pure rather than ‘dirty’ (and here, the OP has made her choice on the pure side). On the other hand, a person could be a virgin and still talk and think dirty much of the time, which is how I was myself when I was younger, but which is something I would not be able to live with in a relationship without debilitating sadness. Hence I stick to those who are on the pure side in their current act and speech, while they may or may not be virgins.

 

[BcuzISaidSo]

Let me preface this with, I did not read all of the posts, but I felt compelled to answer because your post just took me back 20 years into my own colorful past.

Yes, being attracted to someone who is good and holy, this is a good thing. Does that make him out of your league? No, of course not. Because anyone who is truly good and holy is going to recognize that we are all sinners, and find joy in your desire to turn back to God and His church.

I know these men exist, because I married one. When we were dating, I shared with him my history, in all of it’s gory detail, and I will NEVER forget his response…“who your are now matters a lot more than who you slept with then”

I don’t know if this Internet friend is the one God has chosen for you, but the fact that he values purity shouldn’t rule him out.

All that said, I do agree that you might benefit from a good Christian counselor, who can help you work through some of your hurts, and help you find peace. My prayers are with you.

 

[LoveJesus13]

First advice - see a doctor. Get tested for venereal diseases, for your own protection (some like syphillis will drive you insane over time if untreated, then of course there’s AIDS, which we’re all familiar with).

Second piece of advice - go to confession for those times you forgot yourself. Once confessed, aside from penance as reparation, God sees you as pure, because you are as far as he is concerned. Anyone who suggests otherwise smacks too much of Jansenism. Of course in future you ought to avoid situations where you might be tempted to have premarital sex.

Thirdly, as for the abuse, speak to your priest (out of confession, of course - he is still bound by the laws of the State against disclosure) or a Catholic counsellor (ditto). Tell him about the abuse and the downward spiral. Then they can help you pull up from the dive.

Fourthly, the only people who need to know of your sexual past are your confessor, your physician, and your fiance, if and when you become engaged. If he won’t marry you because of a sin you have in your past and have long confessed, and you are not suffering from a contagious disease because of it, then that’s not a man you or any self-respecting woman would want to marry.

In conclusion, of COURSE YOU ARE WORTH IT.

Wow, Thessa my prayers are with you. Thank you for sharing your story and do know that YES YOU ARE WORTH IT because you are a child of God. Now, moving forward in your life, try to be on God’s path by avoiding sin. A good way to start is by not hanging out with the wrong people or putting yourself in sinful situations. The poster above gave some great advice!!!

My response is towards going forward now to Jesus. Repent for your sins and choose a life which centers Jesus because He loves you so much. This is also probably why you are on CAF I can tell that your faith is important to you.

I also would advise not being in a rush to date right now, going on those dating sites, etc… This might be the time God is calling you to focus on yourself!!! Attend mass daily if you can, build a stronger prayer life and since you’re 23, join the youth group at your parish (they usually have one ranging from different age grps). THIS is YOUR time to be closer to God now, as it is evident that He is calling you to seek Him.

God bless you and take care of yourself. Remember, Jesus loves you.

 

[Rose71]

Yes, you are definitely worth it.

You’ve endured a lot of awful things and yet you still have enough faith to go to Confession and to pray. Well - to me, that says your faith is actually admirable and your moral compass is poining in the right direction, even if it can be struggle to follow it.

As Chev said - you are choosing to be a good person

I agree with those who say give the whole dating thing a miss for a while. What interests you in life? Are there any sports or crafts or hobbies you used to enjoy? Is there some sort of project you could take on, either as a volunteer with a charity, or just with a couple of friends?

One of the best bits of advice I ever had was “God made you - especially for the purpose of being you!” Follow your passions, no matter what they are and that’s the path to leading a good and useful life. If you are doing something you love, you are happy and have more love to share. You meet people; you bond with them and you enrich one anothers’ lives. That way, you are much more likely to meet your future husband than second guessing on the internet.

I’m with Rose74 on the purity question - creepy!

Finally, remember, the Devil loves it when people despair, so go out there and show him that abuse, trauma and heartbreak hasn’t finished you off and you’re determined to get your life back on track

 

[HolyRosaryChild]

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++++++

God’s Spirit is in my heart,
He has called me and set me apart.
This is what I have to do,
what I have to do.

He sent me to give the Good News to the poor,
Tell prisoners that they are prisoners no more,
Tell blind people that they can see,
And set the downtrodden free
And go tell everyone the news that the Kingdom of God has come,
And go tell everyone the news that the Kingdom of God has come.

Just as the Father sent me,
So I’m sending you out to be
My witnesses throughout the world,
The whole of the world.

Don’t worry what you have to say,
Don’t worry because on that day
God’s Spirit will speak in your heart,
Will speak in your heart.

 

[crenfro]

:hug3:

Hello.

This is just my opinion, please take or leave it as you see fit.

I’d suggest getting a good Catholic counselor - because a lot of therapists out there don’t see anything wrong with pre-marital sex. I’d also suggest going to Al-Anon - it’s for relatives and friends of anyone who’s ever been affected by alcoholism of a family member or friend – only watch out for New Age attitudes in some Al-Anon groups. Most AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) groups, which are always listed in the phone book, have an al-anon group associated with them. But as I said, this is just my opinion, please take it or leave it.

I’d also suggest the Chastity section here at Catholic Answers - I like reading them and they’re full of solid info. Also I’d suggest Steve Wood’s Family Life Center, which has some great books for youngsters your age. His website’s on the internet.

But here, I need to say this is what helped me and may not be the answer to your troubles, I don’t know.

I’d also suggest getting to Mass and Communion as often as possible, Confession on a regular basis and saying a daily Rosary - this is what has helped me - but please, once again, this is only my opinion, only use what helps, if anything.

You are in my prayers. Please pray for me. Many blessings to you. It’s so hard to be a young person these days.

 

[Pablopedro]

I have met many men (myself included) who have significant problems finding a girl to date who does not want pre-marital sex. In fact the gentleman wanted to meet a “Pure” girl might simply be struggling with sexual temptation himself, and needs someone who will not put him into constant occasion of sin.

I do not think it would hurt to at least develop a friendship with this guy over the internet. The nice thing about an internet relationship like that is it provides the ability to get to know each other and form a bond, without there being physical temptations or problems. Don’t be in too much of a rush to meet each other in person. If he is a great guy (which he very well might be) he could be of great help to you.

A lot of people think you need to wait until you’re completely better and then start dating…etc. But in my experience sometimes you need things like that in order to become better. (I am a SIGNIFICANTLY better man thanks to my wife) If things do not work with this guy, look for companionship from someone at church. Just remember to take everything VERY slow.Try joining a young adults group at your church if there is one, where you can have good companionship without any sort of sexual or romantic pressure.

Aside from that I agree with everyone about taking time for counseling, talking to your Priest, go to confession and get forgiven by God and forgive yourself, and make sure you tell God about all of these things you are going through and feeling. (He knows but tell Him anyway)

 

[happy_new_conv]

Thessa, you poor girl. Do not give up!

I am a 27 year old guy… married to my best friend. We have an incredible marriage, and we both waited until after marriage to have sex.

I say all that, because I want you to know that there’s not a sane man who wouldn’t be able to forgive you for what you’ve done. You MUST stop hating yourself over this. You MUST realize that it’s the hate you have for yourself that allows you to give you body away so easily.

You are a lovely, beautiful girl, and you light up the room when you walk into it. You ARE pure, because you are a woman- and there’s nothing that will ever change that. Do not blame all men - yes, you have been hurt, and by God, some of us are real creeps. That’s what pistols are for- get one. You are worth protecting and fighting for, and your body is a temple. One day, you will find a man who treats your body in such a way that you will look at your past life as if it were an unbelievable novel that you read once and would rather forget about. A fantasy… something that must not have happened.

Go to confession, and confess it like any other sin. Then do your penance, and forgive yourself. You ARE pure again- a lovely, clean, wholesome girl.

Yes: your man will be able to forgive you. Let him. Let him rescue you, and show you what love is really about. Your past will be an opportunity for the right man to practice forgiveness and charity.

Hooaaah, Thessa. Get 'r done. Start living today!

 

[CaptFun]

Jesus spoke about this! :yup::dancing::extrahappy:

http://www.restoredtraditions.com/images/products/display/Soord_TheLostSheep.jpg

 

[CaptFun]

GOOD NEWS Thessa … and all of us!

**Psalm 103:12 **
As far as the east is from the west, so far have our sins been removed from us.

You are humble enough to have confessed your sins to us! Make sure to confess them (just once more if you have not done this already) to a priest who can absolve you in the person of Christ (as He Himself has ordained it). Then agree with God and don’t keep past sins as ever a part of you … they will have relevance only as lessons, other than that, they are no more relevant to your life than a diaper you may have soiled as an infant that has long ago been cleaned up and dispensed of.

Revelation 21:2 I also saw the holy city, a new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.

3 I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Behold, God’s dwelling is with the human race. He will dwell with them and they will be his people and God himself will always be with them (as their God).

4 *** He will wipe every tear from their eyes,*** and there shall be no more death or mourning, wailing or pain, (for) the old order has passed away."

5 The one who sat on the throne said, "Behold, I make all things new." Then he said, “Write these words down, for they are trustworthy and true.”

Be made anew. And believe it. Yes, it would have been better for us all had we never sinned in a way. Yet Jesus has something for those of us who have fallen and have been forgiven much. “Great love” that can come with having BEEN forgiven much. Making too much of spilt milk often is a mistake that robs from the present and doesn’t repair the past. If God Almighty considers you His child … have the due dignity that is befitting. Lift your head, shine your light … and appreciate that the others all about you are His beloved children too. Including “your man …” should you find Him. Together you can become a new creation, that two in one flesh that God will help you be if He is invited to be the third cord of the rope.

**Ecclesiastes 4:9 ** Two are better than one: they get a good wage for their labor.

10 If the one falls, the other will lift up his companion. Woe to the solitary man! For if he should fall, he has no one to lift him up.

11 So also, if two sleep together, they keep each other warm. How can one alone keep warm?

12 Where a lone man may be overcome, two together can resist. A three-ply cord is not easily broken.

PS: Don’t let a single guy you are dating quote you verse 11 as a justification for … :tsktsk::nope: (it’s a married couples verse) :blushing:

Mark 16:9 When he had risen, early on the first day of the week, he appeared first to Mary Magdalene, out of whom he had driven seven demons.

**Luke 8:1 ** Afterward he journeyed from one town and village to another, preaching and proclaiming the good news of the kingdom of God. Accompanying him were the Twelve

2 and ***some women who had been cured of evil spirits ***and infirmities, Mary, called Magdalene, from whom seven demons had gone out,

3 Joanna, the wife of Herod’s steward Chuza, Susanna, and many others who provided for them out of their resources.

Sins worse than yours have been forgiven … and Jesus was very close to these women who had put their pasts behind them and provided care and comfort for others out of their holy generosity. It is SAINT Mary Magdalen NOW lest we forget!

 

[happy_new_conv]

Amazing post, Captain. Praise God.

 

[Luvz2travel]

I’m 23. a traditional catholic girl who always believed I would save myself for marraige. But I screwed up big time. Between my parent’s divorce and my oldest brother (who meant the world to me) eloping and never having anything to do with us since; I was crushed, abandoned and broken. My father plainly told me he didn’t want me in his life if I wouldn’t get over all the hurt he’d caused, and love him blindly again. I can’t do that, not when he continues to hurt us. I’ve never dated, never had a boy friend, never had mutual feelings. when I was a young teen a family friend starting getting too forward affectionately, and it freaked me out and traumatized me. two years later I was sexually abused by my brother twice, and didn’t know how to stop him without him knowing that I knew. Although we’ve never spoken about it, We’ve forgiven each other and it is no longer an issue. in the middle of all this I started the evil habit of masturbating before I even knew what it was or that it was wrong. once I found out it was, it was too late the habit was ingrained, and I still struggle with it to this day. I’ve fallen into porn to get some feeling in my life, since I’m so alone. Last february I allowed myself to be touched sexually by a lesbian. Last november I lost my virginity to a complete stranger. I couldn’t believe what I had done. I hated myself so much. Then in February I got drunk at a friends house, and i had sex with him that night, and again a couple of weeks later. I dislike him already, but I wanted to be wanted so much. Of course I got no pleasure out of it, and felt more empty than before. I then got drunk again elsewhere and slept with another man. I honestly thought that I could get something out of this. But I feel broken and empty. I didn’t even want to do it half the time, but I didn’t know how to say no. I didn’t want to offend them.

Like I said I’ve screwed up royally. I am still begging God for forgiveness and the grace to forgive myself. I’m slowly working on it, but it will take a while for all of this to heal.

My trust and dislike of men is very strong, from everything that’s happened with my dad and my brothers. But the only thing I want in this whole world is to marry a good man and start a family. I’ve managed to close my heart because I’m so afraid of being hurt. I don’t think I could handle any more.

I’ve just met a nice guy online, and we’ve started chatting. normally online dating doesn’t work, so I’ll be surprised if it goes anywhere. I like this guy and it would be amazing to get to know him.

However the kind of guys that I’m attracted to are really good, and holy. This guy has put on his profile that he wants a woman who is pure.
I’ve fallen. I’m far from that. If we get serious should I tell him? I dont’ want him to use it against me in the future. Would any man still want me after what I’ve done? Should I tell my mother?

Don’t be so hard on yourself we all make mistakes. Mine was buying a house that is turning into a money pit completlet with people breaking in. I’m on the road to bancruptcy so you know things could be worse. Just saying. Your young learn from your mistakes and move forward. Prayers